Wanted: Renegade Pisser

Urine for humiliation
Manager posts pics of man who urinated in lobby
By DON PEAT, SUN MEDIA/The Toronto Sun

Unlike the guy who peed all over his hallway, Alex Hess walks softly but carries a big ... tape gun.

The building manager has been waging a one-man campaign for three weeks against the anonymous urinator and his small penis -- ever since the 26-year-old walked into the open-air entranceway of his Queen St. W. home early that fateful Saturday and found it had been treated like a very public washroom.

Only one problem for that pesky piddler, Hess' lobby security camera had it all on tape. Talk about marking your territory.

The footage from that night clearly shows a young man walking into the lobby, checking around, unzipping and then peeing all over the floor.

"He just starts peeing all over the floor of the lobby," Hess said. "Usually people just pee into the corner but this guy decided to just pee all over the floor. I guess he was just being a dick."

With his building around Queen St. W. and Dufferin St., Hess said he gets his share of partygoers looking to relieve themselves while walking between bars but after several years of just being "pissed off," he had had enough that night.


Minutes after he mopped up the mess, he was out in his neighbourhood armed with his tape gun and a stapler, putting up posters with the man's picture underneath the big, bold, black words, "small penis alert."

Yes, Hess found some good things do come from small packages, eventually.

"The message is, if you pee on my building, I'm going to make fun of your manhood," Hess said, as a few pedestrians had a good laugh over his new crop of posters yesterday.

But rather than limit the humiliation to Parkdale, Hess did what everyone seems to do with good video nowadays, he put it online.

The original YouTube video has been watched more than 12,000 times and even has an arrow pointing to the man's groin saying "small penis."

If you factor in the subsequent media reports, around 50,000 people have watched that stranger going to the bathroom on YouTube alone.

And that, Hess says, is perhaps the sweetest revenge of all. "There's not a lot of legal options, so I figure if there is something I can do to embarrass him or make me feel better, this is one of those things."

His website, smallpenisalert.com, does appeal for anyone who recognizes the man's face, or other bits, to contact Hess. "A couple people gave me tips on who they think it might be," he said.

So far Hess hasn't been able to attach a name to the piddler, but he hopes he won't pull his hot dog out in his hallway again or at least brush up on his potty training.

So my question is, when did ET head to Toronto? I thought he was still in Arlington. I tell you what, if Clay started taping these kind of signs in his kitchen, living room and at the bar, his fridge and floor might be safer. Or maybe not. Of course, only he who is dry may cast the first stone. So none of us can really. I'd hate for these type of signs to go up in Adam's living room too.