Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Blog Hiatus
Anyone who was boring enough to check the blog on a Friday night may have noticed there was no new content. I was hung over....sue me.
There's no new content today because I just jogged and my back hurts. I may throw some stuff up tomorrow. Maybe not. I don't know, I'm not a soothsayer.
Monday I will be running for the border. No, Taco Bell did not reissue the Fritos Burrito (but they should). I instead have a job interview in Brownsville. If that works out I may escape the Back Yard forever.
I will be back in the Back Yard Tuesday evening so perhaps I will get some stuff up then. Until then cruise the archives and click the little ranking levels below each story. I didn't put thas damn things on there for my amusement. Actually I did but use them anyway.
Peace out Yard Dogs. Wish me luck.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
F My Life Moment of the Day
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole. I got it." in plain english. FML
Hey, remember that?
Every once in a while I get nostalgic about things from my past. Remember instant messaging?
You'd sit for an hour or two, surf the web and carry on ims with people from school. Now I wouldn't even know how to go about such a thing. It's a crazy world we live in.
I feel like Andy Rooney dribbling out this nonsense.
Is this experience worse than playing for the Texans?
NFL player ticketed while relative dies
Dallas police: Officer drew gun during traffic stop of NFL player outside hospital
By STEVE THOMPSON and TANYA EISERER / The Dallas Morning News
The Dallas Police Department confirmed Thursday that an officer drew a gun on NFL running back Ryan Moats and his wife after he stopped them to give them a ticket even as they begged to hurry to the bedside of their dying mother.
As he rushed his family to the hospital, Ryan Moats, 26, rolled through a red light. A Dallas police officer pulled their SUV over outside the emergency room at the Baylor Regional Medical Center at Plano.
“He was pointing a gun at me as soon as I got out of the car,” said his wife, Tamishia Moats. “It was the weirdest feeling because I’ve never had a gun pointed at me before under those circumstances.”
Seconds later, Ryan Moats and his wife explained that her mother was dying inside the hospital.
“You really want to go through this right now?” Moats pleaded. “My mother-in-law is dying. Right now!”
I really like his wife's quote that she's never had a gun pointed at her in those circumstances. Under what circumstances has she had a gun pointed at her?
Overall I'm not that impressed. Mr. Moats you can call me when the cop shoots your dog. In Dallas the police may keep you from your mother-in-law's death bed but in the O-Town the sheriff's dept will kill your pet. So consider yourself lucky, aside from the part about having to play for the Texans. That's just downright unfortunate.
PS- There's a full video of the incident here.
YouTube Suggested Video: Is this guy faking?
I get the feeling this guy didn't really taser himself. I didn't hear the buzz sound and he doesn't seem all that hurt. I don't know why YouTube would mislead me this way. I like my taser shots authentic. Like this...
In Year 3 of the agreement Art Briles becomes Tech's head coach
Baylor, Tech game moved to Cowboys' new stadium
Alex Ybarra/Managing Editor/Daily Toreador
The Texas Tech and Baylor football teams are making the jump to the Metroplex after all, and they get to go to "Jerry World," too.
The two schools came to an agreement Wednesday on a two-game deal that lands the Big 12 Conference foes at the Dallas Cowboys' new stadium in Arlington for the Nov. 28 matchup this upcoming season.
The second game of the agreement will be played at the Cotton Bowl Stadium in Dallas Oct. 9, 2010, during the State Fair of Texas.
Tech Athletic Director Gerald Myers said the move to the Metroplex provides another opportunity to enhance the image of the university.
"It gives us an opportunity to play a game in one of the biggest Metroplex areas in the country, an area that is one of the best recruiting areas as far as college players are concerned," he said. "Plus, it's a great recruiting area for students for the university. In the whole North Texas Metroplex area, we have probably close to 50,000 alumni."
Red Raiders vs. Bears in Dallas. That'll put asses in seats. I've heard reaching an agreement was difficult because Gerald kept weeping and telling Briles he misses him. Then Leach stumbled in drunk and said something about pirates or midgets or whatever kick he's on now.
Alex Ybarra/Managing Editor/Daily Toreador
The Texas Tech and Baylor football teams are making the jump to the Metroplex after all, and they get to go to "Jerry World," too.
The two schools came to an agreement Wednesday on a two-game deal that lands the Big 12 Conference foes at the Dallas Cowboys' new stadium in Arlington for the Nov. 28 matchup this upcoming season.
The second game of the agreement will be played at the Cotton Bowl Stadium in Dallas Oct. 9, 2010, during the State Fair of Texas.
Tech Athletic Director Gerald Myers said the move to the Metroplex provides another opportunity to enhance the image of the university.
"It gives us an opportunity to play a game in one of the biggest Metroplex areas in the country, an area that is one of the best recruiting areas as far as college players are concerned," he said. "Plus, it's a great recruiting area for students for the university. In the whole North Texas Metroplex area, we have probably close to 50,000 alumni."
Red Raiders vs. Bears in Dallas. That'll put asses in seats. I've heard reaching an agreement was difficult because Gerald kept weeping and telling Briles he misses him. Then Leach stumbled in drunk and said something about pirates or midgets or whatever kick he's on now.
Limosuine Ridin', Jet Flyin', Wheelin' Dealin', Kiss Stealin'
Mickey Rourke -- All About the Benjamins
Posted Mar 26th by TMZ Staff
It takes a lot of money to look this good, but Mickey Rourke still has a few dollars to spare for the homeless. Hundreds of 'em!
With his new, streaked, Kabuki weave firmly in place, Mickey Rourke helped out his fellow man in NYC -- by droppin' a Benjamin into a panhandler's palm.
Mickey Rourke seems like a really nice guy. I'm glad he's back on top and I'm glad he's still going to be involved with Wrestlemania. It makes it seem less creepy that I'm almost 27 and I've ordered every Wrestlemania for the past 10 years. Below is the video from the premiere. It has an almost acceptable amount of Ric Flair (could have used a lil' more). And what is Chyna doing with the guy from Cathouse. Remind me to skip that episode. I don't know how Triple H or X-Pac could bring himself to sex her up.
Posted Mar 26th by TMZ Staff
It takes a lot of money to look this good, but Mickey Rourke still has a few dollars to spare for the homeless. Hundreds of 'em!
With his new, streaked, Kabuki weave firmly in place, Mickey Rourke helped out his fellow man in NYC -- by droppin' a Benjamin into a panhandler's palm.
Mickey Rourke seems like a really nice guy. I'm glad he's back on top and I'm glad he's still going to be involved with Wrestlemania. It makes it seem less creepy that I'm almost 27 and I've ordered every Wrestlemania for the past 10 years. Below is the video from the premiere. It has an almost acceptable amount of Ric Flair (could have used a lil' more). And what is Chyna doing with the guy from Cathouse. Remind me to skip that episode. I don't know how Triple H or X-Pac could bring himself to sex her up.
I'll take one of those with fries and a Diet Coke
Mich. baseball park to offer 4,800-calorie burgers
AP
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. -Well, at least the salsa is low-cal. The West Michigan Whitecaps, a minor league baseball team, will be offering up major league cholesterol, carbohydrates and calories in an enormous hamburger being added to the menu this year at the Fifth Third Ballpark.
The 4-pound, $20 burger features five beef patties, five slices of cheese, nearly a cup of chili and liberal doses of salsa and corn chips, all on an 8-inch sesame-seed bun. That's a lot of dough!
The Grand Rapids Press reports that anyone who eats the entire 4,800-calorie behemoth in one sitting will receive a special T-shirt. Saner fans can divide it up with a pizza cutter and share.
The Midwest League team is a Class A affiliate of the Detroit Tigers.
Let's see the freaking Chinese do that! I feel like getting drunk, eating some meat and jamming some Toby Keith all afternoon. If you don't like America, you can GET OUT!
Click here for video with original story.
AP
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. -Well, at least the salsa is low-cal. The West Michigan Whitecaps, a minor league baseball team, will be offering up major league cholesterol, carbohydrates and calories in an enormous hamburger being added to the menu this year at the Fifth Third Ballpark.
The 4-pound, $20 burger features five beef patties, five slices of cheese, nearly a cup of chili and liberal doses of salsa and corn chips, all on an 8-inch sesame-seed bun. That's a lot of dough!
The Grand Rapids Press reports that anyone who eats the entire 4,800-calorie behemoth in one sitting will receive a special T-shirt. Saner fans can divide it up with a pizza cutter and share.
The Midwest League team is a Class A affiliate of the Detroit Tigers.
| Fifth Third Ballpark Burger |
Let's see the freaking Chinese do that! I feel like getting drunk, eating some meat and jamming some Toby Keith all afternoon. If you don't like America, you can GET OUT!
Click here for video with original story.
Make a wrong turn and its the glue factory for you!
Seeing-Eye Horse Kicks Up Controversy
AOL
A disabled Texas woman has sparked a controversy with her use of a seeing-eye horse.
Fort Worth's Tabitha Darling, who is legally blind and has a bone condition that makes walking painful, uses her pony Trixie to help her navigate the world. ABC News reports that Darling and the animal go everywhere, from places like Dairy Queen to Target.
"She means the world to me," Darling told WFAA. "[Trixie's] not just a working animal, but -- well -- my friend."
But some in the city's disabled community question Darling's use of Trixie, saying there are animals other than a horse that the woman could be paired with.
"She doesn't need to be riding it around like Lady Godiva in a store," Carolyn Finefrock told WFAA. Finefrock, whose vision is even worse than Darling's, uses a seeing-eye dog and gets around with a wheelchair.
This horse is a freaking genious. If I have any readers in For Worth can you please get me some video of this horse in Target or at the drive through lane? In fact run up and snag her burgers and see if the horse freaks out. Give them back after though. I'm not advocating fuc*king with the blind. That's mean.
And the lady with the dog can just zip it. I think she's just jealous she didn't think of it.
AOL
A disabled Texas woman has sparked a controversy with her use of a seeing-eye horse.
Fort Worth's Tabitha Darling, who is legally blind and has a bone condition that makes walking painful, uses her pony Trixie to help her navigate the world. ABC News reports that Darling and the animal go everywhere, from places like Dairy Queen to Target.
"She means the world to me," Darling told WFAA. "[Trixie's] not just a working animal, but -- well -- my friend."
But some in the city's disabled community question Darling's use of Trixie, saying there are animals other than a horse that the woman could be paired with.
"She doesn't need to be riding it around like Lady Godiva in a store," Carolyn Finefrock told WFAA. Finefrock, whose vision is even worse than Darling's, uses a seeing-eye dog and gets around with a wheelchair.
This horse is a freaking genious. If I have any readers in For Worth can you please get me some video of this horse in Target or at the drive through lane? In fact run up and snag her burgers and see if the horse freaks out. Give them back after though. I'm not advocating fuc*king with the blind. That's mean.
And the lady with the dog can just zip it. I think she's just jealous she didn't think of it.
Monkey Business and the Jewish X-Games
Maker of giant stuffed toy 'swinging single'
By THE CANADIAN PRESS
MERRITT, B.C. - A Merritt, B.C. woman has created some monkey business - more than two metres and 23 kilograms of it.
Cherylle Douglas has sewn together a giant sock monkey similar to the popular children's toy made with a grey-bodied, red-heeled work sock.
But Douglas' version is made from 32 pairs of the woollen socks and, at 2.7 metres in height, she's hoping it's big enough to swing into the Guinness Book of World Records.
She says the dimensions of the giant toy must still be officially verified but while she waits she's finding several useful purposes for the super-sized stuffie.
It has already been invited for a beer at a local bar and, since it stands nearly one metre taller than the average man, the southern Interior B.C. woman believes it could pass for her boyfriend.
If so, it would give new meaning to the term "swinging single."
Okay here's my main beef with the Guinness Book of Records. This lady shouldn't be in because there isn't any competition. I think of records as a mark several people or groups are competing for. There's no other giant sock monkeys in the world. It's just like when the crowd at a Tech game all wore Buddy Holly glasses to get a world record. Has any other group even tried that?
I say there should be a special section when unique records sit and then if other people try and fail the record goes in. Here's the bigger issue. Why do I care so much?
On the other hand this definitely should be a record!
10 Jews on snowboard? Hello, Guinness book
Associated Press
Link here
JACKSON, Wyo. — Eric Sweet already has a hold on the trademark. He's also in contact with the Guinness World Records and Fuel TV and has interested a producer in Los Angeles, who may want the movie rights.
What, exactly, does Sweet have that's drawing attention from people around the country? The world's longest snowboard, of course.
Sweet has teamed with several friends to construct a 36-foot, 10-person snowboard. He plans to launch it April 1 at Jackson Hole Mountain Resort.
"On the one hand, it seems like a ridiculous thing to do," said Wilson resident Gal Bar-or, who will be one of the riders. "But it's come to shape pretty fast."
Sweet's attempt to launch his giant, snakelike board comes with an odd twist, though. All 10 riders will be Jewish, including Sweet.
Sweet has also procured a trademark hold from the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office giving him rights to the name "Ten Jews, One Snowboard" and "The Minyan Board."
Sweet says he's having fun with the whole project.
"It was more difficult to put 10 Jews together and agree on something," Sweet said. "That's part of what I think is funny: With 10 Jews, can we actually pull it off? I don't know. With 10 Jews on a snowboard, it's going to be hard for us to look athletic."
Stop! You had me at 10 Jews. Enough said.
For the talent portion she will be walking a stright line
Miss Montana pleads not guilty to DUI
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
BOZEMAN, Mont. (AP) — Miss Montana Jennifer Hepner has been charged with driving under the influence and has been suspended from her duties with the pageant.
The 23-year-old University of Montana graduate student had been pulled over Jan. 3 and refused to submit to alcohol screening, breath or blood tests. Her license was seized and suspended.
The Bozeman Daily Chronicle reported Wednesday that Hepner has pleaded not guilty. She is also fighting the license suspension.
Her lawyer says her requests to speak with an attorney during the traffic stop were denied.
The lawyer says Hepner was allowed to participate in the Miss America pageant Jan. 24, but her Miss Montana duties were suspended Feb. 16.
The Miss America Organization says Hepner will retain her tiara until the next Miss Montana is crowned June 20.
What kind of sick world are we living in when a beauty queen can get a DUI? Beautiful people are supposed to be extempt from this type of litigation. And she was in Montana. There's no other cars on the road. What's she going to do, hit a moose? I have a good mind to send ET back to Montana to exact a little revenge on the Bozeman police. Montana State sucks anyway. U of M is clearly the better school. Go Griz!
Excuse me! I'm trying to make a call
College phone booth stunt just like old times
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
MORAGA, Calif. - Twenty-two students at St. Mary's College of California have done something their predecessors famously did 50 years ago: crammed into a phone booth.
Teams competed to fit as many bodies as possible into a phone booth on the campus green Wednesday, a half-century after Life magazine published a now-famous photograph of 22 St. Mary's students stuffed into a phone booth, a popular college stunt in the 1950s.
Current students matched the number in the 1959 image, though they failed to break the campus record of 24 set in 1984.
St. Mary's officials say a South African team set the world record of 25 in 1958.
This reminds me of the time Mac 10 and Mr. Cox use a phone booth naked during the scavenger hunt. Classic humor. It's good to see that some gags never get old. Like April Fools jokes or when we called Tommy a 'master debater'. There's no shelf life on goofs that good.
PS- We really should have tried this gag in the Superman booth at the UD. I wonder if anyone ever banged in there.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
F My Life Moments of the Day
Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML
Today, I was sitting at home when I remembered that I desperately needed gas for my car. On my way there, I prayed that my car would make it the whole way, and was thankful when I pulled up to the pump, because I knew my car wouldn't go any further. Then I realized I left my wallet at my house. FML
YouTube Suggested Video: Why Are You Fu*king With Me?
What terrible treatment. The poor guy is a plain speaking, concientious objector and he gets attacked. Actually it was hilarious. I love my suggested videos. Bright point of my day.
Rap Wars. I preferred Vanilla Ice vs. Eminem
Feud Between Akon and Suge Triggered Robbery
Posted Mar 25th 2009 11:15AM by TMZ Staff
We've now spoken with one of the victims of the home invasion robbery early this morning -- a man who works for Detail, Akon's producer -- and he says Suge Knight and money are behind the incident.
Christopher Walker tells us at about 3:00 AM five men broke into his home with guns and said they were there to collect a debt on behalf of Suge Knight. They claimed Detail owed Suge money, and then proceeded to collect on the debt.
Walker says Detail was asleep in one of the bedrooms. The men entered the bedroom but did not get Detail out of bed. Instead, they stole $170,000 worth of jewelry from his room.
Walker adds they demanded a key to the safe and said they would kill all four people in the house if they didn't get it. The robbers didn't get the key -- instead, they took the 130 pound safe.
Walker says they also took stereo equipment and a key to a Mercedes. He claims the total heist was more than $200,000. A police source tells us it's more like $300,000.
Walker says the feud ignited in Arizona during NBA All-Star weekend when Suge got his face smashed in by two men who worked for Akon. Walker says that incident was over the same alleged debt that triggered this morning's home invasion.
Suge seems to have dropped down the food chain. Back in my day Suge was pistol whipping producers and holding Vanilla Ice over a balcony for money. Now he's getting his ass whipped every other month by Akon no less. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Click the link for videos and stuff.
See...Kobe's not that bad
Kobe's Maid Sues -- It Was the Crappiest Job Ever
Posted Mar 25th 2009 11:25AM by TMZ Staff
Kobe Bryant and his wife Vanessa are being sued by their former housekeeper, who claims Vanessa was incredibly abusive -- even demanding that she put her hand in a bag of dog feces to retrieve a tag from her blouse.
Maria Jimenez claims Vanessa called her "lazy, slow, dumb, a f---ing liar, and f---ing sh-t."
In the lawsuit filed in Superior Court in Orange County, Jimenez claims Vanessa accused her of stealing her (mouth) retainer.
Jimenez says it got so bad -- Vanessa allegedly "badgered, harassed and humiliated Maria by yelling and screaming at Maria and criticizing her in front of Kobe, the Bryants' children, employees and other people in the household" -- she threatened to quit but Kobe talked her out of it.
The final straw: When Vanessa went nuclear because Maria put an expensive blouse in the washer. Vanessa demanded that Maria put her hand in a bag of dog feces to retrieve the price tag for the blouse.
Maria says she wanted to quit and Vanessa responded that she "had to work until payday to pay for the $690 blouse, which she did."
Maria is suing for wrongful discharge, invasion of privacy and emotional distress and unpaid wages.
Glad to see someone is coming clean about who the real evil is in the Bryant household. Kobe is repeatedly driven into the arms of other women and I for one feel terrible for him. My bigger question is how the maid can sue for wrongful discharge when she quit. I get the other charges but I think the wrongful discharge may be a bit bogus. TMZ also has a poll up for toughest job between Kobe's maid and Kobe's wife. Har de har har. Very funny.
Posted Mar 25th 2009 11:25AM by TMZ Staff
Kobe Bryant and his wife Vanessa are being sued by their former housekeeper, who claims Vanessa was incredibly abusive -- even demanding that she put her hand in a bag of dog feces to retrieve a tag from her blouse.
Maria Jimenez claims Vanessa called her "lazy, slow, dumb, a f---ing liar, and f---ing sh-t."
In the lawsuit filed in Superior Court in Orange County, Jimenez claims Vanessa accused her of stealing her (mouth) retainer.
Jimenez says it got so bad -- Vanessa allegedly "badgered, harassed and humiliated Maria by yelling and screaming at Maria and criticizing her in front of Kobe, the Bryants' children, employees and other people in the household" -- she threatened to quit but Kobe talked her out of it.
The final straw: When Vanessa went nuclear because Maria put an expensive blouse in the washer. Vanessa demanded that Maria put her hand in a bag of dog feces to retrieve the price tag for the blouse.
Maria says she wanted to quit and Vanessa responded that she "had to work until payday to pay for the $690 blouse, which she did."
Maria is suing for wrongful discharge, invasion of privacy and emotional distress and unpaid wages.
Glad to see someone is coming clean about who the real evil is in the Bryant household. Kobe is repeatedly driven into the arms of other women and I for one feel terrible for him. My bigger question is how the maid can sue for wrongful discharge when she quit. I get the other charges but I think the wrongful discharge may be a bit bogus. TMZ also has a poll up for toughest job between Kobe's maid and Kobe's wife. Har de har har. Very funny.
Deputy Dog must feel conflicted
Deputy shoots dog
BY DOUG CARMAN/Odessa American
Ruben Dominguez was angry and looking for answers after a sheriff's deputy fatally shot his dog just before noon Monday while serving him papers.
He said deputy Bobby Hodges went to his West Odessa home 11 a.m. Monday at 12001 W. Everett St. while he was at work to give him papers on a child support case, when Hodges came across his rottweiler, Suki, and shot her when Hodges felt threatened by her.
"He had my number. After he shot my dog, he called me and asked if I could come out to my house... why couldn't he tell me he had to serve me some papers?" Dominguez said.
Sheriff Mark Donaldson said Hodges was justified to enter the yard to serve the civil papers and carry out police business if he felt it was safe to do so, and then he was also justified to shoot the dog if she threatened his safety.
"If a big rottweiler is coming to bite you and they can kill you, you have a right to protect yourself as any other citizen would," he said said.
Donaldson said Hodges saw things at the house suggesting there was a dog there, though he was not sure Hodges actually saw Suki. Dominguez said Hodges told him he saw Suki in the yard but decided she was not a threat, so he walked through one of the gates and approached his front door.
Then, according to the reports Donaldson collected from Hodges and another officer with him at the time, Suki started chasing Hodges. Donaldson said he jumped a brick fence near the front door but Suki kept chasing him, so the deputy pulled out his gun and shot him.
I expect this story will be the most controversial dog story in Odessa since the great Clark House Dog Attack Scandal of '07. There's really nothing comical about this story. I'm just interested in what people think about it. HINT - This might a nice time to finally comment. - I'm torn. I'm known to hate both dogs and the Ector County Sheriff's Department.
Why don't we just have a 128 team tourney?
Ridding automatic bids could benefit NCAA Tournament
Brett Talley/Sports Columnist/Daily Toreador
Why were Radford, Morehead State, Robert Morris, Tennessee-Chattanooga, Cornell, Portland State, Stephen F. Austin and Morgan State in the tournament?
Even other low-seeded teams that gave big name teams a run for their money or even won a game like Cleveland State, Cal State-Northridge and East Tennessee State should not have been in the tournament.
Teams seeded No. 13 or higher always are teams from weak conferences who gained automatic bids by winning their conference tournament and have almost zero chance of reaching the Sweet 16 and even less of a chance of advancing beyond that round. In fact, only two teams seeded No. 13 or higher have reached the Sweet 16 and neither of those teams made it to the Elite Eight.
The point is, quite simply, automatic bids for winning a conference tournament have to go.
Many analysts would disagree, saying the Cinderella element is what makes the tournament so popular and so great. What they fail to understand is it does not matter who "Cinderella" is, just that there is one.
Whether it is Radford or teams like Miami (#65 in the final RPI ranking this year) and Auburn (#64 RPI) that are getting the last spots in the tournament, fans with no vested interest in either team will still root for the big upset every time. The only difference is that Miami and Auburn would have a chance and Radford, clearly, does not.
He goes on like that for a while if you want to click the link. This is part of the reason why I hate college basketball. The tournament is pretty much perfect the way it is and their fans still seem to think it needs tweeking. And no, noone would be as excited if Auburn or Miami beat a top seed as they would if Radford did. Those teams aren't Cindarellas, they're Dark Horses. Two completely different animals. As long as they leave college football the Hell alone I'm okay. Don't screw up my regular season just because you can't appreciate things for what they are.
PS - since when does the DT have sports columnists. Back in my day the sports reporters just wrote columns. Hell in a handbasket I tell you.
My new job: Ambassador of Odessa
Meet the Ambassador of Beverly Hills
By JOHN ROGERS/AP
BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. (March 25) - Even amid the overdressed audacity of Rodeo Drive, Gregg Donovan stands out as the only guy on the street in a top hat and tails, silk tie, and a pair of $1,500 shoes that have been glossed to an eye-dazzling shine.
Then there's that booming voice that never seems to grow hoarse as it shouts out a hundred or more times a day, "Welcome to Beverly Hills! You have arrived!" in a baritone that seems to rattle the windows of every store from Chanel to Cartier, Ralph Lauren to Louis Vuitton.
"I love this job!" says Donovan.
No, Donovan isn't the mayor of Beverly Hills, although he says Oprah Winfrey once mistakenly addressed him as such. His title is much loftier: ambassador of Beverly Hills.
"If you said, 'Where would you like to work? The White House? Buckingham Palace?'" he says, "I'd have to say I'd rather work here. Every day it's like 'The Wizard of Oz' and Rodeo Drive is the Yellow Brick Road."
The Kingdom of Beverly Hills didn't always have an ambassador, of course. Once upon a time it was just another small town, albeit one with 35,000 people perched atop nearly 6 square miles of the world's most ridiculously overpriced real estate.
How come I can never find out about easy jobs like these? I could easily be the ambassador in Beverly Hills. It sells itself. Hell I could be the admbassador of Odessa. I could welcome in all the people from Goldsmith and Gardendale who have to come shopping there. But don't expect me to have positive diplomatic relations with the Midlanders. I smell a war brewing.
PS - Above left is the world's largest jack rabbit in the world (Odessa's claim to fame. His name is Jack Ben Sheppard. So Mcintosh shares a name with a rabbit statue.
Taking a bite out of marriage
Wife cuffs, bites estranged husband
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
FAIRFIELD, Conn. - A woman attempting to reconcile with her estranged husband handcuffed herself to him as he slept and then bit him on his torso and arms as he phoned for help, police said.
Helen Sun, 37, told police she wanted to have a conversation with Robert Drawbough without him leaving. She changed the locks on their bedroom door and, while he was sleeping Monday, handcuffed herself to him, authorities said.
Drawbough was able to dial 911 from his cellphone. Nearly out of breath, he told dispatchers he woke up handcuffed, was still bound to his wife and was holding her down, according to a recording released by police.
If you ask me ole Helen Sun was just exhausting every opportunity to make her marriage work. Robert Drawbough on the other hand is a quitter. Stand by your woman Robert. Handcuffs, bite marks and all. Seriously though, if you click on the link above you can hear the 911 call and he sounds pretty effing terrified. Helen must be one crazy bitch.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
F My Life Moment of the Day
Today, I was going to a concert. I left my wallet at home because I was afraid it would get stolen, or lost or something. After an awesome night, I came back home to find that my house had been broken into, and every dollar that was in my wallet got stolen. FML
T.O. no show story. Thanks ESPN!
Owens misses start of program
Associated Press
ORCHARD PARK, N.Y. -- T.O. was a no-show Monday for the start of the Bills voluntary offseason conditioning program.
That didn't stop his new teammates from eagerly awaiting Terrell Owens' arrival -- whenever that might occur -- and even getting in a laugh or two.
"I'm really excited about meeting the guy," center Geoff Hangartner said. "I've heard he's a great teammate."
Great quote by Hangartner as long as he was being tounge in cheek. I could have told anyone T.O. wouldn't be showing up for this crap and ESPN could have too, but as I predicted ESPN had to make a 5 minute spectatcle of it on SportsCenter. My team is officially now a sideshow. FML.
Youtube Recommended Video: What A Dumbass
Some Sideshow Bob looking d-bag loses on the first question on Millionaire. Classic. Yeah surge protectors are for water. We're you raised in a barn genious?
Indian name: Dances With Religious Fanatic
Pastor, man cited for shooting arrow in church
AP
SHEBOYGAN FALLS, Wis. -A pastor and parishioner have been cited by police for shooting an arrow during a church service. The pastor asked to have the arrow shot across the front of the church during a recent service at Pentecostals of Sheboygan County as a 'teaching tool.'
As the parishioner prepared to shoot the arrow with his bow, one man stood up and objected, telling the pastor it was unsafe and illegal. Parishioners said the pastor told the man to be quiet and sit down.
When the man objected a second time, the pastor asked him to leave. He did and called police.
The parishioner was cited for using a missile indoors and the pastor was cited for aiding and abetting. Both were fined $109.
It's all fun and games at the Pentecostal Church until inevitably some guy pulls out a bow and arrow and the shit gets real. I had a close friend grow up pentecostal and if he had a nickel for every time a dude shot a arrow in church he'd have a million bucks. But he didn't have some unbelieving skeptic in his congregation that would ruin it for everyone. This guy ought to be ashamed of himself.
PS - This video is crazy. This priest straight up wops some lady.
A legal and moral dilemma
Man rescued from woods faces gun charge
Associated Press
CHEBOYGAN, Mich. — Rescuers on foot and by helicopter battled high winds and blowing snow to find Howard Keshick in some Northern Michigan woods.
But police also found him with a .50-caliber inline muzzleloader and learned he had a previous conviction for home invasion.
The Cheboygan Daily Tribune reports that Keshick pleaded guilty March 17 in Cheboygan County's 53rd Circuit Court to being a felon in possession of a firearm. He also pleaded guilty to malicious destruction of property from a separate incident.
Keshick became lost while hunting during a snowstorm in Inverness Township. He used a cell phone to summon help after spending a day looking for a way out of the woods.
He will pay for rescue expenses. Sentencing is scheduled April 7.
Allow me to play devil's advocate for just a moment. Look the guy lost his priviledge to own and operate a firearm when he decided he should be robbing houses. Here's a similar scenario. Tell me if this dude deserves some attention from the law. A pedophile receives medical attention from 911 after being hit in the head with a baseball while watching a little league team practice. He's clearly not allowed within 500 yards of a child but he got his head caved in. I'd say he's due for a arrest. So sorry Mr. Keshick...I think you were in the wrong.
Associated Press
CHEBOYGAN, Mich. — Rescuers on foot and by helicopter battled high winds and blowing snow to find Howard Keshick in some Northern Michigan woods.
But police also found him with a .50-caliber inline muzzleloader and learned he had a previous conviction for home invasion.
The Cheboygan Daily Tribune reports that Keshick pleaded guilty March 17 in Cheboygan County's 53rd Circuit Court to being a felon in possession of a firearm. He also pleaded guilty to malicious destruction of property from a separate incident.
Keshick became lost while hunting during a snowstorm in Inverness Township. He used a cell phone to summon help after spending a day looking for a way out of the woods.
He will pay for rescue expenses. Sentencing is scheduled April 7.
Allow me to play devil's advocate for just a moment. Look the guy lost his priviledge to own and operate a firearm when he decided he should be robbing houses. Here's a similar scenario. Tell me if this dude deserves some attention from the law. A pedophile receives medical attention from 911 after being hit in the head with a baseball while watching a little league team practice. He's clearly not allowed within 500 yards of a child but he got his head caved in. I'd say he's due for a arrest. So sorry Mr. Keshick...I think you were in the wrong.
Bird given award it will never appreciate
Parrot's warning saved baby from choking
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
DENVER - A parrot whose cries of alarm alerted his owner when a little girl in Denver, Col., choked on her breakfast has been honoured as a hero.
Willie, a Quaker parrot, has been given the local Red Cross chapter's Animal Lifesaver Award. In November, Willie's owner, Megan Howard, was babysitting a toddler.
Howard left the room and the little girl, Hannah, started to choke on her breakfast.
Willie repeatedly yelled "Mama, baby" and flapped his wings, and Howard returned in time to find the girl already turning blue.
Howard saved Hannah by performing the Heimlich manoeuvre but says Willie "is the real hero."
I always love these animal rescue stories. This was really just a case of unbelieveable luck and timing. Howard taught the parrot a phrase and it repeated it. Parrots are like the schizophrenics of the animal community. They'll blurt out a clear thought once every year. For the last time your cat didn't sense that there was a gas leak in the house and warned you...it just wanted to go outside.
Yeah Tuesday!: 100th Post!!!
For my 100th post I thought a classic Wet Hot American Summer scene was in order. Hopefully the BYB will make it to 1 million posts, but if not, at least we had 100.
Monday, March 23, 2009
F My Life Moment of the Day
Today, at the gym, I saw this really pretty girl. Trying to impress her, I started lifting with heavy weights. One of the weights slipped out of my hand. I then dropped the other one, trying to make it seem like it was on purpose. I dropped the weight on my phone. I squealed. She giggled. FML
Youtube Suggested Video: Frank Stallone
Youtube has me pegged wonderfully. Bear attacks, taser shots and Frank Stallone music. Now I will let the soothing tones of Frank Stallone welcome you home.
Red Raiders pull a lot of wool
Tech Wool Judging team earns third-place finish in competition
Chelsea Kimble/Staff Writer/Daily Toreador
HOUSTON - The Texas Tech College of Agriculture Wool Judging team finished its last competition of the year Thursday with a third-place finish.
Two teams of Tech students competed against other collegiate teams at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo, in which the Red team was awarded third place overall in the Wool Judging Contest at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo Award Breakfast and Presentation.
One of the coaches, L.J. Ashorn, an animal and food science graduate student, said the students are split into the Red team and the Black team because only four students can compete per team. The entire team consists of 12 freshmen and one senior.
The teams competed in two other competitions this year at Denver in January and San Antonio in February, said Kevin Pond, Animal and Food Science Department chairman.
Pond said the students did well at Houston competition and he was proud of the coaches for the year.
"L.J. and Moriah are awesome coaches with high morals and good work ethics," he said.
What the F is a wool judging team? I'd assume you either judge sheep's wool or judges judge your sheep? I'm thinking it involves sheep anyway. Who knows? A couple weeks ago I had fun with a story about the meat judging team but this is just too much. By the way, I have no idea what is up with the picture. I was looking for something with sheep and that was too much to pass up.
Isn't he wonderful?
Say what you want about Peyton Manning but I am a full fledged member of his camp. It's true, I was once a Peyton hater as I had a giant man crush on Ryan Leaf but now I think Peyton is the bees knees. And singing DAC. Nothing classier.
Public executions to return in Nebraska
Neb. town abuzz over tourism idea: electric chair
By ANNA JO BRATTON, Associated Press Writer
LINCOLN, Neb. – Residents of a small southwest Nebraska town have a question for state officials: You're not doing anything with that old electric chair, are you?
The Nebraska Supreme Court ruled last year that the state's use of the electric chair was unconstitutional. Some people in McCook — population just under 8,000 — think "Old Sparky" could be a tourist attraction and have offered to take it off the state's hands.
Fifteen men were executed in the chair, which is about 210 miles east of McCook at the Nebraska State Penitentiary in Lincoln.
Corrections department spokeswoman Connie Nemec says there are no immediate plans to move the chair.
Screw just looking at the chair. I say we bring back public executions. And what better way to ring in the newfound money maker than with a public shocking of Lawrence Phillips? I thought it had a nice ring to it anyway.
By ANNA JO BRATTON, Associated Press Writer
LINCOLN, Neb. – Residents of a small southwest Nebraska town have a question for state officials: You're not doing anything with that old electric chair, are you?
The Nebraska Supreme Court ruled last year that the state's use of the electric chair was unconstitutional. Some people in McCook — population just under 8,000 — think "Old Sparky" could be a tourist attraction and have offered to take it off the state's hands.
Fifteen men were executed in the chair, which is about 210 miles east of McCook at the Nebraska State Penitentiary in Lincoln.
Corrections department spokeswoman Connie Nemec says there are no immediate plans to move the chair.
Screw just looking at the chair. I say we bring back public executions. And what better way to ring in the newfound money maker than with a public shocking of Lawrence Phillips? I thought it had a nice ring to it anyway.
ACTUAL VIDEO: OLD WOMEN FIGHT!
Women Fight Over 72-Year-Old Man
AOL
A 72-year-old man is at the center of a battle between two women who both say they were dating him in Dayton, Ohio.
Edith Mitchell, 78, told WHIO she was sitting in car with her beau of two years on Wednesday when a 73-year-old woman who claimed to be dating the same man came up to the car.
"She came up and grabbed me out and said 'that's my man,'" Mitchell alleged. "She said, 'Hey [expletive], you with my man, get out of that car.'"
According to WHIO, Dayton police reports say the woman started striking Mitchell in the face with her fists. Mitchell said she went into her home and got her gun, but that the other woman took it from her and pulled the trigger, misfiring.
In the police reports, the other woman claims it was Mitchell who did the misfiring.
"I'm too old for this, that's all I can say," Mitchell told WHIO.
AOL
A 72-year-old man is at the center of a battle between two women who both say they were dating him in Dayton, Ohio.
Edith Mitchell, 78, told WHIO she was sitting in car with her beau of two years on Wednesday when a 73-year-old woman who claimed to be dating the same man came up to the car.
"She came up and grabbed me out and said 'that's my man,'" Mitchell alleged. "She said, 'Hey [expletive], you with my man, get out of that car.'"
According to WHIO, Dayton police reports say the woman started striking Mitchell in the face with her fists. Mitchell said she went into her home and got her gun, but that the other woman took it from her and pulled the trigger, misfiring.
In the police reports, the other woman claims it was Mitchell who did the misfiring.
"I'm too old for this, that's all I can say," Mitchell told WHIO.
Trucker's worst enemy: Wild Turkey
Wild turkeys terrorize trucker at Mich. service shop
Associated Press
JACKSON, Mich.— Wild turkeys are turning into bullies in one Michigan town.
Tri-County International Trucks employee Dave Dodes told the Jackson Citizen Patriot that three of the birds scared a truck driver so much he stayed in his vehicle when he stopped at the truck service shop Friday.
He said a company worker had to create a diversion so the driver could escape, and the turkeys chased both men inside the building in an industrial area at the edge of Jackson, Mich.
Dodes says the birds had been seen near the building for a long time but only recently turned aggressive.
He says “they’re not afraid of traffic, and now they chase people around.”
Jackson is about 65 miles west of Detroit.
Generally when I hear a trucker had a run in with wild turkey I'm thinking there's a bottle of whiskey, a shotgun and a battered wife involved. Then I read the story and found out a flock of wild turkeys accousted a trucker (generally known to be one of the tougher breeds of man). So cling tight to your beaded seat cushoins brave men and use caution when making your Midwest haul.
FOLLOW UP STORY
Strip club 'job fair' attracts more bouncers than peelers
Many want strip club jobs at door, not on stage
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
PROVIDENCE, R.I. - Scores of people have applied to work at a Rhode Island strip club - but the vast majority don't need to show any leg to get the job.
Providence's Foxy Lady held a job fair Saturday, seeking to fill about 35 positions for dancers, masseuses, bartenders and bouncers.
But the Providence Journal newspaper reports the vast majority of the more than 150 job seekers were men looking to work at the door.
And most of the women said they were looking for work that didn't involve taking their clothes off.
Foxy Lady co-owner Tom Tsoumas (SOO'-muhs) says a recent promotion to cut prices has helped the club regain business lost due to the bad economy, forcing it to hire more employees.
Some time ago we had an entry about the Foxy Lady in Providence having a job fair. Sounds like it all went well but I was shocked that more potential strippers didn't show. I'd say in this economy a job with no cap on earning and free drugs to help cope with the pain would be much more attractive. I guess this is more evidence that the market hasn't fully reached its bottom until I gets to slaps mo' bottoms. That was crude.
Many want strip club jobs at door, not on stage
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
PROVIDENCE, R.I. - Scores of people have applied to work at a Rhode Island strip club - but the vast majority don't need to show any leg to get the job.
Providence's Foxy Lady held a job fair Saturday, seeking to fill about 35 positions for dancers, masseuses, bartenders and bouncers.
But the Providence Journal newspaper reports the vast majority of the more than 150 job seekers were men looking to work at the door.
And most of the women said they were looking for work that didn't involve taking their clothes off.
Foxy Lady co-owner Tom Tsoumas (SOO'-muhs) says a recent promotion to cut prices has helped the club regain business lost due to the bad economy, forcing it to hire more employees.
Some time ago we had an entry about the Foxy Lady in Providence having a job fair. Sounds like it all went well but I was shocked that more potential strippers didn't show. I'd say in this economy a job with no cap on earning and free drugs to help cope with the pain would be much more attractive. I guess this is more evidence that the market hasn't fully reached its bottom until I gets to slaps mo' bottoms. That was crude.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
GONE GOLFING!
No blogging today. I went golfing. Chris Brown shot an 83 and my dad kept it under 100. Me...not so much. I'm the white Charles Barkley.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Grizz Moment of the Day
F My Life sucked today so I figured I would regale everyone with a story of my life. I have wanted to get up and work out early every morning so I can enjoy basketball all day but I keep getting drunk and then I hurt in the morning.
You see during my nightly movie viewing I like to have a bowl of popcorn and 2 Colorado Bulldogs. But the last two nights I opted for extra Bulldogs and it wrecks my stomach. So I didn't work out today and then I went and ate hot wings for lunch because I wanted to watch basketball at Buffalo Wild Wings.
Meanwhile Clay and Kelsey are enjoying the tournament together, drinking heavily and drunk dialing their friends. Color me jealous. Of course my mom is a way better drinking buddy than them and she doesn't judge me. She loves me for the shiftless, unemployed, drunken hobo I am. That's hoBO Eric...don't get excited.
The tournament is going pretty awful for me. I've already lost 2 Sweet 16 teams and 1 Elite 8 team. Yes I had Clemson in the Elite 8. Worse yet I have Arizona State beating Syracuse in Round 2 so the whole South Region is going to bang me. FML.
Best ending ever.
So I do the Netflix and I've pretty much watched all the big picture movies I want to see. So now I'm getting all these movies Netflix suggested for me, which almost all happen to be terrible 80's teenybopper flicks.
Last night's movie was The Last American Virgin which is supposed to be the quintessential teen sex comedy. It was awful but the shocking ending made up for it. I've searched high and low for a movie with an ending that is a complete downer. You know, how it happens in real life. Well here it is.
This clip is like 10 minutes long but take the time...its worth it. The clip starts as this young lady has just had an abortion over X-Mas break. The kid with the tree paid for the abortion and was nice to the girl, but it was his best friend who knocked her up and then ditched her. ACTION!
Last night's movie was The Last American Virgin which is supposed to be the quintessential teen sex comedy. It was awful but the shocking ending made up for it. I've searched high and low for a movie with an ending that is a complete downer. You know, how it happens in real life. Well here it is.
This clip is like 10 minutes long but take the time...its worth it. The clip starts as this young lady has just had an abortion over X-Mas break. The kid with the tree paid for the abortion and was nice to the girl, but it was his best friend who knocked her up and then ditched her. ACTION!
This just in...from Lil Terry
My thanks to Lil Terry for passing a few things along to me. Here is a quote from Julian Tavarez who signed a contract with the Washington Nationals. I think it sums up how I feel about being a Bills fans.
"Why did I sign with the Nationals?" Tavarez said told a group of
reporters. "When you go to a club at 4 in the morning, and you're just
waiting, waiting, a 600-pounder looks like J. Lo. And to me this is
Jennifer Lopez right here. It's 4 in the morning. Too much to drink.
So, Nationals: Jennifer Lopez to me."
Lil Terry also sent this gem of a video of a Texas litigation involving legendary Texas lawyer Joe Jamail (the field at UT's football stadium is named after him). Good stuff.
"Why did I sign with the Nationals?" Tavarez said told a group of
reporters. "When you go to a club at 4 in the morning, and you're just
waiting, waiting, a 600-pounder looks like J. Lo. And to me this is
Jennifer Lopez right here. It's 4 in the morning. Too much to drink.
So, Nationals: Jennifer Lopez to me."
Lil Terry also sent this gem of a video of a Texas litigation involving legendary Texas lawyer Joe Jamail (the field at UT's football stadium is named after him). Good stuff.
Is this really necessary?
Grim reminder
The 99 tells how many young people die every day
March 19, 2009 - 3:41 PM
BY DOUG CARMAN/ Odessa American
The recreated scenes are stark.
Blood pooled in front of the car wreck from the dead teenaged bodies flung over the hood, through the windshields and on the pavement. A husband and wife in the other car, calling on a cell phone frantic and distraught standing before their crying child and the tragedy before them.
Nearby, a filthy meth lab with more teenagers stoned out of their minds, tripping on the verge of an overdose.
Further down the walk, another 20-something who took his own life.
The 13 morbid, sometimes graphic re-enactments are just that, but production manager Justin D. Christensen of "The 99" said they're not trying to make up some kind of haunted house under the big canopy behind Music City Mall. There is a message to this "reality walk-through theater" that opens today, and it starts with the group's name.
"It's an awareness program," he said. "The 99 teens and young adults who will die every day in America, most of them are preventable."
Honestly teenagers aren't inherently stupid. They're risk takers who underestimate the costliness of their mistakes but I honestly believe the do understand there is risk involved. I always find the lavish displays are insulting to one's intelligence and over the top. Wouldn't be easier to have an open and honest discussion about these things in class. And then the ones who value their lives will make the right decisions and the ones who don't will blow up with a meth lab. Plus this tour is free and when I hear that I automatically assume we're the ones paying for it.
Whatcha gonna do New York Times best seller list?
HULK SPILLS GUTS, WRITES BOOK
National Enquirer
The Indelible Scribe, aka Terry Bollea aka Hulk Hogan shocking new tell-all.
Despite the only 'rassling action the Hulkster's seen lately is badmouthing his wife's lawyer in divorce court, Bollea has taken to pen with a no-holds-bared tale of himself called My Life Outside the Ring.
In the new book, Hogan, will detail his fabled rags to riches rise to wrestling champ and then the inevitable fall from grace - especially the past two years - reads almost like a bad reality show:
His son Nick in jail for a tragic car accident, wife Linda's nasty divorce court battle, his fall out with WWE kingpin Vince McMahon, steroid abuse, his daughter Brooke being Brooke.
Depression hit the 12- time World Heavy Weight Champ and six-time WWF belt holder hard but nothing says comeback like a six figure book deal.
Either that or a tag team grudge match with Mickey Rourke at Wrestlemania!
The Hulkster is about to run wild on the literary world. What else can you do when you conquer the world of television and film? Sadly enough he will sell a ton of these. Mick Foley has had like 3 books on the best seller list. I bet Hulk will have to buy a new keyboard though. The 'b', 'r' and 'o' keys will be pressed thousands of times.
National Enquirer
The Indelible Scribe, aka Terry Bollea aka Hulk Hogan shocking new tell-all.
Despite the only 'rassling action the Hulkster's seen lately is badmouthing his wife's lawyer in divorce court, Bollea has taken to pen with a no-holds-bared tale of himself called My Life Outside the Ring.
In the new book, Hogan, will detail his fabled rags to riches rise to wrestling champ and then the inevitable fall from grace - especially the past two years - reads almost like a bad reality show:
His son Nick in jail for a tragic car accident, wife Linda's nasty divorce court battle, his fall out with WWE kingpin Vince McMahon, steroid abuse, his daughter Brooke being Brooke.
Depression hit the 12- time World Heavy Weight Champ and six-time WWF belt holder hard but nothing says comeback like a six figure book deal.
Either that or a tag team grudge match with Mickey Rourke at Wrestlemania!
The Hulkster is about to run wild on the literary world. What else can you do when you conquer the world of television and film? Sadly enough he will sell a ton of these. Mick Foley has had like 3 books on the best seller list. I bet Hulk will have to buy a new keyboard though. The 'b', 'r' and 'o' keys will be pressed thousands of times.
Bowled Over!
So since I haven't watched Jay Leno ever I had to find out through the surf box today that Obama made a back handed joke about retarted people. I'm sure a lot of people are pissed about this. Honestly I think he did this on purpose to take the heat off Geitner for the whole AIG thing. It's kind of like Wag the Dog. Or Wag the mentally challenged bowler. It's something.
In the link above a Special Olympics bowler wants to take on Obama. No word on whether Johnny Knoxville and a terrible sequel will be involved.
Let's get physical
Transsexual marriage ends in bizarre killing
By M.R. Kropko, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
MIDDLEFIELD, Ohio (AP) — James M. Mason knew his wife since she was born a boy. The janitor and former military man was a boarder in the child’s home and was treated like family.
Many were surprised when he married Chris nearly three years ago, not just because he knew she underwent sex-change surgery three years before, temporarily calling herself Christine Newton-John after the pop singer with the same last name. He was in his 70s, she in her 30s. He was mild-mannered; she had a domineering personality.
Then, last summer, there was another surprise: Chris Mason was accused of exercising her frail husband to death so she could inherit his retirement benefits, in an attack caught on surveillance video.
Anything I could add here would easily cement my spot in Hell, but luckily I was saved. I wanted to add the Olivia Newton John video to the top but apparently that bitch had all the embedding disabled on YouTube. Does she honestly think letting people embed the video will cut down on your record sales. Noone cares anymore. Ridiculous. Check out the link on the story though. This is quite a freaky tale.
The naked truth about late night dog walking
Police: Nude teen with dog assaults woman
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
HART TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) — Police say a naked 14-year-old boy taking a walk with a large white poodle has assaulted a woman in Michigan.
Sheriff’s Lt. Craig Mast says the boy walked away from a behavioral treatment facility Monday. He was strolling unclothed in Hart Township with the dog when he encountered a 53-year-old woman in her yard.
Mast says, “The young naked man approached her with this poodle, and she immediately realized something peculiar.”
They spoke briefly. When the woman took out a cell phone to call for help, the boy pushed her and fled with the phone, which he later broke in half.
Deputies found the boy. He’s charged in juvenile court with strong-arm robbery and assault.
This tale is fraught with upsetting points. First of all where in the Hell did this kid get a dog? He was in a behavioral treatment facility! Is this dog a mascot? Maybe he stole the dog. Then we come to the "realized something peculiar" section. I think I could have spotted something out of the ordinary from a block away and ran my ass back in the house. You don't want to come into contact with a nude dog walker even if its a goof. All in all this spiraled out of control quickly.
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
HART TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) — Police say a naked 14-year-old boy taking a walk with a large white poodle has assaulted a woman in Michigan.
Sheriff’s Lt. Craig Mast says the boy walked away from a behavioral treatment facility Monday. He was strolling unclothed in Hart Township with the dog when he encountered a 53-year-old woman in her yard.
Mast says, “The young naked man approached her with this poodle, and she immediately realized something peculiar.”
They spoke briefly. When the woman took out a cell phone to call for help, the boy pushed her and fled with the phone, which he later broke in half.
Deputies found the boy. He’s charged in juvenile court with strong-arm robbery and assault.
This tale is fraught with upsetting points. First of all where in the Hell did this kid get a dog? He was in a behavioral treatment facility! Is this dog a mascot? Maybe he stole the dog. Then we come to the "realized something peculiar" section. I think I could have spotted something out of the ordinary from a block away and ran my ass back in the house. You don't want to come into contact with a nude dog walker even if its a goof. All in all this spiraled out of control quickly.
Unemployment up, pants down
Strip club to host job fair
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
PROVIDENCE, R.I. - Here's a job opportunity you won't need to buy a new wardrobe for.
Hoping to take advantage of Rhode Island's floundering economy, owners of the Foxy Lady strip club in Providence plan to hold a job fair on Saturday.
They say they're looking to fill around 30 positions at three clubs, from strippers and waitresses to disc jockeys and bartenders.
Foxy Lady's manager says the recession has hurt business, but says customers are still willing to come out and pay for drinks and a lap dance.
Co-owner Tom Tsoumas says he hopes some who might shun strip clubs when the economy is good might consider shedding their clothes now.
The naked truth is that Rhode Island's economy is among the worst in the U.S., with an unemployment rate of 10.3 per cent in January.
I don't really appreciate the AP's cheeky headline here. Insinuating strippers don't wear clothes is offensive. For the first half of their song strippers happen to wear some of the most eye catching, awe inspiring outfits known to man. So I suggest we stop ridiculing strip clubs and their owners. It seems to me Tom Tsoumas is trying to save the economy and the AP is just mocking him. For shame.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
F My Life Moment of the Day
Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML
For anyone new to the blog the F My Life moments are from a website where people chronicle the terrible things that happen to them. These in no way pertain to me. I don't want anyone thinking I have sex with drifters. Although, I've had to murder a few.
TOURNAMENT TIME!
Great work by a comedy genious. Pretty run of the mill start to the tourney. Cal State Northridge kept it close with Memphis for most of the game so that was nice. I've only lost one game. I had A&M losing to BYU and that didn't come close to happening. Thanks Mormons! I'm off to watch more games. Maryland and Cal are playing in a doozie of one.
When wrestling was king
Saw this on YouTube yesterday and almost posted it. Then Barstool Sports had it today so I figured I'd throw it on there. Razor Ramon was a toothpick chewing heel in the WWF in the mid 90s. Classic character. He later went on to wrestle under his real name Scott Hall. In WCW he developed the character to be a drunk because he was, in fact, usually drunk. He's been to rehab about 10 times.
The suspect is about 5'10", red eyes, big horns with a picthfork
Woman accused of church theft blames Satan
AP
ARLINGTON, Wash. -A woman accused of taking more than $73,000 from the Arlington church where she was an administrative assistant blames the devil. Papers filed with a theft charge Wednesday in Snohomish County Superior Court say the 62-year-old Arlington woman told detectives "Satan had a big part in the theft."
The Everett Herald reported the woman was accused of forging the pastor's signature on 80 checks from the Arlington Free Methodist church. She was fired in February 2008.
She told detectives she used the money to cover household expenses because she couldn't stand the thought of losing her home.
Look, if you're going to blame Satan you might as well go all out and say you were possessed. I don't think saying Satan had a big part is quite going to cut it, especially when you just told the cops you didn't want to lose your home. They'll never get Satan though. He's teflon. That bastard.
Ain't that about a B
No honor among thieves in Wisconsin robbery
Associated Press
MILWAUKEE — Two robbers leaving a Milwaukee jewelry store with cash and gems didn’t get far with the loot — another group of thieves robbed them as the pair left the crime scene.
Police Lt. Thomas Welch says a fight broke out in the street Wednesday before the groups got in vehicles and a chase ensued.
Welch says officers pulled over both vehicles and arrested four people, including the original two robbers, ages 40 and 31, and two men from the second group, of ages 22 and 27. All four are from Illinois.
But he says police didn’t recover any cash or jewelry and are searching for more suspects.
No estimate was available of the value of the stolen items.
That second group of guys has to be the worst kind of assholes ever. Not only are they shifty and devious, but they're lazy. That's truly a sign of our get rich quick, do what you want times. Robbing a group of thieves who took the initiative to scout a jewelry store, circumvent an alarm and get the job done. I hope these guys get the chair!
Associated Press
MILWAUKEE — Two robbers leaving a Milwaukee jewelry store with cash and gems didn’t get far with the loot — another group of thieves robbed them as the pair left the crime scene.
Police Lt. Thomas Welch says a fight broke out in the street Wednesday before the groups got in vehicles and a chase ensued.
Welch says officers pulled over both vehicles and arrested four people, including the original two robbers, ages 40 and 31, and two men from the second group, of ages 22 and 27. All four are from Illinois.
But he says police didn’t recover any cash or jewelry and are searching for more suspects.
No estimate was available of the value of the stolen items.
That second group of guys has to be the worst kind of assholes ever. Not only are they shifty and devious, but they're lazy. That's truly a sign of our get rich quick, do what you want times. Robbing a group of thieves who took the initiative to scout a jewelry store, circumvent an alarm and get the job done. I hope these guys get the chair!
Panty Raid!
Thieves steal $3,400 in panties
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
HURST, Texas - Police are looking for two men and a woman they say snatched $3,400 worth of panties from a Victoria's Secret in a Texas suburb of Hurst.
The police report says the thieves took 100 panties valued at $14 each and 125 valued at $16 each.
The suspects removed the panties from drawers opened at the front of the store and started placing them into a bag while most of the employees were in the rear of Victoria's Secret.
The Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported the story in its online edition Wednesday.
No arrests have been made in the March 9 theft.
What's the grand scheme here? I get the fact that the underpants were expensive and high quality but how are they going to re-sell them? I don't know anyone who buys panties on Ebay (seems to shady and dangerous). So are they going to sell them in the Wal Mart parking lot next to the pit bull puppies? If I was a chick I wouldn't buy panties from some weird dude in a parking lot.
Hey Old Man River. Zip it or I'll break your hip.
Seniors tell board to let them eat doughnuts
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
ASHBURNHAM, Mass. - Senior citizens in a Massachusetts community are telling a town official to keep his hands off their doughnuts.
Francis "Bill" Johnson is chairman of the advisory board in Ashburnham, a 90-minute drive northwest of Boston.
He said at a Council on Aging meeting this week that spending money on doughnuts and pastries for the local senior centre's morning coffee club encourages unhealthy eating habits in a population that already has health issues.
Board member Lorna Fields says Johnson has "overstepped his boundaries," and that many seniors won't eat "carrot sticks and stuff."
A cream-filled doughnut covered with sprinkles has about 350 calories.
But 67-year-old centre regular Betty Bushee tells The Telegram & Gazette of Worcester that no one has the right to tell seniors what to eat.
Sounds like some unruly seniors need an attitude adjustment. Doughnuts are a priviledge, not a right. If they all want to make a stink about this I suggest Bill Johnson threatens to move these old timers to one of those homes from 20/20. Beatings will continue until morale improves. Understood?
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
F My Life Moment of the Day
Today, I was in an elevator with my brother and a woman. He signs to me that she has a 'damn fine ass'. I chuckle and then shake my head. He shrugs. A second later the woman signs to us, 'Rick, don't you remember me?' Turns out she helped teach my brother sign language when he was six. FML
Somewhere Lamar Latrell is smiling
US endorses UN gay rights text
By MATTHEW LEE, Associated Press Writer
WASHINGTON – The Obama administration on Wednesday formally endorsed a U.N. statement calling for the worldwide decriminalization of homosexuality, a measure that former President George W. Bush had refused to sign.
The move was the administration's latest in reversing Bush-era decisions that have been heavily criticized by human rights and other groups. The United States was the only western nation not to sign onto the declaration when it came up at the U.N. General Assembly in December.
"The United States supports the U.N.'s statement on human rights, sexual orientation and gender identity and is pleased to join the other 66 U.N. member states who have declared their support of the statement," said State Department spokesman Robert Wood.
"The United States is an outspoken defender of human rights and critic of human rights abuses around the world," Wood told reporters. "As such, we join with other supporters of this statement, and we will continue to remind countries of the importance of respecting the human rights of all people in all appropriate international fora."
Nice to see the U.S. catching up with the times. It's hard to believe being gay is still a crime in some places. I just imagine a wanted poster for Boy George.
By MATTHEW LEE, Associated Press Writer
WASHINGTON – The Obama administration on Wednesday formally endorsed a U.N. statement calling for the worldwide decriminalization of homosexuality, a measure that former President George W. Bush had refused to sign.
The move was the administration's latest in reversing Bush-era decisions that have been heavily criticized by human rights and other groups. The United States was the only western nation not to sign onto the declaration when it came up at the U.N. General Assembly in December.
"The United States supports the U.N.'s statement on human rights, sexual orientation and gender identity and is pleased to join the other 66 U.N. member states who have declared their support of the statement," said State Department spokesman Robert Wood.
"The United States is an outspoken defender of human rights and critic of human rights abuses around the world," Wood told reporters. "As such, we join with other supporters of this statement, and we will continue to remind countries of the importance of respecting the human rights of all people in all appropriate international fora."
Nice to see the U.S. catching up with the times. It's hard to believe being gay is still a crime in some places. I just imagine a wanted poster for Boy George.
Yeah Spring Break!
Not much going on here in the Back Yard but I hope all you spring breakers are having a great time. I've only done spring break once but in only a few days Chris and I raced a ferrari in a golf cart and did keg stands with a group of black students from Chicago. Ah, memories.
Hey Madboy! Why you so mad?
Kanye West -- Charged With 3 Crimes
Posted Mar 18th 2009 3:15PM by TMZ Staff
Kanye West has just been charged with three criminal misdemeanors -- vandalism, battery, and grand theft -- in connection with the camera-smashing incident at LAX.
The L.A. City Attorney has also charged Don Crowley, Kanye's manager, with the following crimes -- two counts of vandalism, two counts of battery and two counts of grand theft.
TMZ happened to catch the incident on tape. In fact, Kanye broke our camera light as we were shooting. Crowley is charged with breaking both the TMZ camera and the still camera. Kanye is charged with breaking the flash accessory to the still camera.
The incident occurred last September 11. Both men are scheduled to be arraigned on April 14.
Kanye could get up to 2 1/2 years in jail if convicted on all counts. Crowley could get five years.
Boy Kanye has just gone off the deep end hasn't he? I understand in our society its normal to tear down people we once built up, but I don't think ole Kanye has helped out much being so egotistical and eccentric. He's pretty much a douche now. But here's a video from when he wasn't.
Posted Mar 18th 2009 3:15PM by TMZ Staff
Kanye West has just been charged with three criminal misdemeanors -- vandalism, battery, and grand theft -- in connection with the camera-smashing incident at LAX.
The L.A. City Attorney has also charged Don Crowley, Kanye's manager, with the following crimes -- two counts of vandalism, two counts of battery and two counts of grand theft.
TMZ happened to catch the incident on tape. In fact, Kanye broke our camera light as we were shooting. Crowley is charged with breaking both the TMZ camera and the still camera. Kanye is charged with breaking the flash accessory to the still camera.
The incident occurred last September 11. Both men are scheduled to be arraigned on April 14.
Kanye could get up to 2 1/2 years in jail if convicted on all counts. Crowley could get five years.
Boy Kanye has just gone off the deep end hasn't he? I understand in our society its normal to tear down people we once built up, but I don't think ole Kanye has helped out much being so egotistical and eccentric. He's pretty much a douche now. But here's a video from when he wasn't.
My YouTube Recommendation: A Great Orator
Ed Reed is one of the few Miami players I've ever respected along with Reggie Wayne. Don't know why YouTube thought I needed to see this but I enjoyed it anyway.
The future Mrs. Mike Tyson
Woman allegedly punches, bites her son's principal
AP
PROVIDENCE, R.I. -A Rhode Island woman faces charges after allegedly punching and biting her 11-year-old son's school principal after being told the boy was being suspended. Police said 30-year-old Aleyda Uceta also bit an officer trying to arrest her after Friday's incident at Roger Williams Middle School in Providence.
She was charged with assault on school officials, assault on police officers and resisting arrest.
Principal Rudolph Moseley Jr. was allegedly assaulted after he told Uceta that her son would be suspended for three days for refusing to go to a room for misbehaving students.
Police said Uceta punched Moseley in the face and bit his left arm. Attempts to reach Uceta by phone for comment were unsuccessful.
If I was the reporter here I'd be wary of contacting Ms. Uceta or you might get your ass bit. But in an era where parents are too apathetic to actually care about their child's education its nice to see Ms. Uceta sink her teeth into her son's school life and the principal.
I'n not impressed
6-Year-Old's IQ Is Higher Than Einstein's
AOL.com
An Ohio 6-year-old has something only one in a million people have: an IQ of 176 or above.
Cincinnati.com reports that young Pranav Veera, who likes video games and playing outside like any other child, is anything but typical.
The Loveland boy can say the alphabet backwards and list the names of U.S. presidents in the order they served in office. If you give him any date going back to 2000, Veera can tell you what day of the week that was. He also appears to have a photographic memory.
Even Albert Einstein didn't score as high on the intelligence charts as Veera: The legendary genius' IQ was thought to be about 160.
"He's an amazing child," said Marci Taylor, Veera's kindergarten teacher. "He knows so much, yet he's probably more excited about learning than any child I've ever seen. He shakes with excitement."
Whatever. You know what. Rain Man can remember a lot of shit too but I'm pretty sure I can take him in a checkers match. This kid is probably going to end up strung out on heroin because he can't take the pressure of being a genious. I'm just bitter because I'm an idiot.
He did the same thing at Taco Bell
Bank robber works from comfort of car
Associated Press
PHARR — A bank robber in South Texas held up the place from the comfort of his car.
Police in Pharr say a man used the drive-thru lane Monday morning to rob Lone Star National Bank.
Police say the driver slipped a note to a female teller, who provided an undetermined amount of cash, then he drove away.
Lt. Guadalupe Salinas says the man was alone in the car and did not appear to display a weapon. Salinas told the Associated Press there's no indication that the robbery was an inside job.
Law officers declined to release the contents of the note. Police are reviewing bank surveillance video.
The FBI declined comment.
Is it just me or doesn't it seem worth it to call the guy's bluff? I mean by the time he pulls a gun you could let everyone in the teller wing know about the note and have them hit the floor. I honestly think I would have wrote a note that said "No You Moron" and sent it back through the tube to him.
Handing down life lessons
Police: Conn. teacher made boy eat from garbage
Associated Press
BRIDGEPORT, Conn. — A kindergarten teacher in Connecticut has been arrested for allegedly forcing a 5-year-old boy to eat food the child had thrown in a garbage can.
Sixty-seven-year-old Anne O’Donnell, a teacher at Park City Magnet School in Bridgeport, was arrested Tuesday on a charge of risk of injury to a minor.
School officials say the charge stems from an incident last week when the boy apparently tossed out his lunch of chicken nuggets and a banana from the school cafeteria.
The teacher is accused of retrieving the items from the garbage can and forcing the boy to eat them in front of her.
O’Donnell has been released on a promise to appear in court.
Wouldn't you know it? One of our nation's fine educators tries to teach a student a valuable lesson about wasting resources and she gets slapped with a lawsuit. Terrible. It's not like eating out of the garbage is that bad. Homeless people do it all the time to save money for booze.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
St. Patrick's Day F My Life Moments
Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML
Today, I went to a party and the cops came to bust the party. I jumped out the window of a second story house in order to avoid getting arrested. I broke my leg in three places and got a concussion. The cops let everyone go with a warning. FML
A little info on St. Patrick's Day from Wikipedia
Saint Patrick's Day (Irish: Lá ’le Pádraig or Lá Fhéile Pádraig), colloquially St. Paddy's Day or Paddy's Day, is an annual feast day which celebrates Saint Patrick (circa AD 385–461), one of the patron saints of Ireland, and is generally celebrated on March 17.
The day is the national holiday of Ireland. It is a bank holiday in Northern Ireland and a public holiday in the Republic of Ireland and Montserrat. In Canada, Great Britain, Australia, the United States, and New Zealand, it is widely celebrated but is not an official holiday.
St. Patrick's feast day was placed on the universal liturgical calendar in the Catholic Church due to the influence of the Waterford-born Franciscan scholar Luke Wadding in the early part of the 17th century, although the feast day was celebrated in the local Irish church from a much earlier date. St. Patrick's Day is a holy day of obligation for Roman Catholics in Ireland.
The feast day usually falls during Lent; if it falls on a Friday of Lent (unless it is Good Friday), the obligation to abstain from eating meat can be lifted by the local bishop. The church calendar avoids the observance of saints' feasts during certain solemnities, moving the saint's day to a time outside those periods. St. Patricks Day is very occasionally affected by this requirement. Thus when March 17 falls during Holy Week, as in 1940 when St. Patrick's Day was observed on April 3 in order to avoid it coinciding with Palm Sunday, and again in 2008, having been observed on 15 March.
Thought we could all use a lesson before we get plastered, but don't get as smashed as the guy above.
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