Scouting Trip Round 2

I did a late nite blog for the Thursday edition because I leave for my second attempt at a scouting trip of Harlingen tommorrow morning. This time maybe the weather will cooperate. Hopefully I will have the energy to crank out a Friday edition when I return but if not then just read the archives and click something here and there.

Wish me luck in finding the diamond in the rough which is the Border Valley. And let's hope I don't get swine flu. But if I do I'm coming back as soon as I can to cough in Joey Porter's face.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I was eating at Applebees at a high table with bar stools. I was reaching over to get some gum out of mom's purse when my chair flipped out from under me and my soda fell on top of me and got in my ear. To make things worse, the waiter ran over and shouted "I give that one a 10!" FML

Texts from Last Nite Moments of the Day

(912): i woke up with socks on this morning
(485): so?
(912): i didnt wear socks last night

(727): im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
(303): lol who won?
(727): well im in the hospital right now so u tell me

(732): pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.

(512): just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
(1-512): pretty standard. you have fun last night?
(512): apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
(1-512): typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.

Clark Classics - Rap Attack

Best song ever. The 1980s must have been amazing. I'm going to go out on a limb and say this video was followed by the greatest cocaine induced disco sex orgy.

There's about to be some furniture moving around *Filthy Language*

I think this young woman deserves to be hoisted upon our shoulders as a resposible U.S. citizen. She realized she was about to make a huge mistake by bludgeoning her disrespectful son with a hammer so she made the well thought out decision to call 911 and calmly explain the situation.

If only all mothers were so reasonable maybe hammer violence wouldn't be so prevalent. Also, can hammer violence also refer to someone attacking MC Hammer? Just a thought.

A hero we can believe in

I love the cop not trying to lose his mind laughing when talking to 'Shadowair' or is it 'ShadowHair'? Anyway I can just imagine his next superhero mission when his grandma calls to tell him she wants her support hose back.

I suppose ShadowHair intends to inject fear with his high pitched voiuce. If these heroes really wanted to make a difference they would just follow the Bengals around to make sure they don't get arrested. Guarding Cedric Benson, Tank Johnson and Chris Henry is a full time job.

P.S. - The clip below has been one of the lone bright spots for this season on Reno 911. It also involves a superhero and its hilarious!

RENO 911!	Wednesdays 10:30pm / 9:30c
Nighthawk, Crusader for Justice
comedycentral.com
Joe Lo Truglio Funny Cop Videos

What is this and why does it terrify me?

They call it a slow loris but I think its a gremlin. Don't feed it after Midnite bro!

He Gets Around...from his grave

Tupac Is Alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TMZ Staff

TMZ has obtained photographic evidence that Tupac Shakur is alive and well and drinking Hand Grenades in New Orleans -- unless we're terribly mistaken.

13 years after he was shot and "killed" in Las Vegas ... a man appearing to be 2pac was spotted in a bar on Bourbon Street last weekend.

We were unable to get any sort of DNA evidence -- but this photo is good enough for us.

Thug life, bitches.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not prone to conspiracy theories. I'm skeptical of all things alien, bigfoot or loch ness but 2pac is alive!

I think the allure of all the cool stuff has finally brought him out of hiding. He couldn't resist going to a Celtics game a few weeks ago. (My theory is Paul Pierce owes him money). And now he's partying on Bourbon Street. I have no doubt he'll be in LA for Cinco de Mayo to party with Rick Fox.

It's official - Death is coming for me

CDC: Texas swine flu death first in U.S.
By Dale Lezon, Bradley Olson and Todd Ackerman - Houston Chronicle

The first reported death in the United States from the swine flu outbreak was that of a 23-month-old Mexico City boy who fell ill in Brownsville and was transported for treatment at Texas Children's Hospital in Houston, where he died Monday, officials said.

Also, officials suspended all high school athletic and academic competition statewide until at least May 11 because of the spreading flu, which has prompted five districts to cancel classes entirely, including three in suburban San Antonio.

Gov. Rick Perry issued a disaster declaration for the entire state, basically a paperwork measure that allows Texas to begin emergency protective measures and seek reimbursement from the federal government. Perry also said Texas has 850,000 more courses of antiviral medicine coming, which would double its supply.

Dr. David Persse, director of Houston's emergency medical services, said the acutely ill child was admitted to a Brownsville hospital on April 13 and immediately was rushed by medical transport to Houston.

According to the Texas Department of State Health Services, the boy already had "several underlying health problems" before he flew to Matamoros on April 4 and crossed into Brownsville to visit relatives.

The first death had to be from Brownsville, didn't it? If there weren't already enough reasons to not move to Brownville including car theft, boiling hot weather and no scenery we now have to add 'Swine Flu Capital of the Nation' to that. I just can't get a fair shake, can I?

Doesn't Mexico have enough problems?

Swine Flu No Match for the Speidi Pandemic
TMZ.com

While under quarantine on their honeymoon in Mexico, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are masking their love ... and all it took was a worldwide influenza outbreak.

Symptoms of swine flu include head and body aches, cough, sore throat, chills, trouble breathing, vomiting and/or diarrhea, which were also the side effects of witnessing Speidi's wedding this weekend.

There is no known cure for watching "The Hills."

Let me say first I do NOT watch 'The Hills' so I wouldn't know Heidi and Spencer if they walked in the back yard and did a cheer about themselves in matching sweaters, but from what I've been told they are two world class nimrods.

I know now they will bring back the swine flu and be the downfall of the civilized world. They'll somehow infect Rihanna, who will infect Andrew Bynum, who will infect the entire Laker team and Lebron will hoist the trophy. Damn you Speidi! I hope they lose their travelers checks and end up in Mexican jail.

P.S. - Does anyone still use travelers checks?

Crazy like a FOX!

Rick Fox is a "Mexican Surfer"
Arash Markazi/ The Hot Read



Rick Fox occasionally appears on Fox Sports West's Lakers Live pre-game and post-game shows and he had a couple of YouTube worthy moments on Monday night. During the pre-game show, Fox, wearing a hoodie and jeans, unzipped his hoodie to reveal his bare chest and screamed, "Wolverine!" after saying their should be an "iso cam" on him during the game.

That was tame in comparison to what Fox did after the Lakers beat the Jazz, 107-96. As host Bill MacDonald tried to set up the show, Fox, wearing a purple and gold sombrero was chanting and whistling and screamed, "Orale, orale!" He then got up out of his seat and asked, "Have you ever seen a Mexican surf?" as he pretended to surf with his sombrero on while humming "Wipe Out." Norm Nixon then said, "We're live," as MacDonald asked for "a little decorum."

The best part of the whole episode, however, might have been how Fox responded to the situation the next day on his Twitter page, which he was updating during the show.

"I find it funny how many people think I'm on the sauce during my pre and post game shows lol I don't drink I'm all organic."

"Apparently I went over board on the air last night I think it may be time for me to hang up the broadcasting shoes... It was fun while [it lasted.]"

"Broadcasting is suppose to be stiff....if they want to broadcast from my bedroom I'll do stiff all night."

I love this man! He pretty much sums up being a Laker just by his actions. Get drunk, party and get beautiful women and if someone doesn't like they have the problem!

Private eyes, they're watching you!

'Improper recordings' at Electric Sun
BY DOUG CARMAN/Odessa American

An Ector County woman has filed a civil lawsuit accusing a Monahans man of videotaping her tanning in the nude at an Odessa tanning salon.

On Tuesday, the Electric Sun tanning salon was busy with customers buying lotions and trying to work on their tans and Lisa Crosbley was there working the cash register.

Just two weeks ago, things weren't as relaxed when Crosbley was told a man was there with a camera.

"When that was brought to my attention... that was unusual, so I called the police immediately," she said.

The next week, Monahans resident Alan Steen was arrested in a traffic stop there and charged with improper photographic or visual recording, a state jail felony. He posted bond, but the bond amount was not available Tuesday.

Odessa police Cpl. Sherrie Carruth said an April 13 report taken from someone at the salon accused Steen of photographing at least three women at the tanning salon using his own personal camera. Police later found the photos, though Carruth did not say where they were found or how many of them were taken.

She said the photos were taken while the women were "tanning in nude." While Carruth referred to the evidence as photos, a civil lawsuit called the images "video."

I love the fact that this woman pursued a civil lawsuit as opposed to settling for a criminal trial. I mean who could resist the urge to sue a man from Monahans who video tapes nude girls at a tanning salon? You could build on a new wing onto your house with the loot this guy has laying around.

Also, this city never ceases to amaze me. Instead of planting a camera in the machine the guy just stood there with a camera hoping not to get caught. Amazing.

300th Post!: Best Rap Ever

Well we've reached the 300th Post at the BYB and I'm still not dead or in prison. I say that's reason to celebrate and what better way than with the best rap in movie history. Enjoy.

This is what happens when there is no football in Nebraska - The Name Game

Judge nixes 'Sinner' name change
Associated Press

LINCOLN, Neb. — No, the judge said to a 23-year-old Nebraska prison inmate.

You can't call yourself "Sinner Lawrence Bilskirnir."

Court documents say Jonathan L. Thomas cited his Norse religion in seeking the name change, saying he "is a heathen and Thor is his 'High God.'"

But Lancaster County District Judge Steve Burns says government agencies need to closely track Thomas because of his criminal record and because there are three child-support cases against him.

Burns says Thomas' reasons do not satisfy the legal requirements.

In his ruling, Burns says that "simply because a person is a Christian, a Jew or a Muslim, they do not change their name to Moses."

Too bad this no nonsense judge doesn't live in Cincinatti. Maybe then we wouldn't have a guy running around named Ocho Cinco. But if we're all going to run around and change our names based on what we are I guess I should file for my new name 'Badass McGood Beard'.

If this guy lives in Lincoln maybe we could use him to our advantage to recruit Greg Paulus. We could name him 'Welove White PointGuards'.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

Alright, so on my second day of visiting this site I realized there is no way I could narrow it down to one text per day so its going to best the 'textS from last nite' moment of the day from now on. That's right, I changed 'night' to 'nite'. I always do that in texts. Enjoy.

(519): Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.

(512): I pooped in a mop bucket.
(1-512): WTF???
(512): Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that?

(541): There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
(253): Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.

(405): I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.

Every time I get away she pulls me back in

So Hilary Duff furthered her acting career with a guest spot on Law & Order SVU where she vaguely potrayed accused murderer Casey Anthony. Of course SVU had to do a swerve and make the case about something else, but the real story was how good Ms. Duff looked. I had removed myself from her camp and now she pulled me back in! She's definitely back in the BYB Top Ten. Whatever the hell that is!

P.S. - Fast forward to the 50 second mark for the return of Duff.

End of an era.

Spurs bow out of first round for first time since '00 thanks to Mavs
Associated Press

SAN ANTONIO -- Jason Terry galloped down court after one big shot and Josh Howard skipped along the sideline after another. For what the Dallas Mavericks were about to pull off, they might as well have danced.

For the first time since 2006, the Mavericks are moving past the first round.

And for the first time since 2000, the San Antonio Spurs are not.

Dirk Nowitzki scored 31 points in his first breakout game of a lopsided series, and the Mavericks won a playoff series for the first time in three years by eliminating the Spurs in five games with a 106-93 victory on Tuesday night.

The Big Three will be back next year for the Spurs, piloting what is now a championship drought by their standards: San Antonio has been a denied an NBA finals trip the past two seasons, its longest lapse since the gap between their 1999 and 2003 titles.

"The Mavs beat the Spurs," coach Gregg Popovich said. "They're the best team, and that's that."

Gone Spurs Gone! Glad to see the Mavs put the first nail in this coffin. I'm not sure when the Spurs will cease to be a playoff team or if they will, but if their plan for the future is based around Roger Mason and Matt Bonner I wouldn't expect to raise any banners anytime soon.

P.S. - Watch the video below. This guy poses as a 1920's era reporter and punks Popovich!

Clark Classics - Break it down!

Okay, to be clear I'm not picking on Christian bands. They just definitely have the best choreography. Somewhere Joel Olsteen is doing the cabbage patch. Watch the whole video because the dude does an electric slide at the end that is amazing.

Tebow finally gets in some panties

So everyone's favorite American a.k.a Christ on Earth Tim Tebow has no inspired a pair of womens undergarments, which are also an item he would swear up and down he has no knowledge of. Although I'm sure he's had Erin Andrews topless at the drive inn.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess Tom Brenheman ordered a gross of them. And that is gross! Anywho, here is the item description for these wonderful panties.

TeeBows? Welcome to the home of TeeBows!

No, you'll not find the 2007 Heisman Trophy winner's family tree here. Nor will you discover anything new about the impressive and humble upbringing of our favorite NCAA Quarterback. In fact, you won't even hear any 'told-you-sos' aimed at those ailing Sooners fans...

No. This is the place to learn more about what every Gator Femme on the UF campus - and beyond - wants to wear under her Gator Gear: TeeBows!

These comfy, yet flattering cotton-blend panties are the perfect compliment to your Gator Game Day Outerwear.

What Are TeeBows?

Excellent Question! To be brief (pardon the pun...) these are for the ladies... Fun and functional, these T-Backs are a sturdy blend of 90% cotton and 10% lycra, resulting in a sexy - yet athletic - undergarment perfect for that Gator Gal in your life. Buy them for your sisters, your 'better half', or simply for yourself!

Nub Knockdown

No Arms, No Legs? No Problem
From MMApunch.com



Ever hear of Kyle Maynard? You might start to as he makes his entry into mixed martial arts. And what makes him so special? Maynard is an incredible athlete who happens to also be a congenital amputee. Author of the best selling book “No Excuses: The True Story of a Congenital Amputee who Became a Champion in Wrestling and in Life,” Kyle is a 21-year-old Georgia native who came to national prominence in 2004 when he competed in his state’s high school wrestling championships despite being born with no elbows or knees.

Responding to mixed reactions regarding his decision, Maynard says “I’ve expected for a while that for me to compete under official MMA rules there’d be controversy. Believe it or not, it’s not the first time people have expressed doubt in what I know I’m capable of, and probably won’t be the last.” We’re not sure what will come next with Kyle, but the kid sure has one hell of a great attitude. Best of luck Kyle!

Yeah, best of luck Kyle. You'll need it. Look, I got nothing against this brave limbless dude but he should get bludgeoned to within in an inch of his life. It's one thing to try Greco Roman wrestling but MMA is a violent sport where hands and feet are at a premium. Punching and kicking are vital moves. The video above should show that.

If I fought this dude it would be over in 3 seconds. Some people shouldn't do certain things. I have nothing against the mentally challenged but they probably shouldn't work at NASA or the FDA. And I should never work at a health spa. It's common sense.

Leach makes Aggies maddies

A&M's Sherman: 'Leach in no position to comment' about McGee
Brian Davis/Dallas Morning News

New Cowboys quarterback Stephen McGee was stunned to read comments from Texas Tech coach Mike Leach that blasted the current Texas A&M coaching staff.

A&M coach Mike Sherman wasn't particularly pleased, either.

"I don't understand Coach Leach's comments about Stephen McGee," Sherman said Monday. "He was named our starter until he got injured. I've always believed in Stephen's character and I've always believed in his talent, and I always will. I see him having an outstanding NFL career.

"Coach Leach is in no position to comment about my relationship with Stephen McGee."

Leach has a history of needling the Aggies. He was quoted Monday in The News saying he was happy for McGee, who was the first pick in the fourth round.

"The Dallas Cowboys like him more than his coaches at A&M did," Leach said Sunday. He could not be reached immediately on Monday.

McGee, a coach's son known for keeping his cool, bristled at that idea. He said Sherman and former coach Dennis Franchione played a huge role in his life and helped him become the NFL draftee he is today.

"I don't know where that comment came from or who it was directed at," McGee said. "But I am shocked because my time at A&M was very special to me. Obviously I got injured, and many people think that Coach Sherman benched me. That's just not true.

"If I had a son today and he was a college quarterback, I would send him to Coach Sherman or Coach Fran without any doubt, without any question, first and foremost.

"My time at A&M had some ups and downs, bumps and bruises. But I am so thankful for the time and proud to be an Aggie."

The ole pirate has been making some waves of late after blasting Browns coach Eric Mangini and then making the above remarks. The Big 12 South should be a dogfight next year and making enemies might not be the best plan of action. But of course A&M plays in Lubbock next year and they stand about as good a chance at winning there as I do in winning over Megan Fox.

Biel Pressure

JUSTIN'S BIEL OUT PLAN
National Enquirer

Jessica wanted to stop boozing - but BF Justin Timberlake wouldn't let her!

The two love birds were snarfing down the booze as they hit not one but two B-day bashes at the Thompson Hotel in LA over the weekend.

Finally Jessica had had enough -but sucked it up anyway.

"Everybody was doing shots of tequila, but Jess said she didn't want to drink anymore," said a spy.

"Justin good-naturedly insisted, so she pulled her hair back and drank up!"

Didn't my headline kick the Enquirer's ass? Much funnier. All I can say about the story above is that J.Tim must have the Bielster in check. He says 'chug, chug, chug' and then rocks that body.

That's illegal?

Police arrest woman with barrel of bear candies
AP

CASPER, Wyo. -Police arrested a 28-year-old woman after finding a barrel of cinnamon bear candies in her hotel room that police believe had been stolen from a local restaurant.

Officers responded to a 911 call at a hotel room where the woman was staying on Saturday evening. Officers determined that the call had been placed by accident.
However, officers saw the barrel of candies in the room and recognized it as having come from Poor Boys Steak House.

Police said the woman told them that she had gone to the restaurant the day before. She said one of her friends had grabbed the barrel and handed it to her.

The woman was charged on suspicion of possession of stolen property.

I guess there must be a fine line between misdemeanor and goof. To me if you steal an assload of free candy from a restaurant - that's a goof. Sure its not nice but its not criminal either. I have myself been involved in the theft of a somebrero full of mints from On the Border in Midland. My brother's friends were drunk and it seemed like a good goof. And you know what, it was!

A strip club I don't approve of

Police find 14-year-old topless dancer at bar
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

AKRON, Ohio — Police in Ohio say a 14-year-old girl was dancing topless at an Akron strip club when they raided the bar.

Akron police conducted the raid Friday night at the Playhouse bar and arrested four dancers.

Police Lt. Rick Edwards says officers saw some dancers make contact with customers, but not the 14-year-old.

He says the club is not licensed as a sexually oriented business.

The girl has been placed in protective custody.

The bar’s owner and manager have been charged with illegal use of a minor in a nudity performance and with child endangering.

Damn, Akron must be the craziest place in the world. I'm almost sure the story I posted a couple weeks ago about the stripper shoe attack was in Akron. I guess this young woman was her replacement. I suppose the only reassuring part of the story was that she was one of the few dancers who didn't make contact with customers.

I'd also like to point out that Lebron is from Akron.

F My Life Moment of the Day: A Triple Shot

Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML

Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

Today, I decided to be the sober housemate for the first time in a while. I drove my drunk friends to the bar and back and even bought them pizza before they passed out in the living room. I get repaid by catching my wasted housemate in my room peeing all over my floor, bed, and nightstand. FML

Text From Last Night Moment of the Day

In another new segment for the BYB we will be adding a daily 'text from last night.' I checked out this website after seeing a link Courtney posted on facebook and it may trump F My Life as the best site ever. So without further adieu here is last night's best text.

(317): Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.

Clark's Classic Videos

Here's a new segment for the BYB. My favorite YouTube videos. I tried to stick with the suggested videos but you can only see a taser attack so many times. Okay, maybe not. But here is my favorite band of all time and watch for a cameo by Kansas Jayhawks coach Mark Mangino in his somewhat slimmer days toward the end. His wife obviously forced him to join this band.

Lakers close out Jazz, Fisher makes the ladies crazy

Derek Fisher wins restraining order
By Victoria Kim/LA Times

Lakers guard Derek Fisher obtained a temporary restraining order Monday against a woman who has allegedly stalked him for years and changed her last name to Fisher, according to court papers.

The woman, Symone Fisher, has allegedly sent a number of e-mails, messages on social networking sites and letters to the Lakers star claiming to be his wife, even though the two have never met, Derek Fisher wrote in a declaration. She recently began showing up at the Lakers training facility in El Segundo and near his home, according to court papers.

"Her repeated attempts to contact me, her delusional notions that we are married, her angry and hostile tirades against me, her appearance at my place of work and her recent travels near and around my place of residence are all extremely frightening to me," Derek Fisher wrote.

The 40-year-old woman started contacting Fisher during the 2001-02 basketball season, when she had a different legal name, sending him packages of CDs with love songs, according to a declaration by Duran McGregory, his personal security manager. She re-emerged during the 2005-06 season with Fisher as her new legal name, sending him letters saying that the two should get married and that God wanted them to be together, McGregory wrote.

So the Lakers blew a 22-point lead last night but held on to move onto the second round where they will likely meet Houston. And because he's the sexy locker room veteran some girl is now after Fish's nuts. It's always something crazy in La La Land.

Also basketball guru and Lakers offensive specialist Tex Winters had a stroke over the weekend so I'm sure Phil will appreciate a few days off. I hope Tex pulls through.

I know less about U.S. government than I thought

Specter says he's switching from GOP to Dems
By DAVID ESPO, AP Special Correspondent

WASHINGTON – Veteran Republican Sen. Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania abruptly switched parties Tuesday, a move intended to boost his re-election chances that also pushed Democrats within one seat of a 60-vote filibuster-resistant majority.

"I now find my political philosophy more in line with Democrats than Republicans," Specter said in a statement posted on a Web site devoted to Pennsylvania politics and confirmed by his office. Several Senate officials said a formal announcement was expected at mid-afternoon.

But even before the event took place, Specter attended a Senate subcommittee hearing on the swine flu outbreak and took a seat on the Democratic side of the dais.

He made no overt mention of his decision, but said, "Sorry I can't stay longer, but this is a complicated day for me."

President Barack Obama called Specter almost immediately after he was informed of the switch to say the Democratic Party was "thrilled to have you," according to a White House official.

Spurned Republicans said his defection was motivated by ambition, not principle.

Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele said, "Let's be honest: Senator Specter didn't leave the GOP based on principles of any kind. He left to further his personal political interests because he knew that he was going to lose a Republican primary due to his left-wing voting record. Republicans look forward to beating Senator Specter in 2010, assuming the Democrats don't do it first."

Specter, 79 and in his fifth term, is one of a handful of Republican moderates remaining in Congress in a party now dominated by conservatives. Several officials said secret talks that preceded his decision reached into the White House, involving both Obama and Vice President Joseph Biden, a longtime colleague in the Senate. Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell as well as Democratic leaders in Congress also were involved.

I didn't know you could do that. I mean, I guess I knew members of congress could vote however that wanted but I thought if you were elected as a representative of a party you had to remain a member of the party until your term is up.

Not that I'm not happy about Specter's decision or anything. He was already on my good side because he got after the Patriots about cheating constantly. Plus he overcame cancer. I guess I just feel dumber because I understand less about politics than I thought.

I think he crossed the line with the Cereal Killer breakfast platter

Alderman objects to crime-themed hot dog stand
AP

CHICAGO -A Chicago alderman said he doesn't mind that a businessman plans to open a hot dog stand in his ward and hire former convicts to work there, but he does object to the stand's crime-linked theme.

Alderman Bob Fioretti said Friday his Second Ward on the city's West Side has major crime problems, so he thinks the stand's name, Felony Franks, is simply not in good taste.

Fioretti also objected to several slogans, including: "Food so good, it's criminal," and "Home of the misdemeanor wiener."

Stand owner Jim Andrews, though, said he thinks the tongue-in-cheek name and a menu that features such items as "burglar beef" and "chain gang chili dog" will help to erase some of the stigma that being a former convict carries.

Suprisingly, I kind of understand where the alderman is coming from. Let's say you go to buy a frank and get into a cheeky back and forth with the vendor. You may ask 'what he was in for?' and when he tells you he poisoned his wife you could have a situation on your hands. At the end of the day I'd let him open the stand just because 'misdemeanor wiener' may be the funniest thing I've ever heard.

Cop gets BURNED in fridge

Suspect cools his heels in fridge
By DEAN PRITCHARD, SUN MEDIA

Terry Hanska hopes to make a name for himself in the boxing ring.

If his recent arrest in a West End apartment building is any indication, the aspiring pugilist might have a better career in comedy.

Court heard police had arrested another man in a Spence Street apartment last month when the man told an officer to look inside his refrigerator.

When an officer opened the refrigerator door, he found Terrence ("Terry") Hanska hiding inside, said Crown attorney Renee Lagimodiere.

When asked what he was doing there, Hanska replied: "Chillin."

"He's lucky he didn't suffocate," said Judge Mary Kate Harvie. "That stunt of hiding in the fridge concerns me because it shows that you are not thinking at all."

Hanska, 19, was arrested in connection with a number of court breaches.

Harvie ruled Hanska had cooled his heels in custody long enough and sentenced him to 55 days time served.

Hanska's sentence included a conviction for assaulting his former girlfriend during an argument over rent money.

"It troubles me that somebody with talent and ability squanders that by sitting in custody," Harvie said. "You really need to stop and take stock of where you are at."

Okay, why is this guy in jail? As long as he wasn't stealing corn dogs then I don't see the crime of breaking into a fridge. I think he only got taken in because he totally burned that cop with that sweet ass "chillin" line. Maybe he only broke in so he could eventually say that.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, in a big argument, my sister uninvited my mom to her wedding. Trying to comfort my mom, I rented Mamma Mia knowing she's wanted to see it for a while. Turns out, Mamma Mia is a mother/daughter feel-good about the daughters wedding. I had no idea, and my mom cried the whole movie. FML

Scouting Trip Cancelled

I'm sure some of you are wondering why I posted that there would be no Monday blog but then I wrote one. Well my scouting trip to Harlingen got cancelled due to inclimate weather in the Dallas area. So now I'm going down Thursday and the blog hiatus will be Thurs-Fri.

Damn these crazy schedule changes. I bet my ancestor Clark of Lewis and Clark never had to deal with hail storms and swine flu.

NFL Draft Success!

So another NFL Draft has come and gone and let me say it might have been our best day yet. We had lots of great food (shrimp boil) that was delicious but gave my digestive system a thrashing and plenty of booze.

The Bills had an okay draft. I'd give them a C while I'd give the Cowboys a D and the Raiders an F. Not a whole lot of twists except for Denver taking Knowshon Moreno. Not a bad pick but RB is a weird call for them. I'd say Heyward-Bey was unexpected but I've learned to expect anything from the Raiders.

Crabtree locked on with the 49ers so I'm sure Muench was happy to hear that and I just read that Graham Harrell signed today as a free agent. I'd write where but I didn't care enough to click the link.

P.S. - The craziest moment of the Draft was supplied by Bill Cosby who for some odd reason decided to watch the draft with Texas' Quan Cosby (NO RELATION). In the video Erin Andrews is trying to do a playfull interview while Bill looks like he would rather be at an insurance seminar and Quan seems as if he has better things to do. Also, does Bill seem drunk to anyone else? I didn't realize he had reached the point where journalists had to approach him with caution.

They're playing basketball!

So the Lakers have a chance to close out the series against Utah in LA tonight and the sooner, the better. Houston has Portland down 3-1 and they're chomping at the bit to get a piece of the Lake Show. Not to mention Lebron and Co. closed out the Pistons yesterday.

Also, the Mavs will get a chance to put the first nail in the Spurs Dynasty coffin Tuesday. I'll be sad to see them go, but time marches on.

For our basketball video today we have a tribute to the NBA's gentle giant Manute Bol.

Sarah Palin sure can run a lottery

Sex offender’s promised gift of lottery winnings undelivered so far

ANCHORAGE, Alaska — Alaska’s first big lottery produced more twists than anybody anticipated, and it’s not over yet.

The winner of the $500,000 jackpot in January was a convicted sex offender who said he intended to donate $100,000 to Standing Together Against Rape, the Anchorage-based charity that the lottery was intended to benefit.

But Alec Ahsoak didn’t give any of his winnings — $350,000 after taxes — to STAR. The advocacy organization never heard from him, STAR executive director Nancy Haag said this week. She said the group is looking ahead and not dwelling on it.

“I know that probably in the moment he probably was very excited and probably thought he could do more with his money than he really was able to,” Haag said.

Ahsoak, 54, was attacked on the street within days of claiming his prize. Authorities say the attacker’s motive related to Ahsoak’s history as a sexual offender.

Ahsoak was not obligated to give away winnings. It was lottery operator Abe Spicola who said Ahsoak intended to give the money to STAR, after news broke about his history as a repeat sex offender. Ahsoak never denied or corrected the statement.

Who would have thought you couldn't trust a convicted sex offender? In all my experiences with them they seemed to be pretty stand up people. Maybe instead of sharing with STAR he decided to pledge the money to help build the Bridge to Nowhere. Or build a observation area in the Palin's back yard to spy on the Russians.

Last week's news to last month's music

Thanks to Jeremy D. for sending this over to me. You get some current events type coverage with a couple laughs and some hip hop music. I'd have to say my favorite part is the stuff with Hilary Clinton.

RIP Bea Arthur

Legendary Bea Arthur succumbs to cancer at 86
National Enquirer

The acid tongued Bea who’s sharp wit and deep-throated delivery of sarcasm made her a star with TV’s Maude, Norman Lear’s answer to his own Archie Bunker and then again with the Golden Girls in the 1980s, died peacefully at her home in LA.

Her family was by her side spokesman Dan Watt said.

Bea first burst onto the national scene after a long career on stage (winning a Tony as Mame) in the role of Edith Bunker’s cousin the liberal and outspoken Maude netting Arthur an Emmy in 1977.

She later returned to TV as one of the three Golden Girls as caustic Dorothy Zbornak - another hit for the former Bernice Frankel.

“Look - I'm 5-feet-9, I have a deep voice and I have a way with a line," Arthur once said..

"What can I do about it? I can't stay home waiting for something different. I think it's a total waste of energy worrying about typecasting."

Arthur is survived by her sons and two granddaughters.

So we lost a great, classy, funny lady Saturday. I was too consumed with the NFL Draft Saturday to mourn but I am in full moarn mode now. Actually I just found out but let's not split hairs.

I'm not afraid to say I love the Golden Girls. If I'm really bored (and I always am) and I don't have anything DVR'd then I flip over to the Oxygen network and jam some Golden Girls. Bea Arthur was amazing as Dorothy and she was funny on those Comedy Central roasts. In tribute here is a great clip where the ladies decide who should move out. Bea's facial expressions are classic.

This is why I never eat bacon...okay sometimes don't eat bacon

US responding as if swine flu will be pandemic
By LAURAN NEERGAARD and TOM RAUM, Associated Press Writers

WASHINGTON – Confirming 40 cases of swine flu in the U.S., the Obama administration said Monday it was responding aggressively as if the outbreak would spread into a full pandemic. Officials urged Americans against most travel to Mexico as the virus that began there spread to the United States and beyond.

President Barack Obama urged calm, saying there was reason for concern but not yet "a cause for alarm."

But administration officials said they were already waging a vigorous campaign of prevention, unsure of the outbreak's severity or where it would show up next.

"We want to make sure that we have people where they need to be, equipment where it needs to be and, most of all, information shared at all levels," Janet Napolitano, head of the Homeland Security Department, told reporters.

The World Health Organization "now has us at a level 3" out of six levels of intensity, with six being a full pandemic, she said.

"Even if they raise the level today, our preparations are as if they had already been raised. We are proceeding as if we are preparing to a full pandemic," she said.

She said travel warnings for trips to Mexico would remain in place as long as swine flu is detected.

So this is the next thing that's going to kill us eh? And I just over the avian bird flu. Haven't pandemics learned not to even try to mess with the U.S. by now? Look, swine flu we eat ourselves to death with pancakes on a stick and baconaise and self medicate ourselves to death for no good reason. So turn your squiggly tail around and head back South. And if you come for me when I get to Brownsville expect a thrashing from my immune system.

I've met my match

High school senior gets perfect ACT, SAT scores
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

CANTON TOWNSHIP, Mich. - Willa Chen has a knack for tough tests.

The Detroit News reported Saturday that the 17-year-old senior at southeast Michigan's Canton High School wrote ACT, SAT and PSAT examinations and got perfect scores on all three.

In an obvious understatement, ACT Inc. spokeswoman Mary Owens calls it "quite an accomplishment."

The College Board, made up of 5,000 schools, administers the SAT and PSAT but says it doesn't track statistics on whether anyone has ever scored perfectly on both of its tests.

Chen, who plans to attend Princeton University, says she doesn't think she studied a lot but that she tries to keep learning all the time.

She participates in the Math Olympiad and also finds time to enjoy jazz, tap and ballet dancing.

As we all know I consider myself a man of superior intellect. That's why I got my masters in right at 9 years. But I think I've met my match in Ms. Willa Chen. I only cranked out an 1150 on my SAT but in my defense I was hung over and I refused to retest. I've got better things to do than improve my status in life by taking a short test.

Where's the honeymoon, a dumpster? Oh, it is!

Match made in a homeless shelter
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

SPRINGFIELD, Ill. (AP) — Two central Illinois volunteers have tied the knot in the place they first met: a homeless shelter.

Joyce and Joe Reynolds were married Saturday at the Washington Street Mission in Springfield.

On the first day they met at the mission, Joyce Reynolds says she mistook her future husband for a homeless man seeking shelter.

About 100 people, including the homeless who rely on the shelter, attended Saturday’s wedding.

Couple really gets down 'n' dirty
By THE CANADIAN PRESS

SAANICH, B.C. - A Saanich, B.C., police officer who responded to a suspicious persons call probably wishes he hadn't after he stumbled upon two naked adults in a garbage dumpster.

The officer was called to a local parking lot early Friday morning, where he heard noises coming from the bin. He called out to the people inside but when no one responded, he approached the dumpster.

The 30-year-old woman and a 26-year-old man were oblivious to his presence.

The two adults were ordered to put their clothes on and get out of the dumpster.

The woman was told to go home, while the man was arrested on an unrelated matter.

Okay, so the two stories are unrelated. The couple in the first story sound like two great people who are willing to give to others while the second two sounds like dirty, rotten scoundrels. But can you imagine if they were the same? That would be the best story ever.

Also, I'd like to know what the unrelated charge was that the guy got arrested on. Any guy who would do the humpty dance in a dumpster has to be doing some pretty nefarious stuff on the daily.

Scouting Trip

Heading out to Harlingen for the next two days minions. My mother and I are going to scout apartments. So browse the archives. I'll return Tuesday evening with tales from our fun filled trip. Odelay vatos!

F My Life Moment of the Day: A Double Shot

Today, I received my camera in the mail that my mom sent from home since I forgot it when I moved to Italy. It was wrapped in 4 layers of bubble wrap and packed in foam peanuts to keep it from getting broken. As I was removing the last layer of bubble wrap I dropped it, breaking the screen. FML

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised balls. FML

It's almost draft time kids!

Ryan Leaf sure looks ready, doesn't he? I honestly wonder if he hates Draft Day because it began the downfall of his football career or if he loves it because he can watch so many other talented college football players begin their demise. Who knows?

As I told some youngsters at Zucchi's last night I love the Draft for one simple reason. Let's say College Football is the hottest girl in the world, a knockout girl next door type, and the NFL is the 2nd hottest girl, a big city temptress who lives in the Playboy mansion. Now imagine one day a year you get to watch a 5-hour lesbian scene between them. That my friends is what we call the NFL Draft.

I leave you with a classic draft moment when the Eagles booed Donovan McNabb because they wanted Ricky Williams. Good call on that one.

Cleveland Sucks! Cleveland Sucks!

So if anyone watched basketball last night you know the entire Celtics team is injured, the Spurs are a shell of their former selves and the Lakers can't keep a lead to save their lives. So now LA leads Utah 2-1 and I have to root my ass off for Detroit to beat Cleveland tonight. I can't have Lebron & Co. thinking the Lakers are weak. Let's go Pistons!

P.S. - Check out the Cleveland video below. It's comedic excellence.

My new favorite team

You may all know me primarily as a Cornhusker or Laker fan but in truth my favorite sports team is the North Texas Fresh. The fresh are a new American Basketball Association team in Fort Worth. While I have never seen them play I am now their biggest fan because the have the best nickname and logo in all of sports. I dare to try and name one better.

Let's go FRESH!

I disgaree with musical theatre in general

'Rent' show at high school too much for church
Associated Press

A Kansas-based church known for celebrating at the funerals of American soldiers killed at war plans to protest the staging of the musical "Rent" at an Orange County, Calif., high school Friday.

The Westboro Baptist Church intends to picket at Corona del Mar High as classes let out for the day and as the audience arrives for the play. Counter-protesters also plan to attend.

The staging of "Rent," a story of struggling artists in New York City including characters who are gay and diagnosed with AIDS, has created months of controversy at the affluent school. It was nearly canceled, which was cited in an American Civil Liberties Union lawsuit filed against the district alleging that the campus is homophobic and sexist.

Westboro Baptist Church, which has been named a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center, believes end times are imminent and that President Barack Obama is the antichrist, said Shirley Phelps-Roper, daughter of the church's leader.

She said eight people will come to California to participate in the demonstration.

The organization announced the planned protest on its Web site earlier this month, describing the play as a "lying, maudlin piece of propaganda" and saying those who "enable" such projects are "worthy of death."

"God hates (gay people) and (their) enablers; ergo, God hates Corona del Mar High School!" the Web site said.

Church members show up at soldiers' funerals, saying they are purposefully killed by God because America is accepting of homosexuality.

The Orange County Equality Coalition, which supports gay and lesbian rights, plans to support the teenage actors.

"These courageous students have really been through the wringer," said B.J. Davis, chair of the coalition's board of directors. "It's our way of trying to stand up and say your community stands behind you."

Newport Beach, Calif., police are developing staffing plans.

The controversy may have resulted in one bright spot: Tickets are reportedly selling briskly. The play opens Thursday.

Gotta love Westboro Baptist. They came to Lubbock once to protest Elton John's glasses being inducted in the Buddy Holly Museum and lucky for them Marsha Sharp was set to get her 500th win the same weekend. That's what we like to call a 2-for my friends. Eventually people will learn to tune them out.

Under this logic Charlie Batch is getting in the Hall of Fame

Bush visits for hall induction
BY GEOFF FOLSOM/Odessa American

The 2009 inductions to the Petroleum Museum Hall of Fame had a presidential flavor Thursday.

Former President George W. Bush was among four inductees honored at a reception at the Midland Center.

Spokesman Rob Saliterman said Bush was excited about the induction. The ceremony was closed to the media.

"President Bush is honored to receive this recognition and glad to be back in Midland-Odessa," Saliterman said.

After receiving a master' in business administration from Harvard Business School, Bush returned to Midland, his boyhood hometown. He started Arbusto Energy, which later merged with Spectrum Energy.

Hall of Fame eh? For running a failed oil company? Can Vince McMahon get into the Football Hall of Fame? I mean the XFL did last one year. Not too shabby. Here's the tale of Arbusto Energy which is seemingly the only qualification Bush has for getting in.

Arbusto Energy was a petroleum and energy company formed in Midland, Texas, in 1977, by former US President George W. Bush and a group of investors.

In 1982, Arbusto became known as Bush Exploration, a year after George H. W. Bush became Vice President. A friend of the Bush family, Philip Uzielli, invested $1 million in 1982 in exchange for a 10% stake in the company, at a time when the whole company was valued at less than $400,000. As it neared financial collapse again in September 1984, Bush Exploration merged with Spectrum 7 Energy Corp., a company owned by William DeWitt and Mercer Reynolds. Bush became Chairman and CEO of Spectrum 7.

In 1985 Spectrum 7 reported a net loss of $1.5 million and was bought in 1986 for $2.2 million by Harken Energy, with Bush joining the Harken board of directors and finance audit committee.

In 1987 the Saudi investor Abdullah Taha Bakhsh bought most of Union Bank of Switzerland's shares in Harken becoming its third largest investor owning 17% of the company. He was represented on the board by Talat M. Othman. Another investor was Ghaith R. Pharaon, a partner of Bakhsh's, who would later be involved in the Bank of Credit and Commerce International scandal, and is currently the target of an international dragnet.

In January 1990 with the company in the same state as its previous incarnations, it was awarded a contract to drill for crude oil off the coast of Bahrain, a move that shocked industry insiders as Harken had no previous experience outside of the US or of drilling offshore.

In June 1990 Bush sold more than half of his shares in Harken to a Los Angeles broker named Ralph D. Smith. One week after the sale Harken announced an overall loss of $23.2 million triggering an investigation by the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission into the sale.

Ridiculous.

Blast from the past

Wiggins to provide additional dining options for students
Geena Martinez/Contributing Writer/Daily Toreador

Texas Tech students soon will have a new place to grab a bite to eat on campus.

Construction is underway for a new mini-market at the Wiggins Complex next to the Chitwood and Weymouth Residence Halls, and students can look forward to choosing between Chick-fil-A and Quiznos among other options such as a Mexican-themed line, an Italian-themed line and a grill in the facility scheduled to open in the fall semester.

Kirk Rodriguez, the director of Hospitality Services, said one reason for the new market was the need for extra space that the Sam's Place in the Chitwood/Weymouth Residence Halls did not provide.

"We've since outgrown the space," Rodriguez said. "It doesn't really allow us a lot of what we were trying to do."

Many of you may not know but I once was a proud employee of the Wiggins Dining Hall. I would work about 3 hours a week for beer money and I would either scan Tech IDs or I would serve food with my snazzy latex gloves. My boss was an old lebian woman who went about 4 foot 9 and weighed about 66 pounds. The head honcho was good friend Bobby Schmitt. Most days he would just get mad about girls wearing Ugg boots when it was 20 degrees outside. Ah, the good ole days.

College journalist can't catch a break

Meet Brian Smith, a senior broadcast journalism major at Texas Christian. He's also a student reporter and had been a regular contributor to "On Campus Cam," a talking heads-style show on The Mtn. where student reporters from conference schools are asked to give their opinions.

On an April 14 broadcast, Smith said that freshman quarterback Casey Pachall, who graduated early from high school to enroll at TCU, is good enough to unseat Andy Dalton as the starter.

TCU's athletics media relations department heard the comment and decided to ban Smith from using the camera equipment, which is property of the Mountain West Sports Network.

"My office will not take time out of its busy schedule to assist in putting TCU students on the air to make negative comments about our student athletes," director of media relations Mark Cohen, right, wrote in an email to Mountain West officials.

Although the camera belongs to The Mtn., the network has backed down.

"Long story short, they agreed to disagree on the subject matter," producer Frank Ellis said. "But while it is our camera, it is under [Cohen's] supervision and, like I said before, he has the keys to the car. So we're going to abide by his decision."

Rest of story here.

Geez. I'm glad nothing this bad ever happened to me at the UD. One time I did get the paper banned from practice for publicly chastising the Red Raider defense. That of course ignited my feud with New England Patriots receiver Wes Welker. I'm pretty sure he doesn't think about it anymore now that he's sipping drinks with Tom Brady and Giselle. That's fine, I'll meet him on the long road back to the middle.

In honor of college journalists lets all take a second to remember "Boom Goes the Dynamite."

This is what happens when its not football season in Nebraska

CSI director accused of planting evidence
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

OMAHA, Neb. (AP) — The commander of the Omaha crime scene investigations unit is facing federal and state charges over accusations that he planted evidence in the car of two wrongly accused suspects in a Nebraska couple’s murder.

U.S. Attorney Joe Stecher said Thursday that David Kofoed (COH’-fohde) has been charged in a federal indictment with deprivation of rights and other counts.

State prosecutors charged Kofoed a day earlier with evidence tampering in the investigation of Wayne and Sharmon Stock’s shooting deaths.

Kofoed says he is innocent.

Prosecutors say Kofoed planted Wayne Stock’s blood in a car believed to have been used by the initial suspects. Those men, Matthew Sampson and Nicholas Livers, were cleared after spending months in jail.

Two other people were later charged and convicted of killing the Stocks.

I bet Kofoed had no malice in mind whatsoever. I think he's just so amped up about summer 7 on 7 drills in Lincoln that he can't do his job properly. I'll probably face the same trials when I get to Brownsville. Of course, Kofoed could have been distracted by the annoucement that Nebraska will no longer allow booze in its skyboxes.

NU Athletic Director Tom Osborne on Wednesday confirmed that, in light of an alcohol poisoning case at a game last fall, skybox holders are being told stricter enforcement of the law banning alcohol on campus is coming.

At a home game last October, campus police called emergency medical personnel to treat an inebriated skybox occupant.

"The person was in pretty bad shape," Osborne said.

Larry the Cable guy isn't going to be happy when he can't get er done with some Jack Daniels at the Husker game.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I was crocheting while watching television, and thinking to myself how proud I was that I taught myself to crochet. Then, an episode of Golden Girls came on, and I watched that while I crocheted. I'm 24. FML

My Worst Regret Part 2

So Craig and I get done working out today (yes I work out). Then Kselsey calls as I'm leaving the gym. We pass the YMCA and Craig goes apeshit pointing in the parking lot. I catch a glimpse as we pull away of the Jaguars Gold Van and its owner.

If you dont know Jaguars Gold is the premier strip club establishment in West Texas. Apparently this aftertoon its owner needed to make a quick trip to the YMCA where he coukd drop his 5 year old daughter off for afternoon activity and it was the greatest thing I've ever seen.This is the last time I leave my home without a digital camera.

I'm not that impressed that someone would have the gumption to drive a leopard print van or that he would willingly drive it throughout the capital of the bible belt but the fact that he would drop his kid off in it makes him a legend in my book. I plead the purveyor of this fine establishment to take me for a ride in his van. And if timing is an issue he need not worry because Harlingen has a Jaguars as well.

I'd also accept free passes!

I spend my afternoons sculpting my guns

So everyone's All-American Michael Crabtree gave an interview for ESPN today and he was no less cocky than yesterday. At this point I think he's just daring teams in the Top 5 to pick him. I hope Mike Leach shows up in New York with an eye patch and sends Crabtree to walk the plank.

Was this filmed in Odessa???

I never understood how Ray Stantz (the 2nd host of Family Feud) killed himself. I think watching people make an ass of themselves would be enough to keep me alive. But its the simple things that keep me going. Like drink specials and cable television.

That's a playoff hit!

This sports anchor might as well resign. After looking like a nampy pampy in front of the entire studio audience you might as well put min your 2 weeks. I'd have kicked the weather guy's ass for this one.

The fridge is broken

'Refrigerator' Perry in serious condition in S.C. hospital

CHICAGO (AP) -- Former Chicago Bears defensive lineman William "The Refrigerator" Perry was in serious condition at a South Carolina hospital, a spokeswoman said on Tuesday.

Perry, 46, was hospitalized to deal with complications from Guillain-Barre Syndrome, a chronic inflammation disorder of the peripheral nerves, the Chicago Sun-Times and Chicago Tribune reported.

Aiken Regional Medical Center spokeswoman Melissa Summer declined to give additional details.

Perry's nephew, Purnell Perry, told the Sun-Times his uncle was admitted more than a week ago but was expected to recover.

Perry was a 300-pound plus defensive tackle for the Bears' 1985 Super Bowl team and became famous when then coach Mike Ditka used him as a short-yardage fullback on goal-line plays. Perry crashed into the end zone for a touchdown in the Bears' victory over New England in the 1986 Super Bowl.

Guillain-Barre Syndrome is a rare condition that occurs when immune system cells mistakenly attack nerve cells that support the muscles. Symptoms include weakness or tingling in the legs, which may spread to the arms and upper body. In the most severe cases, GBS can lead to paralysis and death.

It's amazing to me how much NFL players have balooned in the last 20 years. Fridge was considered a beast when he hit the league and he probably weighed 305. Now we have defensive tackles who weigh 390-400.

Fridge is a very funny man and I wish him a speedy recovery. Get well William.

Cheatin' Bastards!

Record attempt reaps $26K phone bill
By BILL BERGSTROM - Associated Press Writer

PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Their thumbs sure must be sore.

Two central Pennsylvania friends spent most of March in a text-messaging record attempt, exchanging a thumbs-flying total of 217,000.

For one of the two, that meant an inches-thick itemized bill for $26,000.

Nick Andes, 29, and Doug Klinger, 30, were relying on their unlimited text messaging plans to get them through the escapade, so Andes didn’t expect such a big bill.

“It came in a box that cost $27.55 to send to me,” he said Tuesday. He said he “panicked” and called T-Mobile, which told The Associated Press it had credited his account and was investigating the charges.

The two Lancaster-area residents have been practically nonstop texters for about a decade since they attended Berks Technical Institute together.


That led Andes to search for the largest monthly text message total he could find posted online: 182,000 sent in 2005 by Deepak Sharma in India.

Andes and Klinger were able to set up their phones to send multiple messages. During a February test run they found they could send 6,000 or 7,000 messages on some days, prompting the March messaging marathon.

“Most were either short phrases or one word, ‘LOL’ or ‘Hello,’ things like that, with tons and tons of repeats,” said Andes, reached by phone.

I'm going to have to go ahead and throw the bullshit flag on this one. To me if you want to break a text message record you should be sending a unique, geunine message each time. It can't be that hard. Hell, Boscoe and I exchange 7-10 texts a day which are based around Italian racial slurs I make towards him. Imagine if I applied myself.

Jaws 21: Kill the Journalist!

Shark dumped on newspaper's doorstep
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

SYDNEY - Journalists have a lot to be nervous about lately: layoffs, furloughs, newspaper closures.

But reporters at an Australian paper may have received the scariest threat of the day when a live shark was left on their doorstep. Police said the 60-centimetre creature was spotted early Wednesday by a man who was leaving a McDonald's restaurant next door to the offices of the Standard in the small Victoria state town Warrnambool.

When police arrived, the animal - believed to be a relatively harmless Port Jackson shark - was still breathing, Warrnambool police Sgt. Tom Revell said Thursday.

So officers borrowed a bucket of water from McDonald's, placed the shark inside it and drove to a nearby pier, where they released the creature back into the ocean.

Police say they have no idea why someone would dump a shark outside the newspaper.

Nor does the newspaper's chief of staff, Glen Bernoth, who learned of the bizarre incident in a middle-of-the-night phone call from a friend who'd heard about it on his police scanner.

"Naturally, I assumed it was like some sort of prank or something but I'd been asleep for a couple hours," Bernoth said with a laugh Thursday.

There are a couple of theories on the motive: some readers were angered by a photograph the newspaper recently ran on its front page featuring a man who caught a large reef shark. Those upset by the photo didn't believe the creature should have been caught.

Another possibility, Bernoth says, is the offering is somehow related to the local football club - named the Sharks.

"But that's just a stab in the dark," he said.

"At the moment, we're sitting tight desperately hoping something will be revealed."

As a former journalist this story scares the hell out of me. I mean Wes Welker and I had our little rivalry but I never expected him to drop a deadly sea creature in my bed. Maybe I underestimated the midget. I'm still gunning for you Welker!

F My Life Moment of the Day...or Night

Today, I had a substitute teacher for my dance class. I noticed at one point, he took out a camera. The principle came in, everyone was going crazy, and the teacher was dragged out of the classroom. He was taking videos and pictures of us dancing. Turns out he was a registered sex offender. FML

Funniest man alive!

I fancy myself a pretty funny guy. I'm sure I'm much better than Larry the Cable Guy or Tyler Perry. But every once in a while you realize someone has the goods much more than you do. This is one of those times. Watch all 3 of these videos or you are missing out!



Now that's funny. But if it weren't convincing enough he'll bring it you again!



Not only is he an amazing comedic mind but he's also an entrepreneur. Once you can branch out into other services you know you've made it in this business. This guy is 10 times better than Billy Mays or the Shamwow guy.

When I wake up in the morning I piss excellence

Quick quiz. Who once gave the following quote, "You can't do no better. I work for greatness. I strive for greatness. I'm going to give everybody greatness."

A) Ricky Bobby
B) Cult Leader Jim Jones
C) Me
D) Tech WR Michael Crabtree
E) All of the above

And the answer is...D. At least I think. I haven't seen full interviews with everyone else. But after his quote in ESPN Mag where he said he could run a 4.4 in crutches (although he runs a 4.6 without them) you have to start thinking this guy may be a bit cocky. And if this has been the case the whole time then I commend Coach Mike Leach. It must take a lot of tequila to put up with that ego.

From Crabtree, no 40 and no doubts: 'You can't do no better'
By Tom Pedulla, USA TODAY

DALLAS — For the first time — and at the worst time —Michael Crabtree cannot demonstrate the talent that arguably makes him the most dynamic offensive player available in this weekend's NFL draft.

The winner of the Biletnikoff Award the last two seasons as the nation's top collegiate wide receiver and the playmaker who erupted for 231 catches for 3,127 yards and 41 touchdowns in 26 games in Texas Tech's spread offense finally has been stopped.

Physicians who examined the third-year sophomore at the scouting combine in February discovered a stress fracture in his left foot that was surgically repaired March 4. The operation, and the estimated eight- to 14-week recuperation period, kept him from being timed in the 40-yard dash. He also was unable to show scouts the route-running and pass-catching abilities that have drawn him comparisons to former NFL great Jerry Rice.

Crabtree, sitting in the athletics director's office at his Dallas-area high school last week, remained confident of his standing heading into the two-day draft, which kicks off Saturday in New York.

"I am a complete football player. If anybody wonders about me, I'm a complete football player. I can say it twice. You can't do no better," says Crabtree, who could be mistaken for a high school student, dressed in jeans and T-shirt.

Rest of article here.