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Monday, April 18, 2011

Hey Ump, Get Off Your Knees!


When most think of club sports on a college campus they think of half-drunk frat boys pulling flags off each other’s shorts or hippies throwing a frisbee is some game they deem to be “golf like.” But at Colorado State they take club sports seriously. Sometimes things even get out of hand and baseball umpires get accused of sucking penis.

WARNING - The language associated with this story is about to get coarse.

According to a report in the Rocky Mountain Collegian CSU club baseball coach Mike Abernathy (the handsome man in the photo) got into a spat with two umpires prior to a game against Yavapai College on April 14. When Abernathy refused to continue a pre-game meeting with the two umps he got tossed and that’s when the fun began.

The head umpire John Schiller alleges that Abernathy started throwing some Kobe style insults at him and Yavapai coach Sky Smeltzer, except it was loud enough for the ump to hear him.

“Abernathy was quoted as saying ‘Both of you umpires have (Smeltzer’s) dick in your mouths and have cum dripping down your cheeks,’ according to the incident report filled out by Schiller.”


Abernathy has of course been suspended for his actions, a fate much better than his assistant Zac Myslivy’s (left), who was fired after asking Yavapai softball players in attendance “if they were the (Yavapai baseball) team cum rag,” which is ridiculous because that’s what everyone knows what rally hats are for.

I’m not sure if Myslivy is going to be looking for a new job soon but he may get Kobe’s vote as Phil Jackson’s replacement. Then no referee’s sexual orientation will be safe.

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