Happy Holidays!

The BYB will be taking a short hiatus for Christmas and a trip to volunteer at the Alamo Bowl. The tentative return date in Jan. 5. Have a happy holiday and a cheerful New Year. If you start to miss me too much here are some things to keep you busy.

F My Life Moment of X-Mas Day

Today, I finally got around to writing my Christmas cards. After finishing, I realized I had written "Happy Birthday" instead of "Merry Christmas" on every single one. FML

Today, I sent a christmas card to my husband's uncle and aunt. I'd forgotten that the uncle died last year. FML

Latkes and Dreidels For All!

Great clip from SNL this past week. We can't forget all the Jewish BYB readers. If I have any. Happy Hanukkah!

Wal Mart Person of the X-Mas Day

Texts From X-Mas Nite Moment of the Day

(607): Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless

(914): threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student

Bad Santa

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I think this girl is being a little presumptious about Santa. How does she know Santa doesn't like to spike his milk with a little hooch and get a little wild? Maybe she should stop passing judgment or she may find a lump of coal in her stocking.

Sloppy Santas

Santas get drunk, run amok
By ADAM WAZNY/The Winnipeg Sun

WINNIPEG - Who wants a Ho-Ho-Hoegaarden?

Yesterday evening dozens of people strapped on their Santa Claus suits and headed off to numerous nightclubs in the name of the holiday season.

For the eighth straight year, the social gathering known as Santacon fired up the sleigh and set a course for downtown Winnipeg. Adam Dudek, who helped organize this year's event, explains why:

Holiday spirits

"It's our way of celebrating Christmas," he said an hour before taking it to the streets. "There's nothing political or any message behind it -- it's just a way for people to go out and have some fun."

While nightclubs are the norm, Team Santa isn't above crashing any event or business it comes across

Shopping malls are fair game and music venues are in play, and the copious amounts of holiday spirits consumed by these part-time Pere Noels -- and their resulting actions -- is cancelled out by a simple theory: no one is going to kick Santa to the curb.

"I don't want to simplify it, but it's basically just an opportunity to get drunk and run amok," said Dudek, as Twisted Sister's version of Oh Come All Ye Faithful blared from the audio system in his duffle bag. Last winter, Dudek said 144 people took part in the Winnipeg Santacon.

Well in a world that seems to have lost the Christmas spirit amidst a tidal wave of consumerism, it's nice to see some people still have the right idea. X-Mas is just another good excuse to get drunk and run amok. Words to live by. Thank you Santa.

Evil Elf

'Elf' arrested for making bomb threat
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

MORROW, Ga. - A 45-year-old man dressed as an elf to have his picture taken with a mall Santa Claus has been jailed after telling the Santa that he was carrying dynamite.

Police told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution that Southlake Mall in suburban Atlanta was evacuated but no explosives were found.

Morrow police arrested William C. Caldwell III, who was being held without bond Thursday in the Clayton County jail.

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Police say Caldwell got in line Wednesday evening to have his picture taken with Santa Claus. Caldwell was not part of the mall's Christmas staff.

Police say when Caldwell reached the front of the line, he told Santa he had dynamite in his bag. Santa called mall security and Caldwell was arrested.

Caldwell faces several charges, including having hoax devices and making terroristic threats.

A lot of stress builds up around holiday time. One must find a healthy way of releasing the pressure. Some people drink, some people head to the gym and some people dress up as elves, head to the mall and tell Santa they have a bomb. Different strokes for different folks. Santa kind of had it coming too. If he'd have let this elf become a dentist instead of a toy maker maybe he wouldn't have been driven to this end.

On X-Mas Day in...

I decided to go with the X-Mas theme today. I know its a couple days early but yall can live with it.

On X-Mas Day in...
800 – Coronation of Charlemagne as Holy Roman Emperor, in Rome.
1776 – George Washington and his army cross the Delaware River to attack the Kingdom of Great Britain's Hessian mercenaries in Trenton, New Jersey.
1818 – The first performance of "Silent Night" takes place in the church of St. Nikolaus in Oberndorf, Austria.
1868 – U.S. President Andrew Johnson grants unconditional pardon to all Civil War Confederate soldiers.
1974 – Marshall Fields drives a vehicle through the gates of the White House, resulting in a four-hour standoff.
1990 – The first successful trial run of the system which would become the World Wide Web.
1991 – Mikhail Gorbachev resigns as president of the Soviet Union (the union itself is dissolved the next day). Ukraine's referendum is finalized and Ukraine officially leaves the Soviet Union.

Births
1899 – Humphrey Bogart, American actor (d. 1957)
1946 – Jimmy Buffett, American singer and songwriter
1946 – Larry Csonka, American football player
1948 – Barbara Mandrell, American singer and actress
1949 – Sissy Spacek, American actress
1950 – Karl Rove, former American presidential advisor
1954 – Steve Wariner, American country music singer

Some pretty good Christmas b-days with two classic country singers, the King of Margaritaville, a tough running back, the most evil man in the world and Carrie. I'm not going to give you any clips of these people but I will give you the 'Sunny' cast caroling.

It's Better To Give A Taco Than To Eat One

'Merry Christmas' man pays $72 for a taco
AP

A Taco Bell manager in Ohio says a man who appeared drunk walked into the restaurant earlier this week and handed him $72 for just one taco.

The manager tells police near the northern Ohio town of Sandusky that the customer who seemed to be in his early 20s refused to take back the money and told workers “Merry Christmas.”

Manager Aaron Ohm says he thought for sure the man would return for his money, but he so far he hasn’t shown up.

Police are holding on to the money as evidence and say if it’s not claimed in 60 days, the store manager will get a late Christmas gift.

It's nice to see some people still have the giving spirit around X-Mas time. This guy thought the Taco Bell staff could use to a little holiday charity so he overpaid for his cheesy gordita crunch. Taco Bell deserves that money and should keep it but ONLY IF they promise to bring back the Fritos Burrito.

Sketchy Santas

Found this web site chocked full of good photos of creepy looking Mall Santas. Check it out.

Little St. Nick

Drunk 4-Year-Old Steals Christmas Presents
Newschannel 9 Chattanooga

CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. (WTVC-TV) - A 4-year-old boy, beer in hand, is accused of stealing Christmas presents from his neighbors. It's a strange story, but also a sad one.

April Wright is 21 years old and is going through a divorce with her husband who is in jail. She says she is not sure how her 4-year-old managed to get out of the house, open a beer, and steal the neighbors presents from under their tree. Now she's just glad he's okay and says she won't let it happen again.

The child, Hayden Wright, was found around 1:45 am Tuesday, wandering the streets of his neighborhood. In a police reports, officers said he was wearing a little girl's dress and drinking a beer. The police report says the child had to be taken to the hospital to be treated for alcohol consumption.



Wright says she woke up that night at 1:45 am and panicked when she found Hayden was gone. She says she put safety devices on all the doors so her kids couldn't get out, but Hayden was able to break the safety device off the doorknob and get outside.

Once out, Wright says her four year old followed his father's footsteps and was found on Blue Spruce Road, drinking.

"He runs away trying to find his father," she said. "He wants to get in trouble so he can go to jail because that's where his daddy is."

The Hamilton County Sheriff's Office report says Hayden rang the doorbell a few houses down and the neighbor answered, finding the child holding a partially consumeed 12-ounce beer.

Wright said, "He got it out of my father's cooler in the back and how he got it open I don't understand because it was one of those tab beers."

But it doesn't stop there. The report said Hayden then snuck into a neighbor's house through an unlocked front door, and stole five wrapped Christmas gifts. One was a girl's brown dress which Hayden was wearing when police found him.

"Going to the neighbor's house and taking their presents, very embarrassing," said April.

Obviously this story is pretty disturbing. This kid's craftiness seems to be a bit too much for his mother and whats up with the neighbor? Who leaves their doors unlocked in this day and age? I really also wanted to post a video from the 'Sunny' X-Mas special where the Mac family breaks into a neighbor's house and steals their presents. But I can't find it on Youtube. Sorry.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I decided to try whitening my teeth for the first time. I applied the strips to my teeth and decided to lay down and wait for the thirty required minutes to pass. I accidentally fell asleep and woke up three hours later. My teeth are still in excruciating pain and are covered in white streaks. FML

Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Whoa! That is crazy. I didn't even know hair could do that. Ron Artest needs to step his game up.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(207): She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.

(415): Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".

That Just Happened

I kind of like these videos. Its nice to have a look back at the good and the bad.

They're Playing Basketball! (and signing contracts)

Report: Gasol Ready To Sign 3-Year Extension With Lakers
By Matt Moore/NBA Fanhouse

Hope you weren't thinking this new dominant Lakers' core was dissipitating any time soon, because the news out of LA tonight is that you can count on this unit wheeling and dealing for the forseeable future.

The LA Times is reporting that the Lakers and All-Star Forward-Center Pau Gasol have reached an agreement on a 3-year contract extension. The amount has not been confirmed yet, but internet rumors have hit as high as $64 million, meaning that the Lakers payroll in 2012 will be high enough to build a Deathstar with it. Which is fitting, since this Lakers' offense essentially is the basketball equivalent of a planet-sized weapon.

The extension comes right as LA prepares to lock up Kobe Bryant for what will likely be his final extension, with the max contract already in place and the remaining details all that's left to iron out. The Lakers will not be leaving their future uncertain unlike some teams.

Gasol has erupted since returning from a hamstring injury that sidelined him for the start of the season. He leads the league in rebounding rate and has pushed the already incredible Lakers offense into a whole new gear.

The Lakers don't necessarily have to concern themselves much with extensions like other teams in the league. After all, what player wants to leave LA? Titles, fame, great weather, a winning tradition, and status. It's a dream gig. Still, locking up their two most important components means that the Lakers can focus on continuing to surround them with more talent.

It's a good time to be a Lakers fan.

It sure is. I don't want to gloat here but when all of America said the Lakers were stupid for getting rid of Shaq and that Kobe would never win a title without him they didn't see the chess game beginning. The line of expendable players that shuffled in and out of L.A. the three following years weren't just untalented assbags, they were trade bait and expiring contracts. Mix in the wise draft choice of Andrew Bynum and the steal of Gasol and L.A. is primed to dominate the West for 4-5 more years. Especially with Gasol playing at his prime. Of course it doesn't hurt when the Black Mamba is knocking down shots like these.



P.S. - Did the announcer yell "Miss It!" right before Kobe released. Try to be professional buddy. You're not DeNunzio on the 18th green with Danny Noonan putting for the Caddy Championship.

I Want To Suck Your Judge

Leader of 'vampire group' jailed for threatening judge
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

INDIANAPOLIS (AP) — A man who claims to be the leader of a group of vampires has pleaded guilty to charges that he threatened to torture and kill an Indianapolis judge and his family.

Forty-five-year-old Rocky Flash, also known as Jonathon Sharkey, was sentenced in a Marion County court on Wednesday to more than two years in jail.

Prosecutors say the man threatened to beat, torture, impale, dismember and decapitate Judge David Certo, who is presiding over another case involving Flash.

Flash claims to be the leader of a group called “Vampyre Nation.” A call to a phone number listed on the group’s blog got a recording saying the call could not go through.

I kind of was concerned that the recent outbreak of vampire stuff on pop culture would bring some weird vampire types out of the woodwork and it appears it has. Now we've got these fake looking goons threatening judges. I'm guessing the judge wasn't too scared though. In his line of work he sees a lot of bloodsuckers, they just prefer to be called lawyers.

P.S. - How cool of a name is Rocky Flash? If that were your name would you ever go by Jonathon Sharkey? Seems like a no brainer.

On this day in...

1864 – Savannah, Georgia falls to General William Tecumseh Sherman, concluding his "March to the Sea".
1937 – The Lincoln Tunnel opens to traffic in New York City.
1984 – Subway vigilante Bernhard Hugo Goetz shoots four African-American men on an express train in Manhattan, New York City.
1989 – Berlin's Brandenburg Gate re-opens after nearly 30 years, effectively ending the division of East and West Germany.
2001 – Richard Reid attempts to destroy a passenger airliner by igniting explosives hidden in his shoes aboard American Airlines Flight 63.

Births
1912 – Lady Bird Johnson, First Lady of the United States (d. 2007)
1936 – Hector Elizondo, American actor
1944 – Steve Carlton, American baseball player
1945 – Diane Sawyer, American journalist
1960 – Luther Campbell (Luke), American rap artist (2 Live Crew)

Well after a good day of birthdays yesterday we've slumped back. I guess I could play 'Me So Horny' but I'll go with the segment of 'The U' that discusses Luther Campbell's payment of Hurricane players.

Give A Hoot About Our Youth

Hooters school trip lands teach in trouble
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

PHOENIX (AP) — An Arizona music teacher whose students performed at a presidential inauguration event is on administrative leave after taking 40 high school students to a Hooters restaurant.

Paradise Valley school district spokeswoman Judi Willis says choir director Mary Segall accompanied the students to a performance in downtown Phoenix last week, and during the outing, they ate lunch at Hooters.

Willis says Segall explained that the restaurant, known for its waitresses’ somewhat revealing attire, was the only place that could accommodate a group of that size. But district officials believe there were other options for lunch in the area.

It gets a little old hearing up tight people talk about Hooters like its a bordello. Trust me most of the girls on this field trip probably wear clothes much more revealing than orange shorts and tank tops to Teen Night every weekend. Hooters is just a restaurant and by comparison the offshoot restaurants with scantily clad women are much more lude. Get over it.

P.S. - I have been to the Downtown Pheonix Hooters before the Lakers/Suns game a few years back and the kids were treated to some pretty nice scenery. Not sure what the lunch shift looks like but I can't imagine its too bad.

Pelini Punishment

Did Bo, Carl pay? Beebe won’t say
By Lee Barfknecht/WORLD-HERALD STAFF WRITER

It remains unknown whether the Big 12 disciplined Nebraska football coaches Bo and Carl Pelini for their outbursts following the Dec. 5 league championship football game.

“This is a matter we’ve handled confidentially,’’ Commissioner Dan Beebe said from Dallas. “I can’t speak to anything else on that.’’

Texas defeated Nebraska 13-12 on a field goal kicked after one second was put back on the clock because of a timing review from officials in the booth.

Outside the Nebraska locker room, Husker head coach Bo Pelini screamed “BCS! That’s why they make that call!’’ and later yelped “Get Dan Beebe in here!’

Defensive coordinator Carl Pelini, after starting down the tunnel toward the NU locker room, turned back toward where Texas was celebrating and yelled: “You should be ashamed to accept that trophy!’’

After Nebraska’s formal postgame press conference, Beebe met briefly with Bo Pelini in the hallway outside the interview room.

“I think I gave the coach a fair chance to discuss it with me,’’ Beebe said. “The Nebraska folks expressed gratitude that I did that.’’

Potential penalties for unsportsmanlike behavior and commenting on officiating range from private reprimands to fines to suspensions.

In 2004, Kansas lost to Texas 27-23 after a controversial late pass interference penalty. In his postgame press conference, then-coach Mark Mangino said:

“You know what this is all about, don’t you? BCS. That’s right. That’s what made the difference on the call in front of their bench — dollar signs.’’

The Big 12 fined Mangino $5,000.

In 2007, the league fined Texas Tech coach Mike Leach $10,000 for comments he made about “atrociously bad calls’’ and “the sham’’ that instant replay is following a 59-43 loss to “higher bowl-wise’’ Texas.

I doubt Pelini & Co. received a fine for this one. The stakes were too high to risk the Pelinis blasting the Big 12 and the BCS in the post game press conference. I have no doubt in my mind that the Big 12 Commisioner pulled a gun on them and threatened to have them ground up and cemented into some spot at Cowboys Stadium.

Needless to say I can keep bitching about this all I want. Its not going to get that second of my life back. So if you can't beat em, join em. And by join em I mean the Alabama Crimson Tide. I have purchased my Bama shirt and when Greg McElroy, Mt. Cody, Mark Ingram and Julio Jones celebrate the ADT Trophy all will be right with the world. Roll Tide!

P.S. - This video may be horrible but for a white girl she's not a bad rapper. A lot better than me.

The Hitman Returns

Bret Hart Returning to the WWE
By: Eric Gargiulo/ CamelClutchBlog.com

The unthinkable has happened. Bret Hart has reportedly signed a short-term contract to return to the WWE. Reports indicate his contract begins on January 1 and runs through WrestleMania. There are even some reports that speculate Hart may actually wrestle one more match. Yes, hell has frozen over in pro wrestling!

This could turn out to be the biggest pro wrestling story of the year. This goes well beyond Hulk Hogan’s deal with TNA Wrestling and almost makes the deal futile. As big of a surprise as this is, it was just a few days ago on WWE RAW when Bret Hart’s name was brought up as a WWE Guest Host. The terms of the contract would indicate to me that Bret Hart will be guest hosting WWE RAW when WWE and TNA Wrestling go head-to-head on January 4. It was nice knowing you TNA!

I don’t know what is more surprising about this situation, the fact that a contract is involved or the fact that Bret Hart may actually wrestle again? Hart is 52-years old and hasn’t wrestled in almost a decade. Bret retired shortly after suffering a concussion against Bill Goldberg in 1999. The final death blow to Bret’s career came in 2002 when he suffered a stroke. Bret has made a miraculous recovery since suffering the stroke, yet has never talked about wrestling again. The only times a possible match comes up is when Bret has said that he would like to wrestle Kurt Angle. Other than that, nobody has ever expected Hart to wrestle again.

Hart hasn’t appeared in a WWE ring since the infamous night in Montreal at Survivor Series 97. Hart signed a 20-year contract with the WWE a year prior to the match. Vince McMahon informed Bret that he was releasing him from his deal at the time and Bret was free to go to WCW. Bret signed a WCW deal while holding the WWE belt. In a match with Shawn Michaels at Survivor Series, Vince McMahon, Michaels, and several others corroborated an effort to falsely lure Bret into doing a job for Michaels. Bret’s brother Owen died in a WWE ring a couple of years later in a tragic accident, which almost surely closed the door for any potential WWE return for Hart.

Wow! I know most of you don't like pro wrestling but as far as pro wrestling moves go this is like dropping the atomic bomb. Hulk Hogan has been building toward a major showdown between the upstart TNA and WWE. The Hulkster announced TNA would move to Mondays on Jan. 4 to0 go head to head with RAW and with reports that Ric Flair could join him, things weren't looking good for WWE.

So Vince played the ultimate trump card and brought in his fiercest detractor in Bret Hart. For those unfamiliar with Bret Hart's relationship with Vince the following video provides a little background behind their fallout. Not to mention faulty WWE equipment killed Bret's brother Owen a few years after.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML

Today, at my job as a cake decorator in a bakery, I put the finishing touches on the wedding cake of the man who left me at the altar 3 years ago. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

In this case I'd be comfortable with the South rising again. Because the idea of those pants falling is enough to make me sick.

Silly Squirrel

This anchor can just cut the shit about the camera man eventually helping the squirrel. That sick bastard watched this thing run around aimlessly for an hour. Not that I'm judging him. I would have done the same.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(808): You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.

(732): just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..

Oops

Found this link on Hot Clicks the other day with the best unintentionally worst url addresses. Here are a few of my favorites.

1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

A Steeler Stealer

Guilt apparently overcomes robber
Associated Press

WEST NEWTON, Pa. — Someone mailed an envelope filled with money to a western Pennsylvania bank that was robbed earlier this month, and the FBI suspects it was either the repentant robber or an acquaintance of his.

Special Agent Jeff Killeen says the returned money doesn't cancel out the crime that was committed Dec. 9 at the PNC Bank in West Newton, a tiny borough about 20 miles southeast of Pittsburgh.

The FBI won't say how much the robber took, but it says the money in the envelope was about 80 percent of the amount stolen. It was separated into stacks of $5s, $10s, $20s and $100s.

The FBI announced the mailing on Tuesday and says it is checking the package for fingerprints and other clues. They believe the robber is local because he was wearing a yellow Pittsburgh Steelers T-shirt.

I think the FBI is being a little heavy handed here. The guy came clean and sent the money back. Maybe they should just give him a break. Its been a tough year for the Steelers already. Let's not add insult to injury.

P.S. - A Raiders fan would have mailed in a picture of a middle finger.

On this day in...

On this day in...
1913 – Arthur Wynne's "word-cross", the first crossword puzzle, is published in the New York World.
1937 – Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, the first full-length animated film, premieres at the Carthay Circle Theater.
1968 – Apollo program: Apollo 8, the first manned mission to the moon, is launched from the Kennedy Space Center in Florida.

Births
1892 – Walter Hagen, American golfer (d. 1969)
1935 – Phil Donahue, American talk show host
1937 – Jane Fonda, American actress
1940 – Frank Zappa, American musician (d. 1993)
1948 – Samuel L. Jackson, American actor
1954 – Chris Evert, American tennis player
1957 – Ray Romano, Italian-American comedian
1959 – Florence Griffith Joyner, American sprinter (d. 1998)
1965 – Andy Dick, American actor and comedian
1973 – Mike Alstott, American football player

After a pretty shaky week of b-days last week we're back on track today with a legendary golfer, a talk show host, tennis and track ladies and a foppish drugged out comedian. But I'll focus on Samuel Jackson. A great actor whose screen presence caused this spoof.

Kiss My Grits

Woman allegedly pours grits on sleeping boyfriend
AP

BOUTTE, La. – A 44-year-old woman was booked with second-degree battery after allegedly pouring a pot of boiling grits onto her sleeping boyfriend. St. Charles Parish sheriff's deputies said Carolyn Brown caused second-degree burns on the man's face and arms. The man told deputies that he came home from work on Nov. 7, got into an argument with Brown, told her that he was breaking up with her, then went to bed.

The Times-Picayune reported Brown was arrested Wednesday and booked into the Nelson Coleman Correctional Facility.

It wasn't immediately clear if Brown has an attorney.

It seems like guys will never learn to not fall asleep after a fight with their wives/girlfriends. John Bobbitt's penis should serve as a lasting example that its not a good idea to take a nap after a verbal spat with your old lady. Women are capable of anything, even cooking up a big mess of grits and pouring them on your face. This guy made a bad move.

The Goofy Glue Incident

Two women plead guilty in penis-gluing case
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

CHILTON, Wis. — Two women accused of seeking revenge on a cheating lover by gluing his penis to his stomach have reached plea deals.

Forty-eight-year-old Therese Ziemann, was accused of doing the actual gluing. She pleaded no contest Monday to reduced charges of disorderly conduct and misdemeanour battery.

Her sister, 43-year-old Michelle Belliveau, pleaded no contest to disorderly conduct.

District attorney Ken Kratz agreed not to seek jail time for either one.

The women allegedly lured the 37-year-old Fond du Lac man to a motel and tied him to a bed in July.

This is exactly what I was talking about in the earlier post about not trusting women. If two ladies say they want to take you to a motel and have a threesome, odds are they're luring you there to glue your penis to your stomach. Threesomes don't just drop out of the sky unless you're Wilt Chamberlain. On the bright side I doubt it was all that hard for the guy to unattach his penis from his stomach. There's no glue in the world that could hold mine.

Taking A Bite Out of Crime

Attorney sued after biting off part of man's nose
AP

MEMPHIS, Tenn. -A Memphis attorney bit off part of a man's nose during a fight in a restaurant bathroom. A lawsuit filed by Greg Herbers claims attorney Mark Lambert attacked him last June after Herbers asked two men in a bathroom stall to get out so that he could use it.

The suit states that Lambert was at a urinal and had been carrying on a conversation with the men in the stall. Herbers claims Lambert pushed and grabbed him and bit off and swallowed part of his nose.

Lambert told WMC-TV he did bite off part of Herbers' nose, but spit it out. He claims he acted in self defense after Herbers assaulted him.

The police report said Herbers entire left nostril was missing. Herbers claims he suffered permanent disfigurement and will need plastic surgery and possibly a prosthetic nose.

I'm sure lawyers hear crazy stuff all the time. They must be desensitized to the world a bit. That's probably why you shouldn't screw with them or they'll bite your nose off. Who does that? I thought only people as crazy as Mike Tyson bit off appendages. And if that guy really swallowed the nose then he's by far the sickest person in the country.

Mini BYB

Due to a late nite on the town in Odessa and an early shift at the salt mines I've got to cut the BYB short today. But here's a taste of all the action you would have seen.

The Bills signed former Husker Richie Incognito to a contract. I like the move but linebacker Kavika Mitchell wasn't quite as impressed.

RT @ProFootballTalk Bills add Richie Incognito http://is.gd/5qtmn #NFL--BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT THIS YR. THE GUYS A BUM. DIRTY AND ALWAYS...... WILL BE. REALLY WISH I WAS PLAYIN RITE NOW. SERIOUSLY... I KNO WE'RE N NEED OF OLINE BUT THIS GUY SUKS BALLS.

Ka_Mitchell55. 2:41 PM Dec 16th from Twittelator

On this day in...
1932 – The Chicago Bears defeat the Portsmouth Spartans 9-0 in the first ever NFL Championship Game. Because of a blizzard, the game was moved from Wrigley Field to the Chicago Stadium, the field measuring 80 yards (73 m) long.
and born in...
1886 – Ty Cobb, American baseball player (d. 1961)

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day
(701): Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday.

Brobible.com has named the Top 50 catch phrases of the 2000's. The Office's "Thats what she said" won. How "I'm Rick James bitch" did not is beyond me.

Wal Mart Person of the Day


F My Life Moment of the Day
Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I worked for three hours writing very neat notes with one of those pens that erase. I felt very accomplished, so decided to share it on Facebook. I brought my computer over to my lap on top of my notes. Turns out heat from laptops smudges ink from eraseable pens. I can't read my notes. FML

Today, both of my grandparents died in a car accident. My Mom and Dad thought it would make me feel better to know they were not my real grandparents, because I'm adopted. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

I'm certainly not going to lament the invention of low rise jeans but obviously you take the good with the bad.

Best Day Care Center Ever

Pair busted for selling moonshine at day care
Agents: Kids inside center when undercover cop bought 2 gallons of booze

CHARLOTTE, N.C. - Authorities charged a North Carolina woman with selling moonshine out of her day care center.

The Charlotte Observer reported Tuesday that North Carolina Alcohol Law Enforcement arrested a 57-year-old woman last week at Parkview Community Center in Charlotte.

Agents said children were in the day care center when they sent in an undercover agent to buy two gallons of moonshine.

The woman told the paper she was set up by a neighbor. She said she was just holding a package for a man in exchange for $80 and didn't even know what was in it.

Agents also arrested an 82-year-old man and charged him with making the moonshine. Authorities seized more than 80 gallons of moonshine from the man.

I don't get what the big deal is here. Alcohol is legal to purchase and cosume, correct? So why are we punishing this poor lady for trying to supplement her income a bit? I'm sure in these times of financial hardship some people have taken to babysitting their own kids instead of using the day care so this lady was probably out a few bucks and since she's too old for a lemonade stand she had to go with moonshine. Its not like she's feeding it to the kids. I mean, unless the won't shut up or go to sleep. Then her hand is kind of forced.

Plus I don't see whats wrong with a day care center multitasking. It worked for this guy.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(608): so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars

(905): when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college.

(248): You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week

Fishing For F*ckups

Bill Dance has to be the most unintentionally funny man in America. It might make me a redneck but I can watch these blooper reels without almost pissing myself. Plus they remind me of the male members of the Clark Clan, most notable my father and grandfather.

Big Ten (11) Becoming Twelve?

Big Ten to explore expansion
AP

CHICAGO (AP) -- The Big Ten might be getting bigger.

The league said Tuesday it will explore options over the next 12 to 18 months for expansion. Big Ten presidents and chancellors decided this month that the timing is right to study adding a 12th school.

The Big Ten also looked at expansion in 1993, 1998 and 2003. Penn State was the last team to join in 1990, and Notre Dame rejected an offer in 1999.

The league, whose offices are in suburban Chicago, said no action on expansion is expected soon. It said it hopes to gather information before engaging in formal discussions with any schools.

The conference actually has 11 football teams, despite its name.

"About every five years the Big Ten Conference explores the possibility of expansion," Illinois athletic Ron Guenther said in an e-mail to the AP. "Any expansion of the conference would obviously have to be a good fit academically, geographically and financially. If the Big Ten does make a change, I hope it will be as successful as the addition of Penn State."

Wisconsin athletic director Barry Alvarez last week told the university's board that he thinks the conference is serious about adding a 12th team, though Delany as recently as March called expansion a "back-burner" issue.

As Penny Lane would say, "its all happening!" The Big Ten is going to look at expanding again and I have a perfect candidate for such an addition, the Nebraska Cornhuskers. It only took one second for it to become painfully obvious that as far as the head honchos are concerned Nebraska is about as welcome in the Big 12 power structure as Pete Rose at a MLB Hall of Fame mixer. Aside from the JerryWorld Screwjob, the Big 12 is also toying with the idea of having the championship game in Dallas every year, thus taking away the cold weather advantage North teams enjoy in K.C. and Denver.

So like many wacko Nebraska fans I have chastised in the past I have now warmed the idea of moving to the Big Ten. We'd have a great new rival in Michigan (whole stole half our 97 Championship). Plus we could set up a yearly non-conference bout with Oklahoma. Then the Big 12 can find a new defacto North Champ whipping boy. Turner Gill can deal with that mess.

On this day in...

On this day in...
1538 – Pope Paul III excommunicates Henry VIII of England.
1862 – American Civil War: General Ulysses S. Grant issues General Order No. 11, expelling Jews from Tennessee, Mississippi, and Kentucky.
1969 – Project Blue Book: The United States Air Force closes its study of UFOs, stating that sightings were generated as a result of "A mild form of mass hysteria.
1989 – Pilot episode of The Simpsons airs in the United States.

Births
1930 – Bob Guccione, American magazine publisher
1946 – Eugene Levy, Canadian actor
1953 – Bill Pullman, American actor
1962 – Rocco Mediate, American golfer
1966 – Tracy Byrd, American musician
1974 – Giovanni Ribisi and Marissa Ribisi, American actor and actress
1975 – Nick Dinsmore (Eugene), American professional wrestler
1975 – Milla Jovovich, Ukrainian-born actress
1976 – Takeo Spikes, American football player
1978 – Chase Utley, American baseball player

Business is starting to pick up in the birthdays. Sure, there's no real genious in that list with the third most famous porn mag guy, Jim's dad, the president from Independence Day, a lovable golfer and the chick with no lines from 'Dazed and Confused,' but at least its a longer list. I've decided to go the Chase Utley route today. Baseball for me? Well, there's a Sunny side to it.

Wonderful World of Deabuchery

DISNEY WORLD ORGY OF DRUGS AND COSTUMED SEX
National Enquirer

An EXPLOSIVE new book about Disney World claims the world-famous Florida theme park is a hotbed of sex and drugs.

The book - Cast Member Confidential, A Disneyfied Memoir by Chris Mitchell - "is enough to make Walt Disney roll over in his grave!" a publishing source familiar with its contents told The ENQUIRER.

"Mitchell claims a drug dealer dressed up as Winnie the Pooh and sold acid outside the Epcot theme park! And he says cast members have been high on drugs while performing and had sex on the property."

Mitchell, a former action sports photographer, worked at the Orlando theme park for a year as an official photographer. But he was hired through a third-party contractor, so he avoided signing the company's iron-clad confidentiality agreement, said the source.

And his tell-all book - due to be published in January - is sure to send shock waves through Disney, a company famous for keeping a tight rein on its family-friendly image.

"Because Mitchell was a journalist, he was able to find out a great deal of what was really going on behind the scenes, and he writes that he was shocked to learn what some of the employees were up to," said the source.

"Mitchell reveals how two women would steal costumes to satisfy their fetish for sex dressed up as Minnie and Mickey Mouse!

"He also says that one of the female stilt walkers in the Jammin' Jungle Parade starred in adult films on her days off.

"And Mitchell spills the beans on a drag queen who was high on cocaine when he played Maleficent, the villain in Sleeping Beauty.

"He goes on to describe rumors about a cast member who was able to pleasure himself while posing with unsuspecting visitors because his hands were hidden in his costume!"

But Mitchell also confesses his own naughty behavior.

"Mitchell writes that he was invited into an Epcot center restroom and joined the SOP (Sex on Property) club by having sex with a girl who was dressed up as Dale the chipmunk!" said the source.

We should have really known this was going on the first time we saw the minister get an erection in 'The Little Mermaid.' You've got to be pretty sick to want to spend your days in a fantasy world for children. Just ask Michael Jackson...if you've got an ouiji board. But the sex in the costume thing seemed like a no brainer. There's a whole fetish subculture that gets their jollies off on this. They're called furries. Here's Johnny Drama tackling the subject when 'Entourage' was still watchable.

Its Time To Pay the Piper (for the Pigskin)

Redskins Seeking Collections Coordinator To Make Old People Cry
By Chris Mottram/MrIrrelevant.com

You’ll recall back in September the Post ran a piece on the Redskins suing fans after they were unable to make good on season ticket payments owed to the franchise. It was a real tear-jerker, which led with the story of 73-year-old woman who lost a lawsuit to the team after she was unable to fight it in court, costing her $63,000. It had a photo of her crying and everything just to show how EVIL this organization is. See! You made that nice grandma cry all over her hand-sewn Redskins afghan.

But really, these are contractual obligations people are signing, which means the Redskins have every right to demand payment, and collect via lawsuit when all other means are exhausted. According to the Post’s story, the Redskins had done so 125 times. And apparently collecting money from ticket holders is such an issue now that the team needs to hire a full-time employee to deal with it.

If you have any photos of yourself bringing old people to tears, or being generally abusive to the elderly, that would be helpful as well. Not a requirement, but worth mentioning in your resume as it will eventually be one of your responsibilities.

This certainly has to be an unenviable position but in our rapidly declining economy someone will take it. Especially as scare as jobs in sports are. I serve as a shining example of that. Maybe I should apply. I certainly have experience in the field after my two week stint as a repo man for Rent-A-Center. My favorite moment was when I had to repo a TV from a project. We also tried to repo the washer but the dudes smoking weed inside all chipped in to cover the back payments. Then two little kids on bikes heckled me for "taking black people's shit away." I tried to explain that I wasn't The Man or Whitey and I was about as far down on the socioeconomic totem pole as possible but they weren't having any of it.

Tiger Woods Update of the Day

So it seems this Tiger Woods fiasco is never going to go away. Its like a grease fire and instead of handling it properly (still don't know how to put out a grease fire) Tiger said nothing and threw water on it. So now his perspective has to be told by proxy. First it was Ron Artest and now its Clinton Portis. I've never seen so many classless acts speak for a classy one. Here are some of Portis' finer points from the John Thompson Show.

- "So if he can balance 14 and keep it a secret, congrats. You know, at least he knows what he wants."

- "He don't discriminate, he's not against people, he don't care what your job, what your background is....He knew what he was after."

- "I always felt like everybody in that position--whether you're a reporter, whether you run a grocery store, whether you're the guys who's doing an endorsement with Tiger. I'm sure in their offices the same thing's going on."

- "But I say don't get married, if it's not out of your system. I'm not married. You know, I would love to be able to say, I'm a perfect guy, yeah, baby, yeah."

Yeah, baby, yeah. I couldn't have said it better myself. Portis does have some points. Tiger shouldn't have gotten married. It may have been good for his image and Elin sure is hot but when the 99 Nines start calling its hard to say no. But I can refute Portis on one issue. As a liquor store clerk, closely akin to the grocery store proprietor, the juice you get in the office isn't worth the squeeze.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I called my boyfriend upset because my best friend has begun stripping to pay for school. His response was, "Where and what time does she work?" FML

Today, I went to a movie with a girl I went to high school with. There was a preview for an upcoming 3D movie. I asked her if she had ever seen a 3D movie before. She told me she couldn't because she is blind in one eye. Apparently it's a "sensitive subject." FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Even the guys from 'Deliverence' have the X-Mas spirit.

No more EA T&A

Illinois man admits shooting nude videos of ESPN's Erin Andrews
AP

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- An Illinois insurance executive pleaded guilty Tuesday to secretly shooting nude videos of ESPN reporter Erin Andrews, who repeatedly called her stalker a sexual predator in court and said she hopes he "never sees the light of day."

Michael David Barrett pleaded guilty to interstate stalking after Andrews urged the judge to give him a harsh sentence and not allow him out on bail.

"His actions have had a devastating impact on me and my family," said Andrews, who attended the hearing with her father and attorney.

She said she is constantly reminded that Barrett's videos appeared online, subjecting her to cruel taunts from sports fans while working as a sideline reporter.

After the hearing, Andrews said she struggled to keep her composure when she entered the courtroom but felt it was important that her views be heard.

She said she plans to advocate for changes in the hotel industry that will protect female travelers. She also said she was appalled to learn that hotels gave out information about where she was staying, adding that she still calls hotels to see if they'll acknowledge she's a guest. They often do, she said.

I really kind of do feel bad for Erin Andrews now that all of this has shaken out. This seems to really shook her up and this guy should definitely do some hard time. But I really think he hotel clerk should have to go to jail too. That has to be against hotel policy to give out guest info, especially about a celebrity. This isn't even the worst case scenario. You could have a Mark David Chapman situation.

I still don't really understand how this all happened. How did someone not walk by and see him holding a cell phone to her peep hole? How does the peep hole look into perfectly to where she got dressed? Why was she shaking her ass the whole time? Do women really get dressed that way? There's so many questions.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(503): She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.

(786): Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic

(256): A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality

Raw Deal

Fla. woman accused of hitting man with raw steak
AP

DUNNELLON, Fla. – A 53-year-old was arrested after allegedly hitting a man in the head with a raw steak. According to a Marion County Sheriff's Office report, the man told deputies Elsie Egan repeatedly hit him with the uncooked meat and slapped his face after he refused a piece of sliced bread. The man said he wanted a bread roll.

Egan denied hitting the man with the steak but did admit to slapping him, saying she did it "so that he could learn."

The man told deputies that Egan was his live-in girlfriend. He declined medical assistance.

Egan was charged with abuse of a disabled adult. According to online records, she has been released on $2,500 bond and is scheduled to appear in court in January. It's unclear if she has an attorney.

I kinda feel for this lady. She goes through the trouble of slicing a piece of bread for her live in boyfriend and the bastard asks for a roll. He should be happy with his piece of bread and ask for seconds. And maybe there wasn't even malice to the steak throwing. That could just be her way of tenderizing meat. With a face like that I'd think just looking at the meat would tenderize it. I know after looking at her my meat isn't hard.

P.S. - Didn't she make the wrong admission to the cops. I think they might have forgiven throwing a steak but slapping a disabled dude is a bit more serious. Its no wonder he's disabled. I'm sure if he could get away from her he would.

On this day in...

On this day in...
1773 – American Revolution: Boston Tea Party – Members of the Sons of Liberty disguised as Mohawks dump crates of tea into Boston harbor as a protest against the Tea Act.
1950 – President Harry S. Truman declares a state of emergency, after Chinese troops enter the fight with communist North Korea in the Korean War.
1985 – Mafia: In New York City, Paul Castellano and Thomas Bilotti are shot dead on the orders of John Gotti, who assumes leadership of the Gambino family.
2007 – Ron Paul raises a record amount of money online in a single day "money bomb": over six million dollars in 24 hours.

Births
1485 – Catherine of Aragon, Queen of England (d. 1536)
1775 – Jane Austen, English writer (d. 1817)
1962 – William "The Refrigerator" Perry, American football player
1963 – Benjamin Bratt, American actor
1967 – Donovan Bailey, Jamaican-born Canadian sprinter
1979 – Trevor Immelman, South African golfer
1982 – Antrel Rolle, National Football League defensive back

Another skimpy birthday day with some famous British ladies and a grab bag of athletes but among them sticks out Fridge Perry (literally). Fridge was the chunk star of the 85 Bears whose star fell shortly after that season. While Fridge's weight was shocking at that time people wouldn't bat an eye at him now as numerous defensive tackles weigh in at more than 350. Oh how football has changed.

They're Playing Basketball...and writing letters

In today's edition we have a hoops star talking Tiger and suprisingly I'm not talking about the Wizard's Brendan Haywood who wrote in his blog that Elin Woods was forunate to be with Tiger and not Chris Brown. Truly depolorable. No this column is dedicated to the scribblings of a madman, my new favorite Laker Ron Artest.

Artest recently penned an open letter to Tiger and posted it on his website. I'm not going to post the whole thing because its a rambling mess but here's a few high points.

- I have made the same mistakes. Before I got married to my wife, I had a baby with another young lady, after I already had two by my girlfriend who is now my wife. We also had another baby which makes three for us and four for me. Two boys and two girls.

- I cannot sit here and say the thought to have many women has never crossed my mind. If I were Jesus I could.

- I thought you were 36 or 37 until I read the news today. A 33-year-old man who has been a model citizen with so much at stake. This is your first publicly known issue since you started your career, compared to my 50 or more publicly known issues and mistakes.

Classic writing. If I were only so talented. I like the math lesson on how many kids Ron has. I can just imagine Tiger trying to put it all together and then saying to himself "wait, why do I give a shit?"

I also love his take on Jesus. Obviously Ron never checked out the Last Temptation of Christ. Plus, I'm sure while Mary Magladene had JC on lockdown some of those miracles must have been to impress the chicks.

It was also nice of Ron to reassure Tiger by bringing up all his own transgressions. You know your life has gone to hell when Ron Artest has to comfort you. I wonder if Tiger will actually read this. I'm sure at the least its nice to know someone out there doesn't hate him.

Of course these weren't Ron's only highlights of the week. After scoring nine points to help the Lakers to a victory against Chicago Ron had these gems.

- On Kobe's broken thumb - "If I ask him how his finger is doing he is going to strangle me. He gets very mad. Really. You think he is playing, but he is really serious."

Artest said he does not anticipate any trouble with Ben Wallace when Los Angeles visits Detroit on Sunday, although he wouldn't mind fighting him on pay-per-view. He even called Wallace ''a good guy'' who has a ''great family,'' and said if they did go at it, the bout would have to be sanctioned. ''It's something that's kinda cool and probably will never happen,'' Artest said. In a recent interview with the Sporting News, Artest said he's still ready to fight Wallace, the player who shoved him on the play that preceded the brawl with Pistons fans when Artest was with Indiana.

I'm real happy Artest is a Laker so I can appreciate his insanity without becoming disgusted by it. And it doesn't hurt when the Lake Show is playing like this.

YouTube Video: Seahawk Shocker

This thing is cheesy as hell. And we all thought the Super Bowl Shuffle was lame.

Nursing Home Death Match

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You know I'm surprised we don't see more of this sort of thing in society. Maybe its just because most of the elderly aren't as surprised as Granny Lundquist. What does an old person have to lose. They're going to die soon anyway. They might as well start offing people. Its not like they're going to have to pay for their crimes. Sure, this old lady may get life in prison but at 98, what's that like nine months?

P.S. - I really do feel for the family of the deceased but she was 100 so they were probably bracing for her death anyway. And maybe if it was a murder they can get some more insurance money. You never know.

I Triple Dog Dare You To Read This

Christmas story: Boise boy licks pole, gets stuck
At least nobody put an eye out as firefighters use water to free boy
AP

BOISE, Idaho - It's become an annual winter tale: A young boy gets his tongue stuck to a metal pole, perhaps as the result of a dare.

This year, the scene straight out of the movie "A Christmas Story" unfolded Tuesday morning in Boise with a boy of about 10. Boise firefighters used a glass of warm water to free the unidentified boy from the metal fence pole.

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Fire Capt. Bill Tinsley says the boy's tongue was bleeding a little, but he was OK and allowed to continue walking to school. Firefighters estimate the boy was 10 years old.

Rescue workers responded after a woman driving by saw the boy and called 911.

Last year, the unlucky boy was a 10-year-old from Hammond, Ind., especially apt, since the 1983 movie is set in a fictional city based on Hammond.

Apparently, experimenting with frozen flag poles isn't that unusual, especially this time of year.

Life really does imitate art, doesn't it? I wonder if kids do this because they're curious or because they're hoping they do get stuck and they can get some attention. I'm guessing its the latter. Nevertheless its a story that reminds us its that time of year. So get ready for the 24 hour cycle of 'A Christmas Story.' I usually catch bits and pieces throughout the day that add up to about 2 1/2 viewings.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML

Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Growing up in Odessa I'm kind of partial to big hair. It reminds me of my childhood. But this is just too much from this Louisiana lady.

King of Beers

The Sacramento Kings Have a Foolproof Way of Putting (Drunk) Asses in the Seats
by JeffG/lastangryfan.com

The crappy Sacramento Kings have had problems bringing in the fans to Arco Arena. So their genius marketing team has come up with a fantabulous idea to sell out at least one game.

Dollar Beer Night.

The Dec. 16th game against the Washington Wizards will feature $1 beers (or soda or water). Unfortunately for all you drunks out there, the buck-a-beer will only be served until halftime.

Did I mention that the game is going to be nationally televised on ESPN.

Hooboy!

I may just watch this game to see what shit goes down–because shit WILL go down. I guarantee it. Cheap beer, rowdy fans and crappy basketball is a perfect recipe for a good old-fashioned shitstorm.

How do I know this? Take a trip with me my children, back to the 1970’s, back to a place called Municipal Stadium, back to an ill-fated promotion known as Ten Cent Beer Night.

Just over 25,000 fans showed up to see the Texas Rangers play the Cleveland Indians. But who am I kidding–they came for the ten cent beer. Duh! Up to this game, the Indians had only been averaging about 8000 fans a game.

Let’s rundown what happened during the game…

•a woman ran out to the on-deck circle and flashed her boobs
•a naked dude sprinted out to second base
•a father and son ran out to the outfield and mooned the bleachers
•a riot broke out, with many of the fans armed with knives, chains and pieces of the stadium. Players from both teams had to arm themselves with bats, and order wasn’t restored until a riot squad from the Cleveland Police Department arrived.

But hey, I’m sure the Kings management has taken all this into consideration, right? Maybe? Goddamn I hope so.

What the hell do I know–maybe in spite of the cheap beer, the crowd will be well behaved. I mean, not every Kings fan is an angry, out-of-control, alcoholic bastard like me. Are they?



Well I can't say it much better than JeffG did. But I'd be wrong not to give you all the opportunity to learn more about one of the biggest debacles in American sports, the Ten Cent Beer Nite in Cleveland. Here's Wikipedia's recap of the night and here is an ESPN Page 2 rememberence by Paul Jackson. It's quite a read.

Here's hoping the Kings game will be just as drunken and destructive. This could make the Motor City Meltdown featuring Ron Artest look like Sesame Street. Gilbert Arenas better look out for flying cups and random moonings.