It's Monday and after a long Sunday of bar cleaning, pool parties and Laker losses, I lost time for a full blog - so you're getting the Express. Don't think of it as getting less blog. Just think of it getting more time to sit outside and feel the heat.
F My Life Moment of the DayToday, my mom calls me to tell me that she just got married a week ago and is 3 months pregnant. I had to ask who the guy was. FML
Wal Mart Person of the Day
Smoke em if you got em.
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This smoking baby video sure is making the rounds. Aside from the scary obvious health risks I think its actually pretty funny watching a baby smoke. It's like seeing a dog wearing a hat or a monkey drinking. So smoke up baby. Life is short. Especially yours.
P.S. - If his parents are so concerned about his smoking why did they let him start in the first place?
Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day(404): Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well as rewarding as Game 1 was, Game 2 was the perfect antithesis. In Game 1 the Lakers were able to use their length and outrebounded and outdefended the Celtics. Then they must have got complacent in Game 2. Plus Ray Allen hitting a ton of three pointers didn't help. Luckily I was sun scorched and drunk yesterday so I slept through most of the game. Obviously I don't have a favorite moment from Game 2, but here's my favorite moment from Game 1.
On this day in…1099 – The First Crusade: The Siege of Jerusalem begins.
1893 – Gandhi's first act of civil disobedience.
1942 – World War II: The Battle of Midway ends.
1965 – The Supreme Court of the United States hands down its decision in Griswold v. Connecticut, effectively legalizing the use of contraception by married couples.
1975 – Sony introduces the Betamax videocassette recorder for sale to the public.
1982 – Priscilla Presley opens Graceland to the public; the bathroom where Elvis Presley died five years earlier is kept off-limits.
Plus, boxer James J. Braddock was born in 1905, singer Tom Jones was born in 1940, actor Liam Neeson was born in 1952, Prince was born in 1958, wrestler Mick Foley was born in 1965 hockey player Mike Modano was born in 1970, Allen Iverson was born in 1975 and tennis vixen Anna Kournikova was born in 1981. Also Saturday Night Live star Bill Hader was born in 1978. Here's one my favorite Hader clips.
Count Drunkula: Boozed-Up Suspect Tells Cops He Drinks Blood, Eats Kidneys
Ben Muessig/AOL News
(May 27) -- He had a taste for booze and a thirst for blood.
Police in New Russia Township, Ohio, say 21-year-old Andrew Whiteman got drunk, tried to break into a convenience store, then told cops he was a century-old vampire who wanted to drink their blood and eat their kidneys.
The Michigan resident was in town to apply for classes at Oberlin College on April 17, but when police responded to reports of an attempted breaking and entering at a drugstore around 3:19 a.m., they found the suspect covered in mud and reeking of alcohol with slurred speech and bloodshot eyes.
That's when Whiteman reportedly told police he was a vampire who was more than 100 years old and would live forever.
When deputies put Whiteman in a squad car, he threatened to kill one of the cops and his children, and claimed he could smell the officer's blood from the backseat of the cruiser, according to FOX 8 News.
As he went through booking, Whiteman allegedly became disruptive and told a female law enforcement official that he wanted to dine on her kidney, according to the Weekly Vice.
Reports indicate his behavior was so violent that police placed him in restraints.
Whiteman has been charged with attempted breaking and entering, intimidation and disorderly conduct while being voluntarily intoxicated. He reportedly appeared in court earlier this week.
Okay, this Vampire/Werewolf shit has officially gotten out of hand. I love Trueblood just as much as the next guy...or gal but if it means that were going to have drunken degenerates claiming to be able to suck blood or high school losers blaming their being misunderstood on their accelerated age. If you ask me we should pass some sort of legislation where its legal to stake these people. If they want to act like a vampire we'll treat them like vampires.
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