F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are suppose to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here FML." FML

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(202): Do ugly people know they are ugly?
(1-202): The quiet ones do.

(770): I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti

(434): Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.

(513): the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?

(440): oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?

At least we still have this to look forward to!

Eating arch-rivals in rematch
By Beth Harris, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

CULVER CITY, Calif. - In a chewy chow-lenge, Takeru Kobayashi outlasted Joey Chestnut when the eating titans faced off to see who could devour the most pizzas.

Kobayashi, a six-time world hot dog-eating champion from Japan, consumed 5 3/4 P'zones in a six-minute span of chaotic consumption Saturday to edge Chestnut. The 25-year-old from San Jose, Calif., wolfed down 5 1/2 P'zones on Stage 15 at Sony Studios.

"I'm a little bummed," Chestnut said. "There's nobody I like beating more than him, he pushes me harder than anybody."

The arch-rivals are best known for their annual Fourth of July hot dog-eating showdowns on New York City's Coney Island. Chestnut has beaten his Japanese competitor the last two years, winning last year in a five-dog eat-off after they tied at 59 frankfurters in 10 minutes.

This time, they went cheek-to-jowl in a stomach-centric contest sponsored by Pizza Hut featuring the P'zone, a pizza weighing almost a half-kilogram with pepperoni and other ingredients sealed inside a crust. At nearly 30 centimetres long, it resembles a calzone.

Click headline for rest of story.

Screw Kobe vs. Lebron. You can give me Chestnut vs. Kobayashi any day. I think most can agree that while Kobe and Lebron is great they are different players who score and defend in different ways. But Chestnut and Kobayashi are attempting to do the same exact thing. While they have different styles its a one on one, me vs. you battle every time out.

I genuinely think competitive eating has overtaken boxing in importance. Honestly, if Kobayashi were Chinese instead of Japanese we could build the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest into the biggest sports rivalry spectacle since Balboa vs. Drago. And this time I wouldn't bet against the American. Joey Chestnut is the future of American sports. There, I said it.

They're playing basketball! Well at least Kobe still is.

So the inevitable Kobe vs. Lebron matchup has now morphed into the Lakers vs. the Magic. Not as sexy I should say but I really do think this will be a better series.

I think Game 6 proved the Lakers are now ready to take every game seriously. I don't think I could have seen Cleveland winning more than one game against L.A. But the Magic stack up better top to bottom than the Cavs. I honestly think this may be a six or possibly even seven game series.

At any rate I bet the NBA, Nike and Vitamin Water are kicking themselves over pumping up this Kobe vs. Lebron thing. I've never seen more resources thrown into an unsure thing before. But the commercials haven't been half bad. So until the Finals start Thursday we're going to have a commercial each day. Most have shown on TV but you may not have seen them all yet.

We're coming! To your courtroom!

Country Star Turns Himself in to Cops
by TMZ Staff

John Rich and Jared Ashley can't settle their differences -- so now the cops are involved.

Rich turned himself in to the Metro Davidson County Criminal Justice Center in Nashville, Tenn. this afternoon to face misdemeanor charges of assault and harassment stemming from an alleged altercation between the two. Rich and Ashley have both filed civil lawsuits against each other -- Ashley sued Rich for the alleged assault, and Rich sued back for defamation.

Rich, in a statement released by his lawyers, claims that since he can't reach a settlement with Ashley, he'd rather defend himself "through the legal process to the fullest extent of the law." He says, "I trust that the truth will come out through the process of our American justice system and that I will be completely exonerated at the end of the day."

Ha! I knew one day the country group 'Big and Rich' would get what's coming to them. If you don't remember them they sand that awful 'Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy' song that infested the U.S. and was the theme song for the 'World Series of Poker.' Then they ruined my life when their follow up song 'Coming to Your City' became the theme song for College Football Gameday for like 3 years. I have wished them ill every day since.

Now, it seems I have been rewarded as Rich is now facing charges after assaulting some dude. I looked up the guy's info and apparently he was a contestant on the short lived 'Nashville Star' in Season 4 when Big & Rich were judges and their black sidekick Cowboy Troy was host. Some disagreement must have emerged then which hasn't settled itself. To make a long story short I hope they give Rich the chair. Then I hope Big and Cowboy Troy have to fight in a No Holds Barred Death Match where the winner gets mauled by a bear.

Quick History Lesson

King of cards called Odessa home
BY KEN BRODNAX/Odessa American

Odessa flourished because of risk takers in the oil business, so it was only natural that it became a haven for gamblers in the days when money was flowing freely.

In the 1950s and '60s, lots of money changed hands in card games. Some preferred bridge, others liked gin rummy, but poker was far and away the favorite game.

In that day, the big-stakes card players kept a low profile. You could get in a heavy game at the Inn of the Golden West. At one time, a guy named Paul Harvey (no connection to the famous radio commentator) ran a casino out of his home in Country Club Estates.

Of course, a lot of oilmen with a lot of money tended to bring in the big fish, too. They knew where the feeding was good.

In retrospect, we know the names of those frequent visitors to Odessa - "Sailor" Roberts, "Amarillo Slim" Preston, Doyle Brunson and a guy who would become the most well-known gambler from Odessa, Johnny Moss. But back then, you were extremely careful. Big-time card players had to watch out for both the good and bad guys. Authorities would bust a big game if they found out the location. And crooks were always on the lookout for a nice score by robbing poker players with hefty bankrolls.

We know the legendary gamblers now because something called the World Series of Poker was created in 1970 in Las Vegas and lent legitimacy to the profession of card playing. Johnny Moss, who liked Odessa so much that moved here in the 1950s, won the first title by vote of his fellow poker pros, most of whom had logged some seat time in Odessa.

Rest of story HERE.

You know I've had a lot of fun poking fun at my hometown but when you get down to it, Odessa is pretty badass. Name another town with 100,000 people that has so much stuff that's relevant and interesting. We've got the 46' OHS state title team (with Hayden Fry), Roy Orbison, Pinkie Roden, the legend of MOJO (as much as I hate Permian), oil boomtown stories and apparently we were a poker capital too.

Give a read to the whole story from Ken Brodnax on the OA's website. It's pretty interesting. I just hope Trey isn't reading it. He might blow his wad if he knows Odessa was a poker Metropolis at some point.

I've also been attacked by Wild Turkey. Different kind though.

Wild turkey crashes through window of Wis. home
AP

MISHICOT, Wis. -A Wisconsin woman and her 5-year-old daughter got a fowl visitor when an unwelcome wild turkey crashed through a bedroom window.

Heidi Herrera said she was watching television with her daughter Thursday when the bird quickly charged into the living room of their home in the eastern Wisconsin town of Mishicot. Herrera got her daughter and their pet Chihuahua to safety in another bedroom. The mother then ventured out and found the turkey in the kitchen.

When she walked toward it, the bird ran out the open front door and down the street, leaving behind feathers, blood and glass scattered throughout the house.

Wildlife biologist Aaron Buchholz of the state Department of Natural Resources said turkeys can't see windows and the bird probably thought it could fly through the bedroom when it crashed through the window.

Turkeys can't see windows my ass. This was a deliberate strike in the impending animal vs. human war. And while the turkey wasn't able to realize the full potential of its attack it was able to bleed all over this woman's carpet. That'll bring in a stiff bill from the cleaners. Turkeys really have the most to gain from the war. Humans dedicate an entire day each year to celebrating turkey death. The retaliation will be swift and decisive.

Boy to get statue for having viable immune system

VERACRUZ, Mexico — A Mexican sculptor is putting the finishing touches on a bronze statue of a 5-year-old boy who became Mexico’s earliest confirmed case of swine flu.

Veracruz state spokesman Jorge Brandy says the statue of Edgar Hernandez will be erected in the central park of La Gloria, a pig-farming village in the mountains where scientists trying to learn where the epidemic began are taking blood samples from residents and pigs.

Brandy says the statue of Hernandez, who recovered from the illness after taking antibiotics, is meant to serve as a symbol of hope.

The outbreak has killed more than 90 people worldwide but Mexican health officials say a nationwide shutdown of businesses and schools has helped Mexico to control its spread.

Let me say first. I understand the pig flu caused a lot more problems in Mexico than it did here. But we all jumped the gun in calling it this Earth shattering pandemic when, in actuality, it was about as terrible as monkey pox or SARS.

I just find it ironic that at time when Mexico is wrought with problems over drug smuggling, murder and corruption that they chose a boy who took antibiotics and got well as their symbol of national hope. Why not a statue of military taking down drug lords? On the bright side it will probably secure that kid a sleu of women for the rest of his life.

P.S. - That's not the real statue. I just needed a picture.

There's a lot of skeletons in his closet...and a panda suit

Man sought panda sex with teen
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

PITTSBURGH - A former Pennsylvania Senate staffer has been arrested on charges he wanted to engage in sex acts with a 15-year-old boy while dressed in a panda costume, state Attorney General Tom Corbett said.

Alan David Berlin, 40, who worked for Republican Senator Jane Orie, used Internet chats and instant messages to proposition the Harrisburg-area boy, including talking about dressing up in animal costumes and engaging in various sex acts, Corbett said in a statement Friday.

Berlin approached the boy and in online talks in April and May, discussed various sex acts with the boy and proposed Berlin travel to the boy's home and have sex with him in the backyard while his parents slept, Corbett said.

Berlin also asked for nude photos of the boy and offered to arrange a meeting between the boy and another man, offering to get them a hotel room if Berlin could take pictures of them having sex.

Berlin was charged Thursday with attempted sexual exploitation of children, unlawful contact with a minor and criminal solicitation to commit sexual abuse of children. He was being held Friday in the Dauphin County Jail on $250,000 bail.

Wow! We can't go two weeks without some story about a Republican/Conservative homosexual sex scandal. If this guy was actually in office and not some aide this Berlin fella would probably take the cake. Say what you want about Mark Foley, Ted Haggerd or Larry Craig, at least they never hit up underage kids for sex in a panda suit. But you can't control all of a party's members. It's a big tent. Just like the tent Mr. Berlin set up in that kid's back yard to have sex with him! Zinger!

P.S. - This reminded me of the time Drama had "furry sex" on 'Entourage.' Here's the clip. As you could guess there is some naughty language.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork so i went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidently stabbed myself in the lip, cutting my lip. My lunch had jalepenos in it. FML

Today, while working at a certain California theme park in full costume, I was approached by a kid in line who looked at me and exclaimed, 'Hey look, its Indiana Jones!', which felt pretty amazing. His sister, who was maybe seven years old, glanced over at me and said, 'No, he's way too fat.' FML

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(201): she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.

(310): Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
(310): Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.

(503): You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."

The State Week Finale...for real, I swear

So for 'The State' finale I decided to give it a race flavor to match the anticipation I'm sure you all have for the Belmont Stakes Saturday. It's a horse race. Enjoy.

CORRECTION - Apparently the Belmont is next Saturday (June 6). Oh well, like anyone cares if there's no Triple Crown at stake.



AND......

Cleveland rocks... well not really but you could imagine what it would be like if it did

So apprently the City of Cleveland got its panties in a wad over the videos that YouTube sensation Mike Polk had been making about the city being a dive. Here is an example of his work along with a new video he made for TNT's Inside the NBA.



So here is their idea to fix it.

CLEVELAND (AP) — Come to Cleveland, where the economy is based on LeBron James, the streets are filled with drifters and broken-down homes can be had for the price of a VCR. A comedian’s sarcastic YouTube music videos trashing Cleveland have so unnerved tourism officials that they asked residents to fire back with videos of their own showing the city is not really the “Mistake on the Lake.” The winner of the contest sponsored by the city’s travel promotion agency, Positively Cleveland, will be announced Thursday. Entries had to cost $2 or less to produce; be 2 minutes long, tops; and highlight favorite spots and the “unexpected side of the area about which tourists may not be aware.” The winner gets a Cleveland travel package, including a stay in a downtown hotel, dinner and passes to attractions…

Well after viewing Mike's videos I would have to say the winning package doesn't seem too enticing. The morons should have offered cash or a five minute starting contest with Lebron. Or a romp in the bed with Brady Quinn (I've heard he goes both ways). Or one free punch to Drew Carey's groin. Something better anyway.

YouTube Video: Facebook Rap

I usually stray away from Facebook or Twitter related videos but I saw this one on Barstool Sports and thought it was worthy. Yeah I ripped it off from someone else. Wanna fight about it?

YouTube Video: Really?

Does Gillette really think men don't understand the concept of cleaning up their man jungle. It's not rocket science. While I can't claim a 100% safe and successful experience in the area its pretty easy. I'm guessing Gillette is just trying to tap into a market they consider new. They'll probably come out with a new 'Mach 8: Down There' vibrating razor. Perverts.

Seems like a reasonable reaction Part 24

Principal files complaint over missed high-five
AP

EL PASO, Texas -What do you call a high-five that misses? Many would just call it awkward, but an El Paso school principal calls it assault.

The misfire came last week when schools superintendent Lorenzo Garcia was giving principals high-fives while celebrating state test scores. When Garcia came to Barron Elementary School principal Mary Helen Lechuga and she didn't raise her hand, he tapped her on the head instead.

But Lechuga — a former district administrator who was recently demoted — filed a police complaint saying she felt pain and feared what he might do next.

Garcia said she's a disgruntled employee and her complaint is petty.

The El Paso Times reported Thursday that school district police are investigating.

Leave it to an El Paso citizen (I couldn't figure out if it was El Pazsoan or El Pasonian) to screw it up for everyone. This is why women can't really be trusted in the work place. You try to make them part of the male comroidary with a well timed high five and they screw it up. Then they sue you. El terrible. From now on this superintendent better go with the fist bump. It's less messy.

Winners and losers

$232M lotto ticket sold to winner in Winner
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

WINNER, S.D. (AP) — The town of Winner has produced a winner — and a $232 million one at that.

The winning ticket for Wednesday night’s $232 million Powerball jackpot was sold in this ranching and farming town of 2,800 people in the south-central part of the state.

“How often does something like this happen — a winner in Winner, S.D.?” Norm Lingle, executive director of the South Dakota Lottery, said at a news conference Thursday.

It’s the ninth-largest Powerball jackpot ever and the biggest ever paid out in South Dakota, he said.

The ticket-holder has 180 days to claim the prize, and the lottery said it has not received any calls on the jackpot.

“There’s certainly no hurry to come in and claim the prize. This is certainly a life-changing, life-altering experience and they need to seek professional advice,” Lingle said.

Winners and losers. Especially these days. I've been saying that for years. Now more than ever.

I hate this lucky bastard. Why can't I get rich. I hope he gets robbed weekly or at least punched in the junk really hard. At any rate I bet his first move will be out of Winner,SD.

Police called over O.J. - the beverage, not the guy

Upset with a McDonald’s worker, man calls 911
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

ALOHA, Ore. (AP) — An Oregon man spent Memorial Day in jail after dialing 911 to complain that a McDonald’s worker was rude and didn’t give him an orange juice he ordered.

Raibin Osman of Aloha is accused of improper use of the emergency telephone number.

The Oregonian newspaper reports that the 20-year-old bailed out of the Washington County Jail on Tuesday and could not be reached for comment.

Sheriff’s Sgt. David Thompson says Osman ignored deputies who told him the emergency number isn’t to be used for straightening out fast-food orders.

A McDonald’s employee also called 911 during the incident to complain that Osman and the people with him were blocking the drive-thru lane and knocking on the restaurant windows.

Embedded video from CNN Video

If you ask me Mr. Osman was just trying to get justice. He paid for an orange juice that he did not receive. The cops should be involved and obviouslly he didn't have time to dial the long number so he did the best he could and dialed 911. What's so wrong with that? I doubt anything serious was going on in that town.

P.S. - Isn't the guy who called from the drive thru lane after Osman almost as bad? Why didn't he get arrested. Heaven forbid he just go to Burger King instead.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I was in my back yard and I saw my neighbours daughter choking on something. I ran over and gave her the heimlich maneuver. It turns out her friend was recording her while she was doing her drama project for school. I broke two of her ribs. FML

Today, my last task for the day as a high school janitor was to power-wash the concrete area where the graduation ceremony will take place. Tired and bored, I drew a huge penis with the power hose. Right before I was going to wash it off, the machine broke. Graduation is tomorrow. FML

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(916): My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to bang a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.

(610): walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
(1-610): he should get drunk with us.

(512): were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.

The State week concludes...almost

Okay, so thanks for staying with me during 'The State' Week (2 weeks). Its been fun for me. Not sure about all of you. But here's some of the last of my reserves including the best commercial ever for a show. They actually highlight their terrible reviews!



This one is for Boscoe Brown as he prepares for his lunch at Fazoli's and his dinner at Mi Piaci. Dirty wop dego.

I still hate Boston

I wish Tom Brady would flip that bike over Jackass style. Even though the Celtics missed the Conference Finals I can't help but find myself disgusted by all things Boston. I'm even hoping T.O. takes the Pats corners to the woodshed this season. Oh lordy! I'm rooting for T.O.! Kill me now!

P.S. - T.O. has to be the worst sportscaster since the 'Boom Goes the Dynamite Guy' plus he just injured a starting corner. I give him two weeks before he accuses Trent Edwards of taking it up the coat.

I'm beginning to like this place

Two Brownsville students win ketchup contest
By Ildefonso Ortiz/The Brownsville Herald

A love of art and fond memories of the beach helped a Brownsville second-grader come up with an advertising design that beat thousands of others and will be used in approximately 19 million ketchup packets.

Marcela Salinas, 8, could barely hold her excitement Tuesday as she was called in front of her schoolmates at St. Mary's Catholic School, to be presented with a special ketchup bottle naming her the second grade winner of the 2009 Heinz Ketchup Creativity Contest. The contest awarded one prize per grade, from elementary through high school.

Salinas and Nia-Isabella Garza, a first-grade student at Hudson Elementary School, each won their respective grade at the national contest that had a record 45,000 entries. Judges selected 36 drawings out of all the entries and voting was done online to select the winner per each grade, the company said.

"This is the first time that someone from South Texas wins," said Heinz spokesman Stuart Jaynes. "They (the two Brownsville girls) beat out approximately 12,000 entries in their division."

The winning drawings will be used as art for next year's ketchup packets, approximately 19 million packets per drawing or winner per grade, Jaynes said.

"Children use a lot of ketchup," he said. "This is a fun way for them to get creative and play with ketchup."

Wow! The Valley region really had me pegged when they published this story about ketchup. I mean what better way to appeal to me than by having two of their area's best students win a Ketchup design contest...and for Heinz no less. I swear (and I really mean it) if the BYB takes off and I become wealthy I promise to pay for these two kids' tuition. And if I end up being a washout I'll somehow arrange some scholarship to UTB. Either way these ketchup lovers are getting something.

Distressed over dildos

Shopper complains about sex toys
Associated Press

PORTLAND, Maine — A complaint over sex toys sold at a Maine Mall store has prompted an effort to narrow South Portland's definition of adult business.

Police say a complaint by a customer who was offended by devices sold at Spencer's Gifts led to months of talks involving police, city officials and lawyers. The man who brought the complaint urged City Hall to reclassify Spencer's as an adult business and prohibit anyone under 18 from entering the store.

A proposal would require companies that sell sex toys to warn parents with signs at the front of stores or package devices so they cannot be viewed by minors. A lawyer for Spencer's tells the Portland Press Herald that it already complies with many of the proposed regulations.

Man, nothing gives you a blast from the past like a good Spencer Gifts reference. So much of my childhood was spent wandering the aisles looking at goods that served no possible use. Once I reached a reasonable age I found Spencers to be the most juvenile place on Earth filled with novelty toilet paper and items like the Norditrac knock off known as the 'More Dick Track'. I think its the complete opposite of an adult store. Its the most childish place in America.

P.S. - The last time in there my former lady friend bought me and Eazy E t-shirt. I can't tell you how difficult it is to find a social setting outside of Lubbock where that shirt is acceptable.

Seems like a reasonable reaction part 58

Woman accused of stabbing father over bread
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

MELVINDALE, Mich. - Prosecutors say a woman in a Detroit suburb has been accused of fatally stabbing her father after an argument over a dinner roll.

Wayne County Prosecutor Kym Worthy charged 42-year-old Ava Maria Gordon of Melvindale with second-degree murder Wednesday in the death of Gordon's 62-year-old father. Police say Gordon told investigators she ate a dinner roll her father had been saving, even though it had a note telling her not to do so.

Prosecutors say Gordon stabbed her father after an argument.

Police say she also fired a gun but apparently didn't hit her father.

Normally I would say both these people are unruly savages but lets take into consideration some mitigating factors. Detroit is a cess pool right now, unfit for human beings. The economy is the worst there and food is hard to come by. I bet this old man had been holding on to that dinner roll for a while, like for a special occassion. Maybe he was waiting for the car companies to rebound. Instead his dirty harlet of a daughter struts in and eats his special day roll. He retaliates and she stabs him. I've sen it a million times.

Once bitten, twice crazy

Woman bitten after 'bite me' remark
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

MERIDEN, Conn. - An analyst at the Connecticut Police Academy says a co-worker responded literally to her "bite me" remark and chomped on her.

Former Waterbury police captain Francis Woodruff was charged Tuesday with disorderly conduct and released on a promise to appear in court. He's accused of biting academy licence and applications analyst Rochelle Wyler on April 24.

A police arrest report says Wyler had teeth marks and bruising on the back of her left arm.

Wyler's complaint alleges Woodruff was annoying her by calling her a clerk.

She says she responded with "bite me" - and he did.

Woodruff is also a training co-ordinator with the 130-member police department in Meriden, just south of Hartford.

He says he was joking.

I think if this story teaches us anything its to not wax professional about ones title. So you're a licensing and applications analyst but you're sitting at a desk helping folks. One might consider you a clerk. There's nothing wrong with that. I've been called worse. I really think this uppity young woman is lucky she didn't get a beer poured on her head for putting on airs.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, at Jiffy Lube a woman and her 4 year-old son were waiting at the checkout counter. As I walk by them, her son mistakes me for his father and holds my hand. The woman immediately grabs her son's wrist, looks at me, and says "Sicko." FML

Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my phone ringing. As I groggily reached for it I managed to knock my fan onto my head, leaving a grate-shaped bruise. The best part? My phone wasn't ringing, I dreamed myself awake. FML

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(212): chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.

(352): I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
(904): You stay classy.
(352): The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.

(773): i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.

The State week continues - How teachers really are

Do you think our teachers hated us? Probably.

BEST EVER - This is what happens in Nebraska when theres no football

Cigarette bandit wore beer carton as disguise
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS



LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) — Police in Nebraska are looking a man who stole cigarettes while disguising himself as a beer carton.

Lincoln police Capt. Bob Kawamoto says the man walked into a Kwik Shop convenience store before dawn Monday wearing an empty Bud Light box on his head as a mask.

Kawamoto says the man also had wrapped something around one of his hands, suggesting he was armed. But the man never showed a weapon.

Police said the bandit left with nine packs of smokes valued at nearly $50.

Best robbery ever. This guy is awesome. I think it would have been better if he stole beer though. Pretty good anyway. I bet this guy is so jacked up for Husker football season he had to blow off some steam by smoking a ton of cigarettes. Or its Thunder Collins out on bail. Or one of Lawrence Phillips' homeys stealing some smokes to offset his commisary. The possibilities are endless.

YouTube Video: The man of steel graduates - balls of steel anyway

Graduation time has since passed and I held on to this too long but the Laker game is starting and I'm half assing the BYB the rest of the evening. Expect better tomorrow.

VH1 then MMA. Next stop for Canseco - County Fair.

Canseco strikes out in MMA debut
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

YOKOHAMA, Japan — Former baseball slugger Jose Canseco came out swinging but didn’t last long in his debut in mixed martial arts.

Canseco was stopped by South Korean super-heavyweight Hong Man Choi just one minute 17 seconds into the first round at Yokohama Arena.

The referee stopped the fight when seven-foot-two 330-pound Choi knocked the 6-4, 240-pound Canseco to the mat and started punching his head.

“That’s a big man,” said Canseco, the 1988 American League’s MVP who has written several tell-all books about his career and drugs in baseball. “I ran into one of his left jabs and that almost knocked me out. You have no idea how scary it was facing a man that big.”

Canseco did land the first blow with a right to the upper body of Choi but that was all the damage he could inflict on the Korean giant.

Shortly into the fight, Canseco hurt his right knee and was unable to do much after that.

“I hurt my knee back home real bad but I didn’t want to disappoint the fans,” he said. “I knew that at some point during the fight my knee was going to give out and once I was down I knew I wasn’t going to get up. He’s just too heavy to move.”

I sort of like Jose Canseco. I guess its that whole 'I love a-holes' Rick Fox thing I have. But now I'm starting to hate him and that's why he needs to go away. If me, a guy who doesn't care about baseball who quasi likes Canseco is tired of him, then everyone is. What's his next move? Wrestling Pacman Jones at company barbecues? I wish he'd go Kenny Powers style and start teaching gym. What a clown.

Mean mugging at the DMV

Four states adopt 'no-smiles' policy for driver's licenses
By Thomas Frank, USA TODAY

Stopping driver's license fraud is no laughing matter: Four states are ordering people to wipe the grins off their faces in their license photos.

"Neutral facial expressions" are required at departments of motor vehicles (DMVs) in Arkansas, Indiana, Nevada and Virginia. That means you can't smile, or smile very much. Other states may follow.

The serious poses are urged by DMVs that have installed high-tech software that compares a new license photo with others that have already been shot. When a new photo seems to match an existing one, the software sends alarms that someone may be trying to assume another driver's identity.

But there's a wrinkle in the technology: a person's grin. Face-recognition software can fail to match two photos of the same person if facial expressions differ in each photo, says Carnegie Mellon University robotics professor Takeo Kanade.

Well I did not know that. Pretty interesting stuff. It wouldn't bother me any to be told not to smile. Personally I think I look like a goofy bastard when I smile so I always try to do some half smile and I always come out looking creepy. I hate it. That reminds me I have to get my picture taken in a suit for a press release Friday. FML.

Next attempt - building an escape ladder out of legos

Toy helicopter used to smuggle phones into jail
By Stan Lehman, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

SAO PAULO - A plot to smuggle cellular phones into a prison yard using a remote-control model helicopter has been foiled after Brazilian police discovered the high-tech toy in the trunk of a car outside a maximum-security lockup.

Police say they confiscated the one-metre-long chopper near the Presidente Venceslau penitentiary in Sao Paulo state and arrested four people riding in the car.

Attached to the helicopter's base was a basket-like container with nine cellphones wrapped in a disposable diaper, a police statement said.

Another five cellphones were found inside the car trunk.

Police Sgt. Ricardo Jock told the Globo TV network: "The cellphones were obviously for jailed gang leaders who would use them to co-ordinate bank robberies and kidnappings and set up drug deals."

I'm glad to see criminals aren't just staying complacent and sticking to the predictable like hiding cell phones in their asses. I mean wheres the originality? These guys though, have it right. They get to smuggle in cell phones to organize murders and kidnappings while exploring the joys of youth they probably all missed out on. A true feel good story.

Elevator Urinator sought & caught

IRS Worker Allegedly Urinated in Elevator
AP

DETROIT (May 27) -- An agent used surveillance cameras to confirm a smelly suspicion: Someone had been urinating in a freight elevator at an Internal Revenue Service data center in Detroit.

Skip over this content Authorities filed a criminal charge Tuesday against Michael Hicks. In an affidavit, treasury agent Delmaria Scott said she interviewed Hicks in January 2008 and he admitted urinating in the elevator for months.

Scott said Hicks did it "because he felt he could get away with it." It cost $4,600 to clean the elevator.

Hicks, who was a contract employee at the IRS, was charged with damaging federal property. A defense lawyer was not listed.

Gina Balaya, a spokeswoman for prosecutors, says the government was unsuccessful in trying to resolve the case without a criminal charge.

What the F? I think this guy has to have the best excuse ever. 'Because I felt I could get away with it.' Glorious. I fully expected this guy to be some disgruntled employee or some guy who did it as a goof but no, he just did it because he could. I've had that attitude a few times in my life. It never left anyone having to take the stairs though.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I was getting off of work, talking to my boss and I asked if I could get a ride home, since my usual ride was too lazy to come get me. He said, sure, but to be really careful since he just had his car detailed. I was getting in the car, tripped and threw my hot cocoa all inside of his car. FML

Today, my wife and I watched a documentary film about a kid living with severe asthma. In one scene, the kid has a severe asthma attack, and is rushed to hospital. My wife started laughing hysterically at this and after apologising, goes "it's just he sounded exactly like you in bed." FML

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(310): tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room

(360): two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
(206): only if you didn't want to fu*k up your life.

(714): It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends.

(303): erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on

Back to work

So as you all noticed the BYB is going back to its evening time slot since I have to go back to work. I had a long today. First I had a 'New Employee Orientation' which wouldn't have been bad but the instructor was one of those 'please talk to me' types that bemoaned the lack of interaction and kept saying 'tough crowd.' Lady, just read the manual.

Then I met with the guy who used to do my job and he gave me a 2-hour crash course. When everything is presented all at once you can't help but feel overwhelmed but I'm pretty sure I'll knock this thing out of the part. But for a while I felt like packing up shop and heading back to the Back Yard in O-Town. Kind of like Billy Madison did below.

Shockey is shockingly bad at the game of drink

Jeremy Shockey Rushed to the Hospital
TMZ Staff

NFL star Jeremy Shockey was taken out of the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas today by stretcher and taken to a nearby hospital.

Sources on the scene tell TMZ Shockey was at Rehab -- the ironic name of the Sunday pool party at the Hard Rock -- when he was found unconscious at around 2:00 PM. Paramedics ended up wheeling Shockey out of the Hard Rock via stretcher. We're told the paramedics tried to cover Shockey up so onlookers -- including a TV camera crew -- couldn't ID him.

UPDATE: We just talked to a rep for the New Orleans Saints, who told us Shockey was just "dehydrated" and that he'll be "fine."

So it's official. Jeremy Shockey could never hang with my crew. I always figured him for a party animal since he played at 'The U' but he was probably just coked up most of the time. Look, I've been dehydrated from drinking several times but I never fainted. I drank my way through it like a man or fell asleep at the bar...like a G!

You sir are as cold as ice.

Passer-by fed up with suicides pushes jumper
Associated Press

BEIJING — Chen Fuchao, a man heavily in debt, had been contemplating suicide on a bridge in southern China for hours when a passer-by came up, shook his hand — and pushed him off the ledge.

Chen fell 26 feet onto a partially inflated emergency air cushion laid out by authorities and survived, suffering spine and elbow injuries, the official Xinhua News Agency said Saturday.

The passer-by, 66-year-old Lai Jiansheng, had been fed up with what he called Chen's "selfish activity," Xinhua said. Traffic around the Haizhu bridge in the city of Guangzhou had been backed up for five hours and police had cordoned off the area.

"I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish. Their action violates a lot of public interest," Lai was quoted as saying by Xinhua. "They do not really dare to kill themselves. Instead, they just want to raise the relevant government authorities' attention to their appeals."

Photos in the Beijing Morning Post showed Lai, shoeless and in a T-shirt, saluting after Chen fell.

The paper said Lai was released on bail Friday but did not give any details. It said he had been on medication for "a mental illness" for decades and had been on his way to a hospital for his pills.

Wow! I can't believe I just read that. Luckily I've never seen anyone about to jump off a building, mainly because the building in Odessa would only send you away with a bad limp. But if I had I could imagine I would be in pure shock. Not this dude though. Either he sees it all the time or he may be the cruelest person to live, rivaling various serial killers and Hitler. I'm going to go ahead and tentatively place him in the 'sociopath' category for now.

YouTube Video - The State week continues

Yeah I've got a bunch more of these so let's just keep it going. Not sure how much yall like them but I love them!

Foreign beards fall short at Beard Off '09

Home-state favorite takes beard battle
Associated Press

ANCHORAGE, Alaska — David Traver didn’t expect to win the freestyle category in the World Beard and Moustache Championships. But he did.

The Anchorage man certainly didn’t think he’d go on to be crowned champ of the international competition that salutes those with the fanciest whiskers. But he was.

“Kind of cool,” said Traver, 43, who normally competes in the full beard category but decided to do something different in the freestyle category for Saturday’s competition — very different. He and a stylist worked for more than an hour to get his long beard woven into the shape of a snow shoe.

The judges went for it.

“No American has ever placed in the freestyle let alone won it,” Traver said Sunday.

Traver defeated Gerhard Knapp and Hans-Peter Weis, both Germans, to clinch the top spot in the freestyle bout.

In the overall competition, Traver beat out Benjamin Juergens of Los Angeles, who won first in the imperial partial beard category (hair on the cheeks and upper lip), and Jack Passion of San Francisco, who was first in the natural full beard category.

“His beard is supremely impressive,” Traver said of Passion.

USA! USA! USA! Take that you freaking krauts. Go eat some bratwurst and shave those excuses for beards. Also, I love the way these guys talk about beards the same way athletes talk about the skills of other athletes. Beard growing ain't for the weak and an Alaskan just proved it.

P.S. - Sarah Palin went crazy for the sharp dressed men.

Brotherly love can't withstand the porn game

Porn publisher Flynt sued by brother
AP

CINCINNATI (AP) - The brother of Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt is accusing his famous sibling of trying to force him out of the family's pornography business.

Larry Flynt owns a building in downtown Cincinnati where his brother operates a Hustler retail store.

In a lawsuit filed Friday in Ohio, Jimmy Flynt says his brother wants to evict him in retaliation for refusing to give a loan to Larry Flynt Productions. Larry Flynt contends his brother is behind in rent.

Jimmy Flynt says the eviction notice is also an attempt by Larry Flynt to get leverage in a separate trademark lawsuit in California.

Larry Flynt really is a bit of cad isn't he? I mean his brother kept the business up and running while Larry and his wife we're off in a prescription drug filled haze and now he's taking poor Jimmy to court. Shameless. You all really should watch the movie 'The People vs. Larry Flynt' though. It's good. Its also odd that I've never cared much for Flynt or Howard Stern but I loved both their movies. Eh.

I'll take a bakers dozen of glaze, a bearclaw and a lap dance

Nudity complaint near Maine topless doughnut shop
AP

VASSALBORO, Maine – Prosecutors will review a complaint that a waitress from a Maine topless doughnut shop was outside the business without a shirt on.

The Central Maine Morning Sentinel says a state trooper was sent to the Grand View Topless Coffee shop on Saturday after someone called in a complaint. Police say no one was charged, but the matter has been turned over to the district attorney for review.

It's unclear whether nudity outside the cafe is prohibited.

Vassalboro had considered banning nudity altogether after the shop opened in February, but officials now are proposing to specifically regulate where, when and how such businesses may operate. The revised ordinance comes up for a vote June 8.

I was suprised after reading this to find out that it's perfectly legal in Maine to have a topless doughnut shop. You just had better put on a robe to take the trash out. I think that's a fair compromise. If they tried a Topless Doughnut Joint in Odessa then old Sheriff Short Sleeves would have that place shut down in a week tops. But judging by the cleanliness of most O-Town doughnut joints its probably a good thing the staff aren't nude.

Who let the dogs out?

San Diego to blast seals from beach with dog noise
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

SAN DIEGO - Officials in San Diego are hoping that a dog's bark is worse than its bite.

The San Diego Union-Tribune reports the city plans to seek court permission to use recordings of barking dogs to discourage seals from taking up residence at the popular Children's Pool beach in La Jolla.

It's part of an annual $700,000 plan to disperse about 200 seals at the beach.

Marine experts say the seals likely will adjust to the noise, but city officials say their backup plan is to add other sounds and spray the seals with water.

Animal rights activists say they'll oppose the plan.

As I read this story I couldn't help but think the people in San Diego had failed to really think this one through all the way. Have they done studies into whether seals hate dog sounds. Maybe they don't. Maybe it will attract more. Maybe then the seals will adapt their bodies to land and overrun our cities, especially dog parks and kennels, mating with our canines and causing havoc. Or maybe it will work. It's 50/50 I'd say.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, while interviewing for a job I had to read over the physical requirements for the job. Later on she asked me how flexible I was. Trying to keep a straight face, I told her I was more flexible while I was playing sports but could work on it if I need to. She was talking about work hours. FML

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML

Today, my parents bought me a wine glass with "Who needs a man?" painted all over it. Cute, until after dinner my mom looked me in the eyes and asked with complete sincerity, "Kara, are you gay?" My parents tried to get me to come out. I'm straight. FML

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(516): U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by

(734): Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.

(703): Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'

(563): that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.

(609): Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
(267): This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
(609): AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!

'The State' Week Continues

I still have a lot of great State videos on deck. I may throw one in sporadically just to give yall a yuck from time to time. Here's a nonsensical one about a fast food joint.

They're locking up all my heros

Former NFL quarterback Leaf indicted on drug, burglary charges
CBSSports.com wire reports

CANYON, Texas -- Former NFL quarterback Ryan Leaf has been indicted by a Randall County grand jury on drug and burglary charges.

The indictment handed up Wednesday in Canyon charged the 33-year-old former San Diego Chargers quarterback and former West Texas A&M quarterbacks coach with one count of burglary to a habitation, seven counts of obtaining a controlled substance by fraud and one count of delivery of a simulated controlled substance.

The indictment said Leaf presented an incomplete medical history to several physicians between January 2008 and September 2008 to get or try to obtain the painkiller Hydrocodone.

It was not clear whether Leaf had an attorney.

Canyon police Lt. Dale Davis said Leaf is suspected of breaking into a Canyon apartment on Oct. 30 and stealing Hydrocodone, which had been prescribed to an injured football player.

"There were signs of a forced entry," Davis said. "A window in the back of the home was [damaged]."

Leaf, a Great Falls, Mont., native, led Washington State to the Pacific-10 Conference championship and Rose Bowl appearance. The Chargers made him the second pick of the 1998 NFL Draft. He played for the Chargers from 1998-2000 and also played for the Dallas Cowboys in 2001. He threw for 3,666 yards and 14 touchdowns in his career.

I actually feel bad for Ryan Leaf. At one point his star shined brighter than any other in college football. I legitimately though he would be a Hall of Famer one day. It sounds like his addiction to pain killers is troubling if he would go to those lengths to get them. He was kind enough to help Mike Price out when he got fired from Bama for nailing strippers. Now someone needs to do the same for Mr. Leaf. Clay should let him crash on the couch for a few weeks and get him some pain pills from his doc. Clay, get on that.

Youtube Video: Reader Submission

Thanks to Brock for sending this over. I love Dave ragging on Richard Simmons.

John Goodman is a quitter

JOHN GOODMAN BOOZY THINGS
National Enquirer

Roseanne star John Goodman's boozey nights of DTS and pink elephants!

While in town to promo new gig in Waiting For Godot on B'way, a newly bald Goodman opened up about his boozy past of drunken delirium and withdrawal.

Goodman confessed on The Late Show he was so drunk one time he dived a NY fountain fully clothed.

"I almost got arrested; I was real belligerent. Thank God it was before YouTube." the rotund thesp quipped.

"Hangovers, they were a luxury," Goodman said recalling his booze battle.

"I'd get the DTs (drunken things). It was bad. I sweat less now."

He said his hard fought sobriety was the "best thing that ever happened" to him.

I love John Goodman. Glad to see he's back on his feet again. I should probably do the same. I'm getting a wicked case of the DT's right now. I can't agree with him on the luxury of hangovers though. Trust me, the last thing I'm feeling right now is luxurious.

This racism is killing me inside

Police identify and search for "El Negro"
The Brownsville Herald

BROWNSVILLE - Brownsville police have identified the suspected shooter that sent three to the emergency room after an argument at a 14th Street cantina.

Officers are looking for 48-year-old Ruben Juarez, who is wanted on three counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, said a police press release.

The shooting took place 11 p.m. Monday at 2415 14th St. at Las Cabanitas Lounge, where police say Juarez entered the bar armed with a .380 semiautomatic handgun and shot three people, said police spokesman Sgt. Jimmy Manrrique.

Juarez is described as dark skinned, 5 feet 11 inches tall, weighing about 200 pounds with black hair and brown eyes.

He was last seen driving a 1992 or 1993 Lincoln Continental four door, with tinted windows and Minnesota license plates.

So I guess the word colored still flies down here too eh? Isn't that a racist thing to call someone. In english it means 'the black one.' Pretty sure the NYPD couldn't get away with calling a suspect that. Even though he's not black that's still pretty bad. Plus I was listening to the radio today and they had this commercial parody with a guy doing the traditional bucktooth Asian accent thing. Wow! Won't be too long before they turn on this gringo.

David Lee Roth will show up for free fishsticks and a ride home

Rapist hosts 'Hot for Teacher' night
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

SEATTLE (AP) — A teacher who became notorious in the 1990s for having an affair with a sixth-grader is hosting a “Hot for Teacher” night at a Seattle bar — along with the former student, now her husband.

Bar owner Mike Morris says Mary Kay Letourneau has served her sentence and it’s OK for the couple to have some fun.

The 47-year-old Letourneau served seven years in prison after pleading guilty in 1997 to raping Vili Fualaau, now 26. They met when Fualaau was in second grade and began their affair when he was 12 and she was a 34-year-old married mother of four. They were married in 2005 and have two daughters together.

Morris says Saturday’s event at Fuel Sports Eats & Beats will be their third “Hot for Teacher” night. She greets people and he DJs.

Letourneau! So the Babe Ruth of female teacher molestors is branching out into the club promoting circuit and I have no problem with it. Obviously I think there's a problem we have with the double standard involved with these crimes and I think most of the girls are wacky in the noggin but Letourneau seems to be a big different. This wasn't some momentary freak out for her. She married that Vili thing. Sick as it is she is quite dedicated to that relationship. I guess I'm curious how he's going to feel when he's 40 and she's 62. Ewww!

P.S. - The name of the party reminded me of the time CNN's Nancy Grace snapped at BYB reader and Morning News reporter Brandon Formby. You may not can tell in the video but CNN was playing 'Hot For Teacher' as the lead in for Brandon's discussion on a Dallas lady teacher molestation case and he laughed. Here it is.

It's official - China no longer a threat

Tiananmen anniversary unimportant to China's youth
By Barbara Demick/L.A. Times

Reporting from Beijing -- In his baggy shorts hanging below the knees, Puma sneakers and spiky hair, Wang Kangkang is hip to the present, clueless about the past.

Although he comes often to see the nightly ceremony of the Chinese flag being lowered at Tiananmen Square, he doesn't know what happened here in 1989 and doesn't really care.

"Well, it happened before I was born," the 19-year-old said, looking down at his sneakered feet as the crowd shuffled out of the vast expanse of concrete on a balmy evening. "In any case, it's history. Why should we dwell on the past?"

On June 4, 1989, hundreds of unarmed civilians were killed as the army made its final push to crush a student-led pro-democracy demonstration in Tiananmen Square. As the 20th anniversary approaches, the government has fortified its extraordinary information blockade on the bloody crackdown. Anybody in the country trying to search on the Internet for information about the square, one of Beijing's most popular tourist attractions, is likely to get the message "This page cannot be displayed."

But to a large extent, the efforts are overkill: Apathy as much as censorship has pushed the events of 1989 into the dark recesses of history.

The young Chinese -- one graying activist calls them "the stupid generation" -- remain willfully ignorant about the past.

In this country we remain constantly concerned the China is going to come open a can of whoop ass on us but what we fail to consider is that we already crushed them with biological warfare. The agent - apathy and shiny stuff. After seeing the U.S.S.R. crumble the Chinese started expaning their economy like the U.S. and along with it came our chief export - mind rotting visual entertainment and lowered expectations.

Why the hell should I want to learn about my country's past when I can go get that new Eminem CD. I think we'd go a long way to winning the war in the Middle East if we just started dropping iPods and DVD players from the sky. Plus some food and water wouldn't hurt either. So take that world. We win. Now turn it to MTV and shut your yap.

P.S. - Somewhere that kid's grandpa is crying.

Future Husker saves wuss of a father

Neb. boy, 6, takes wheel after dad passes out
AP

NORTH PLATTE, Neb. -A 6-year-old boy grabbed the wheel of his family's pickup truck when his father passed out from low blood sugar, keeping the vehicle from crashing until an officer could bring it to a halt, police said.

Tustin Mains was in the back seat with his 3-year-old brother Sunday when his father, Phillip Mains, slumped over at the wheel, the boy told police. The family had been driving home from a restaurant.

"I remember getting up to about the mall — that was about 6:45," Mains told The North Platte Telegraph. "The next thing I remember was waking up to the officer and paramedics, and it was 8:15."

Tustin leapt into his father's lap so he could steer and see out the windshield. Mains' foot had slipped off the accelerator, but even at idle the Chevrolet Avalanche was going an estimated 10-15 mph, police said.

The kindergartner steered the truck several blocks, even turning around when he entered a neighborhood he didn't recognize, until he was spotted by police.
North Platte officer Roger Freeze ran up to the moving pickup, reached through an open window and rammed the gearshift into park.

Police Chief Martin Gutschenritter praised his officer and young Tustin.

"I will be issuing him a departmental citation for his quick, professional action on this case. That is also a very special young man. He was able to take quick action when his dad was incapacitated, and we are very proud of him, too," Gutschenritter said.

Bo Pelini can go ahead and sign this kid for the Husker recruiting class of 2021. If this youngster has the brains to step in for Captain Low Blood Sugar he can lead the Big Red to a national title. I just hope he doesn't have the same condition as his father. Then we may have a Jay Cutler situation at QB. Maybe next time Dad can stock up on Snickers bars before he leaves the house. I'm so insensitive. I'm going to die of something soon just for writing this.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I was at the mall blasting music, I was wearing a nice shirt and had my ipod in my breast pocket when I noticed a cute girl smiling at me so I smiled back and she started to walk over while turning down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML

Today, I was visiting my sick grandmother in the hospital when my cousin and I were playing in some empty wheelchairs. After goofing off I said, "They're fun, but I would kill myself if I was in a wheelchair." A little boy rounded the corner and said, "Tell me about it." He was in a wheelchair. FML

Texts from Last Nite Moment of the Day

(256): You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
(1-256): That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
(256): Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
(1-256): Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.

(832): I'm skeptical of all drag queens.

(314): Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
(573): I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
(314): Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?

(713): Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party. I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
(832): Texas should really raise its teaching standards.

'The State' Week continues with a two-for

I found a lot more videos from 'The State' today so I'm going to give you all two quick ones. No need to drag things out because Full House is calling my name from the living room.

They're playin basketball! Well at least Orlando is.

Who could've called that? After two rounds of domination the Cavs were dealt a blow by the Magic last nite. Pretty suprising to say the least. But the Magic did win the season series and Barkley has them in the Finals. I mean crazier things have happened in basketball. The video below is proof.



Tonite the Lakers have a chance to go up 2-0 heading into two games in Denver (unless Vince McMahon and the WWE invade the show Monday). Here's betting Pau Gasol and Andrew Bynum get off the snide. Not so sure about Odom though.

If they can cram a Spurs vs. Celtics game in there it will be a Eclipse of Suck

Football at new Yankee Stadium? Irish interested
ESPN.com news services

The old Yankee Stadium hosted some of college football's greatest moments. The new Yankee Stadium might also host college football -- and the Fighting Irish are interested in writing the first chapter in its gridiron history, the school's athletic director said, according to The New York Times.

While stressing that no dates have been discussed, Notre Dame AD Jack Swarbrick said the Yankees are open to college football at the new stadium. The school has been in touch with the Yankees to express its interest in being one of the first two teams to play there, according to the report.

"We've been in contact with Yankee Stadium and asked and inquired," Swarbrick said, according to the Times. "We will be discussing games with them, but we haven't entered into any substantive discussions."

Ideally, Swarbrick said, Notre Dame would love to play Army at the stadium in 2013 to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the 1913 game, according to the report. In that landmark game, the Irish utilized the forward pass to great success to beat the Black Knights, popularizing what had been, up to that point, a little-used strategy. The results influenced other teams to adopt the forward pass, in effect changing the game.

If there's football at the new stadium before 2013, Notre Dame would still like to be involved, Swarbrick said. But playing the 100th anniversary of the 1913 game in New York would have great meaning for the Irish, he added, according to the report.

"It would be of great historical significance for us if it would be Army," Swarbrick said, according to the report. "We would love that. Some of the most significant games in the history of college football involve those two schools and Yankee Stadium."

The Yankees and Army did not immediately return calls seeking comment, the Times reported.

Notre Dame is looking to take its show on the road to a neutral site (in San Antonio this year) so this story didn't suprise me at all. I do think its significant that the most hated institution in the country will be playing in the home of the second most hated institution. Plus I hate the Irish and the Yankees so its fitting. If ND had any fortitude they'd play the Huskers in New York and Nebraska would turn Yankee Stadium into the Sea of Red just like they did at Notre Dame Stadium a few years back.

Pepsi Center Piledriver Avoided

Vince McMahon claims he's being thrown out. His opponent insists McMahon is the double-crosser.

It'd make a good story line for a wrestling feud -- but it won't take place in Denver.

World Wrestling Entertainment is moving its Monday night show to Los Angeles because of a conflict with the Pepsi Center in Denver, which had booked two events for the same night.

The Nuggets are scheduled to host the Lakers on Monday in Game 4 of the Western Conference finals, but WWE had previously secured the arena for an episode of Monday Night Raw.



The WWE chairman criticized Kroenke Sports, which owns the Nuggets and Pepsi Center, for not being more helpful when the conflict arose over the weekend.

"They bumped us right out of the building, hardly an apology," McMahon said Wednesday. "They didn't do anything for us at all, and the media was talking about someone has to write a check. They didn't want to write anything and they wanted to give us a Sunday night. And the name of the show is Monday Night Raw."

However, Kroenke Sports claims McMahon had previously agreed to a deal to shift the event to Sunday.

"We negotiated in good faith with Vince and believed we had a deal in principal as of Tuesday," Kroenke Sports executive vice president Paul Andrews said. "In fact, it was so clear to us that we did that we asked Vince to do a joint press release. He said, 'Paul, I have no problem with a joint press release.' Then, he asked us if he could get five tickets to the Denver Nuggets' game on Monday night so he could apologize to Mr. Kroenke [Nuggets owner Stan] in person.

"That was Tuesday. We find out by a press announcement today by Vince, who I believe is the master of propaganda, that he's moving the event to the Staples Center. He didn't even contact us to tell us he hadn't accepted the deal we negotiated the night before, so we're quite shocked, frankly."

WWE executive vice president Shane McMahon, at a press conference at Staples Center, said the Kroenke offer came too late.

"They tried to be amicable but we're really at such a loss of words because we were expecting a capacity crowd. Had sold 11,000 as of last week," he said. "We've been on sale since August so everyone knew we were coming. We built everything around it. That's what we do. We promote and build the event."

Vince McMahon said Staples Center called and offered use of its building and that his organization will return to Denver for an event at the Coliseum on Aug. 7. McMahon said many arenas, including Madison Square Garden, called and offered to host Raw. He chose Staples Center, which also was available Tuesday night for its second night of programming.

McMahon said it was important to have Raw be shown live on its normal Monday night slot on USA Network -- where it will go head-to-head against the Nuggets-Lakers game on ESPN. He previously vowed he would hold the event in a parking lot if need be.

McMahon added the Monday show would include a 5-on-5 match pitting "Lakers" against "Nuggets" and his character would likely confront a character of Kroenke, who owns Kroenke Enterprises, in the ring.

So the Pepsi Center Pier 6 Brawl has been cancelled because the Lakers and the Staples Center stepped in to save the day. As an avid wrestling fan I can already tell you what Vince has planned. He's going to get 5 of his best, good looking developmental talents and have them wrestle as the Lakers against 5 homely, possibly midget actors portraying the Nuggets. And I couldn't be happier. I can't wait to watch the DVR of that after the game Monday!

This is starting to get good!

Miss California Shocker: Mom's Gay Affair!
Star Magazine

Beauty queen Carrie Prejean has become the poster girl for opponents of gay marriage. But in a shocking exclusive, Star has learned that the reigning Miss California USA's own mother, Francine Coppola, was entangled in a steamy lesbian love affair right up until the night Carrie placed second in the Miss USA contest!

During the April 19 pageant, Carrie told the judges and a TV audience of millions, "You know what... in my country, in my family, I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman, no offense to anybody out there."

That statement didn't sit so well with her mom's new girlfriend. Openly gay sales rep Valerie Vetrano tells Star exclusively, "Yes, Francine and I dated."

However, the affair was doomed, says a source. "Francine explained how she was a Christian and that her loved ones would never accept her if she were gay," the friend says. When Valerie asked her what would happen if she told her daughter Carrie about the two of them, Francine responded, “Carrie would never believe it!”

According to the friend, Francine’s family knew nothing of her affair, although during her 1996 divorce from Carrie's father, Wil Prejean, both parties made gay allegations against the other.

Adds the friend, "Valerie feels that if Francine had just been open about her sexuality with her family, Carrie would have a better understanding of what gay people have to go through. They just want equal rights.”

Wow, that was a shocking turn! I bet next they'll find out that her dad once had impure thoughts about John Stamos. Never the less I think Carrie totally went the wrong way on this. Sure she's in the limelight now but taking a stance on such a big issue doesn't endear you to Middle America. Instead she should have gone down the Nude Photos street and opted to pose for Playboy. Then she could have hit the VH1 reality circuit. As is I think she's a no-name in 2-3 months.

P.S. - That's her mom in the photo.