I think I'm in love

HOUSE BUNNY BOOZY SEX TOY
National Enquirer

House Bunny honey Anna Faris had a complete and utter meltdown following her divorce, spiraling into an out-of-control wild, 24 hour beer & boy party!

Anna divorced hubby Ben Indra in 2007 after faling in love on a movie set but then her life went haywire.

"I tend to be a serial monogamist," the Scary Movie starlet confided.

"But the next thing you know, I'm single and living in an apartment full of potato chips, mustard and tons of beer. I wore this grubby Garfield t-shirt and these baggy jeans all the time.

"I was drunk all the time. I would go to bars alone.

I would talk to guys and be like, 'Sooo, what's your story? You wanna go out?'

"If they turned me down, I'd be like, 'So, what's your friend like?' It was a very selfish time in my life but also strangely liberating. I felt weirdly empowered."

Faris finally took herself out of the boozy meat market, exchanging vows with actor Chris Pratt earlier this year.

I've always kind of had a thing for Anna Faris anyway. Despite the fact that she wasn't all that hot in Scary Movie 1, I thought she was a realy diamond in the rough. I was right.

But now that I read this story I think I'm going to have to start stalking her. The idea of watching TV together, drinking heavily while she wears a Garfield t-shirt sounds like the perfect life to me. If I could get her to trade in the Garfield shirt for a Nebraska or Lakers jersey on gameday, then I'd swear to remain monogomous with her for life. Anna, rethink this Pratt fella. He can't love you like I can. Come move into my brother's back yard with me.