Today, I heard the lawnmower running. I quickly jumped out of bed to walk my dog and see the cute lawn guy. I flirted for ten minutes and he was smiling the whole time. Back inside I saw I had UNDER 21 written backwards three places on my face from the stamp on my hand from the bar last night. FML
Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML
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