Today, I was in my back yard and I saw my neighbours daughter choking on something. I ran over and gave her the heimlich maneuver. It turns out her friend was recording her while she was doing her drama project for school. I broke two of her ribs. FML
Today, my last task for the day as a high school janitor was to power-wash the concrete area where the graduation ceremony will take place. Tired and bored, I drew a huge penis with the power hose. Right before I was going to wash it off, the machine broke. Graduation is tomorrow. FML
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