BYB Express

It's Friday again and you know what that means - it's time for the BYB Express. Don't think of it as getting less blog. Just think of it getting more time to brave this hot ass weather.

F My Life Moment of the Day
Today, while driving through town, I was distracted by a pretty girl walking on the nearby pavement and accidentally rear-ended the car in front of me. Not only did the pretty girl witness the crash and give a statement, it turned out she was a very feminine man. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day


JIMINEY CRICKET!!!

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Well for the first time in my life I think I might actually be happy I'm in Odessa and not San Antonio. I'm pretty sure this cricket problem would freak me the hell out. I'm not a big insect person anyway and a cricket is like a creepy scince project where a grasshopper and a cockroach got cloned. Plus they're loud as hell. Ewwwwww

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day!

(561): I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"

MAN CAUGHT SMUGGLING 18 MONKEYS IN GIRDLE
AP



MEXICO CITY — A man with a mysterious bulge under his T-shirt was stopped, searched and detained at Mexico City's international airport after authorities found 18 tiny endangered monkeys in a girdle he was wearing.

The Public Safety Department said in a statement Monday that 38-year-old Roberto Cabrera arrived on a commercial flight Friday from Lima, Peru, when authorities noticed the bulge and conducted a body search.

The department says Cabrera was carrying the 6-inch titi monkeys in pouches attached to the girdle. Two of the monkeys were dead.

Cabrera was arrested on charges of trafficking an endangered species.

Cabrera told authorities he was carrying the monkeys in a suitcase but decided to put them in his girdle "so the X-rays wouldn't hurt them."

This guy is pretty ballsy (pardon the pun) to be carrying a bunch of monkeys around in his pants. All I know about monkeys is they're cute but they can wreck shop on something if they need to. The last thing I'd want is a pissed off monkey taking a whack at my balls repeatedly. Sure, this monkeys were only 6 inches large but 18 six-inch monkeys can still leave you looking like John Wayne Bobbitt.

On this day in…
1903 – The Ford Motor Company sells its first car.
1926 – Fox Film buys the patents of the Movietone sound system for recording sound onto film.
1967 – 12th Street Riot: In Detroit, Michigan, one of the worst riots in United States history begins on 12th Street in the predominantly African American inner city.
1984 – Vanessa Williams becomes the first Miss America to resign when she surrenders her crown after nude photos of her appeared in Penthouse magazine.
1986 – In London, Prince Andrew, Duke of York marries Sarah Ferguson at Westminster Abbey.
2009 – Mark Buehrle of the Chicago White Sox becomes the 18th pitcher to throw a perfect game in Major League Baseball history, defeating the Tampa Bay Rays 5-0.

Births
1936 – Anthony Kennedy, U.S. Supreme Court Justice
1940 – Don Imus, American talk radio host
1962 – Eriq La Salle, American actor
1965 – Slash, American guitarist (Guns N' Roses)
1967 – Philip Seymour Hoffman, American actor
1968 – Gary Payton, American basketball player
1972 – Marlon Wayans, American actor
1973 – Nomar Garciaparra, American baseball player
1973 – Monica Lewinsky, American White House intern

Eriq La Salle may be best known for his work on ER but I think it was his work as a 'Soul Glo' heir in 'Coming To America' that was his shining moment.



ARE YOU OKAY???



What was this moronic douchebag thinking when he ran across that half pipe? It's not like you're The Flash or some stealth contortionist. You're a fat, sweaty, TV journalist who probably couldn't run out of sight in a day. Then he made the thing worse by worrying about the kid too much. I'm pretty sure those kids fall down all the time. Sure, they don't have overweight TV reporters romp on them everyday but this guy just made the segment more creepy by not shutting up about the mistake. You screwed up. Go on.