It's Official - Tom Brady is going to hell

Carolina Church Says Tom Brady Is Going to Hell
by Michael Hurley/NESN.com

Tom Brady has a lot to worry about these days. He's clearly missing a beat with the offense, and his team has dropped two of its first five games.

Now he has to worry about eternal damnation.

The Amazing Grace Baptist Church released a list of athletes who are going to hell, and the Patriots' quarterback headlines the list.

"Tom Brady has an unwed child, but it's okay because he wins Super Bowls," it says on the church's Web site, which has either crashed or been taken down. "Tom Brady is teaching us to have sex outside of marriage, to commit fornication, don't marry and do the right thing, don't take responsibility for your actions, have a good time no matter who you hurt in this world, go from sex partner to sex partner, and it's okay because of who I am. How many of you dad's cheer on Tom in the Super Bowl while your kids are watching?"

Fortunately for Brady, he'll have some company down there. Also on the list:

Richard Petty: "Richard Petty's god is racing, not God Almighty. He teaches that is okay in life to cheat just don't get caught doing it. Is Richard Petty your idol?"

Note: Cheating in automobile racing must be that forgotten chapter in the Bible.

Torrie Wilson (wrestler):"Committed an abomination by kissing a female wrester "Sable" on the lips."

Note: This rule is also listed in the Bible, a few verses after the groundrules for racecar driving.

Joakim Noah: "Has long hair, which is disobedient to the Word of God."

Note: Umm ... so, what about this guy? JC doesn't look like a guy who spent his Sundays at the local barber shop.

Matt Leinart: "He is teaching teenagers not to save themselves for their spouse, but to live it up because you only live life once. Is Matt your idol?"

Note: Matt Leinart isn't an idol to most people, but that has more to do with his football game than it does his off-the-field escapades.

Adam Archuleta: "Engaged to a Playboy Playmate Jennifer Walcott. They have one son. This is called fornication, and we all know what their son is called, the same thing the Bible calls him."

Note: Adam Archuleta plays safety for the Las Vegas Locomotives. He was cut by the Raiders last season. Certainly, the man has been punished enough. Does he not deserve some reward?

For Brady, this isn't the first time he's been under fire. He's been called everything from a bad dad to a money-hungry bum vigilante.

On Thursday, and for the rest of the season, chances are the only title he cares to win back is the one of "greatest quarterback ever."

Well I've been saying it for years. Tom Brady is going to hell. If for no other reason than just for wearing the shirt in the above picture. If for two reasons, then because his involvement in spy gate helped cost my beautiful head of hair. I think all the child out of wedlock stuff is just a side issue. God can look past that but when you cheat in a Super Bowl and cost a young fat man, you're calling down the thunder!

Seriously though, how did none of my favorite players make the list? I would have though Lawrence Phillips or Kobe would have been a no brainer. Have they never heard of Christian Peter?