Redskins Seeking Collections Coordinator To Make Old People Cry
By Chris Mottram/MrIrrelevant.com
You’ll recall back in September the Post ran a piece on the Redskins suing fans after they were unable to make good on season ticket payments owed to the franchise. It was a real tear-jerker, which led with the story of 73-year-old woman who lost a lawsuit to the team after she was unable to fight it in court, costing her $63,000. It had a photo of her crying and everything just to show how EVIL this organization is. See! You made that nice grandma cry all over her hand-sewn Redskins afghan.
But really, these are contractual obligations people are signing, which means the Redskins have every right to demand payment, and collect via lawsuit when all other means are exhausted. According to the Post’s story, the Redskins had done so 125 times. And apparently collecting money from ticket holders is such an issue now that the team needs to hire a full-time employee to deal with it.
If you have any photos of yourself bringing old people to tears, or being generally abusive to the elderly, that would be helpful as well. Not a requirement, but worth mentioning in your resume as it will eventually be one of your responsibilities.
This certainly has to be an unenviable position but in our rapidly declining economy someone will take it. Especially as scare as jobs in sports are. I serve as a shining example of that. Maybe I should apply. I certainly have experience in the field after my two week stint as a repo man for Rent-A-Center. My favorite moment was when I had to repo a TV from a project. We also tried to repo the washer but the dudes smoking weed inside all chipped in to cover the back payments. Then two little kids on bikes heckled me for "taking black people's shit away." I tried to explain that I wasn't The Man or Whitey and I was about as far down on the socioeconomic totem pole as possible but they weren't having any of it.
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