(570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
(1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
(510): I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
(1-510): It was probably Jesus.
(510): I feel like he would have left a message.
(281): ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
(214): Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
(323): Dude, the girl i fu*ked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
(562): The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
(323): yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me.
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