BYB Express

It's Friday again and you know what that means - it's time for the BYB Express. Don't think of it as getting less blog. Just think of it getting more time to track Lebron James' every conversation and footstep.

F My Life Moment of the Day
Today, I went in for a steroid shot in my lower spine. When the doctor came in with a needle, I thought it was to numb the area. Turns out, it wasn't the numbing but the actual extremely painful shot. He thought the nurses already sedated me. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Junk in the trunk.

I'M SEEING STARS



What's with all the outrage over China producing a bad flag? Do you think the Chinese fella who made the flag did it out of disrespect? It was a honest goof. Odds are he probably did it because he was hung over or something. Too much sake. Anyway, this guy bought the flag at a dollar store so I'm sure he's not out that much money. He could have just bought another one instead of getting his panties in a wad over it. I know it's our Independence Day but why don't you take a page out of the Thanksgiving handbook and be happy there are people in China willing to make all the crap we love for 52 cents a day. Ingrates.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day!

(269): So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.

Machete brandished in assault at taco stand
Associated Press

SALEM, Ore. — Police say an 81-year-old man was arrested after he chased another man around a Salem taco stand while armed with a machete.

Salem police said Monday that Manuel Meza accused the taco stand owner of stealing a drill from his nearby business. When the taco stand owner denied it, Meza left and returned with a machete.

Lt. Dave Okada says Meza chased the unidentified man around the stand several times before officers arrested him on accusations of menacing and attempted assault. He was booked into the Marion County Jail.

There were no injuries in Sunday's incident.

Wow I guess after 81 years this guy had finally just had enough. It's bad enough that he's had to deal with people robbing him and screwing with him and after 81 years he still hadn't earned the proper amount of respect. So he had to do what he had to do. You can't let people intimidate you just because you're old. That's when it's machete time.

In all honesty, unless this is just the most spry 81-year-old ever I think getting chased with a machete by him would have been pretty funny. It would certainly make for an awesome story.

On this day in…
1777 – Vermont becomes the first American territory to abolish slavery.
1839 – Twenty miles off the coast of Cuba, 53 rebelling African slaves led by Joseph Cinque take over the slave ship Amistad.
1881 – Charles J. Guiteau shoots and fatally wounds U.S. President James Garfield, who eventually dies from an infection on September 19.
1890 – The U.S. Congress passes the Sherman Anti-Trust Act.
1937 – Amelia Earhart and navigator Fred Noonan are last heard from over the Pacific Ocean while attempting to make the first equatorial round-the-world flight.
1962 – The first Wal-Mart store opens for business in Rogers, Arkansas.
1964 – President Lyndon B. Johnson signs the Civil Rights Act of 1964 meant to prohibit segregation in public places.

Births
1908 – Thurgood Marshall, American Supreme Court Justice (d. 1993)
1932 – Dave Thomas, American fast food entrepreneur (d. 2002)
1937 – Richard Petty, American race car driver
1947 – Larry David, American television producer
1957 – Bret "Hitman" Hart, Canadian wrestler
1964 – José Canseco, Cuban-born American baseball player
1984 – Johnny Weir, American figure skater
1986 – Lindsay Lohan, American actress

I know I give you a lot of clips from 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' in the blog but since it's Larry's birthday I think I have to continue the trend.



La. deputies say man planned to eat park duck
AP

CHALMETTE, La. -A St. Bernard Parish man was arrested Monday after sheriff's deputies said he stole a duck from a public park and planned to eat it.

The Sheriff's Office said the man, 38, was booked with theft of an animal after someone saw him take a muscovie duck from Sidney Torres Park.

A deputy found the man at his home with a duck inside a bucket in his van, authorities said.

Deputies said the man told them he intended to eat the animal. The duck was returned to the park and set free.

I'm sorry but I don't see the crime here. What's the difference between hunting a duck and eating it and kidnapping a duck from a park and eating it? It's still a dead duck. Plus it's not like this guy kidnapped the duck from private property. I think we're really splitting hairs on this one. If I was this guy I'd wait for the duck to cross the road, then I'd kidnap it and eat it. Payback is a bitch Duck.