Best Idea Ever Gets Tebowned

Greatest Minor League Promotion Ever Ruined By Wrath Of Tebow
By Barry Petchesky/Deadspin.com

The Fort Myers Miracle planned to pay homage to that miracle-maker Tim Tebow tonight, but what happened instead? Try an approaching tornado, an aborted circumcision, and a cease-and-desist letter from UF. God does not take kindly to your mockery.

Realizing that anything can be successful and make millions of dollars if you just attach Tebow's name to it, the Miracle, a Twins single-A affiliate, had quite a night of reverent revelry planned for us all:

•Promise rings given out to all fans.
•Coaches getting out of jams by asking themselves "What would Tim Tebow do?"
•A jump-pass to the catcher as the ceremonial first pitch.
•A mock circumcision celebrating his missionary work.
•A local construction worker named Timothy Tebo attempting to walk on water.

I am not making any of these things up.

But we were deprived of much of the fun by that old 1-2 punch of threatened litigation and acts of God. First the circumcision was nixed due to questions of taste. Then Florida sent a letter to the team putting a kibosh on any Tebow references:

Under NCAA rules it is not permissible to use the name or picture of a student-athlete in the promotion of a commercial product or service," the e-mail from Jamie McCloskey, UF senior associate athletic director said. "This would include the promotion and marketing of What Would Tim Tebow Do? Night."

So the promotion was changed to "Would Would T.T. Do?" Doesn't have the same ring, but it gets the job done. Still, Someone was not too happy with the shots at His second begotten son.

A funnel cloud could be seen with the naked eye, prompting some fans to question whether or not the big man upstairs was sending a warning to the Miracle for mocking Tebow, who is often referred to by Florida football fans as "The Chosen One."

Andrew Wynot, a Florida fan who attended his first Miracle game because of the promotion, said he didn't buy the speculation, saying that Tebow would never use destruction as a form of vengeance.

"I think Tim Tebow is a fan of anything related to getting his name out there," Wynot said. "I don't think Tim Tebow would send destruction on us."

I think an old Jim Croce song is appropriate here.

You don't tug on Superman's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger
And you don't mess around with Tim

This has to be the biggest downer of all-time. Some minor league team, scraping for a buck, comes up with the best idea ever and Florida has to crap all over it. I would give anything to have a promise ring from this game. In fact, I doubt I have any readers in Florida but I will trade a West Texans Nebraskans shirt for one in a snap. Once I get BYB shirts made, I'll throw one of those in as well. Simply put, best idea ever.

But why stop there. Why not have a doctor perform real circumcisions in a medical tent. Doctors Without Borders could help with that. Plus they could have a newlywed, virgin couple consemmate their marriage for the first time in the bullpen and the woman could wear a Tebow thong. Oh, poor Tebow. I wonder if A.C. Green ever got it this bad. Something tells me Magic Johnson probably paid girls to run up and grab his junk.