(330): I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
(717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
(269): So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
(937): Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
(709): just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
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