BYB Express

An intense celebration following the Laker win has prevented me for getting a full blog done so once again you get the Express. Don't think of it as getting less blog. Just think of it getting more time to laugh at Ray Allen.

F My Life Moment of the Day
Today, I was taking a motorcycle taxi, when we lost balance and toppled over. I fell on my back on an open sewer. I have cuts and scrapes, and there was untreated sewage in my wounds. I will never feel clean again. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

I'm fucking in. You're fucking out!

20,000 Irishmen can be wrong!

Allen's Night To Forget
By Chris Forsberg/ESPN Boston

BOSTON -- The NBA's great shooters never believe the problem lies with them. When shots aren't falling, they'd sooner challenge whether the rim is straight before they doubt themselves.

So even after missing his first 12 attempts to open Tuesday's Game 3 against the Lakers, Celtics guard Ray Allen was certain No. 13 would drop.

His team trailing by four with less than a minute to play, Allen pulled up from the left corner. It felt good off the hand, but it clanged off the rim like his previous attempts. Allen finished with two points, four rebounds and two assists in more than 42 minutes.

The Lakers hung on for a 91-84 triumph at the TD Garden that gave them a 2-1 series lead.

Two days after seemingly being unable to miss while setting a Finals record with eight trifectas -- the first seven of which came in a row -- during Boston's Game 2 triumph in Los Angeles, Allen nearly etched his name on a far more dubious distinction Tuesday.

Allen's 0-for-13 performance ranked as the second-worst 0-fer in Finals history, falling one miss short of the record of 0-for-14 shared by Seattle's Dennis Johnson in 1979 and Baltimore's Chick Reiser in 1948.

Storylines abound from last night's game. Lamar sneaking away from his wife and finally playing like a man, KG and Rondo accounting for pretty much all of Boston's points the way Gasol and Bynum did in Game 2, Pierce's disappearing act, etc. There's also the rebirth of Derek Fisher's game which is the basketball equivalent of vaginal rejuvination. You can read all about those storylines here. But before the series I said it came down to Ray Allen. He would be the guy who was left open the most and his three point shooting would decide the game. And it did for the Celts in Game 2 and for the Lakers in Game 3. I'm just glad Celtics fans might realize he's not Jesus Shuttlesworth. But you can't get things across to these Massholes so I'll put it the only way they might understand - in their own language.



Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day!

(925): I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.

Lunch in the lav: Boston mulls restroom eateries
AP

BOSTON - Boston parks officials are hoping the public can overcome the gross-out factor and get used to the thought of having a bite to eat in a former public restroom. The Boston Herald reported that the city's Parks and Recreation Commission was scheduled to go before state lawmakers on Tuesday to ask permission to lease two former public bathrooms on city land for possible use as eateries.

The "Pink Palace," a 660-square-foot mausoleum-like structure on the Common, and the granite, 670-square-foot "Duck House" in the Back Bay Fens have not been used as bathrooms in decades.

They both need extensive renovations, but some city officials think they are prime spots for privately run, limited-service restaurants.

That shows you the basic intellect of a Masshole. Put a sandwhich shop in a bathroom. Look, I'm not an easy guy to gross out but the idea of scaring down a hoagie in the same place where some drunk Irishman popped a squat or where Ted Kennedy puked is not a thought that settles my stomach. C'mon Boston! Like the old saying goes, don't shit where you eat. Public restrooms are for gay sex, not for eating.

On this day in…
68 – Roman Emperor Nero commits suicide, after quoting Homer's Iliad.
1856 – Five hundred Mormons leave Iowa City, Iowa and head west for Salt Lake City carrying all their possessions in two-wheeled handcarts.
1934 – Donald Duck makes his debut in The Wise Little Hen.
1968 – U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson declares a national day of mourning following the assassination of Senator Robert F. Kennedy.
1973 – Secretariat wins the Triple Crown.

Plus, comedian Jackie Mason was born in 1936, loudmouth sportscaster Dick Vitale was born in 1939, actor Johnny Depp was born in 1963, linebacker Teddy Bruschi was born in 1973 and Star Wars 1-3 actress Natalie Portman was born in 1981. Here's the other side of Natalie.



Toddler turns to beer, cigarettes after car crash
By QMI Agency

A three-year-old from China is the latest child to hit the world spotlight for smoking, but this little girl also easily downs three beers a day.

The mother of Ya Wen says her daughter's personality changed after she was hit by a speeding van last year. The little girl was in a coma for five days and suffered severe injuries, the U.K.'s Daily Mail reports.

The girl's mother, Gao, said when her daughter awoke, she started acting like an adult and she caught the child with her father's cigarettes in the washroom. At first the little girl stole them, but now she gets them on credit from a local store.

As for the beer, "three glasses of beer is no problem to her," the mother said. "She likes drinking."

The mother said her daughter also only wants to wear boys clothes, and if her parents buy her clothing for girls, she cries in protest, the newspaper said.

This story comes just a couple of weeks after the world was introduced to two-year-old Ardi Rizal from Indonesia, who has been smoking since he was 18 months.

His habit was caught on video and posted to YouTube. The video showed him happily blowing smoke rings and enjoying himself, puffing away.

Media reports said he smoked as many as 40 cigarettes a day.

The Daily Mail reported Rizal is now down to just 15 cigarettes a day and officials in Indonesia have offered to buy the family a car if he quits all together.

Take that smoking baby! Your ass just got lit up on the worldwide weird news scene. So what you smoke two packs a day. This little chick is downing booze like she's training for Beerfest. Give her 20 more years of training and she'll put Lindsay Lohan to shame. Milkaholic? More like Millerholic. But seriously, how is the rest of the world dominating us in bad parenting. We need to take back the power. There's got to be some two-year-old in West Virginia shooting meth and chugging Mountain Dew. Step up Coal Miner's Daughter.