F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I called my Dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell was. She then informed me that our Dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay. My mom said "Yeah, we know." When I asked how they knew, my dad, without looking up from the tv, said, "We've been monitoring your Internet history." FML

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(571): final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself

(401): just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
(1-401): tie

TV Ads are so predictable

Pretty funny stuff

I'm not trying hard enough to be famous

I really don't have my game together. I always complain because the BYB is going nowhere and then I see a guy like Mike Polk, the guy who did the Cleveland Tourism Videos, and I realize I'm just lazy. Look at all the crazy stuff this guy does. Plus he probably has a better blog somewhere. I've got to get with it!

Yo Yao! There's trouble afoot.

Reports: Yao may miss season
Fanhouse.com

HOUSTON -Rockets center Yao Ming's broken left foot could be a "career-threatening" injury.

Dr. Tom Clanton, the Houston Rockets' team physician, told the Houston Chronicle on Monday that Yao's injury "has the potential for him missing this next season and could be career-threatening."

Yahoo! Sports first reported the Rockets and Yao's representatives were concerned the 7-foot-6 All-Star would never play again. Yahoo! Sports quoted "multiple league executives, officials close to Yao and two doctors with knowledge of the diagnoses."

Yao suffered a hairline fracture of the tarsal navicular bone late in a May 8 playoff game against the Los Angeles Lakers. The team said last week the injury hasn't healed and he was out indefinitely.

Yao is due to make over $16 million next season with a player option for 2010-11 that would pay him over $17 million. He was the top overall pick by the Rockets in the 2002 draft.

The Rockets already expect Tracy McGrady to miss at least the first half of next season after microfracture surgery on his left knee.

If there is an NBA All-Injury team then I'm pretty sure Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady will have to be on it alongside Bill Walton and Grant Hill. Is there something weird about Yao's feet or something? Did they force him to wear those tiny shoes when he was a kid. I know that's an Asian custom but I think its just for girls. I guess Artest is now the Rockets sole leader. Must be nice to have a nutcase as the floor leader.

Lane Kiffin isn't the only cheesy guy in Tennessee

Tenn. couple accused of assault using Cheetos

SHELBYVILLE, Tenn. – Authorities said a couple got into a fight using Cheetos. The Bedford County Sheriff's Department said a 40-year-old man and 44-year-old woman became involved in a 'verbal altercation.' Somehow, the orange puffy snacks were used in the assault.

Deputies said they were charged with domestic assault. No one was hurt.

I don't think there was much way these people were going to deny this. I'm sure they had the orangest hands ever. Cheese sprinkles take about 5 years to come off. I'm sure the cops had fun finger printing them. Then they probably threw more cheese sprinkles on them in the shower like Farva in "Super Troopers". It's delicious.

Best Mugshot Ever. Check out the link.

Sheriff's Deputy and Mother Arrested for Disorderly Conduct
Police Allege Deputy Vomited at Concert
AP

FARGO, N.D. (June 24) -- A sheriff's deputy and his mother face charges of disorderly conduct after the deputy vomited on people at a Kenny Chesney concert in Fargo and refused to leave, authorities say.

Police Sgt. Mark Lykken said Stark County Deputy Justin Krohmer, 26, and his mother, Susan, 47, whose husband is the Ada, Minn., police chief, were arrested after the Saturday night incident.

Lykken said Justin Krohmer was asked to leave the Fargodome about 11 p.m. Saturday after vomiting on people in front of him, but he refused to do so.

Susan Krohmer is accused of pulling and pushing officers, screaming profanities and of trying to prevent an officer from escorting her son out of the concert.

Justin Krohmer appeared in Fargo municipal court Monday and his mother appeared Tuesday. Both face another hearing July 2.

Mugshot HERE.

This story has some many wonderful rednecky elements. First this guy is dead drunk...at a Kenny Chesny concert...screaming at the crowd...drunk with his mom...a deputy...and the Cheif's son. I think the 'I don't give a rat's ass' record got broke on this on. I'm sure on no less than 12 occassions that night the phrase 'Do you know who I am' was uttered by this guy. Great Mugshot! It screams 'what are you gonna do?'

Well she did pray for money

Cops: Woman takes kneeling woman's cash in church
AP

WESTBURY, N.Y. – Nassau County police said a congregant at a Long Island church disregarded at least one of its commandments: Thou shalt not steal. Police said the 46-year-old woman reached over a pew and took cash from a purse while its owner knelt Sunday at Our Lady of Hope Roman Catholic Church in Westbury. Police said an usher saw the theft, and officers stopped the woman as she left the church.

Police said they determined the same woman stole cash from another worshipper's purse while that victim took communion May 10.

The woman has been released on an appearance ticket after being arrested on petit larceny charges. She faces up to a year in jail if convicted.

A telephone message left at the church wasn't immediately returned. The woman's phone rang unanswered.

Lot of savages out there. Especially in this economy. If you think about it though church is the perfect place to steal money. The people are unsuspecting and they have to forgive you. It's in their bylaws.

The bear necessities: chocolate and champagne

Bear breaks into home, eats chocolates
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

SAN ANTONIO HEIGHTS, California - Deputies say a bear with an apparent sweet tooth broke into a San Bernardino County home and gobbled up a box of chocolates from a couple's refrigerator.

Sheriff's Sgt. Tom Alsky says the couple arrived home Saturday afternoon, found the bear chowing down in their kitchen and phoned for help.

The bear fled before sheriff's deputies arrived.

Alsky says the animal appeared to have pushed aside vegetables in the couple's fridge and gone straight for the two-pound (kilo) box of sweets.

He says the bear also tried to open a bottle of champagne but was not successful.

I've never understood why people want to live so close to the woods. I get the peace and tranquility of seeing nature but cant you just watch the Outdoor Channel? So I never really feel bad when some bear destroys a house because he smells candy. We need to weed out the animal sympathizers before the war starts anyway. Maybe we can hord all of PETA into a cabin and drop syrup on it from a helicopter.

Bringin a knife to a gun fight..a butter knife

Man tries to rob hotel with a butter knife
AP

RAPID CITY, S.D. – Police arrested a man they said tried to rob a hotel around 6 p.m. on Sunday with a butter knife. The clerk refused to give the man any money, and he left the hotel on foot.

Police said about an hour later they spotted a man matching the description given by the clerk.

Officers arrested a 34-year-old man on a robbery charge. They said they also recovered the knife.

Seriously? This guy would have been better off going in with his shirt tucked in his jacket pretending to have a gun. Or he could have just threatended to beat the clerk up but noone is going to hand over money to a guy with a butter knife. There's letter openers behind the front desk sharper than that.

Blog Hiatus Ends. My Return to the Border.

Well I had a week away from the Border and shockingly as it was I was happy to be home. Probably just because I got to be in my own bed again and rest my liver for an evening. I got to learn some stuff that should make me look less like a dumbass once the Fall season starts and I hung out with some young dudes who were pretty good eggs. They just don't get hung over like I do.

Other than that I noticed that most of the people in my field are sloppy old fat dudes so I have about 40 years of that to look forward to, which is nice. FML.

But now I'm back to the BYB with a renewed zest and I noticed the archives got clicked a bit in my absence so I appreciate that. It's a bright, new day in the BYB Nation!

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, it was my birthday. Normally, the little office I work in throws a big party for every employee on their special day, but nothing was done for me, not even a "Happy Birthday" came my way. I didn't want to be rude, so I stayed silent. They didn't do anything because I was getting laid off. FML

Today, at lifeguard class, I played a victim while my peers strapped me to the backboard in the water. When I was strapped down, I got wood in a wet swimsuit. My hands were strapped down so I could do nothing to hide it. FML

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(713): Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.

(510): called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
(1-510): you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.

(305): If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there

Death is really stepping things up this week.

I'm really starting to grow concerned about the rate of people dying. I think Adam's fears of overpopulation have forced Death to start knocking people down right and left. I mean Farrah Fawcett was expected but MJ and Billy Mays were in their prime. If the legends of each entertainment medium keep falling I'm building a bomb shelter so Al Bundy and Magic Johnson can stay safe. The only question is do I let in Hulk Hogan or Ric Flair?

Is having an awesome beard the cause of death?

TV pitchman Billy Mays found dead at Florida home
By MITCH STACY, Associated Press Writer

TAMPA, Fla. – Billy Mays, the burly, bearded television pitchman whose boisterous hawking of products such as Orange Glo and OxiClean made him a pop-culture icon, has died. He was 50.

Tampa police said Mays was found unresponsive by his wife Sunday morning. A fire rescue crew pronounced him dead at 7:45 a.m. It was not immediately clear how he died. He said he was hit on the head when an airplane he was on made a rough landing Saturday, and Mays' wife told investigators the TV personality didn't feel well before he went to bed that night.

There were no signs of a break-in at the home, and investigators do not suspect foul play, said Lt. Brian Dugan of the Tampa Police Department, who wouldn't answer any more questions about how Mays' body was found because of the ongoing investigation. The coroner's office expects to have an autopsy done by Monday afternoon.

Mays' wife, Deborah Mays, told investigators that her husband had complained he didn't feel well before he went to bed some time after 10 p.m. Saturday night, Tampa police spokeswoman Laura McElroy said.

"Although Billy lived a public life, we don't anticipate making any public statements over the next couple of days," Deborah Mays said in a statement Sunday. "Our family asks that you respect our privacy during these difficult times."

Like they once said of the great Tom Callahan Sr., Billy Mays could have sold a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves. He could have sold crazy to Terrell Owens. He could have sold sobriety to me. Only two days after we lost the greatest entertainer of all-time we lose the greatest pitch man ever. It's a damn shame. Plus I hate the Shamwow guy.

This is nothing. I stabbed a guy when John Ritter died.

Jackson's death prompts violent fight
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

NORTH LAUDERDALE, Fla. (AP) — Florida officials say one passenger chased another down the aisle of a county bus during a fight over news of Michael Jackson’s death.

The Broward County Sheriff’s Office says 54-year-old Henry Wideman was released Saturday on $5,000 bond on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. A phone number for him rang unanswered.

According to a release from the sheriff’s office, 60-year-old James Kiernan announced news of the pop singer’s death on a bus Thursday night. The driver, who wasn’t identified, said Jackson should have been jailed long ago.

The sheriff’s office says Wideman got angry when Kiernan responded that the world just lost a great musical talent.

Wideman allegedly shouted profanities and threats at Kiernan and chased him with a knife. Kiernan wasn’t hurt

As misunderstood and polarizing as MJ was I could have only guessed his death would throw the world into a state of chaos. Half the aisle is going to call him a legend and the other half is going to call him a creepy pervert when the truth is he was at least pretty close to being both. And by the look of Mr. Wideman this fight may have been less about MJ and more about general craziness. I think even Billy Mays death might have set him off.

My tribute to MJ. RIP.

Anyone who knows me knows I have been a longtime fan of Michael Jackson. He is my favorite performer of all-time. I may have songs I like more than his but I can easily get into anything he made up until the late 90s and thats more than two decades of great work.

Aside from what did or did not go on in Neverland Ranch and his excessive eccentricity his life was lived on a roller coaster (figuratively and sometimes literally). For a poor black boy from Steel Country to child star to the famous person in the world to androgynous enigma who was a lightning bolt for criticism. Ultimately we have to take him for what he was - an odd, maladjusted product of an odd, maladjusted environment who also made some of the best music of all time.

As we speak I'm DVRing the Jackson miniseries on TV Land. So I'll probably have a couple of Bulldogs and watch that since I didn't properly mourn this weekend. But now I have this Billy Mays guy to mourn too so I guess I'll grow out my beard too!

RIP to the only guy I ever called MJ. Screw Michael Jordan.

P.S. - PYT - my favorite MJ song.

Hey Red, two cold ones and some mashed peas!

Mom pleads guilty in drunken breastfeeding case
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

GRAND FORKS, N.D. — A North Dakota woman accused of breast-feeding her six-week-old baby while drunk has pleaded guilty to child neglect.

Twenty-six-year-old Stacey Anvarinia could face up to five years in prison when she’s sentenced on the felony charge in August.

Judge Sonja Clapp says Anvarinia will not have to register as an offender against children.

Police officers who responded to a domestic disturbance call at Anvarinia’s home April 13 say they saw an intoxicated Anvarinia breast feeding.

Health officials say alcohol consumed by breast-feeding mothers can be absorbed into an infant’s system.

Well if Stacey beats this rap I think I might have to give her a call. Everyone's heard the beer flavored nipples joke about a million times. It looks like Stacey has finally made this thing happen. In all honesty I expected someone more scummy looking, but she's pretty scummy.

Kids hate cheesy keyboard music and load moans

Man chases away kids with porn noise
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

PHNIXVILLE, Pennsylvania - Police in suburban Philadelphia say a man fed up of children playing in his cul-de-sac blared a pornographic soundtrack to chase them off.

Irate neighbours told police they could hear the sexually explicit audio a block and a half away.

Police say Michael Buck faces a felony obscenity charge and two misdemeanours for the May 31 stunt at his upscale Phoenixville home.

The 27-year-old Buck has a preliminary hearing scheduled for next month. He doesn't have a listed telephone number, and his lawyer declined to comment Wednesday.

Detective Tom Goggin says Buck had filed one previous complaint about the neighbourhood children. He says the children clearly annoy Buck - but there's nothing criminal about playing outside.

I'm curious to know if the porn sounds were effective in chasing off the kids. It couldn't have worked. When if I was 10 and heard porn noises coming from a house I'd would have been pressing my face up against a window so hard there would be saliva marks. I wouldn't have ratted the dude out though. These kids are annoying and snitches.

Blog Hiatus: Business Trip!

So the Blog will likely be on about a one week hiatus as I travel to the College Organization of Sports Information Directors Conference in San Antonio. I get to go for a week and learn from the pros. And probably have a few too many drinks on the Riverwalk.

And how bout a little more energy and effort from the minions when I return. Is it that hard to click a box on the bottom of a story? And start reading every day. You can carve out 5 minutes of your day for me. I think I earned it. Remember that time I was there for you in a tough place? Oh wait, that wasn't me. Okay, that time I bought you that beer. Wait, I never did that either. Oh well.

At any rate I feel like the old woman tour guide from Billy Madison's class trip. "What are horseshoes? Are there any horsesocks? Is anybody listening to me?"

CELEBRATE JUNETEENTH!

I love black people. Without them the Lakers would just be Pau Gasol and Luke Walton. To commemerate them I decide to post the greatest moment in African American histroy. It was a toss up between this, Martin Luther King's 'I Have A Dream' speech and Tommie Frazier's run in the 95 title game. But this won for obvious reasons.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML

Anyone from Odessa knows the embarrassment associated with the Rosa's drive thru and its trash can. Not only is it located about 2 feet from the ordering speaker it points up and out at you like something you should speak into. When you order into the trash can drunk its funny but when you do it sober at Taco Tuesday with a line of cars behind you its shameful.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(720): Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."

(719): so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.

(516): so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me

Is this going to suck?

So I saw the preview for H2 (Rob Zombie's recreation of Halloween 2) and as much as I hated the Halloween remake, I actually thought the trailer for this looked good. Let's forget how bad he mucked up the first one from the drawn out examination of Michael Myers' childhood to his superhuman accelerated growth to the fenzied killing spree which lasted about 9 minutes instead of the 45 minutes it lasted in the original. I think the guy reeled me back in with the trailer. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

He's been looking for freedom and a crazy broad

Nowitzki seeks sole custody of unborn baby
Beaumont Enterprise

Dallas Mavericks star Dirk Nowitzki wants sole custody of his ex-girlfriend's unborn baby, now a Jefferson County inmate, if it's proven he is the father, according to a petition filed last week in a Dallas County courthouse.

The inmate, Crystal Taylor, was arrested May 6 at Nowitzki's Dallas home on a warrant out of Jefferson County for on a theft of services charge. She was served at the jail Monday with a petition to adjudicate parentage. Nowitzki's name does not appear on the court documents.

I try to take it easy on Dirk even though he's softer a bag of Chewy Chips Ahoy. He makes Pau Gasol look like Michael Myers. But now he's gone an paddled his boat into Crazy Harbor and he's dropping anchor. NBA players should never go for one girl. Read my whole 1 Ten vs. 99 Nines theory. And they especially shouldn't fall for crazy girls who are locked up and pregnant. I suspect Dirk spent his formative years in Germany watching Hee Haw, The Beverly Hillbillys and The Dukes of Hazard and he began to think behaving like a drunken redneck is the American Way. Dirk, please step away from the crazy!

Is Continental trying to reenact Home Alone 2?

'Miscommunication' puts two girls on wrong flights
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

HOUSTON — Continental Airlines says it has taken steps to ensure that proper procedures are followed after two unaccompanied girls were placed on wrong Continental Express flights over the weekend.

An eight-year-old College Station girl erroneously ended up in Fayetteville, Ark., and a 10-year-old Massachusetts girl was mistakenly sent to Newark, N.J., after boarding planes operated by ExpressJet, which is under contract with Continental.

Houston-based Continental said in a statement Tuesday that the mixup was a “miscommunication among staff.”

“I have never seen so much incompetence in all my life,” Wendy Babineaux told the Houston Chronicle. Her daughter was headed to Charlotte, N.C., on Saturday to see her father. She was sent to Fayetteville, back to Houston and then to Charlotte.

Continental is the only airport that flies out of the tiny Brownsville/South Padre airport and they just unveiled a new direct flight to Dallas. I was thinking about booking one but I better just fly out of Harlingen on Southwest. I don't want to end up in Arkansas. Although, the last time I fly Continental the gay flight attendent remembered my name and got me an extra beer after the cut-off time. I don't think he was tryig to jump me but it would have been good for my self esteem if he was.

They say he's a grave digger but he aint messin' with no broke .....

Dirt cheap: Cemetery sells 2 graves for price of 1
AP

INDIANAPOLIS -It's a buy-one, get-one-free sale — at a cemetery, of all places. Memorial Park Cemetery on Indianapolis' far east side is offering plots at the bargain-basement price in one section of its grounds.

It's not another telling sign of the recession. General Manager Mark McCronklin says it's a promotion the cemetery has run for several years around Memorial Day.

McCronklin says it's just a closeout sale on one section, and the cemetery is doing very well.

Signs along the street outside the cemetery also advertise that no one with bad credit will be turned down.

I buy this guy's story. Why would a cemetary be suffering? Its like my dad used to say EVERY time we passe a cemetary on a road trip, "people are just dying to get in there." And that's true. You have to dispose of a body so why is this guy slashing prices? My great uncle was an undertaker and he never would have done business like this. Amateur.

This is better than the time that dude threw a shoe at Bush

Mistaken pie-throwing case lands in top court
By Beth Leighton, THE CANADIAN PRESS

VANCOUVER, B.C. - All he wanted was an apology.

Instead, activist Vancouver lawyer Cameron Ward has had a seven-year legal fight that is now going to the Supreme Court of Canada.

The high court has agreed to hear an appeal by the City of Vancouver and the B.C. government over a $10,000 damage award given to Ward.

He was arrested in August 2002, when Vancouver Police officers believed he was going to throw a pie at then prime minister Jean Chretien.

Police placed Ward in handcuffs and escorted him to a paddy wagon, all the while his arrest was being filmed by a cameraman from a local TV station. The arrest was later broadcast on the evening news.

Ward is well-known within the court system and has built a respected career representing people who have accused police of misconduct, often for free.

He spent several hours in jail and, despite his objections, was strip searched.

"I was completely pie free," he quipped in an interview Thursday. "I had not attended anywhere near a bakery for weeks."

On a far more serious side, Ward said he felt he had to take action to clear his name and restore his reputation.

"It could have all been dealt with within days by a simple apology for the mistake that was made."

When I first opened this story I was sure it was going to fall in the frivilous lawsuit category but as I continued I really began to feel for this guy's plight. The Canadian equivalent of the Secret Service got a little heavy handed here. It did make me think though. If our Secret Service heard some dude was going to pie Obama do you think they'd go on a manhunt or just wait and see. I know a Secret Service agent. Why speculate?

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, we were having a school prize giving. I heard my name called and I walked up to the stage waving and smiling, feeling rather proud of myself. I stood by the microphone and started my acceptance speech, only to be tapped on the shoulder by the girl they actually called up. FML

Today, I went commando because its 98 degrees and sweaty boxers are a pain. While walking to class at UT I heard a girl laugh behind me, I turned and flashed a quick smile and kept walking. It turns out I had sweat through my khakis and she totally could see my crack. Texas weather sucks. FML

That last one hits close to home. It's so damn humid here I sweat through everything I wear. I don't even see the point of showering before I go out because by the time I get there I'm covered in sweat.

Last week my new pal told me to freeze a towell and take it with me when I leave the apt. I did and starting towelling my head as I drove. Then I noticed the new towell shed all over me and I had tiny red fibers all over my bald head. I couldn't get them all off and people looked at me funny all night. FML

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(971): I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.

(925): just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.

(513): Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
(615): That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right

Now something you all care less about than basketball

Pro wrestling. I know you hate it but I like it. I found this video of Randy Orton almost killing a Spanish Language reporter the other day (NOT FAKE). It's fairly humorous. If you're into that sort of thing. Also, Donald Trump is on wrestling now. I guess he really has nothing better going on right now.

They're NOT playing basketball.

So here is a Kobe appearance on Conan where he gets razzed about his game face. I haven't watched it yet because my student assistant is in the office and I don't want her to think I'm a lazy ass. So if it sucks don't blame me. Blame CNNSI.

Also, Muench posted on his Facebook that Paul Pierce said something but I couldnt find it online. So someone reply to this post with it so I can get Mad Boy Fresh.

This reminds me of the time Sid Miller called me Lard Ass

Mayor Breaks Up Fight, Calls Kid 'Fatso'
AP

TOLEDO, Ohio (June 18) -- Online video shows an Ohio mayor biking through a city park stepped into a fight to break it up, yelling at the teens and calling one a "fatso."

A video posted on YouTube shows 70-year-old Toledo Mayor Carty Finkbeiner wading into the midst of about 20 young people.

He is heard yelling, "Come here, fatso" and "Tubby, get your butt out of here."
The mayor's spokeswoman says Finkbeiner was alone in late May, saw the highly charged situation and took action to stop it.



It's not the first time Finkbeiner has stepped in to keep the peace.

He once chased down a motorist who had driven through a red light and gave the driver a citizen's complaint.

Wow, it's a good day for mayors. First we have No Underpants Dude in Fla and now we have this crotchety old dude chasing down fat kids and admonishing them for throwing hands. I'm on the Mayor's side on this one. I was a fat kid once myself and I knew better than to be engaging in fisticuffs in public parks. Someone can get hurt and you may get called 'Tubby'. Plus what's up with this guy's name? Carty Finkbeiner. He sounds like he should be a wacky Sunday paper comic character. That's it I'm creating a comic strip based on this guy.

P.S. - That's him in the photo.

Florida Mayor: Give me free balling or give me death!

Fla. city to workers: Wear underwear, deodorant
AP

BROOKSVILLE, Fla. -A Florida city is cleaning up with a new dress code that requires city workers to wear underwear and use deodorant. The city council in Brooksville north of Tampa recently approved a dress code that instructs employees to observe "strict personal hygiene."

It also prohibits exposed underwear, clothing with foul language, "sexually provocative" clothes and piercings anywhere except the ears.

Repeat offenders can be fired.

The city council approved the dress code 4-1 as part of a wider effort to update existing policies and ordinances.

The one vote in opposition came from Mayor Joe Bernadini. He said the underwear edict "takes away freedom of choice."

I think they kind of buried the lead on this one. What's up with the Mayor trying to go commando. I agree that he and we all should have the freedom of choice but admitting to not wearing underwear might not be the most prudent decision at this juncture in his career.

Also, I wonder if the exposed underwear still flies if its one of those new Tebow thongs. There has to be an amendment for the Tebow thong.

I said hold the mayo!

Police: Man attacked in Okla. for bologna sandwich
AP

OKLAHOMA CITY -A man in Oklahoma City said he was attacked for his bologna and cheese sandwich. Police say 24-year-old Roger Hamilton told them he was sitting on a bus station bench Wednesday, about to put mayonnaise on his sandwich, when another man began staring at him.

Hamilton told police that the man then punched him in the mouth and grabbed his sandwich and left.

Police said Hamilton has a swollen lip and his face was covered in blood. The police report listed the value of the sandwich at 76 cents.

Police have not found the attacker.

Man, times are tough when dudes are getting jacked at the bus stop for their balogna sandwhiches. That's when you know the economy may have reached its bottom point. I would have thought this happened in Detroit but I doubt they can even afford balogna there anymore. They just have pickle and onion sandwhiches like the one I had at Rudy's today. Damn that was a good sandwhich. So good I would have punched a dude for it.

Monkey Melee. Gorillas Go Apesh*t.

Zoo says gorilla didn't intend to start a knife fight
By Shannon Montgomery, THE CANADIAN PRESS

CALGARY - There's no gorilla warfare going on at the Calgary Zoo.

Photographs taken after a keeper accidentally left a knife in the zoo's gorilla enclosure appear to tell a menacing story. One shows a gorilla, named Barika, clutching the blade in her black, hairy hand, seemingly pointing the sharp end at an unsuspecting troop mate sitting nearby.

But zoo officials say the primates don't understand the idea of using weapons and were never in any real danger.

A keeper carried the paring knife into the enclosure to help prepare food for the gorillas, said Cathy Gaviller, the zoo's director of conservation, education and research.

He stuck the blade in his pocket, but it slid out unnoticed and was left behind.

Soon, a curious Barika stumbled across the shiny object and picked it up by the handle

Rest of story HERE.

You've all got to read the conclusion. I would've posted it but it was way too long. Now PETA and these goons from the zoo can try to reassure me all they want but the only reason the Animal Revolution didn't jump off was because the zookeeper had already gotten out of the cage. If not he would be a hostage. I'd say dead but as the brains behind the Animal Revolution the monkeys would've wanted a bargaining chip.

Norman Bates defrauds government

Man charged with impersonating dead mother
By TOM HAYS - THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

NEW YORK (AP) — Irene Prusik has been dead for six years. But in April, someone showed up at the Department of Motor Vehicles in Brooklyn to renew her driver’s license.

The explanation given by prosecutors rivals the Hitchcock classic “Psycho“: It was her son, in drag.

Thomas Parkin, 49, was charged Wednesday in the bizarre plot to impersonate his deceased mother so he could collect $117,000 in government benefits. He and the man accused of being his accomplice, Mhilton Rimolo, pleaded not guilty to grand larceny, criminal impersonation and other charges.

Both men were ordered held on $1 million bail. Their lawyers did not immediately respond to phone messages left on Wednesday.

District Attorney Charles Hynes said the scam, first reported in the Daily News, was “unparalleled in its scope and brazenness.”

Damn that guy is good! If the headline hadn't been the first thing I saw I would have sworn that was a genuine old woman. He must have the same makeup guy that made the Jackass guys look old or at least Harvey Firestone's character from Mrs. Doubtfire. I know he did a hell of a lot better job impersonating an old woman than Martin Lawrence did in "Big Mama's House" and he probably made more money doing it.

That said this guy creeps the hell out of me.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I got on my flight for my brother's graduation in Portland, Maine. Unable to find my mom in the airport, a stranger overheard my dilemma and informed me I was in Portland, Oregon. FML

That reminds me of when I came on my official visit to Brownsville. I was sitting across from a very obviously drunk Mexican man who fell asleep as soon as we got on the flight. As soon as we began to descend he sprang up, listened to the pilot and asked if we were in Chihuahua. I said no. Then he asked if we were Mexico City. I told him, "you're in Brownsville, Texas." Apparently he had gotten drunk and gotten on the wrong plane. F His Life.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

These things have been getting pretty lame lately because this site basically posts anything one sends in but I found a gem today!

(718): you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'f*ck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out

YouTube Suggest Video: Grape Goon

I love it when cheesy local news personalities get their comeuppins.

Ring the Bell

So I realized that in my haze I basically ditched 'Saved By the Bell' Week last week. I know you all may not care but I feel I owe 'Bell' better than that. So I found a bigger fan than myself to make it up to the cast. Keep up those reunion plans.

Coors Light strikes again

Naked burglar flees home, then wears women's garb
AP

GOLDEN, Colo. -Authorities said a naked intruder startled a woman in her home west of Denver, then fled in a sheet to another home where he was discovered wearing women's clothing. Jefferson County deputies said the first break-in occurred shortly before 7 a.m. Monday. The man fled when the woman screamed.

Deputies said he entered a nearby home through an unlocked door, where the female owner discovered him in a bathroom wearing women's underwear, a nightgown, stockings and a scarf.

He was arrested in the front yard by deputies alerted by a call from the first home.
Clinton S. March, 24, was arrested on burglary, indecent exposure and theft charges. No phone listing could be found for him, and it wasn't clear whether he had a lawyer.

There is no way it is a coincidence that this happened in Golden, Colo. This guy had been drinking crisp, cold Coors Light all day and the only way to go out is to break into an old woman's house naked and steal her night dress. Look, I don't know how the guy ended up naked but he was trying to solve a problem. If you ask me the booze is to blame and Pete Coors should be paying his bail.

WHAT'S THE RUSHia? This story is the Pitts. I hate myself.

Fake Brad Pitts used to slow speeders
Associated Press

MOSCOW — Brad Pitt is accustomed to stopping passersby in their tracks. The Hollywood heartthrob's next job is slowing traffic in Siberia — or so Russian traffic police hope.

A Russian newspaper reports that cardboard cutouts of Pitt dressed as a traffic cop have been placed by the most dangerous intersections in the city of Omsk.

It's the latest move by authorities in their endless battle against speeding. Traffic accidents in Russia are among the highest in Europe.

The campaign seems to be working. Omsk officials say accidents are down as star-struck drivers ease off the gas to gaze at the unusual image.

The paper, Argumenty i Fakty, quotes Dmitry Ziryanov, a local official who came up with the idea as saying Pitt is "kind of like a colleague for us."

Brad Pitt stops traffic eh? That reminds me of a story from some of my zany Odessa brethren. One time they blocked traffic off on a major road in O-Town with road barriers but it wasn't funny enough b/c the cars just went around. So to spice it up the put an Alan Jackson cardboard cutout beside the barrier. It was a hoot until some guy hit Alan and then jumped out of the car screaming because he thought he killed some padestrian. Oh, teen shenanigans.

I propose National Worthless Day

'National Man Day' proposed in U.S.
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

CELESTINE, Indiana - Two American men have declared Monday "National Man Day" only to find there's already a romantic holiday that falls on that date.

Ninteen-year-old Joel Longanecker and his 26-year-old brother Aaron have for months been rallying thousands to their masculine cause on Facebook. More than 260,000 people have pledged to "stand up and do manly things" on Man Day.

But it turns out June 15 is also "Sneak a Kiss Day," a day for sweethearts to steal smooches from their sweeties.

The Man Day organizers urge participants to take part in "manly" activities such as football, hunting or watching Rocky movies. They claim real men don't "sneak" kisses.

Is there a calendar that actually has all these stupid ass holidays. I'd like to find the creators of each holiday and hit them with a laundry bag full of pine cones. And how stupid are these two brothers? I'm supposed to hunt and enjoy football in mid-June. I can get down with drinking beer and watching Rocky but I'm pretty sure if I go hunting in June I'm going to get arrested. Hey Joel, why don't you wait for your nuts to drop before you plan a Man Day.

Shalom! and don't drop the soap

Scam artist holds bar mitzvah inside jail
By Karen Matthews, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

NEW YORK - The young boy read from the Torah during his bar mitzvah, his guests enjoyed a catered kosher spread and the proud father returned to his cell.

The party for the son of a convicted scam artist was held at a New York City jail, and city taxpayers paid overtime for some of the jail staff to help out.

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg was fuming Thursday after learning of the Jewish ceremony celebrating the boy's coming-of-age held at the lower Manhattan lockdown known as The Tombs.

A Correction Department spokesman confirmed that five staff members were disciplined over the December party, which was reported in the New York Post on Thursday.

Bloomberg said the bar mitzvah should not have happened.

"I don't care how you sugarcoat it or how you define it, it's sort of through the looking glass," the mayor said, adding that the city Department of Investigations was looking into the incident.

The bar mitzvah host, Tuvia Stern, was accused in June 1989 along with his brother Ephraim of stealing $1.7 million through two scams including a bogus deal to lease back office equipment and a check-kiting scheme targeting Morgan Guaranty Trust.

I don't get what the big deal is. To me if we're going to bring down prison costs maybe we should stop locking up drunks and guys who like pot. I bet these prison guards insisted on throwing this bar mitzvah. It's got to spice up the day. If someone wanted to throw a bar mitzvah in my office I'd be all for it. If I was a prison guard and the highlight of my day was not getting shanked I'd demand a few more prison bar mitzvahs.

This is better than the time President Clinton got me out of gym

Obama writes girl a note for missing school
By Ryan J. Foley, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

GREEN BAY, Wisconsin - Ten-year-old Kennedy Corpus has a rock-solid excuse for missing the last day of school: a personal note to her teacher from President Barack Obama.

Her father, John Corpus of Green Bay, stood to ask Obama about health care during the president's town hall-style meeting at Southwest High School on Thursday. He told Obama that his daughter was missing school to attend the event and that he hoped she didn't get in trouble.

"Do you need me to write a note?" Obama asked. The crowd laughed, but the president was serious.

On a piece of paper, he wrote: "To Kennedy's teacher: Please excuse Kennedy's absence. She's with me. Barack Obama." He stepped off the stage to hand-deliver the note - to Kennedy's surprise.

"I thought he was joking until he started walking down," Kennedy said after the event, showing off the note in front of a bank of television cameras. "It was like the best thing ever."

The student at Aldo Leopold elementary in Green Bay already knew what she was going to do with the note: frame it along with her ticket to the event. She said she'd make a copy for her teacher.

Kennedy said she had never seen Obama before. "He's really nice," she said.

Everyone knows I'm a big Obama fan but I've got to say he comes off like a pretty pompous jerk here. Don't you think the note should have explained that the girl was at a town hall meeting? Whats with this 'she's with me' crap. So if President Obama wanted to scoop a 14-year-old girl up and go the ice skating rink would that be okay? I think we're going down a slippery slope here.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I was being pulled into a pool by my girlfriend. To avoid ruining my phone, I tossed it into one of the chairs behind me. I missed and it landed into the hot tub behind it. FML

Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(501): Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.

(504): Old men and throwing up are my life now.

(586): I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.

Best hangover I ever had

Okay, so I went and saw "The Hangover" last week and let me say it was one of the funnier movies I have seen in recent memory. I went in with middle of the road expectations and it blew me out of the water. The over-the-top stuff like Michael Jackson was okay but its the little jokes in between the craziness that make the movie.

Here is a scene with my favorite quote of the movie from Zach Galifonakas. I know I didn't spell that right but I'm not looking it up. Live with it.

They're NOT playing basketball!

Okay, so its over now and you won't have to read anymore of my undying Laker love posts. But allow me to soak this one up as it my be my favorite. Last month the Lakers were at the bring of elimination against Ron Artest and the Rockets but they persevered. People talked about Lebron overtaking Kobe but the Lakers brought in #15.

And to celebrate one last puppet commercial. Except this one is a parody about drug use. WATCH IT NOW!

Freaking savages in this state

Parking meters lifted in Corpus
Associated Press

CORPUS CHRISTI — Drivers aren’t the only ones trying to find parking meters in downtown Corpus Christi.

Police are searching for thieves after 10 coin-filled meters were stolen in the past two weeks.

Capt. Michael McKinney told KRIS-TV, in a story Wednesday, that the meters are worth about $850 apiece, not including other costs to install the devices.

McKinney says the thieves are “uprooting” the meters from the ground. The heists have occurred in the early-morning hours.

McKinney says theft of the meters is a felony and “it’s really not worth it for this kind of money.”

How would you even come up with a crazy ass idea to steal a parking meter? Like the cop said it seems like a lot of risk for not much reward. If you're going to go the crazy route why don't you put in the extra effort and learn how to jack an ATM or rob a liquor store. There's got to be a better way to get some scrilla.

A Grizzly Discovery

The Three Bears? Try 163,000 ... and counting
ROGER ALFORD, Associated Press Writer

HARLAN, Ky. – Bobby Koger was deer hunting on a Kentucky hillside when a black bear gave him the fright of his life.

A 300-pound animal, apparently unhappy that an intruder was on his turf, came charging and didn't stop until Koger raised his .50 caliber muzzleloading rifle and fired from point-blank range. A hunting companion who witnessed the attack from a distance also shot the bruin, which wheeled, ran a short distance and collapsed.

Conservation officers concluded that they fired in self-defense at a bear that had lost its natural fear of humans.

With black bear populations rising, run-ins have become almost commonplace — more than 15,000 in the past year in states east of the Mississippi River according to a survey of state wildlife agencies.

Canadian bear researcher Hank Hristienko, who conducted the survey in January, found that 18 Eastern states were seeing more encounters with bears.

Some bears have become brazen, dining beneath backyard fruit trees, raiding pet food bowls, even chasing campers. At a park near Prestonsburg, Ky., last year, a bear held tourists at bay inside a cabin until rangers arrived to chase it away.

I love bears. I always have but I have never felt the urge to drive up to the woods and camp out in their back yard. That's why camping is stupid. People want to go get in touch with nature. Well, what get's one better in touch with nature than a giant paw slap from a black bear? And if Bobby Koger expects any sympathy from me he can peddle his sob story elsewhere. Hunting is okay with me but the animals are allowed to fight back. That bear was just protecting his deer friends. Get it deer like dear. Ah, screw it.

Secret's in the sauce!

Police: Coke dealer killed, cooked to avoid debt
Associated Press

BOSTON — A high school football coach and another man killed a cocaine dealer to avoid paying a debt, dismembered his body and cooked the remains at a concrete business, prosecutors said Monday.

Daniel Bradley, 47, of Westwood, and Paul Moccia, 48, of Dedham, pleaded not guilty Monday in Wrentham District Court to murder charges in the death of Angel Antonio Ramirez, a construction worker from Guatemala who lived in Framingham.

Moccia met Ramirez near the concrete company in Walpole that Bradley co-owns and shot him in the back with a .357-caliber pistol, said Norfolk Assistant District Attorney Robert Nelson.

Moccia owed Ramirez $70,000 from drug deals and decided to kill him instead of paying up, authorities said.

Bradley dismembered the man's remains and then tried to get rid of the evidence once and for all, Nelson said.

"It was cooked," he said.

Prosecutors didn't say how they arrived at their theory, or how the body was cooked or disposed of.

Defense attorneys said their clients are innocent and noted prosecutors haven't produced a body.

Prosecutors believe forensic evidence from the concrete factory will bolster their case against the suspects, Nelson said.

Investigators found blood spots inside the concrete business, RJ Bradley Co. Inc., Nelson said, as well as on a pair of Bradley's boots at his Westwood home.

Bradley is an assistant football coach at Xaverian Brothers High School; the school didn't return a message left after business hours Monday.

Moccia is a longtime Mass Pike toll collector. Colin Durrant, a spokesman for the Executive Office of Transportation, said Monday that Moccia has been suspended without pay and a disciplinary hearing has been scheduled.

Both men were ordered held without bail in Wrentham District Court. A pretrial hearing has been scheduled for July 7.

Damn, it's been a crazy week for football coaches. First the pee wee coach takes his kids on a robbery and now a high school coach kills and cooks a drug dealer. This sounds like a pretty zany story. A high school football coach and a toll booth worker kill and cook a coke dealer to avoid paying him $70,000. Somewhere in here is the sequel to Pineapple Express.

Take my Chevy to the levy...or the electric chair

Inmate sues to get victims’ Chevy
Associated Press

TAMPA, Fla. — A Florida death row inmate is suing to get a vintage Chevy pickup owned by the couple he is convicted of killing.

William Deparvine was sentenced to death in 2006 for killing Richard and Karla Van Dusen. His lawsuit over their car has now dragged on for two years, the St. Petersburg Times reported.

The dispute is over a red 1971 Chevrolet Cheyenne truck Van Dusen bought and refurbished in the late 1990s after he divorced. He went to weekend car shows with it and won trophies. After he remarried, however, he decided to sell the truck, and Deparvine responded to a classified ad he took out.

On Nov. 26, 2003, the day after Deparvine met with Van Dusen, 58, and his wife, 49, their bodies were found in a dirt driveway in northwest Hillsborough County. Both had been shot in the head.

Authorities said Deparvine planned to rob and kill the couple but wanted to make it look like he bought the truck and someone else shot them. He typed up a bill of sale indicating the truck had been sold for $6,500 and signed Richard Van Dusen’s name.

At trial, Deparvine, 57, claimed he was innocent, but jurors found him guilty and sentenced him to death.

From his cell, he has claimed the bill of sale proves he owns the truck, and he has filed pages of handwritten court pleadings in his case.

“I will have to give him credit,” said Robert Vessel, an attorney for Richard Van Dusen’s daughter. “He’s one of the best jailhouse lawyers I’ve seen.”

It may not be enough to get the truck back. Van Dusen’s daughter said her cousin helped her sell it soon after Deparvine’s conviction. She was too scared to sell the truck on her own because of what happened to her father.

To be honest I don't think I've ever read a more interesting legal case. I think the killer's claim is ridiculous because I'm sure he just forged the papers and stole the tuck when he killed the people. But for arguments sake, let's say he legally bought the truck then decided to kill the people. Does he have a legal right to get the truck back? Maybe.

Ultimately he's got to be a pretty sick bastard to try and get the truck back when he's on Death Row. What does he need a Chevy for in solitary confinement?

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, my mom's will was read to the rest of the family. I helped my mom write it a couple years ago, and I was to get funds to pay off school loans. She revised it and put in a note saying I was to get nothing because I was gay. The executor read it out loud. My mom was the only one who knew. FML

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(817): I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.

(931): woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
(615): New experience?

(815): yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything

(803): dude why did you let me call her?!
(1-803): i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...

Saved By the Bell Week: I'm So Excited!

So I knew today was going to be a great day when I crawled out of bed and the 'Caffine Pill' episode of "Saved By the Bell" was on. It is my favorite by far. If you haven't seen it, Jessie gets hooked on pain kills because of the pressures of school and a singing group Zack put together. Hilarity ensues.

They're playing basketball!

So Game 4 is tonight. The Lakers have to get a game in Orlando and there's no better game than the middle one. Then the Lakers have a game to drop on Sunday and can close out on Tuesday in L.A. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I have been impressed with how the Magic have played, especially after getting blasted in Game 1. I should have listened to U.S. Rep Corrine Brown.



She knows sports better than anyone. That's why she's a big Tebow fan.

Give em dirty laundry!

Watch Fox News Has No Idea What's Going On and more funny videos on CollegeHumor

See this is why there shouldn't be 24 hour news. I don't need to know the exact second something happens, especially is it isn't going to directly effect me. That's what was great about the Network news era. They took the most important stories, made them concise and highlighted the most important, pertinent points and reported it. Now these talking heads just blast out a headline and have a bunch of loud, annoying people argue.

And yes, I'm talking about all the cable news outlets, not just FOX News. Although, I do take a littler extra joy that this clip came from them.

Seriously?

Sources: Cavs may fire Coach of the Year
probasketballnews.com

Could this season's NBA Coach of the Year be looking for a job before the start of next season? It sounds ridiculous but it just might be the case for Cleveland's Mike Brown, according to several sources close to the situation.

The Cavaliers' front office has reportedly been in disarray since the team was bounced by Orlando in the Eastern Conference finals -- despite finishing with a league-best record of 66-16 and possessing NBA MVP LeBron James.

Some key members of the organization feel Brown was badly out-coached by Orlando's Stan Van Gundy, according to sources. One source said Cavs management wasn't only disappointed in the losses, "but equally disappointed in the (two) wins" in a series that went six games.

Seriously? The Cavs are going to fire a guy who led them to two Conference Finals? Look, the Cavs didn't make the Finals because they only have one reliable player so maybe they shouldn't punish the guy who was able to turn those stiffs into good players for 90 games. Instead maybe they should try and trade for some guys who don't suck. Trust me, when Lebron bolts out of that cesspool after next season they are going to need Brown to pick up the pieces and coach those losers.

Pardon me, there's an arm in my cake

Bakery allegedly discards employee's severed arm
AP

MADRID -A Spanish trade union is suing a bakery that allegedly threw the severed arm of an employee into a bin after it was amputated in an accident with a kneading machine.

The Workers Commissions said in a statement Wednesday that Bolivian immigrant Franns Rilles lost his left arm in May 28 at the Rovira bakery in the eastern Valencia region.

The union said that while Rilles was being taken to a hospital someone tossed his arm into the garbage. It says the bakery then cleaned the machinery and continued production.

Police found the arm the next day, the union said, but doctors were unable to reattach it.

The union said Rilles had worked illegally at the factory for two years, earning euro23 ($32) a day, and had not been properly trained on the kneading machinery.

I guess I'm less concerned about an arm in the trash than I am about the fact that the bakery operators didn't give the guy his arm back. I mean if they're taking him to the hospital without an arm the most common assumption would be that he lost it in a work accident so the bakery is screwed either way. So what's the harm in brining his arm along so the docs can sew it back on?

If this happened in the U.S. that guy would have a doozie of a lawsuit on his hands. I'm sure if I accidently chopped my cleaning lady's arm off and threw it in the trash I'd lose the mountain of chas the blog has brought in.

She's a tough old broad. Took it like a G.

Deputy tasers 72-year-old woman
By Jim Vertuno, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

AUSTIN, Texas - A 72-year-old woman who refused to sign her speeding ticket got out of her truck and dared a deputy to shock her with a Taser.

So he did. Video released by a Travis County Constable's Office shows Kathryn Winkfein hitting the ground and moaning while the shocks jolted through her body after the May 11 confrontation with Travis County Sheriff's Deputy Chris Bieze.



Winkfein was stopped for driving 60 mph (96 kilometre) in a 45-mph (72-kilometre) zone just west of Austin. A dashboard camera in the deputy's car shows the 4-foot-11 (1.5 metres) Winkfein refusing to sign her speeding ticket, getting out of her white pickup truck and cursing at the deputy constable.

Bieze then pushes her to get her away from traffic.

"You're gonna shove a 72-year-old woman," Winkfein says angrily, standing inches from the deputy.

"If you don't step back, you're going to get Tased," Bieze says.


"Go ahead, Tase me," Winkfein says. "I dare you."

The video shows Bieze using the Taser and Winkfein hitting the ground and moaning in pain.

"Put your hands behind your back or you're going to be Tased again," Bieze yells, and then hits her with another jolt.

Boy for an old lady with a mouth like that I thought she would have put up a better fight but she went down like a sack of potatos. I can only imagine that Dallas law enforcement will be experiencing the wrath of the AARP now and just as they are trying to put the Ryan Moats hospital debacle behind them. But maybe he had to do it. There must be same set of rules for everyone and nothing puts a crazy crank back in line better than a taser shot.

Was he in the right? Vote 'Made Me Think' for yes and 'Pure Douchebaggery' for no.

P.S. - Here's a news report for the reading challenged.

You remind me of my high school lareceny coach

Coach accused of using players in break-in
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

ARLINGTON, Washington - An elementary school baseball coach in Washington state has been accused of using some of his players to help in a break-in.

Prosecutors charged 31-year-old George Spady Jr. on Monday with burglary.

Court documents allege he took his son, a nephew and another player from the team with him when he broke into a vacant Arlington shop and took overhead lights and other items, according to The Daily Herald's Web site.

Police say Spady's son crawled through a vent on the back side of the store and unlocked the door for his father, who then coached the boys to grab things from inside.

One boy told his stepfather who called deputies.

The Everett Herald reports the boys are not expected to be charged.

Look out Walter Mathau. You've got nothing on this coach. But allow me to play Devil's advocate for a second. If these kids are going to stand any chance this season they are going to have to learn to think as a team. Nothing bonds people together better than engaging in crime together. They had a secret that made them one. Until that one kid squeeled to his stepdad. He'll get his. Snitches get stitches.

A picture is worth 1,000 words...or nothing

Family photo turns up in Czech ad
By BETSY TAYLOR, Associated Press Writer

When Danielle Smith and her family posed for their Christmas card photo last year, they knew they’d share it with family and friends. But the Missouri family wasn’t expecting it to show up in the Czech Republic, splashed across a huge storefront advertisement.

Smith, 36, who lives in the St. Louis suburb of O’Fallon, said Wednesday that she posted the photo on her blog and some online social networking sites. It featured her, her husband Jeff and their two children.

About 10 days ago, a college friend was driving through Prague when he spotted their huge smiling faces in the window of a store specializing in European food. He snapped a few pictures and sent them to a flabbergasted Smith.

“It’s a life-size picture in a grocery store window in Prague — my Christmas card photo!” she said.

Mario Bertuccio, who owns the Grazie store in Prague, said the photo was from the Internet. Details were sparse, but he said he thought it was computer-generated. When told it was a real photo — of a real family — he said he started taking steps to remove it.

“We’ll be happy to write an e-mail with our apology,” said Bertuccio, who insisted he would send the Smiths a bottle of good wine if they lived in his eastern European country."

These people have to be pretty gullable. If you post something on Flickr or one of those other photo sites its going to end up going everywhere on the web. Where do you think I get the awesome story pictures for the blog. This sort of thing never suprises me. I bet there are tons of alcohol awareness posters with pictures of me & the gang passed out at Bash's.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I had just a few dominoes left to complete the whole project that I've been working on for about three weeks. I pressed record on my video camera, flicked the first domino, and watched with pride. When it finished, I realized I hadn't actually pressed record. FML

Today, it was my girlfriends birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(205): woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
(1-205): yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....

(956): What do you think she thinks of us?
(1-956): I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us

(352): I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
(352): Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.

(403): are you so shy because you have an std?

Meet me at The Max!

So the blog world is going crazy over Jimmy Fallon trying to get the 'Saved By the Bell' gang back together for a reunion. As a fervent Bell supporter count me among those who would love to see a comeback. Most of the cast has already signed on (like Mario Lopez and Lark Voorhies have anything better to do) but there are two holdouts - Tiffany Amber Theissen and Dustin Diamond.

HERE'S A HILARIOUS VIDEO OF ZACH MORRIS ON JIMMY FALLON. YES, I JUST SAID HILARIOUS AND JIMMY FALLON IN THE SAME SENTENCE.



Now I get why Tiffy might be against this. She had success on 90210 and she's probably sill trying to make it in Hollywood but I'd say Mark Paul Gosselar has the most to lose and he's all for it. I think she owes it to me for all my teenage sexual angst.

As for Screech I hope he falls and chips his tooth or gets beat up by a mime. That guy is about as cool as a purple fanny pack. It's time for him to realize he's a terrible comedian that people only pay to see because he's Screech. This guy has to have a fan website so I say we bombard it with hate mail until he relents. You'll always be the doofus Screech. Just accept it!

In other Bell news Mr. Belding said he would do the reunion for a turkey pot pie and a bus ticket home.

P.S. - In order to celebrate the reunion we will be having Bell clips the rest of the week. Enjoy!

Here's a McCain I'd definitely vote for!

Well if this is the new face of the Republican party then count me in! There's always room to bring an old member back into the fold, it's a big tent! The one in my suit pants that is! Zinger.

But here's the Super Ticket for 2016 when Obama has had his 8 years. Ms. McCain and Tim Tebow. Now, they would have to change the age requirement but I don't think that will be a problem. So let's make it official - McCain/Tebow 2016!

Somewhere Robin Givens is puzzled

Mike Tyson's Wedding -- Can I Get a Witness?!
by TMZ Staff

Mike Tyson was so dedicated to keeping his Las Vegas wedding private this weekend that his photographer had to double as a "witness" on the marriage certificate.

TMZ obtained a copy of Tyson's State of Nevada Marriage Certificate -- which made the intimate ceremony at the Las Vegas Hilton official. Tyson and Lahika Spicer tied the knot without the presence of invited guests.

It's kind of fitting that this story comes out at the same time Mike Tyson is making a comeback of sorts in "The Hangover" because anyone who would marry Iron Mike will be hungover soon (because they'd have to be drunk). The fact that they got married in Vegas only supports my theory. Seriously I've never understood how women marry men like this or write love letters to serial killers. I mean he beat Robin Givens like a rented mule and he's a CONVICTED rapist. So that's probably a wise decision lady.