Happy Memorial Day

I'm taking the day off to enjoy Memorial Day. You know what to do. Listen to Lee Greenwood, thank a soldier, watch some baseball and drink a beer!

BYB Express

It's Friday again and you know what that means - another BYB Express. Don't think of it as getting less blog. Just think of it getting more time to speculate about where Lebron is headed.

F My Life Moment of the Day
Today, I leaned back and bumped into one of my mom's plants in the window. The good thing was that I caught it before it fell and shattered. The bad thing was that my mom likes to keep cactii in the window. I can still feel thorns I haven't managed to pluck out yet. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

It looks like the joke is on all of us.

Douchebag Dance Fever.



Yes, that is Wes Welker shaking his groove thing courtside at the end of this video. Personally I think the only fair thing would be for Paul Pierce to go flying into the crowd and hit Welker, injuring them both and effectively ending both their seasons. I think I have enough karma points saved up for that.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day
(401): Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.

Man loses relatives' ashes when car is towed
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

MADISON, Wis. — A Wisconsin man has lost his father’s and grandfather’s ashes when the car where they were stored was towed and destroyed.

Wausau police say everything in Shawn Leslie’s 1994 Mercury Cougar was tossed before the towing company crushed it. Leslie says he thought the car was safe when he parked it in a lot behind a Wausau diner. He says the lot’s owner gave him permission to park while he was out of town driving a truck for a living.

But the lot’s manager, Ray Burris, says the owner never gave Leslie permission, and he called the police after the vehicle sat for more than six months. Then he had it towed.

A person who answered the phone at the towing company declined to comment Friday. Tom Howells of the Wisconsin Towing Association says owners should be notified before cars are destroyed.

This guy must have really not cared much about his father and grandfather to store their ashes in his car for six months. If he really had no place to put the ashes he should have taken the ashes with him on the long haul. Geez, Walter and the Dude had Donny's ashes put in a coffee can and they were more respectful than this dude.

On this day in…
1533 – The Archbishop of Canterbury Thomas Cranmer declares the marriage of King Henry VIII of England to Anne Boleyn valid.
1774 – American Revolutionary War: the first Continental Congress convenes.
1940 – World War II: Belgium surrenders to Germany.
1961 – Peter Benenson's article "The Forgotten Prisoners" is published in several internationally read newspapers. This will later be thought of as the founding of the human rights organization Amnesty International.
1996 – U.S. President Bill Clinton's former business partners in the Whitewater land deal, James McDougal and Susan McDougal, and Arkansas Governor Jim Guy Tucker, are convicted of fraud.

Plus, famous Native American athlete Jim Thorpe was born in 1888, basketball legend Jerry West was born in 1938, former NYC mayor Rudy Giuliani was born in 1944, Creedence Clearwater Revival frontman John Fogerty was born in 1945, singer Kylie Minogue was born in 1968, singer Colbie Caillat was born in 1985 and receiver Percy Harvin was born in 1988. Plus the subject of the film 'The Blind Side' Michael Oher was born in 1986.



Burglar feasts on sandwiches, but leaves money
AP

DES MOINES, Iowa – Police said a burglar broke into a Des Moines Subway store, helped himself to a smorgasbord of cold cuts and made sandwiches for the journey home — but left the store's cash behind. Police Sgt. Lori Lavorato said the thief got inside the shop through a drive-up window Saturday night or Sunday morning.

Lavorato said the burglar made some sandwiches and took a significant amount of cold cut meats, bread and cookies, but that he failed to find the store's kitty, which was hidden.

Police have no suspects.

I have a feeling this was this was just some drunk college kid who wanted some late nite food and didn't want to sit in the long ass Whataburger line. And I have to give him props for finishing the job. It takes quite the ballsy bastard to climb through a drive thru window and dessimate a Subway sandwhich line. Aside from the fear of getting caught there is the sheer difficulty of getting into the small space of the window and the challenge of building your own sandwhich. Not everyone can do that you know. That's why they call them sandwhich artists.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I was taking a shower and I thought everything was fine and dandy. When I got out I noticed the drain was making weird noises, but it wasn't the drain, it was the workers next door working on the roof. They were watching me take a shower the whole time. FML

Today, my friend bet everyone at my lunch table that no one could catch the fly that was flying around our table. I reached up and caught it, and it stung me. It wasn't a fly, it was a wasp and I'm allergic to wasps. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

If only she could fit herself in that trash bin.

Sunshine State DMV Sticks ID Where the Sun Don't Shine

DMV Relocates Driver to Unfortunate Locale on License
By Todd Wright/NBCMIAMI.com

Renewing your driver's license can be a pain in the butt these days, but the task has caused quite a stir for one Florida woman.

Ashlee Lineberger of Englewood recently mailed in her $48 renewal fee for a new license and when she got her new state-issued ID back in the mail, she noticed that she was no longer from Englewood.

The license said she lived in "Eat Ass," Florida. We're still looking for it on the map.

"I only looked at it because I wondered what picture they would use," 31-year-old Lineberger said. "I thought I was a dreaming and I literally pinched myself. I was completely shocked."

The line that was supposed to display Lineberger's street address was replaced by the vulgar message and the state Department of Motor Vehicles has no clue how the mishap occurred.

Lineberger's husband, Charles, said after getting the run around on the phone with the state DMV, the couple went to the local DMV to get some answers. What they got was laughter and a quote for another fee if they wanted the license fixed.

"They thought it was hilarious like it was some kind of joke," he said. "Then they wanted us to pay for another license."

On Wednesday, state officials contacted Lineberger to apologize for the error and told her a new license - free of charge - would be in the mail. But she still doesn't have an answer to how she got the new address.

"It makes you wonder what these people are doing with all of this vital information if they can play around with a license like that," said Lineberger, who will be doing all her transactions in person from now on. "My view has changed that's for sure. You trust these people because they work for the government but somebody is obviously not doing their job."

But the Linebergers are not without a sense of humor. Ashlee said she plans on keeping the "Eat Ass" license even after she gets the real one.

"Imagine if I got pulled over by a cop and had to show this ID? I probably wouldn't be getting out of that ticket," she said. "That's priceless."

This story actually made me hopefull. I think we all have the impression that people at the DMV are lazy, have no personality and take their job way too seriously. But this story goes to show that even they enjoy a good goof and putting Eat Ass as someone's address is a great goof. One time I accidently gave a photo credit to a goat in a school newspaper and that's not have as good as making someone's address as Eat Ass. But it does raise the question, what would Eat Ass, Florida be like? I bet its sister city would be Butt Munch, Georgia.

A Lawsuit - Yeah, That's the Ticket

EXCLUSIVE: The Dodgers Sue Jon Lovitz For $95,400
Radaronline.com

Clearly not everything is free for celebrities. Comedian Jon Lovitz is being sued by the Los Angeles Dodgers over unpaid fees for his season tickets.

Lovitz agreed to purchase three "Dugout Club Seats" for the 2008, 2009 and 2010 seasons. The total cost for the seats amounted to $95,400.

"On or about April 20,2010, Plaintiff gave written notice to Defendants, and each of them, that the agreement was cancelled for nonpayment," read the legal papers filed with the Los Angeles Superior Court on May 19.

The Dodgers want Lovitz to pay the total sum as well as any costs incurred for the lawsuit.

Is John Lovitz so hard up that he can't even pay for Dodgers tickets? Man, that's sad. I think he better get on the horn to Adam Sandler and get him to write him a cameo gig in his next movie. Or maybe Lorne Michaels can get him a role as a janitor on the next season of '30 Rock.' I knew something had to be up with Lovitz when he hosted 'Monday Night Raw' last week. Noone hosts a pro wrestling show because they want to.

On a side note John Lovitz was the celebrity grand marshall of the Mardi Gras parade when I was there. Its one of the few things I remember about that week.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(270): Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.-(1-270): You should've just screamed yes we can!

(818): apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"

New Jersey Woman No Longer Riding Bitch

Woman's 'bioch' licence plate recalled
By QMI Agency

A woman in New Jersey is aghast that after four years her vanity licence plates are being recalled for being "objectionable."

Since 2006, Kim Romano has driven a blue convertible with bright yellow New Jersey licence plates with the word "bioch."

In her small town of Manville, the plates became her calling card, she told local news site NJ.com.

But on May 5 she received a letter from the Motor Vehicle Commission's special plate unit notifying her that they want the plates back.

"The commission, in processing your request, erred and assigned a combination which is considered objectionable," the letter says. "The commission has no alternative but to immediately recall the licence plate 'bioch'."

And Romano has little choice but to comply. Unless she returns the plates, she will not be allowed to renew her registration.

So her new plates "whaever" are expected to arrive soon.

While I disagree with New Jersey's censorship of liscense plates, the thing that struck me most about this story was how much this woman must hate the letter 't.' I was a bit confused when I saw she cut it out of the word 'biotch' but I was even more suprised when she decided to cut it out of her new plates 'whaever.' Maybe someone burned a lower case 't' in her yard one time to tell her it was time to go away. Or maybe she missed that episode of 'Sesame Street.' It's New Jersey. I don't know why I'm overthinking this.

Big 12 Preview - Receivers

As I've stated 100 times before - it's never too early to start talking about football. With that in mind I thought we could run down CollegeFootballNews.com's preview of the best 10 players by position in each conference. And since my team still resides in the Big 12 at the moment, we might as well start close to home. Here are the 10 best receivers in the Big 12.

Preview 2010 - Big 12 Ten Best Receivers
CollegeFootballNews.com

1. Ryan Broyles, Jr. Oklahoma
The Sooners needed a No. 1 target to emerge from the pack going into last year, and they really needed a player to settle things down once Sam Bradford went down and with Jermaine Gresham out. Broyles stepped up his game and became terrific with a team-leading 89 catches for 1,120 yards and 15 touchdowns for the offense, while averaging a tremendous 15.87 yards per punt return. A steady speedster, he was dominant at times with three, three-touchdown games including a 13-catch, 156-yard, three touchdown effort against Stanford in the Sun Bowl. The problem is his size at a wispy 5-11 and 178 pounds, and he could have problems staying healthy. He was knocked out of the Miami game and missed the Baylor game the week after, but he’s tough, fast, and has a knack for always coming up with the key catch.

2. Jeff Fuller, Jr. Texas A&M
Fuller came up with 50 catches as a breakout freshman, and he made the most of his 47 grabs last year with 568 yards and seven touchdowns including three against Texas. He would’ve had a far better statistical season but he suffered a broken leg in the second week of the year and missed all of four games and most of two others. It took him a while to get back into the swing of things, but he became his all-star caliber self by the end of the year. At 6-4 and 215 pounds he has tremendous size, a great motor, and the type of work ethic who’ll get a long look from the NFL types as a devastating No. 2 next-level target if he can stay healthy.



3. Malcolm Williams, Jr. Texas
Ready to step up and become the team’s No. 1 receiver is Williams, a prototype NFL target who could blow up if the passing game really does start to go down the field more. At 6-3 and 225 pounds and with Texas high school state champion level speed, he has all the skills and he has shown flashes of being special catching nine passes for 132 yards against Texas A&M and made six grabs for 103 yards and a score against Kansas, but he only made 39 catches for 550 yards and two scores on the year. At the split end, the time is now to become special.

4. Detron Lewis, Sr. Texas Tech
Lewis returns after growing into the team’s leader in receiving yards making 65 catches for 844 yards and six touchdowns. The 6-0, 205-pounder wasn’t always explosive and disappeared for stretches, but he had some big moments catching 13 passes for 200 yards and two touchdowns in a two-game stretch against Kansas State and Nebraska, and he made ten grabs for 114 yards and a score against MSU in the bowl game. A physical, precise route runner, he can do even more as a No. 1 target. While he seems to work better with Steven Sheffield, he’ll produce at the Y position no matter who’s under center.

5. Hubert Anyiam, Jr. Oklahoma State
With Dez Bryant getting suspended for the season, the team needed a player to step up and become a receiver to rely on as a No. 1. Anyiam wasn’t Bryant and wasn’t close to being a dangerous playmaker who struck fear in opposing defenses, but he was far better than expected finishing with a team-leading 42 catches for 515 yards and three touchdowns including ten grabs for 119 yards and a score against Missouri. A superstar recruit, the 6-0, 198-pounder might be just scratching the surface of his skills with great quickness and a good ability to get open.

6. Kendall Wright, Jr. Baylor
Wright came up with a strong true freshman season making a team-leading 50 catches for 649 yards and five scores, and he followed it up with a team-leading 66 catches for 740 yards and four scores. The 5-10, 185-pound speedster has good hands, dependable route running ability, and is athletic enough to be used as a runner carrying the ball 28 times for 132 yards and a score. A guard for the Baylor basketball team, he has a 40” vertical to go along with his tremendous wheels.

7. Niles Paul, Sr. Nebraska
The Nebraska passing game wasn’t exactly a plus, but Paul was a bright spot leading the team with 40 catches for 796 yards and four scores. A bit streaky, he had four 100-yard games (Missouri, Iowa State, Kansas and Missouri) but caught two passes or fewer in eight games. An all-academic performer, he got suspended for a stretch last offseason under suspicion of driving under the influence, but he didn’t miss any game time. This year, he not only has to be a No. 1 target, he has to use his deep speed and his 6-1, 220-pound size to be a weapon who takes the pressure off the ground game. He’s also an elite returner averaging close to 11 yards per punt return and 27.9 yards per kickoff.



8. Scotty McKnight, Sr. Colorado
One of the few bright spots over the past few seasons has been McKnight, a 5-11, 185-pound senior who came up with 91 catches over his first two seasons before exploding for 76 grabs for 893 yards and six touchdowns last year. While he’s not the flashiest receiver and he has had problems staying healthy, suffering a broken ankle three years ago and an arm injury early last year, but he’s ultra-tough, makes every catch that comes his way, and is consistent.

9. Johnathan Wilson, Sr. Kansas
After playing third fiddle to Kerry Meier and Dezmon Briscoe, Wilson becomes the team’s No. 1 target. The 6-2, 190-pounder finished third on the team with 35 catches for 449 yards, but he didn’t get into the end zone and didn’t make more than three grabs in any game over the final six. He has enough speed to be used deep from time to time, but he has to prove he can be a clutch, go-to receiver.

10. Wes Kemp, Jr. Missouri
As the only returning starter to the receiving corps, Kemp has to grow into a No. 1 role at the Z position. At 6-4 and 225 pounds he has excellent size to go along with just enough speed to work at the outside X position from time to time, but he has to do far more after making 23 catches for 418 yards and three scores. He only caught more than two passes in four games and had his high game of four catches for 77 yards and a touchdown in the opener against Illinois

I've got to agree with that list. In fact, I'm glad Nebraska even got a man on it.

On this day in...

On this day in...
1703 – Tsar Peter the Great founds the city of Saint Petersburg.
1895 – Oscar Wilde is imprisoned for sodomy.
1927 – The Ford Motor Company ceases manufacture of the Ford Model T and begins to retool plants to make the Ford Model A.
1930 – The 1,046 feet (319 m) Chrysler Building in New York City, the tallest man-made structure at the time, opens to the public.
1933 – The Walt Disney Company releases the cartoon The Three Little Pigs, with its hit song "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?"
1937 – In California, the Golden Gate Bridge opens to pedestrian traffic, creating a vital link between San Francisco and Marin County, California.
1941 – World War II: The German battleship Bismarck is sunk in the North Atlantic killing almost 2,100 men.
1995 – In Culpeper, Virginia, actor Christopher Reeve is paralyzed from the neck down after falling from his horse in a riding competition.
1997 – The U.S. Supreme Court rules that Paula Jones can pursue her sexual harassment lawsuit against President Bill Clinton while he is in office.
1999 – The International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia in The Hague, Netherlands indicts Slobodan Milošević and four others for war crimes and crimes against humanity committed in Kosovo.

Births
1911 – Vincent Price, American actor (d. 1993)
1923 – Henry Kissinger, 56th United States Secretary of State
1935 – Lee Meriwether, Miss America (1955) and actress
1936 – Louis Gossett Jr., American actor
1954 – Jackie Slater, American football player
1955 – Eric Bischoff, American professional wrestling promoter
1965 – Todd Bridges, American actor
1968 – Jeff Bagwell, American baseball player
1973 – Jack McBrayer, American actor and comedian
1974 – Danny Wuerffel, American football player
1975 – André 3000, American musician (OutKast)
1975 – Jadakiss, American rapper (D-Block)

Great list of birthdays today with a creepy old actor, a Noble Peace Prize recepient, a Catwoman, an old, black actor, a member of the Ram's "Fearsome Foursome," the co-founder of the NWO, Willis from 'Diff'rent Strokes,' a steroid using baseball player, the page from '30 Rock,' a former Gator QB, and a rapper. But I'm highlighting one half of Outkast and a song that I thought would be #1 forever back in 2003. If only I had a video of Plain Brown Wrapper playing it.

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yelllow Polka Dot Prison Jumpsuit

Court allows inmate 4 bikini photos
By The Associated Press

MADISON, Wis. (AP) — An inmate at Wisconsin’s maximum security prison will soon have four reasons to smile.

An appeals court on Thursday ordered prison officials to give inmate Johnny Lacy four photographs of women in bikinis that he ordered through the mail.

The court said the photographs were improperly withheld from Lacy under a prison policy banning pornography.

Two of the photos show women sitting on the beach in bikinis and two others show the same woman standing in a pink bikini in front of a wall.

The court says the four photos do not violate the prison’s pornography ban although several other shots he ordered were too risque and were properly withheld.

I can't believe that a prison would withhold a few bathing suit photos. In fact I think they should lift the ban on porn in prisons. We're in a bad recession in this country. If we can make some money by charging inmates and their families for porn then I say we go ahead and do it. Uncle Sam's pocket can certainly use the extra padding. What's the drawback to doing so? Sure, someone might have to mop the cells more often but they can just get an inmate to do that too.

Dog Owner Says Bite Me

Man bites man in fight over dogs
By The Associated Press

NEW CITY, N.Y. — It wasn’t quite man-bites-dog, but there were men and there were dogs and there was biting.

A sheriff’s office said Monday that one man bit another during a fight over a couple of dogs at a park in suburban New York City.

Rockland County sheriff’s Capt. William Barbera says two dog owners got into it Sunday night. One didn’t like the way their pets were playing at a dog park in New City, about 30 miles north of New York.

Barbera says that a third man tried to break up the fight and that one of the combatants bit him on the wrist. He says that no one has been arrested but that the case is still being investigated.

You know what I think about pet worship in this country and this story is a perfect example of how things have gotten out of control. People baby their dogs too much and take them too seriously. They aren't really a member of your family no matter how much you love them. In fact, I'm not even sure if its acceptable to bite a person to defend a human, much less a dog. What makes it even worse is the guy who got bit was just trying to help. If I was the judge in this case I'd euthanize the fighting parties and their dogs and let the bystander have their belongings.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I got my SAT results back. After taking an expensive prep class, I expected my score to increase from the first time I took it. My score went down 50 points and I'm grounded for wasting money. FML

Today, I had a dream about toasting with champagne. Whilst asleep, I extended my hand to toast, then brought my hand to my mouth to "drink the bubbly." I knocked over the glass of water I keep on my bedside table. My iPhone is now ruined, and in shock of my wet arm, I jerked backward headbutting my wife's face. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

The kilt on the left may be better but the guy on the right has to win this battle because of the Cookie Monster shirt.

Phil Me Up

Jackson nixes Bulls return; Nets intriguing
By Marc Stein and Chris Broussard/ESPN.com

Los Angeles Lakers coach Phil Jackson, meeting with reporters in Phoenix before Game 4 of the Western Conference finals, announced Tuesday night that he has no interest in a second stint coaching the Chicago Bulls.

But Jackson also repeatedly passed on the opportunity to commit to a Lakers-or-retirement stance for next season and quash rising speculation about his future plans.

"I have no, at all, desire to go back to Chicago and coach the Bulls," Jackson said, responding to an ESPN.com report from Monday night that the Bulls had reached out to Jackson through back channels to gauge his interest in a return.

Interest in Jackson from teams planning to chase LeBron James in free agency is the latest wrinkle in James' highly anticipated foray onto the open market July 1, which is already dominating discussion leaguewide after Cleveland's second-round elimination.

Earlier Tuesday, ESPN.com reported that the New Jersey Nets had made similar back-channel inquiries to assess the possibility of luring Jackson away from Los Angeles to enhance their appeal to James, with Lakers owner Jerry Buss determined to reduce Jackson's $12 million annual salary.

"Those channels have not reached me," Jackson said, insisting that he has "not entertained any conversations" about coaching elsewhere.

Asked specifically about New Jersey, Jackson joked that he'd like to "have a vodka" with new Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov, saying Prokhorov seems "like a very interesting young man." But Jackson added that he is likewise not interested in coaching the Nets, pointing out that he has never lived in Brooklyn or Newark.

Jackson, however, said he couldn't go any farther than insisting that "the probabilities are great" that he'll be back on the Lakers' bench next season.

When asked at Tuesday night's pregame news conference if he'd either be with the Lakers or home in retirement come October, Jackson said: "Home is where the heart is, right?"

When asked later why he was being cagey, Jackson joked: "I've always had problems committing."

The Bulls and the Nets certainly had bad timing in courting Phil. I'm not sure if this story was a distraction for the Lakers Tuesday but it couldn't have helped. I do know that if Kobe was able to even entertain the thought that Phil would leave him to coach Lebron he would probably spontaneously combust. That said, it's not Phil's fault he's in high demand. But the truth is that Phil is fairly well burnt out. He gets exasperated with the team he has now and they're by far the most talented team in the league. I don't think he's going to go try and teach the triangle to Joakhim Noah or Devin Harris. The truth is that he'll probably be fishing next year. Unless of course the Lakers win it all and the allure of a fourth three-peat proves to be too much motivation.

P.S. - When did he ever say the Nets job was intriguing? He said he'd like to have a vodka with the owner. I'm pretty sure everyone would. It doesn't mean he wants to coach there. Way to go ESPN. The truth is never salacious enough.

Cocoa Pebbles Linked to Outbreak of Hulkamania

Hulk Hogan Rumbling With Post Over Cereal Ad
Michelle Ruiz/AOL News

(May 23) -- Hulk Hogan is ready to rumble with Post Cereal.

The wrestling legend, whose real name is Terry Bollea, has filed a federal lawsuit against the cereal giant, alleging the company uses -- and degrades -- his likeness in a wrestling-themed Cocoa Pebbles commercial, the Tampa Tribune reports.

The ad features a bulky, blonde mustachioed wrestler named Hulk Boulder going to mat and handily beating Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble -- but losing to Barney's brawny son, Bamm-Bamm.



In the lawsuit filed in federal court in Florida, Hogan claims Post uses his image without his permission and degrades him by showing him "humiliated and cracked into pieces with broken teeth, with the closing banner, 'Little Pieces...BIG TASTE!'"

Hogan said he used the name Hulk Boulder early in his career before changing it at the suggestion of wrestling promoter Vince McMahon.

According to the Tribune, Hogan voiced his objections to the ad with Post in August, but said the company continued airing "Cocoa Smashdown" ads, which Hogan claims have harmed him with "unauthorized and degrading depictions."

Hogan markets his own food products - the Hogan Energy drink and Hulkster Burgers, a line of microwaveable hamburgers, at Walmart.

Post has not commented publicly on the lawsuit.

Usually I dismiss these allegations of gimmick infringement by celebrities on principle. Like the Lindsay Lohan lawsuit against E-Trade for the milkaholic Lindsay in their commercials. That was just stupid. But I think Hulkster actually has a gripe here. Show that commercial to a panel of 10 John Q. Public's and nine of of 10 are going to say it reminded them of Hulk Hogan. And nine out of ten dentists would cringe about what Cocoa Pebbles does to teeth. I think Post should do the right thing and fork over some money. Hulk needs it. Between his divorce and TNA Wrestling going in the tank he'll need it. Plus I'm pretty damn sure he ain't selling any of those Hulkster Burgers.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(414): Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.

(269): I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.

Big 12 Preview - Running Backs

As I've stated 100 times before - it's never too early to start talking about football. With that in mind I thought we could run down CollegeFootballNews.com's preview of the best 10 players by position in each conference. And since my team still resides in the Big 12 at the moment, we might as well start close to home. Here are the 10 best running backs in the Big 12.

Preview 2010 - Big 12 Ten Best Running Backs
CollegeFootballNews.com


1. Kendall Hunter, Sr. Oklahoma State
Let’s try this again. Hunter was supposed to be on the short-list of All-America candidates last season after leading the Big 12 rushing for 1,555 yards and 16 scores, but he suffered a foot injury and was never quite right all season long. He gave it a try after missing time, and finished with 382 yards and a score, but he was hardly the same player he was expected to be. The 5-8, 197-pounder isn’t all that big and he’s not necessarily a blazer, but he comes up with big runs when he gets into the open, has good hands, and despite the injury last year, is consistently durable.


2. Daniel Thomas, Sr. Kansas State
Thomas went from being a top JUCO transfer into a possible first round draft pick. The 6-2, 228-pounder is getting a long look as one of the top next-level NFL prospects after running for 1,265 yards and 11 touchdowns averaging 5.12 yards per carry while also adding 25 catches for 257 yards. With size, speed, and workhorse ability, he’s also a passing threat after serving as a dual-threat option at NW Mississippi JC. The Wildcats were 4-1 when he ran for 100 yards or more last season, and he’ll be the focal point of the attack once again.



3. DeMarco Murray, Sr. Oklahoma
No, Murray wasn’t around in the Barry Switzer era and he didn’t join Steve Owens in the Sooner backfield, but it just seems that way. The senior has always had elite talent with phenomenal athleticism and speed, but he hasn’t been able to stay healthy through a slew of bad luck injuries. He has had a bad hamstring, a dislocated kneecap, and various other dings, but he has still carved out a decent career with 2,471 yards and 35 touchdowns to go along with 86 catches for 977 yards and eight scores. If he’s right, he’s an NFL-caliber runner who could carry the offense and come up with an All-America season. He’s 6-0 and 214 pounds with 4.4 speed and tremendous quickness, and while he has tread on the tires, he could blow up if he can stay healthy.

4. Alexander Robinson, Jr. Iowa State
The hope was for Robinson to go from good to terrific, and he did that going from 703 yards as a sophomore to 1,195 yards and six touchdowns as a junior averaging 5.2 yards per carry with six 100-yard days. The 5-9, 186-pounder has great speed who makes things happen on his own, and he was dangerous in the open field catching 17 passes for 261 yards and three touchdowns averaging 15.4 yards per play. From time to time, he can also be used in a Wildcat formation; he threw a ten-yard touchdown pass to add even more to his versatility.

5. Roy Helu Jr., Sr. Nebraska
If it’s possible for a star Nebraska running back to fly under the radar, Helu was able to do it. The 6-0, 220-pounder earned second-team All-Big 12 honors and was the team’s offensive MVP after rushing for 1,147 yards and ten touchdowns and catching 19 passes for 149 yards. When he was healthy, he was dominant with 169 yards against the tremendous Virginia Tech run defense, 156 against Kansas, and 138 against Oklahoma, but he struggled through a shoulder injury that needed a full offseason to heal up. Not afraid to run inside, he’ll pound away when needed while he also has the speed to bounce runs to the outside to crank out big plays. His biggest problem so far, besides the shoulder, has been bowl production running for -1 yard by Clemson two years ago and running three times for eight yards in the win over Arizona (when he wasn’t needed and was banged up). When healthy, he’ll be one of the Big 12’s top backs.



6. Derrick Washington, Sr. Missouri
Washington followed up an All-Big 12, 1,036-yard, 17 touchdown season with 865 yards and ten scores. With great hands, a nose for the goal line, and good ball security, he’s a reliable runner who’s a proven receiver with 65 career catches for 503 yards and three scores. The 6-0, 225-pounder is a tough, shifty runner who has just enough speed to tear off yards in chunks, averaging 4.6 yards per carry after running for 5.9 yards per run in 2008. Working more as a workhorse, running it 190 times after carrying it just 177 times two years ago, he’ll be a steadying force for the offense once again, and he’ll occasionally be explosive.

7. Baron Batch, Sr. Texas Tech
Batch has been the right fit for the Texas Tech offense with 5-10, 204-pound size, tremendous quickness, and great hands making 108 career catches for 885 yards and two scores. He led the team with 884 rushing yards with three 100 yard games in the final five and ended with 14 touchdowns, and now he’s expected to be an even bigger part of the offense with a wee bit more balance. With 4.4 speed, he can crank out yards in chunks and should average well over five yards per carry.



8. Christine Michael, Soph. Texas A&M
Last year’s super-recruit, Michael, showed glimpses of what all the hype was about rushing for a team-leading 844 yards and ten touchdowns including a 116-yard, two score day against Baylor and with 121 yards and two touchdowns against Texas Tech. While he’s a good receiver, catching 15 passes for 66 yards, he’s at his best getting to pound away inside and use his speed in the open field. The 5-10, 196-pounder has the tools out of central casting with size, speed, and weight room strength, and now he has to show even more pop after averaging five yards per carry.

9. Rodney Stewart, Jr. Colorado
Everyone wanted 2008 super-recruit Darrell Scott to be the one to carry the Colorado out of the doldrums, but Stewart became the far better back out of that recruiting class leading the team with 622 yards two years ago, even though his season was cut short by a broken leg, and 804 yards with nine touchdowns last year. The 5-6, 175 pounder might not be all that big, but he’s extremely tough and very fast running the 100 in 10.7. He can cut on a dime and needs to be used more as a receiver as well as the main rushing option.

10. Fozzy Whittaker, Jr. Texas
Whittaker suffered a knee injury two years ago and took a while to get back into the swing of things. He got a little work early on, and he carried the ball 18 times for 71 yards against Oklahoma, but he only ran 53 times all season for a paltry 212 yards with four touchdowns, and he caught 13 passes for 51 yards. The 5-10, 195-pounder was a Texas high school superstar and has yet to make a splash for the Longhorns. Now he’s healthy and now he’s ready to be a focal point of a rushing attack that will rely more on the ground game.

Can't disagree much with that list. Of course I'd like to see Roy Helu ahead of the guy from Kansas State that I've never ever heard of. Also, if anyone thinks Fozzy Whitaker is better than Rex Burkhead from Nebraska that must be a joke. To which, I say "wakka, wakka, wakka" (thrown tomato).

In Da Face!

FACEBOOK FOUNDER SEX MANIAC
National Enquirer

Just when the founder of Facebook is looking to clean up his image, a new expose reveals the uber-geek as an unrepentant sex maniac!

Mark Zuckerberg, 26, will be laid bare in a new film The Social Network from West Wing creator Aaron Sorkin.

The UK Times reports six years ago Zuckerberg created what was to become the internet phenomenon Facebook in a "tidal wave" of grief after being dumped by his girlfriend.

The biopic begins in 2004 when Zuckerberg, then 19, was dumped by his girlfriend Erica in a Harvard bar.

In the script, Erica charges Zuckerberg will "go through life thinking that girls don't like you because you're a tech geek. I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that that won't be true.

"It'll be because you're an asshole."

Shaken, Zuckerberg retreats to his dorm in a drunken fury and writes the computer code turning Harvard's web page of student photographs into a website where he and his male buddies rank their female classmates as barnyard animals.

Thirty minutes after "Thefacebook" goes live, it crashes Harvard's computer network.

The film then shows Zuckerberg, played by Jesse Eisenberg, dropping out and moving to Silicon Valley where he builds Facebook with Sean Parker, of music piracy site Napster, played by Justin Timberlake.

According to the film, after Zuckerberg quit Harvard his personal life spun out of control, as his new business partner Parker helped him indulge his sexual fantasies with a steady stream of willing "groupies" and that while Zuckerberg partied Parker ran the biz until a $4 billion buyout.

Sorkin's screenplay suggests Zuckerberg was driven to succeed by sexual insecurity feeding a newly engorged libido, flushed with fame and money.

Wow! I had no idea the founder of Facebook was actually a guy I'd like to hang out with. I'm glad to see that he took the fortune he made and turned it into an excuse to bang hot models to make up for his past as a nerd. That's like the ultimate nerd-turned-cool 80's movie plotline. If the movie Aaron Sorkin is making is half as good as the article I just read then I'm going to love it. In all honesty I'm ever more excited for the sequel, 'Facebook 2: Zuckerberg and Dwayne Bowe Put It In the Face!'

On this day in...

On this day in...
1538 – Geneva expels John Calvin and his followers from the city. Calvin lives in exile in Strasbourg for the next three years.
1830 – The Indian Removal Act is passed by the U.S. Congress; it is signed into law by President Andrew Jackson two days later.
1864 – Montana is organized as a United States territory.
1868 – The impeachment trial of U.S. President Andrew Johnson ends with Johnson being found not guilty by one vote.
1896 – Charles Dow publishes the first edition of the Dow Jones Industrial Average.
1928 – The first motion picture is projected publicly in Athens, Greece.
1972 – The United States and the Soviet Union sign the Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty.
2004 – The New York Times publishes an admission of journalistic failings, claiming that its flawed reporting and lack of skepticism towards sources during the buildup to the 2003 war in Iraq helped promote the belief that Iraq possessed large stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction.

Births
1907 – John Wayne, American actor (d. 1979)
1939 – Brent Musburger, American sports broadcaster
1948 – Stevie Nicks, American songwriter
1949 – Pam Grier, American actress
1949 – Hank Williams Jr., American singer
1964 – Lenny Kravitz, American musician
1971 – Matt Stone, American animator and filmmaker

Short but sweet list of birthdays today with The Duke, the voice of ABC's college footbal coverage, the lead lady of Fleetwood Mac, Miss Foxy Brown, Old Hank Jr. and the best half Jewish, half black musician ever. But today I'm highlighting 'South Park' co-creator Matt Stone. Here are his best scenes from the lesser known movie 'Orgazmo.'

This Pet Cemetary Is Just For Pussies

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My Boss Is A Jewish Slavedriver

Man tells cops God told him to stroll in the nude
AP

THIBODAUX, La. - A man who told police that God told him to walk the streets naked to save his soul has been arrested. Thibodaux police responded to an obscenity complaint around 2 a.m. Thursday and found Shafiq Mohamed walking nude down the street. When approached, Mohamed reportedly told officers that "America raped him" and added God told him to walk the streets naked to save his soul.

Mohamed was taken into custody and charged with obscenity. He was booked into the Lafourche Parish Detention Center where he awaited bail.

It was not immediately known whether Mohamed has an attorney.

How is this excuse not used all the time? It's kind of a no brainer. What authority on Earth could possibly punish you when you are working on the behalf of a higher power. I think the cops in Bumfu*k, Louisiana should have released this man immediately. Aside from his charge from God he was also a rape victim. And tust me there is no worse rapist than America.

Seriously, I'm almost half serious that I think this guy could have gotten off if he were talking about Christian God and not Allah. What's he doing in Cajun Country anyway?

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I let my friend drive my manual muscle car in a parking lot. He slipped on the clutch causing it to peel out towards a tree. I leaned over and slammed on the brakes. I then got in the driver seat and drove it home. On the way the way home, I did the same thing and crashed into a tree. FML

Today, I was watching a movie at my girlfriend's house with her and her parents. There was a part where a brother and sister kissed, so I said "where'd they come from, Alabama?" Today is also the day I found out my girlfriend's parents are from Alabama. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

The King of The Roofers Takes His Throne