BYB Express

It's Friday again and you know what that means - it's time for the BYB Express. Don't think of it as getting less blog. Just think of it getting more time to look at Lady Gaga's meat dress.

F My Life Moment of the Day
Today, I was asked to crawl through a sun roof because one of my co workers locked her keys in her car. After I got the keys, instead of opening the car door, I climbed back out through the sun roof. To laughter. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

She looks suprised.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL TV LISTINGS



North Texas at Army, 11:00 am CBSC
Arkansas at Georgia, 11:00 am ESPN or ESPN2
Kent State at Penn State, 11:00 am ESPN or ESPN2
Maryland at West Virginia, 11:00 am ESPNU
East Carolina at Virginia Tech, 12:30 pm ESPN3.com
Alabama at Duke, 2:30 pm ABC
BYU at Florida State, 2:30 pm ESPNU
USC at Minnesota, 2:30 pm ESPN
Washington State at SMU, 2:30 pm CBSC
Florida at Tennessee, 2:30 pm CBS
Nebraska at Washington, 2:30 pm ABC
Arizona State at Wisconsin, 2:30 pm ESPN2
Baylor at TCU, 3:30 pm Versus
Clemson at Auburn, 6:00 pm ESPN
Navy at Louisiana Tech, 6:00 pm ESPN3.com
Notre Dame at Michigan State, 6:00 pm ABC
Utah at New Mexico, 6:00 pm Mtn.
Texas at Texas Tech, 7:00 pm ABC and ESPN2
Boise State at Wyoming, 7:00 pm CBSC
Houston at UCLA, 8:30 pm Fox Sports Net
UNLV at Idaho, 9:30 pm ESPNU

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day!
(303):
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...

GIVE BLOOD. GET PORN.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Well I bet that guy from the blood bank feels like a real horses patoot. And he should. Who downloads porn pictures anymore? What is this 1998? Hey buddy, there like 374 zillion websites that have live streaming porn movies. Why are you downloading sex pics to a flash drive like its still the Clinton administration. A guy this behind on porn deserves to meet this kind of fate. You've got to come correct when it comes to internet porn bro.

YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THE DAY!



I wish this lady would come in and train my employees at the bar. I'm not sure it would make them any better at their jobs but at least they could spit out a smooth rhyme.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, while scrubbing my car with the foam brush at a car wash, the hose for the brush came whipping around and smacked me hard in the side of the head, knocking off my glasses. I got disoriented from the blow and stepped on my glasses, completely smashing them. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Even her daughter is grossed out by her.

College Football Picks

Well it was another winning week for my predictions in the Back Yard Blog. Sure, I had a couple games pegged wrong (thank you Georgia and Georgia Tech) but in the long run things turned out pretty well. So here's hoping I stay on a roll. Daddy needs a new case of beer. And if I lead you astray and lose you some money, please don't do this to me.



Vanderbilt at Mississippi -11 1/2
I know Vandy is playing under an interim head coach and going on the road but I think 11 1/2 is way too much for an Ole Miss team that lost to Jacksonville State a couple weeks ago. I like the Commodores to keep this close.

Indiana -11 1/2 at Western Kentucky
Indiana may be the worst team in the Big Ten but Western Kentucky is the worst team in Division 1 college football (FBS or FCS). The Hilltoppers lost to Nebraska by 49 and to Kentucky by 33. I think Indiana can muster a 12-point win.

Iowa - 2 at Arizona
As I stated yesterday Nick Foles has Zona's offense playing to perfection but the Wildcats haven't faced a defense as good as Iowa's since the Holiday Bowl against Nebraska and in that game the Blackshirts held Foles to 33 yards. I like Iowa to win this thing by more than a field goal.

Notre Dame at Michigan State -3 1/2
I'm not trying to pile on against Notre Dame but I liked what I saw in Michigan State when they visited the Alamo Bowl last year and I liked what I've seen from them this year. I think Sparty can get this done by a touchdown at home

Clemson at Auburn - 6.5
Dabo Swinney may have Clemson in better shape than Tommy Tuberville did but Auburn has already proved themselves with a tough road win this season and QB Cam Newton is multi purpose threat. I like Auburn at home.

Maryland at West Virginia -11
It seems like the Ralph Friedgen era is grinding to a halt in College Park, while West Virginia continues to be a consistent threat for the Big East title. True, the Moutaineers struggled against Marshall last week but I like them to bounce back at home this week.

Northwestern -6 1/2 at Rice
Two smart schools get it on and Northwestern already has experience in that endevour this year with a Week 1 road win against Vandy. I'll take the Wildcats by 10 points on the road in this one.

Arizona State at Wisconsin - 14
Wisconsin hasn't exactly blown out their competition thus far this year but they have the talent to with tailback John Clay, WR Nick Toon and a decent defense. I like the Badgers to win big in this one.

Alabama - 23 1/2 at Duke
Bama gets Heisman winner Mark Ingram back this week (like they need him) and DE Michael Dareus. With tons of Bama fans buying the priced to go $200 Duke season tickets expect to see more Crimson Tide in the stands than blue. I'll take Bama by maybe 5 TDs.

Santa Claus She Ain't

Cops: Calif doctor gets stuck in chimney, dies
Associated Press

BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — A doctor involved in an "on-again, off-again" relationship apparently tried to force her way into her boyfriend's home by sliding down the chimney, police said Tuesday. Her decomposing body was found there three days later.

Dr. Jacquelyn Kotarac, 49, first tried to get into the house with a shovel, then climbed a ladder to the roof last Wednesday night, removed the chimney cap and slid feet first down the flue, Bakersfield police Sgt. Mary DeGeare said.

While she was trying to break in, the man she was pursuing escaped unnoticed from another exit "to avoid a confrontation," authorities said.

DeGeare said the two were in an "on-again, off-again" relationship.

The man's identity was not revealed by police, but the man who resides in the home is William Moodie, 58.

"She made an unbelievable error in judgment and nobody understands why, and unfortunately she's passed away," Moodie told The Associated Press. "She had her issues - she had her demons - but I never lost my respect for her."

Reached by telephone, Moodie did not dispute the police's characterization of his relationship with Kotarac. He would not comment on the circumstances that led to her death, saying it was more important to focus on the good she did in life.

Kotarac apparently died in the chimney, but her body was not discovered until a house-sitter noticed a stench and fluids coming from the fireplace Saturday, according to a police statement. The house-sitter and her son investigated with a flashlight and found Kotarac dead, wedged about two feet above the top of the interior fireplace opening.

Firefighters spent five hours late Saturday dismantling the chimney and flue from outside the home to extract Kotarac's body, DeGeare said.

I'd love to go ahead and respect Mr. William Moodie's request to remember her for her brilliance but when you down in a crazy fit of rage trying to slide down a chimney its pretty hard to do that. It's actually pretty horrible because you know it wasn't a quick death. Can you imagine being stuck in there knowing you're going to die? But that's love for you. It makes you do some wacky ass things.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(207): we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?

Chunky Monkey

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

You know what is so messed up about this story? The fact that everybody is hating on this monkey for being fat and making him go on a diet but he got fat eating human food. And last time I checked monkeys can't just head up to the corner store and buy chips and soda. I didn't even know zoos fed monkeys human food. I thought the got twigs and berries and whatnot. Oh well, I guess Monkey Fat Camp can't be that bad. It's got to be better than Monkey Torture.


The State: Monkey Torture

JER | MySpace Video

Cali Golfer Has Heat Stroke

Golfer's swing snags rock, sparks fire in S. Calif
AP

IRVINE, Calif. — Forget "Fore!" "Fire!" was the cry of the day for a golfer whose off-target swing sparked a 12-acre blaze in Southern California. The golfer at the Shady Canyon Golf Course in Irvine landed a shot in the rough Saturday.

On his next swing, his club snagged a rock, causing a spark that lit the rough ablaze and eventually attracted 150 firefighters to the scene.

Fire officials say the fire burned through the rough, into vegetation next to the course and over two dry, brushy hillsides.

No charges were filed against the golfer, whose name was withheld.

Boy, you've got to feel like a real asshole to be a bad enough golfer to start a fire with your terrible swing. I mean I've some pretty embarrassing things on a golf course (rip my shorts, twist my ankle, fail to outdrive my girlfriend, etc.) but its never been bad enough to call the fire department. In fact, one time I hit the tee box info sign and my ball actually traveled backward toward the clubhouse in view of everyone and that pales in comparison to this guy's bad day. I guess it just goes to show you. It could always be worse.

YouTube Video of the Day

Yesterday I showed you a video of a politician that had a lot to say. So how about one from a politician with very little to say. That's right. Most politicians aren't crazy. They're inept.

Buy Or Sell - Jay Mariotti the Domestic Abuser

Jay Mariotti -- Accused of Stealing GF's Purse
by TMZ Staff

Famed sportswriter and ESPN personality Jay Mariotti has been charged for an alleged attack on his GF last month ... and now we've learned he may have stolen her purse.

As we previously reported, Mariotti -- a frequent guest on ESPN's "Around the Horn" -- was arrested on August 21 after allegedly roughing up his girlfriend following a spat at a Santa Monica nightclub.

Now, the L.A. City Attorney has charged Mariotti with 7 misdemeanors ... including 4 domestic violence charges, false imprisonment, vandalism and grand theft.

We're told Mariotti is accused of taking his girlfriend's purse and keys -- and the purse is valued at more than $400.

If convicted on all charges -- Mariotti could spend more than a year behind bars.

I initially didn't jump on the "Jay Mariotti is a domestic abuser" bandwagon because I wanted to see how the story shook out. For all we know his girlfriend could be making up crazy stories. But then I realized if this were some athlete Mariotti would have already written a column calling him the scum sucking filth of the Earth. And if we're to believe the calcavade of incoming information, Mariotti may just be that. It's bad enough that he hit her but he also held her hostage and stole her shit? That's some controlling ass Bruce Kellogg (google it) stuff right there. So here's hoping Mariotti gets some jail time. Maybe one of the athletes he judged in the past will be in the same lockup to whip his ass.

Smoke Em If You Got Em. Movie Tickets That Is.

Movie theatre grow-op shut down
By JULIE GORDON, Reuters

TORONTO - A marijuana-growing operation housed in an abandoned Canadian movie theatre has been shut down by police, officials said Thursday.

Around 416 marijuana plants and about 4.5 kilograms of harvested marijuana were found in the theatre in the town of Grenfell, in the Western Canadian province of Saskatchewan.

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police said they raided the theatre on Wednesday after a man was arrested trying to enter Canada from North Dakota with a small amount of what was suspected to be hashish in his car.

Police said the man was also carrying documents that suggested the presence of a sophisticated grow operation in Saskatchewan.

A movie theatre is not the oddest place to house a grow-op in recent Canadian history.

In 2004, police found more than 25,000 marijuana plants growing inside an abandoned Molson brewery in Barrie, Ontario. Even the cavernous vats once used to brew beer were full of marijuana.

If you think about it a movie theatre would probably be about the most perfect place to grow pot. It's big, it's dark and when you get really stoned you could put Cheech and Chong on the giant screen. I can't believe no pothead has thought of it before. In fact, the only better place for it may have been that beer brewery, you know, because of the cottonmouth.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I was at my 8 year-old's soccer practice. One of the boys from his team looked at me and loudly asked his mother "Mommy, why does the lady have a bum in the front?" because my protruding belly folds in the middle. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Not so little schoolgirl.

They're Playing Football!

Obviously we don't have the same kind of highly touted games this week as we did last week on the college football schedule but maybe we won't be disappointed either. Here are this week's big time showdowns.

Arkansas at Georgia -2 1/2
The Razirbacks have been rolling over inferior opponents thanks largely in part to the arm of Heisman candidate QB Ryan Mallett. But now Mallett and the rest of Bobby Petrino's offense meets an SEC defense. The Dawgs will challenge the Razorbacks but I like Arkansas win a tough game on the road and make a big statement as a program.

Nebraska -3 1/2 at Washington
It's being billed by some as "The Battle in Seattle." This will be Nebraska's first true test of the year and a chance to tune up the engine before facing Texas in a few weeks. The Huskers have had lots of mental lapses in the first two weeks but expect Bo Pelini to put a sharper team on the field against the Huskies and for Nebraska to emerge with a close win. I'll take Nebraska by 6.

Florida -14 at Tennessee
Florida hasn't looked all that great this season. A sloppy game one was followed by a performance where the Gators went into the fourth quarter trailing South Florida. But this week the Gators are playing a team that can't even wash themselves properly. True, it is a rivlary game but I think the Vols wasted all the confidence they could muster to keep it close with Oregon through three quarters last week. I like Florida to cover.

Baylor at TCU -21
I thought this was a bit of a big spread. Baylor has showed signs of progress under Art Briles and Robert Griffin and has yet to give up a touchdown this season (albeit against Sam Houston and Buffalo). I can see TCU winning easily but I'm not sure the Horned Frogs win by three TDs. I think this will be a 10-14 point win.

Iowa -1 1/2 at Arizona
I hope you kids like staying up late because this 9:30 p.m. kickoff is the only matchup between two ranked teams this week. Nick Foles has the Wildcat offense humming and the student section will be night wild for this one but I think Iowa is too good to not pull this thing out. I'll take the Hawkeyes by a touchdown.

Texas -3 at Texas Tech
The Tommy Tuberville era has started 2-0 but has failed to amaze anyone right off the bat. Tech failed to keep a big lead against SMU and didn't blow New Mexico out by as much as I would have thought. Plus, Taylor Potts has failed to leave Steven Sheffield in his rear view. On the other hand Texas hasn't exactly wowed fans this season either with closer than expected wins against Rice and Wyoming. And its a night game in Lubbock which bodes well for Tech. I can honestly see the possibility of Tech winning but I think its more likely that UT finally wakes from its slump when faced with a challenge like this. I'll take Texas by 7-10 points.

Hey Volunteers! Bathing Is Not Voluntary.

DOOLEY QUOTED: Hitting the showers
GoVolsXtra.com blogs » Austin Translation

Obviously, it's one Derek Dooley expected Tennessee to already have a handle on when he arrived.

But a staph infection for defensive tackle Minor Bowens among others prompted an impromptu lesson on cleanliness for the Vols on Tuesday, and despite the laughter Dooley produced after practice Wednesday, it wasn't all a joking matter.

"We've had a few staph infections, so we did a clinic yesterday on proper shower technique and soap and using a rag," Dooley said. "We put some new rags in -- y'all think I'm kidding, but I'm serious.

"We had, I told them, the worst shower discipline of any team I've ever been around. So we talked a little bit about application of soap to the rag and making sure you hit all your body. You know, you can neglect it trying to cut corners, and it shows in how you practice and elsewhere. I'm hoping we show some improvement in that."

Count that as the latest area of emphasis in Dooley's complete overhaul at UT.

Derek Dooley had a lot of problems when he walked into Tennessee. A team filled with freshmen and sophomore, transferring players, angry fans and disgruntled boosters. Little did he know know one of his biggest challenges would be teaching his players how to wash their asses properly. I never in my entire life thought I would read the quote "we had the worst shower discipline of any team I've ever been around."

Honestly I think we deserve details in this story. How were the players showering wrong? Did they just stand under the shower head thinking the locker room water had been pre mixed with soap? Or did they think AXE body spray cleans off germs and bacteria? Maybe Payton Manning could help them out and buy some orange loofahs. Anywho, good luck to the Volunteers and remember - don't just wash your whole ass; also wash your asshole.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(250): she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza

The Bodyguard Part 2 - Kevin Costner Never Had It This Tough

‘Britney Tried To Seduce Me,’ Says Bodyguard
MTVNews.com

The bodyguard suing Britney Spears for sexual harassment has made new allegations against the singer, claiming she stripped naked in front of him and made “repeated unwanted sexual advances”.

“Britney was a nightmare to work for,” Fernando Flores claimed. “All the security guards lived in fear of her. And she seemed to see me as just a sex plaything. The routine was always the same. She'd call security and tell me to be in her room in 15 minutes and not to be late.

“When I got there she'd be naked... She was running her hands over her body and had this look on her face like she was possessed. I think she thought I'd be sexually aroused and would do something with her. But I walked out. She hit on me and exposed herself more times than I can remember." The 29-year-old minder quit after four months in the job.

But another of Britney’s old bodyguards has spoken out to defend the mum-of-two. Mark Chinapen, who worked for the star in 2007 and 2008, has said he never saw her do anything out of the ordinary. “In our time with Britney, we've never seen anything in a negative sense... It was very normal. Starbucks runs, going for lunch, driving, shopping, buying clothes and going out to events. That's it.



Look whether or not this bodyguard Flores is telling the truth doesn't matter. Its irrelevant. Because nothing about the situation he described seems like a nightmare. Even if he didn't want to bang Britney having to watch a former pop princess with a pretty nice body get naked and rub herself isn't exactly torture. Its not like he had to watch Cher do the same thing. Now that would be criminal.

Honestly, I wish my boss was a girl I whacked it too throughout high school and college who wanted to bang me. My bosses are usually out of shape dudes who yell at me. Count your blessing Mr. Flores and drop the lawsuit. I know sexual harrassment when I see it and this aint sexual harrassment. Now what Lady Gaga did to her assistant. That's sexual harrassment.

Can I Sleep In Your Bed?

LADY GAGA DEMANDED ASSISTANT SLEEP WITH HER
National Enquirer

New book claims LADY GAGA was so needy and forced her assistant to cuddle with her during joint showers and to sleep with her.

RadarOnline.com reports new book Poker Face: The Rise and Rise of Lady Gaga due to hit booksellers tomorrow reveals Gaga has a morbid fear of being alone and often beckoned her former assistant Angela Ciemny to snuggle and take showers with her.

Former assistant Ciemny also happened to be wife of an ex tour manager of the bizarre superstar.

"In reality, says Angela, she wound up sleeping with Gaga more often than her own husband [tour manager David Ciemny]. She says there was nothing sexual about it; Gaga couldn't sleep without someone next to her in bed," the book reveals.

Around the time Angela had been hired, Gaga and Matt Williams... had broken up... She kept Williams on her team, though, and kept things as professional as possible...For the most part, she struggled.

"Angela tried to help. She says she assumed an 'older sister' role with Gaga.... 'We literally...we would do our make-up together every morning and get ready for bed together at night,' Angela says.

"They'd also take showers together, she says, because they'd have so little time to get out the door in the morning.

"The few times Angela would start to go back to her and David's room at the end of a day, she says, Gaga would spiral. 'I would say, 'Gaga, I have a husband to go home to. I'll be in the room next door.'

And she'd call and text me: 'I miss you Ange, can you come back?' And she would tell Dave, 'Can your wife please stay with me tonight?'

"I would sleep in her room, because what the point of going to me own room with David when I have to wake up in an hour and be here?'"

See this chick is so much of an attention freak nutbag with so little self esteem that she can't stand to be in her own company for one minute of the day. I hope everyone can see where this is going. She's going to go batshit crazy (even more so than now), cause a disturbance and try to kill herself. Then she'll get thrown in some loony bin, come out with a "new story" and a new album, make more money and still be crazy. This is always the way these crazy, famous chicks act when they hate themselves and think they're ugly. But in this case, she's actually right. I just hope she's not making her new assistant sleep next to her in the meat dress. That thing is going to start spoiling.

P.S. - What's with all the weird requests of her assistant? She sounds like the Herlihy Boy. Too bad she doesn't have Chris Farley to speak for her.

YouTube Video of the Day

I don't know what kind of problems they've got down there in Stark County but if Phil Davidson can't fix them he will murder someone. Honestly if the election doesn't work out for him he could always have a future as a pro wrestler or a football coach. Just imagine if he would have followed up this rant with "let's go eat a goddamn snack."

CAUTION - NSFW

Raiding Marky Mark's Closet

Jacory Harris tweeted this photo and the message on his first day of classes at Miami this semester:

"Going to class with an Oakland raiders snap back, no shirt, with the Oakland raiders overalls! Fly!!!!!! I'm me!!"

Is there any doubt that Oakland is already trying to maneuver up in the 2011 Draft to get this kid? He seems like the perfect mix of immature and overrated to be their QB.

Suck Me, Peel Me, Eat Me Raw...and Fast!

Oyster sets record -- you won't believe how

Wow! This guy can really take down some oysters eh? I don't see how he could do it. Don't get me wrong, I love oysters but I've got to have a cracker, some horseradish, cocktail sauce, worcheshire sauce and some tabasco. Each oysters goes through a 30 second outfitting of tastiness before I'll go after it. So seeing some dude just throw a ton of slimy things in his mouth is weird. But at least he got a record. Probably a free t-shirt too.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I was late to a sold out movie in the theater, so I had to shuffle in during the previews in the dark. I sat down in what I thought was the last vacant seat, but I'd really just sat in a small woman's lap. She was not happy. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

A fanny pack and tall socks are a lethal combo.

Hey Reporter! Show Us Your T-I-T-S! Tits, Tits, Tits!

N.F.L. Looks Into Possible Harassment by Jets
By GREG BISHOP/NY Times

The N.F.L. is investigating the Jets’ behavior with a woman who was working as a reporter at Jets practice on Saturday. The reporter, Inés Sainz of TV Azteca, a Mexican television network, was reportedly harassed by players and coaches during practice and in the locker room.

The Association for Women in Sports Media asked the N.F.L. to examine the matter, and the league spokesman Greg Aiello said, “The Jets and our office began looking into it as soon as we learned of it.”

Jets public relations employees were present Saturday but did not take immediate action.

The New York Post reported that during drills, Dennis Thurman, the team’s defensive backs coach, purposely overthrew passes that landed near Sainz on the sideline. The Post also reported that linebacker Jason Taylor volunteered to join the defensive backs. Players also reportedly made sexually suggestive comments in the locker room after practice.

In a statement released by the Jets, team owner Woody Johnson stressed to Sainz that “he expects all members of the Jets organization to conduct themselves in a professional manner at all times.”



I think we might be making a bit much of this story. From the description of what went on during the actual practice, I'd say that's a giant leap away from sexual harrassment. It's more like playful banter. I will admit there were probably some pretty inappropriate things said in the locker room but that leads me to another point. Is it really appropriate to have reporters (female or male) in a locker room setting? That setting doesn't exist in college athletics and media coverage seems to be doing just fine. I think all media interviews should probably be taking place in an area without exposed genetalia. Call me crazy. That's just how I see it. I only conducted interviews in a locker room once and I was much less comfortable with some dudes dong a foot from my head while I was trying to talk to his teammate.

Also, it might not be an idea to wear painted on jeans to an interview. I'm not saying she she be blamed for provoking the situation with her attire but she probably should have known showing up in jeans that cut off her circulation might raise the eyebrows of a group of individuals that year in and year out show us they aren't capable of controlling themselves.

Lady Gaga Made Me Gag. AAAAAAA!!!

Lady Gaga says she's "not a piece of meat"
Reuters

LOS ANGELES – Lady Gaga said the controversial "meat" dress she wore at the MTV Video Music Awards was intended to make a statement.

Winning eight prizes at Sunday's ceremony, the glam pop performance artist chose to accept one of her statuettes wearing nothing but a raw, red meat dress with a matching purse, that became one of the most talked about moments of the televised show.

"If we don't stand up for what we believe in and if we don't fight for our rights, pretty soon we're going to have as much rights as the meat on our bones," Lady Gaga, 24, told talk show host Ellen DeGeneres on her TV program broadcast on Monday.

"And, I am not a piece of meat," she added.

Sunday's outfit comes on the heels of a meat bikini Gaga donned for the cover of Vogue Hommes Japan's September issue. It was one of several different costumes the singer wore on Sunday, including one that looked like a large black trash bag.

Animal rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals said that "wearing a dress made from cuts of dead cows is offensive enough to bring comment."

Lady Gaga told DeGeneres she meant no disrespect to anyone that is vegan or vegetarian, and called herself "the most judgement free human being on the earth."

Honestly, I think PETA should probably be thanking Lady Gaga because I'm pretty sure I'm a vegetarian now. There's no way I'm going to be able to enjoy a patty melt at work this week without seeing her mouse face and sirloin body. What a disgusting waste of time she is. And she can cut the shit about trying to make a statement. That explanation is one of the most incoherant and vague things I've ever read in my life. The truth is she wear a dress made out of Artie Lange's asshair if people would give her attention.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(250): He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...

College Football Top 25

Well after a few total and utter asswhippings in the premiere games last week there are some obvious shakeups in this week's Top 25. Last week's rankings are in parenthesis. Let's get started.

1. Alabama (1) - With Mark Ingram sidelined Trent Richardson has now become college football's showcase star. Plus he's on my fantasy team. So I've got that going for me, which is nice.
2. Ohio State (3) - After a great offensive showing by Terrelle Pryor against Miami I've got to raise the Buckeyes. If Pryor keeps this up hes a shoo-in to be at the Heisman Ceremony.
3. Boise State (2) - Perhaps noone felt the agony of defeat worse than Boise this week. It was Virginia Tech's loss but one that will likely sink the Broncos' title hopes.
4. Oklahoma (12) - It's a big jump for the Sooners in this week's poll but who looked better than OU last week other than maybe Alabama?
5. Iowa (5) - The Hawkeyes usually struggle with instrastate rival Iowa State. This year they destroyed the Cyclones.
6. TCU (6) - Sure it was only Tennessee Tech but TCU won in impressive fashoin. Now comes the trap game against Baylor.
7. Nebraska (4) - I've got to dock my Cornhuskers a couple of spots this week. Once again the defense looked sloppy. Sure, there were nine sacks and four INTs but way too many mental lapses. The Huskers will need to eliminate mistakes in the "Battle in Seattle."
8. Florida (7) - It was touch and go for the Gators again this week before Jeff Demps and the Gator defense got them back on track late. Now they face a reeling Tennessee team. Sharpen those Gator teeth.
9. Texas (8) - The Horns looked lost in the first half but pulled away from Wyoming late. UT can't definitely not afford another sloppy showing this week in Lubbock.
10. Wisconsin (9) - A 13-point win against San Jose isn't going to turn any heads but the Badgers are still 2-0.
11. Arkansas (14) - Ryan Mallet his assault on the U of A record books with 400 yards passing against Louisiana-Monroe. This week he'll face a tougher defense against Georgia.
12. Oregon (19) - I've tried to find any opportunity to dog Oregon but the fact is that they keep popping in new faces and winning. The Ducks struggled for a while with Tennessee and then this happened.



13. South Carolina (23) - The Gamecocks aren't blowing anyone out like their SEC counterparts but they've already won two games against good opponents and QB Stephen Garcia has looked good.
14. Missouri (15) - The Tigers assaulted McNeese State and the schedule doesn't get much tougher for another few weeks.
15. Auburn (15) - The Tigers survived a slugfest against Mississippi State and came out 1-0 in SEC play. QB Cam Newton has impressed with his running ability.
16. Utah (22) - The Utes followed up their win against Pitt with a smackdown of UNLV.
17. West Virginia (17) - A close win against Marshall wasn't what the Mountaineers would have liked but they still might be the most talented team in the Big East.
18. Stanford (24) - Stanford might have been the bet of the week and I didn't take it. I'm kicking myself. Huge win by the Cardinal.
19. USC (16) - After getting blasted by Hawaii's offense the Trojan offense sputtered against Virginia. USC may have more question marks than we all thought.
20. Miami (13) - Sure the loss to Ohio State wasn't pretty but an ACC title is still a possibility. At least the Canes can take solace that their not Virginia Tech.
21. Arizona (25) - The Wildcats have beaten up on their two opponents this year by a combined 93-7.
22. Michigan (NR) - The Wolverines have to be excited about their new star QB Denard Robinson. He could be the most explosive player in the country.



23. California (NR) - The Golden Bears whipped future conference foe Colorado last week and look to figure prominently in the wide open race for the Pac 10 title.
24. Houston (NR) - I've underestimated the Cougars before but I'm not going to make that mistake again. Now can they prove their worth again against a bad UCLA team in L.A.?
25. LSU (NR) - I'm still not bowled over by the Tigers but they're 2-0.

Texas State Fair - We Also Have Frito Pie!

Fried Frito pie is the king of foods at Texas fair
Associated Press

DALLAS — The Texas Fried Frito Pie is the winner of the biggest food prize for this year’s state fair.

The battered and fried blend of chili, cheese and Fritos won the Best Taste award Monday at the sixth annual Big Tex Choice Awards. Prize winners usually attract long lines from fairgoers.

Concoction creator Michael Thomas says he and his partners spent six months experimenting with different batters, chilis and chips.

Fried Beer won the Most Creative award. It will be served this year along with the Deep Fried Frozen Margarita.

The fair runs Sept. 24 to Oct. 17.

Well, fried butter was the hot commodity at last year's state fair. It even had Oprah in town to scarf some down. But this year totally blows that out of the water. Fried Friot Pie and fried beer? Are you kidding me? If I wasn't sure I would immediately keel over and die after eating it I would have already booked my flight to Dallas. Bless you Texas Fair foodmakers for creating fried happiness.

YouTube Video of the Day

I'm a little late to the scene of accident on this one (pardon my pun) but this video making fun of Tom Brady's recent car crash is freaking hilarious. My favorite is at 1:20 mark - "he looks handsome."

Let's Get Drunk and E-Mail the President

Drunken e-mail to Obama gets teen banned from U.S.
By QMI Agency

A British teen who sent a drunken and unflattering e-mail to U.S. President Barack Obama got a visit from police last week.

In an e-mail, Luke Angel, a 17-year-old boy from Silsoe, Bedfordshire, called Obama a “p----,” reports the U.K.'s Sky News.

The FBI intercepted the message and called police in the U.K., who paid the teen a visit.

"I don't really care. My parents aren't very happy about it,” Angel told Sky News. “The police who came round took my picture and told me I was banned from America forever."

Angel said he sent the e-mail after a TV program about the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks on the U.S. got him riled up.

A spokeswoman from the U.S. department of homeland security told Sky News there are about 60 reasons to ban someone from visiting the country, but that she was not allowed to discuss specific cases.

Angel won't be criminally charged.

I didn't realize you could be banned from the country from calling the president a pussy. They probably passed that rule because people keep telegraphing Taft and calling him "fatass." Of course, I also didn't realize that President Obama had an email address that would be so easily accessible to the public. I wonder what Homeland Security does to people who try to sext him.

P.S. - You've got to love the way the kid took his ban in stride. That's the only way to play it. Of course, it pretty much kills his chances of getting of that Fried Frito Pie from the Texas State Fair but he's making a sacrifice forhis point.

Billshit! Offense No Go in Buffalo

Okay, I'm not going to harp on the fact that the Bills easily have the worst offense in the NFL or that Trent Edwards is getting worse with every ball he throws. I think thats beyond argument at this point. But the clock management and play calling at the end of Buffalo's loss were bad to the point of criminality. I actually think Chan Gailey and Trent Edwards should be arrested.

The Bills almost opted to punt and try to get the ball back with just under 2 minutes to play. And I couldn't have faulted them too much for that. It's a risky move but they were deep in their own territory. But instead they snapped the ball through the endzone purposely resulting in a safety and a free kick.

Again, I trusted the team's judgement. Who wants to punt out of their own endzone? Sure, the move took away the chance to win with a field goal but now the Bills could try an onside kick.

But instead of sending the kicker out they opted to go with the punter and use the free kick. And that even makes sense. Why not try to play the field position game and get the offense the ball back with a better chance of scoring? But then, for some crazy ass reason, the Bills pooched it to right around the 50-yard-line. Fortunately, the defense came through and forced a Dolphins punt but the Bills were back inside their own 10 where they eventually got sacked and got a delay of game penalty. And on 4th and a mile with 8 seconds left Trent Edwards threw an 8-yard pass. I love this team!

But its just another year in Buffalo and you know what that means. More Billshit.

Huddle Up!

Since I'm now a professional blogger (don't get excited, I'm still unpaid), I need Mondays to work on my weekly post in The Huddle Report. So drop in every Monday and get the link for my blog post there. I promise to bring it!

BYB Express

It's Friday again and you know what that means - it's time for the BYB Express. Don't think of it as getting less blog. Just think of it getting more time to chart the midterm election progress.

F My Life Moment of the Day
Today, a little girl asked me how I could be so fat and still have small boobs. Great question. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Finally a resting place befitting the swastika.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL TV LISTINGS



Friday, Sept. 10
West Virginia at Marshall, 6:00 pm ESPN
UTEP at Houston, 9:15 pm ESPN

Saturday, Sept. 11
Hawaii at Army, 11:00 am CBS College Sports
Michigan State vs. Florida Atlantic, 11:00 am ESPNU
Georgia at South Carolina, 11:00 am ESPN or ESPN2
San Jose State at Wisconsin, 11:00 am ESPN or ESPN2
Kent State at Boston College, 2:30 pm ESPNU
Iowa State at Iowa, 2:30 pm, ABC and ESPN2
Georgia Southern at Navy, 2:30 pm CBSC
Michigan at Notre Dame, 2:30 pm NBC
Miami at Ohio State, 2:30 pm ESPN
Florida State at Oklahoma, ABC
Stanford at UCLA, 2:30, ESPN2
BYU at Air Force, 3:00 pm Versus
UNLV at Utah, 3:00 pm Mtn.
Penn State at Alabama, 6:00 pm ESPN
Oregon at Tennessee, 6 pm ESPN2
Southern Illinois at Illinois, 6:30 pm Big Ten Network
NC State at UCF, 6:30 pm CBSC
Penn State at Alabama, 7:00 pm ABC
Ole Miss at Tulane, 8:00 pm ESPN Classic/ESPN2
Colorado State at Nevada, 9:30 pm ESPNU

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day!
(612): This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.


RON IS STILL GOD AND GOD IS STILL RON


Is there anything this guy won't do for attention? The answer is no but I still love him. Especially since he's wearing a helmet. I don't need my team's star defender hurting his noggin. Apparently, Ron got cited for no registration. I think the cops and TMZ should just put a bell around his neck so they know when he's coming.

YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THE DAY!



That's a pretty awesome fall.

SQUIRRELMASTER'S SAFE SEX STRATEGY
Need a Condom? Go Directly to Jail (in San Francisco)
David Knowles/AOL News Writer

(Sept. 8 ) -- In prison, sex among inmates is against the rules. But in one San Francisco county jail, authorities have installed condom dispensers to help curb the rate of sexually transmitted diseases among the prisoner population.

According to the San Francisco Chronicle, the prison has been handing out free condoms to inmates at the San Bruno jail since 1989 but has installed 16 new dispensers throughout the facility this week.

"It may be controversial," Sheriff Michael Hennessey told the Chronicle, "but I think the larger health education message is important."

The debate about whether to distribute condoms to inmates in an effort to prevent the spread of HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, has lasted for years, and prisons in Los Angeles, New York, Philadelphia, Washington, D.C., Vermont and Mississippi have all given condoms to those held behind bars.

I've certainly got nothing against giving condoms to prisoners. If it would help slow down the HIV/AIDS problem then I'm all for it. But is it really going to work? I would openly assume most of the guys having sex in jail aren't having it because they like it. They're having it to break people. And pulling on a rubber before you rape someone in the shower doesn't seem practical. I'm pretty sure Nasty Nate would have never used a rubber.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, my estranged dad drunk-dialed me at 4am to apologize, and to make amends. After crying and forgiving, we hung up. Minutes later, he called back to retract everything he said after remembering how I was rude to him at a party 3 years ago. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Is that guy really rocking the Hollywood Hogan beard?

College Football Picks

We're a week into this college football season and I hope my opening week picks didn't land you too far in the poor house. I did quite well myself. So I'm rolling out some more picks this weekend. Here we go.

TONITE's GAME
Auburn -1 1/2 at Mississippi State
I love the Tigers in this one. Sure, its on the road but Cam Newton looks great running the War Eagle offense.

SATURDAY's GAMES
Georgia Tech - 14 at Kansas
I hate to dog my boy Turner Gill but losing to North Dakota State isn't the way to generate momentum so I think GT comes to town and runs all over the Jaywawks.

Georgia at South Carolina -3 1/2
The Gamecocks looked good against Southern Miss last week but lets not get carried away. It was just Southern Miss. Georgia is a team a lot of experts had picked to win the SEC East and they can win even without A.J. Green.

BYU at Air Force -1
I can't claim that I was giving BYU any love last week. I thought for sure Washington would beat them but I'm willing to show them some love now. A road game is always tough but BYU is a quality team.

LSU -9 1/2 at Vanderbilt
Maybe I'm punishing LSU a bit too much for almost choking the game to North Carolina. And Vanderbilt is playing with an interim coach but I still like the Commodores to give LSU their second near upset in two weeks.

Colorado at California -9
Colorado got their intrastate championship last week. Don't expect them to shine near as much in this Pac 10 preview of next season.

South Florida at Florida -15
I might be expecting a bit too much improvement from the Gators but I can't see them making the kind of careless mistakes (fumbles, bad snaps) against a quality opponent. I think the Gators get it back together against Skip Holtz's new squad.

Syracuse at Washington - 13 1/2
The Huskies burned me last week, losing to BYU. And its not the first time they've burned me. But I've got to take Washington because of the QB play and the fact that Syracuse has to traverse the entire country to get to the game. Syracuse is 1-12-1 in the past 50 years traveling West of Nebraska on the map.

Texas Tech -24 1/2 at New Mexico
Its a lot of points but its going to happen.

Billshit! The NFL Starts This Week

Of course I don't show near as much love to the NFL as I do college football but I am somewhat excited for the start of the NFL season. If anything it gives me something to do on the only day I have off. Of course, my Bills are bound to disappoint me. I'm betting our attack is weaker than this sweater Jim Kelly sported back in the day. I'm damn sure Trent Edwards arm is weaker than it.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(415): I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground

They're Playing Football!

As far as quality games go Week One of college football was...well...weak. They whetted the appetite. But this week we have some big time cross divisional showdowns and some stories rivalries that we can sink our teeth into. Unfortunarely all this chatter of grub has made me hungry and all I have in the apartment are stale saltines and beer.

Also to clarify things, this blog post is meant to highlight the big games. I'm not necissarily advocating gambling on them because they could go either way. All the picks I like are in the College Football Picks post.

Miami at Ohio State -8 1/2
Miami has been a team that we've all looked at as the sleeping giant for a few years now. But is the Hurricanes nap finally over? More pointedly - is Jacory Harris now experienced enough to go into a big game atmosphere like the Horseshoe and keep his cool? On the flip side can Terrelle Pryor show up in a big game the same way he did in the Rose Bowl. These two QBs are a lot alike in some ways (of course Harris is a bit quicker and flashier and Pryor a bit more imposing). But they're highly touted recruits with question marks looking to make their mark in 2010. I see a really great game in this one but the home crowd will prove too much for the Canes and the Buckeyes will edge out a victory.

Florida State at Oklahoma -7 1/2
The interesting storyline in this game is going to be how well new Defensive Coordinator Mark Stoops fares against his brother's team and their offensive firepower. Last week Landry Jones looked lackluster throwing the ball (2 INTs) but don't expect that two weeks in a row. Lots of people are saying FSU steals this one but because of how bad FSU's defense was last year, I can't think they've gotten immediately 10 times better. Jones and DeMarco Murray will have a big day on offense and out do what should also be a good offensive showing by FSU passer Christian Ponder. I'll take OU but I'm not sure if I like giving up more than a TD.

Michigan at Notre Dame -3 1/2
Last year proved to be an exciting game between two teams that we all thought might be turning the corner. The problem was neither team did. A week into the season these two teams might be just as optimistic with Michigan sporting a new "savior" at QB (Denard Robinson) and Notre Dame having beat traditional rival Purdue. This game could be just as exciting as last year's. I love what Robinson brings to the table for Michigan but ND has the home field and confidence with new coach Brian Kelly. I wouldn't bet on this game but if you hold a gun to my head then I'm taking Robinson against the Notre Dame defense.

Penn State at Alabama -12
No offense to Penn State. I'm sure the Nittany Lions aren't going to get crushed in Tuscaloosa but this probably isn't good timing for JoePa to finally come around to playing a freshman QB. I think the Bama defense, while young, isn't going to beat up on poor Robert Bolden. I'll take the Tide and give the points.

Oregon -12 at Tennessee
Noone can deny that Oregon looked good last week. With a new QB and a backup running back the Ducks still won 72-0. But it was against New Mexico. Tennessee is not going to be near the same kind of pushover but Derek Dooley does have a young and inexperienced squad. I've got to take the Ducks here even with the 12 point spread.

Idaho at Nebraska -28
What last week taught me was that I probably should be more optimistic about Nebraska's offense but more pessimistic about the defense. Kind of balance out to a general guarded optimism. But I can't get past the defensive mistakes last week by the Blackshirts and the fact that the offense only did so well because they were playing quite possibly the worst team in college football. I can't possibly bet against my Huskers but it might not be stupid if you did. I'll take Nebraska by 17-21 points.

Texas Tech -24 1/2 at New Mexico
Look 24 1/2 points is a lot. And the game is on the road. But how can you watch what Oregon did to New Mexico last week and not think Tech is going to do something almost as bad. I don't think the Raiders can shut UNM out like Oregon did but the offense will humm against the lowly Lobos. I've got Tech huge in this one.

That's So Gay

Xbox Live investigates tussle over town name
By VICKI SMITH/Associated Press

MORGANTOWN, W.Va. — Microsoft Corp. and the chief rules enforcer for Xbox Live are apologizing to a small West Virginia town and a 26-year-old gamer accused of violating the online gaming service's code of conduct by publicly declaring he's from Fort Gay — a name the company considered offensive.

The town's name is real. But when Josh Moore tried to tell Seattle-based Microsoft and the enforcement team at Xbox Live, they wouldn't take his word for it. Or Google it. Or check the U.S. Postal Service website for a ZIP code.

Instead, they suspended his gaming privileges for a few days until Moore could convince them the location in his profile, "fort gay WV," wasn't a joke or a slur: It's an actual community of about 800 in Wayne County, along West Virginia's western border with Kentucky.

"At first I thought, 'Wow, somebody's thinking I live in the gayest town in West Virginia or something.' I was mad. ... It makes me feel like they hate gay people," said Moore, an unemployed factory worker who plays shooters like Medal of Honor, Call of Duty and Ghost Recon under the gamertag Joshanboo.

"I'm not even gay, and it makes me feel like they were discriminating," said Moore, who missed a key Search and Destroy competition because of last week's brief suspension. His team lost.

Angry and incredulous, Moore contacted customer service.

"I figured, I'll explain to them, 'Look in my account. Fort Gay is a real place,'" Moore reasoned. But the employee was unreceptive, warning Moore if he put Fort Gay back in his profile, Xbox Live would cancel his account and keep his $12 monthly membership fee, which he'd paid in advance for two years.

"I told him, Google it — 25514!" Moore said, offering up the town's ZIP code. "He said, 'I can't help you.'"

Mayor David Thompson also tried to intervene, but with little success. He told television station WSAZ, which first reported the dispute, that he was informed the city's name didn't matter. The word "gay," he was told, was inappropriate in any context.

"It was so inappropriate for them, they wouldn't even say the word," Thompson told the AP Wednesday. "They said, 'that word.' It's beyond me. That's the name of our town! It's appalling. It's a slap in our face."

Well I would say that this guy shouldn't get his panties in a wad so much over not getting to claim his hometown in X-Box. Of course where you're an unemployed factory worker in rural West Virginia X-Box is probably the only thing you've got going for you. I'd also encourage him to get off his ass and get a job but in his defense, most unemployed people in WV are shooting meth and pounding cheap beer and Moutain Dew. So Bill Gates why don't you throw this guy a bone and let him proclaim his gayness.

P.S. - Is being from the gayest town in West Virginia pretty much equal to the strightest town in California? I'd like to see a ratio chart.

YouTube Video of the Day

Maybe a bit too much football today but this is the most watched video on YouTube this week. Great anticipation but risky. Reminds me of OU's Roy Williams against Texas back in the day.

Asian Driver Feeling Frisky

Man leads car chase over dead cat
By QMI Agency

A Japanese man drove down the wrong side of an expressway in the northern island of Hokkaido and busted through five police blockades before he was arrested — all because he was upset his cat died.

Local newspaper The Mainichi Daily News reports 31-year-old Tsutomu Mizumoto drove 90 kilometres down the opposite direction on the Sasson Expressway near Otaru early Wednesday morning. He refused to pull over when police tried to stop him so five emergency blockades were set up, though he drove through all of them. After being pursued by cops for more than an hour, Mizumoto pulled over and was arrested. His car struck one other vehicle during the pursuit but no one was hurt.

"I was sad that my pet cat died. I wanted to do something crazy," Mizumoto said when police asked about his motives.

Look, I'm certainly not suprised that someone would lead a car chase over a dead cat. Pet worship has gotten so bad in this country that pets are probably more valued than spouses. Especially since pets can't screw your friends. Or at least not legally. But I was a bit suprised that the man in this story was Asian. Generally cats make a pretty tasty treat in the Orient - not a unwavering companion.

How Rude!

Joe Montana Tears Holes in 'Rudy'
by TMZ Staff

Joe Montana has some issues with the way his former college team was portrayed in "Rudy" -- because the former Notre Dame superstar just insinuated Rudy Ruettiger was more of a joke than an inspiration.

Montana -- who played on the 1975 Fighting Irish squad with Ruettiger -- appeared on DirecTV's Dan Patrick Show this morning and said of the flick, "It's a movie remember ... not all that's true."

After a dismissive sigh, Montana undermined some of the main storylines in the movie saying, "The crowd wasn’t chanting … nobody threw in their jerseys."

Montana acknowledged that the real Rudy did play in the final home game ... and did get a sack -- but stated that when the players carried Rudy off the field, they were "kinda playin' around ... I won't say as a joke, but playing around."

Joe finished, "He worked his butt off to get where he was ... but not any harder than anybody else."

I had actually heard before from a friend of my uncle's and former ND football player that the story of Rudy was largely a sham. As Joe said he was some guy that got his ass beat in practice for four years and the coach finally threw him bone. I think the part of the movie that most of the players object too is the scene where members of the team give their jerseys back to Coach Dan Devine and say they won't play if Rudy isn't allowed to. I'm pretty sure no player on a nationally competitive team, many of them with aspirations of playing pro, are going to skip a game because a gritty, scout team kid doesn't get to suit up.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, at work, I answered the phone politely like I always do. The call was for my manager, so I stayed on the line until he picked up the phone, as we don't have a "hold" button. Before I hung up, I heard the caller say, "Who was that bitch that answered the phone?" FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

I'd tell him he has the hospital gown on backwards but that might be the least of his problems.

College Football Top 25

One week into the 2010 season and its obvious I'm not as smart as I thought I was when I made my initial Top 25. Consider that my rough draft. Here are my new standings. Previous rank is in parenthesis.

1. Alabama (1) - The Tide lost Mark Ingram and everyone else in the nation found Trent Richardson.
2. Boise State (2) - The Broncos played quite possibly the biggest game in school history and got it done.
3. Ohio State (3) - Terrelle Pryor continues to show signs of maturity.
4. Nebraska (4) - The defensive play was spotty but freshman QB Taylor Martinez impressed with his running.
5. Iowa (8) - The Hawkeyes started off hot with a 37-7 win against Eastern Illinois. Much better than last year's opening almost loss to Northern Iowa.
6. TCU (6) - TCU got what will likely be its biggest win of the year against Oregon State.
7. Florida (5) - Brantley didn't look sharp and there were way too many mistakes but the backs and receivers are more dynamic than any other players in the country.
8. Texas (6) - The Longhorns didn't put Rice away easy but at least they showed they were willing to run the ball more this season.
9. Wisconsin (10) - Returning Big Ten OPOY John Clay topped the 100-yard mark in a big win against UNLV.
10. Florida State (14) - Sure it was just Samford but the 59-6 win may have been the perfect tune up for OU.
11. Virginia Tech (7) - The Hokies may have lost to Boise State but give them credit for battling back from a 17-0 hole.
12. Oklahoma (11) - 31-24 against Utah State definitely isn't going to cut it in Norman. QB Landry Jones much look much better this week against FSU.
13. Miami (18) - Miami massacred Florida A&M 45-0 and now take what may be their best team since '01 into the Horseshoe to face the Buckeyes.
14. Arkansas (19) - Ryan Mallet continues to progress his grassroots Heisman campaign after stining Tennessee Tech for 301 yards.
15. Missouri (17) - It wasn't as definitive as in previous years but Mizzou's 23-13 win against Illinois was still good considering they did it without their dismissed RB.
16. USC (12) - Sure Matt Barkley threw for five TDs against Hawaii but the Warriors picked the Trojan D apart and showed Monte Kiffin still has a lot of work to do.
17. West Virginia (20) - WVU cruised against Coastal Carolina 31-0 and should do the same against Marshall this week.
18. Auburn (24) - New QB Cam Newton wowed in his first game as a Tiger with 186 yards passing and 171 rushing.
19. Oregon (25) - New Mexico may be one of the worst teams in FBS but a 72-0 win without your starting RB and with a new QB is nothing to scoff at.
20. Georgia (NR) - The Dawgs whipped Louisiana Lafayette 55-7 but may have some new concerns with WR A.J. Green possibly facing a suspension.
21. Georgia Tech (NR) - GT seems to have two capable QBs in Josh Nesbitt and passer Malcolm Long.
22. Utah (NR) - You have to give Utah credit for a quality win against a team many experts picked to win the Big East - Pittsburgh.
23. South Carolina (NR) - QB Stephen Garcia may have played well enough against Southern Miss to keep his job but you have to wonder when he gives way to the much hyped Connor Shaw.
24. Stanford (NR) - Stanford successfully closed the door on the Gerhart era with a big win against Sacramento State and a 300-yard passing day for Andrew Luck.
25. Arizona (NR) - The Wildcats shook off the cobwebs from the horrific Holiday Bowl loss to Nebraska and pelted Toledo. QN Nick Foles may still be in the running for Pac 10's best QB.

Stephen F. Austin - When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

Keep your eye on the left side of the field as two defenders from Stephen F. Austin fake injuries so they can slow down Texas A&M's no huddle offense. This may be the saddest thing I've ever seen.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(419): I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game