BYB Express (With Preseason College Football Top 25)

It's Friday again and you know what that means - it's time for the BYB Express. Don't think of it as getting less blog. Just think of it getting more time to wish you were reading a full blog.

F My Life Moment of the Day
Today, I was working at my job as a cashier, checking out an elderly woman's groceries. She was very nice, and we chatted for a couple minutes. Once she had paid, she leaned close to me and said, very politely, "I'm so so sorry that I mistook you for a girl at first, young man." I AM a girl. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Is summer over yet???

PRESEASON TOP 25 COUNTDOWN - #4 NEBRASKA

Okay so its a homer pick. If you don't like it then get your own damn blog. The truth of the matter is that in two short years Bo Pelini has shown everyone that not only can he make a good defense better (Oklahoma, LSU), he can make a terrible one badass. And enough with the "how are they going to replace Ndamukong Suh question". If I would have said the name Ndamukong Suh to you two years ago you probably would have said "God Bless You." This year's Blackshirt squad should be even more talented than last year's group. Jared Crick is earning a lot of preseason attention at his DT spot but the guy to look for is sophomore Barrett Steinkuhler who very well could be Pelini's next big time defensive star.

Last season the Blackshirts confused opposing offenses (aside from Tech's) with five, six and seven DB sets. Nebraska's depth in the secondary is the primary reason they will finish best in the Big 12 in defense. Leading the way is CB Prince Amukamara, ranked as Mel Kiper's top Senior this season. He'll be helped by fellow corners Dejuan Gomes and Alfonzo Dennard, as well as hybrid S/LB Eric Hagg.

Offensively the Huskers look like they could be great...all except at QB. Despite losing OL stalwart Mike Smith to a broken leg, the Huskers return six lineman with starting experience, their top three receivers and a backfield that includes 1,200 rusher Roy Helu and explosive playmaker Rex Burkhead. The big question is of course at QB where enticing freshman Taylor Martinez is battling incumbent Zack Lee. Expect Lee to get the nod and for Nebraska to ask him to not lose games instead of win them.

An early season clash with Washington in Seattle won't be easy but you've got to love the home vs. road schedule. Nebraska gets Texas and Missouri in Lincoln with only Iowa State, Okie State and A&M on the road. When the regular season is over Nebraska should be either undefeated or 11-1 prepping for a rematch with the Horns or against OU for the Big 12 title.



Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day!

(541): I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.

SORE LOSER MEETS SORE BICEP
Police: Arm-wrestling loss sets off Fla. man
AP

FORT PIERCE, Fla. – Police in South Florida say a 25-year-old man went into a violent rage after losing an arm-wrestling match. Police say Erick Lee Blanton drove his pickup truck across a lawn, over a mailbox and at several people after losing on Sunday. Witnesses told Fort Pierce police he also drew a rifle and pressed the barrel against the forehead of the man who beat him.

Police arrested Blanton at his home shortly afterward. He faces four counts of aggravated assault with a vehicle and one count of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

It could not be immediately determined if Blanton has an attorney.

Wow, in the pantheon of all-time bad responses to a loss this has to rank right up there with the time O'Bannion got the paint thrown on him. Actually its more reminiscent of the time Lawrence Phillips got beat in pickup football and tried to run over some kids after. He's in jail now. But lets give Mr. Blanton a break. Arm wrestling is a highly competitive sport and the stakes sometimes can get very high. For all we know Blanton could have lost custody to his son because of the loss. It almost happened to Stallone in 'Over The Top.'

On this day in…
1789 – The French National Assembly adopts the Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen, proclaiming that "men are born and remain free and equal in rights".
1859 – Petroleum is discovered in Titusville, Pennsylvania leading to the world's first commercially successful oil well.
2003 – Mars makes its closest approach to Earth in nearly 60,000 years, passing 34,646,418 miles (55,758,005 km) distant.

Births
1906 – Ed Gein, American serial killer (d. 1984)
1908 – Lyndon B. Johnson, 36th President of the United States (d. 1973)
1948 – Sgt. Slaughter, American professional wrestler
1952 – Paul Reubens (aka Pee-wee Herman), American actor
1959 – Downtown Julie Brown, Welsh TV personality and MTV VJ
1970 – Jim Thome, American baseball player
1976 – Sarah Chalke, Canadian actress
1977 – Mase, American rapper

I think I gotta go with the best dance ever for the spotlight birthday here.



NAPPY HEADED HOS!



Okay, I thought the hat that lets you watch your iPod screen under a hood like a movie theatre was stupid and this is like 20 times worse than that. Are you that sensitive to sunlight that you have to wear a hood like a freaking beekeeper to fall asleep? If that's really the case then maybe you just weren't meant to sleep in public. Not to mention, with all the anti-Muslim hysteria and fervor in this country right now I don't think I'd want to have my eyes closed while wearing what amounts to a berka. You're bound to get punched. So what if there's a sheep on the front? Some redneck is just going to think its a terrorist who likes cute animals.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, my three month-old daughter tried to suckle the breast of my mother-in-law's 80 year-old family friend. Apparently, my daughter was confused since my breasts now sag like an 80 year-old's. Thanks a lot, kiddo. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Is that a midget's apron?

Preseason College Football Top 25 Countdown - #5 Florida

The college football season is less than two weeks away and as I try to pass the time between watching Little League World Series highlights and preseason NFL, I can't wait for the gridiron action to get started. So, if we can't watch college football, we're going to talk football. So let's continue the Preseason College Football Top 25 Countdown with the Top 10.

#5. Florida Gators - Okay, let's just admit it and get on with it. Despite all the shit I gave him while he was at Florida, Tim Tebow was one of the greatest college football players of all time and certainly the best Gator ever. But do they Gators need him to keep going? They sure don't. Despite the fatigue and health problems he showed last season, Urban Meyer is back to lead what should be another great Gator team and groom another good QB in John Brantley.

People certainly shouldn't forget how good Brantley was coming out of high school. He's the reason that the QB for one of the best offenses in the SEC (Cam Newton at Auburn) isn't still in Gainseville. The kid can play. What Florida might have to be concerned about offensively is the loss of its three of its top receivers (Riley Cooper, David Nelson and TE Aaron Hernandez) as well as first round draft pick and agent's best friend OG Maurkice Puncey. But this is Florida. With Meyer recruiting the Gators reload, not rebuild. Pouncey's brother Mike returns on the line, as does OT Xavier Nixon, and RB/WR hybrids Jeff Demps and Chris Rainey will be explosive at skill positions.

Defensively the Gators lose alot with Brandon Spikes and Joe Haden leaving for the NFL but in a few short weeks names like (Safety) Ahmad Black, (CB) Janoris Jenkins and (Linebacker) Brandon Hicks will be household. The schedule is always going to be tough with games against Florida State and South Florida, aside from the already tough SEC lineup but, aside from a road trip to defending national champion Alabama, the road lineup is cheese with a trip to rebuilding Tennessee and lowly Vandy. How the Gators respond after Bama will likely be the key to the season. Win or lose Florida will have to come out of the game ready to breeze through the rest of the season. The Gators could end up 11-1 but it could very well be an undefeated regular season.

Here Comes The Bride - Too Drunk To Drive

Bride arrested for drunk driving on wedding day
AP

BELLEVUE, Washington — A 31-year-old bride heading home from her bachelorette party was arrested for drunk driving hours before she was to get married.

Washington State Patrol Trooper Christina Martin says the woman was driving over 90 mph (145 kph) Saturday morning and weaving in and out of traffic when she was stopped.

Martin says a trooper arrested the woman, processed her and let her take a cab home in time to make it to her early afternoon wedding.

Martin says the bride's alcohol level was nearly twice the legal state limit. The woman will face charges in King County District Court.

Maybe I was taking too much love life advice from Paula Abdul in the past because I've been thinking opposites attract. Now I'm starting to think I'd be better off with a girl that shares the same hobbies as mine - and I think I've found her. Any girl that's classy enough to get a DUI only hours before her wedding sounds like a keeper to me. I'll probably get a PI at my wedding. So if it doesn't work out with this marriage Christina, just keep me in mind.

P.S. - How cool is the trooper for letting her go early? I doubt you'd see that kind of thing around here.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(816): That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

Pee Pa Sneaks In the Pot

Authorities: Grandfather accused of smuggling pot
AP

LEBANON, Ohio – An 85-year-old Ohio man was arrested for trying to smuggle pot to his grandson in prison, authorities said. Prison records show Richard Heritz was arrested at the Warren Correction Institution in southwestern Ohio earlier this month before he got to see his grandson, Gregory Heritz, who was serving time for a burglary conviction.

Someone had tipped off state troopers that the elder Heritz tried to bring in a package with more than 20 grams of marijuana.

He's charged with attempting to convey drugs at a detention facility and possessing criminal tools. He could face up to seven years in prison and a $15,000 fine if convicted.

It wasn't clear if either of the Heritzs had a lawyer. The younger Heritz had been incarcerated for two years and is scheduled to serve eight more.

"Attempting to smuggle forbidden items into prison has been ongoing since inmates have been incarcerated," said Julia Bush, a spokeswoman for the prison where Heritz allegedly tried to smuggle drugs.

Well you certainly have to credit the convict in this case for using his grandpa to smuggle in the drugs. Obviously the guards are going to be less suspicious of someone so old. But this guy screwed up having the Oldtimer just walk in with a package. Of course they're going to search that. He should have had his grandpa sneak the pot in his ass. The combination of being old with keester stashing might be a foolproof plan. If only Mac and Charlie would have been grandpas.

Taste the Rainbow...for free

Skittles Makes Derrick Rose a Custom Candy Machine
By: Darren Rovell/CNBC Sports Business Reporter

Chicago Bulls guard Derrick Rose is known to eat a lot of candy. So when the folks at Wrigley found out that he likes to down their Skittles brand, they decided to do something a little special for the hometown boy.

Earlier this month, they brought a custom, tricked-out Skittles vending machine to his house and promised to keep it stocked with Skittles for at least three years.

Rose gets the machine and the Skittles for free; the Skittles brand has a chance of getting more love from Rose; and the Bulls, I guess, hope Rose’s sugar highs peak at the right time.

The folks at Wrigley would only confirm the following facts: The picture is real. The machine holds every variety of Skittles. And it even tempts him, in his own voice, whenever he walks by the machine.

This is a great lesson in public relations. No matter what the product, doing something special for an athlete who says they love you can only make them love you more. Kudos to Skittles. And yes, for what it's worth, Kudos is owned by Wrigley’s parent company Mars.

Isn't this just a case of the rich getting richer? Sure, Skittles may be getting some free publicity out of it but why does Derrick Rose get an assload of free Skittles and a badass machine? Because he's a good basketball player? The Bulls already pay him more than $10 million a year to do that. Now he gets something that cool for free too. That's it. I say we all refuse to support the Bulls unless Derrick Rose agrees to share some of his candy.

P.S. - Skittles could have at least made Rose get the Sour Man's approval before doing this.

On this day in...

On this day in...
1858 – First news dispatch by telegraph.
1920 – The 19th amendment to United States Constitution takes effect, giving women the right to vote.
1939 – The first Major League Baseball game is telecast, a doubleheader between the Cincinnati Reds and the Brooklyn Dodgers at Ebbets Field, in Brooklyn, New York.
1970 – The then new feminist movement, led by Betty Friedan, leads a nation-wide Women's Strike for Equality.
1978 – Papal conclave, 1978 (August): Pope John Paul I is elected to the Papacy.
1987 – President Ronald Reagan proclaims September 11, 1987 as 9-1-1 Emergency Number Day.

Births
1959 – Stan Van Gundy, American basketball coach

Well, this has to be the worst birthday date ever. I guess there's a possibility that I skimmed the list too fast and missed one or that Wikipedia screwed up the list. If so, let me know but in the meantime here's a picture that shows how much Stan Van Gundy looks like porn star Ron Jeremy.

Ghost Hunters Need A Faster Ride

Australian drivers speed to see motorcycle ghost
By QMI Agency

Hit 111 m.p.h. and the ghost of a dead motorcyclist will appear in your rear-view mirror. At least that's what young people in a small Australian town believe, and are increasingly endangering their lives to prove.

The Daily Telegraph reports young drivers along Lemon Tree Passage Rd. — between New Castle and Sydney — are speeding to conjure the ghost of a motorcyclist who pursues dangerous drivers.

"It's alleged that if you drive at speed in a manner dangerous, a bright white light comes in behind you and that's what they are calling the Lemon Tree Passage ghost,” a police spokeswoman told the Daily Telegraph.

Footage on YouTube chronicles the various attempts, and several videos do show a bright white light in pursuit of the offending vehicle, though whether it's a motorcycle is impossible to determine.

"That's the ghost," one girl can be heard saying in a video posted to YouTube. "That's like a motorbike!"

Ghost or not, though, police are asking the young motorists to slow down.

"We want speeding drivers to know that the only bright light they'll be seeing in their rear windows will be the red and blue lights of a police car,” the police spokeswoman told the Daily Telegraph.

Approximately a dozen videos purporting to show the ghost have been posted to YouTube over the past year.

It always baffles me what people will do in an attempt to see a ghost. You could ask them to do the most ridiculous stuff in the world. Its a little different with the Ghost Tracks trick in San Antonio. At least there's no danger with that but asking kids to drive 111 mph down some crappy Australian road is basically asking for them to nearly kill themselves. I think I'm going to start a ghost story that if you punch yourself in the nuts eight times in front the giant jackrabbit downtown you'll see an old oil field worker's ghost.

Pedal to the Metal (Bars)

Man steals bike to make probation meeting
By Tony Blais, QMI Agency

EDMONTON – An Edmonton man admitted Thursday he was late for an appointment with a probation officer, so he stole a bicycle and rode it to the meeting at the west-end police station.

Since one of the conditions of Michael Letendre's probation was that he was to keep the peace and be of good behaviour, that was probably not a good idea.

Needless to say, the 19-year-old was arrested and charged with theft.

"It's more a crime of stupidity than anything," said defence lawyer Nicole Sissons, telling court her client rode the stolen bike to the police station as he didn't want to miss the appointment because his probation officer had threatened to jail him for breaching his probation.

"It defies logic," she said. "There is no excuse for it."

Several people in the gallery laughed when the facts were read out, and even the judge had a chuckle.

"You know, if you could incorporate these stories into a novel, it would read so badly," said Judge Darlene Wong.

Talk about damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you're going to make showing up for his probation officer this guy's number one priority I think its only right that you cut him some slack on how he gets there. He's poor so he probably doesn't have access to a car or money for a cab. What's he supposed to do, walk? Then he's flirting with the clock. I say we stop giving criminals problems and start giving them solutions. I say the people of Canada spread some of that good nature and buy this dude his own bike.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I went shopping with my Mom. I ran into my crush. A school dance is soon and he WAS just about to ask something but my mom glanced over and yelled "TAMPONS OR PADS, SWEETIE?!" He then changed his question to "Haha, so which?" And before I could say a word, my mother answered for me. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Preseason College Football Top 25 Countdown - #6 Texas

The college football season is less than two weeks away and as I try to pass the time between watching Little League World Series highlights and preseason NFL, I can't wait for the gridiron action to get started. So, if we can't watch college football, we're going to talk football. So let's continue the Preseason College Football Top 25 Countdown with the Top 10.

#6. Texas Longhorns - Well obviously it pains me to say anything nice about the Texas Longhorns but I'd be entirely idiotic if I didn't have them in my Top 25 and possibly unrealistic if I didn't have them in my Top 10. But they sure as hell ain't getting in my Top 5. Nor do I care to preview them. Want to read about Texas then click here.

I leave you with this.



By the way, Nebraska still won that game.

Flash and Grab

Breast flashing bandits caught in Paris
By Reuters

PARIS - French police have arrested two teenage girls they say stole hundreds of euros from unsuspecting cash machine customers after distracting them by flashing their breasts.

The 14-year old girls were taken to the Paris prosecutor’s office to face charges while a 12 year-old accomplice was placed in a home, police said.

The girls first struck last week when they approached a man withdrawing cash from an automated teller machine in the sixth district of Paris.

One of the girls tried to distract him by sticking a newspaper under his nose. When that failed, she opened her shirt and grabbed his crotch, while the other girl swiped 300 euros ($385).

The girls struck again with the help of the 12-year old a few days later, using the same method to steal 500 euros from a woman.

I'm kind of confused by this story. I understand how a teenage girl flashing her boobs might distract you but why does it render your hands unable to grasp money. I pretty sure I could turn around to recognize the commotion and have a firm grasp on my money at the same time. Of course, maybe I'm overestimating myself. Maybe its one of those pat your belly/rub your head things and most people just suck at it. Anyway, kudos to the girls for having an effective plan.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(847): If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen

Punt, Pass and Kick Meets Punch, Stab and Kill

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Well the Europeans sure did make us look like pansies with this video, didn't they? We're sitting here talking about better helmets and new rules because Eli Manning took one shot to the face. Meanwhile these European guys are throwing down like 30s style boxing while trying to run for a first down. I think we better just man up and challenge them to a game.

Missouri Goons Chase Fake Baboon

Baboon on the loose? Girl starts false frenzy
AP

FLORISSANT, Mo. — Police in the St. Louis suburb of Florissant spent a big part of the day looking for a baboon on the loose. A grade school went into lockdown. A woman scattered potato chips on the ground and made monkey sounds to try and lure the primate. But in the end, a 14-year-old girl admitted it was all a hoax after the picture she claimed to have snapped proved to be one she actually found on the Internet.

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported that the girl set off the frenzy Thursday by claiming she took a picture of the primate in her backyard. It was hours later that she told police she actually found the picture on the Internet and took a photo of it with her cell phone.

Police Chief William Karabas said the girl was sorry but she did not offer any explanation for the stunt.

"She was remorseful," Karabas said. "But the total emotional aspect of all this and the why is: who knows?"

The case will be referred to St. Louis County Family Court for review.

The girl's mother went to city officials and news media with the photo, prompting the search. It was after an identical photo was found in an Internet search that the story began to unravel.

Before that, schools took precautions, including keeping children in during recess. Chaos led to rumors. One woman in the neighborhood being searched said she owned a monkey. She made baboon-like noises and scattered Lays potato chips and Cheetos to try and lure the animal. Yet another woman who claimed to own a monkey walked around with a net.

If you ask me this girl deserves a medal for what she did instead of any punishment because she single handedly exposed the people in her community as idiots and exposed the police force as entirely inept. I'm pretty sure any halfway intelligent police officer would have gone into this being a little more skeptical and discerning. I think he could have given the photo to an IT guy and asked him if it was fake. Instead this Police Chief might as well have called in the national guard. Sure, the people in this town may not ever trust the girl again (ala the boy who cried wolf) but what are the chances an actual monkey does get loose in the community and she's the first to see it?

On this day in...

On this day in...
1609 – Galileo Galilei demonstrates his first telescope to Venetian lawmakers.
1814 – Washington, D.C. is burned and White House is destroyed by British forces during the War of 1812.
1916 – The United States National Park Service is created.
1944 – World War II: Paris is liberated by the Allies.
1948 – The House Un-American Activities Committee holds first-ever televised congressional hearing: "Confrontation Day" between Whittaker Chambers and Alger Hiss.
1950 – President Harry Truman orders the US Army to seize control of the nation's railroads to avert a strike.

Births
1919 – George Wallace, American politician (d. 1998)
1921 – Monty Hall, Canadian-born game show host
1930 – Sean Connery, Scottish actor
1931 – Regis Philbin, American television host
1933 – Tom Skerritt, American actor
1946 – Rollie Fingers, American baseball player
1949 – Gene Simmons, Israeli-born musician (Kiss)
1954 – Elvis Costello, English musician
1958 – Tim Burton, American film director
1961 – Billy Ray Cyrus, American singer and actor
1966 – Albert Belle, American baseball player
1968 – Rachael Ray, American chef and television personality
1970 – Robert Horry, American basketball player
1970 – Jo Dee Messina, American country music singer
1981 – Rachel Bilson, American actress
1987 – Blake Lively, American actress

I've been known to feature Derek Fisher's game winning shot just a few times on the blog but if it hadn't been for that shot, this one still might live as the most clutch moment in Laker history.

It Don't Matter If You're Black or White

An interesting casting choice for the Kurt Warner story
USA Today

Former Super Bowl-winning quarterback Kurt Warner has stayed busy in retirement with projects including work as an NFL analyst and sorting through offers for reality shows that could include Dancing With The Stars.

But if Brenda Warner was the casting director, the movie about her husband's life may be the most fascinating.

This from Paola Boivin's column in the Arizona Republic:

He has met with producers interested in doing a movie on his life story. If Brenda had her way, Warner said, Denzel Washington would land the lead role.

"It would probably challenge Denzel in ways he's never been challenged before," Warner mused.

Not to be racist or anything, but wouldn't it be more appropriate to have a white actor play Kurt Warner. I guess I could see if they were going to do this as a "loosely based on a true story" type tale then the race of the actor wouldn't matter but I'm pretty sure everyone is going to know the movie is about Kurt Warner. Then the idea just gets stupid. It would have been like hiring Russell Crowe to play Ali.

Plus, what the hell is Brenda talking about that this role would challenge Denzel in a way like never before? I'm pretty sure playing Malcolm X and the dirty cop from Training Day is a bit more challenging than playing your douchebag husband. So unless you're talking about the challenge of playing a different color ala Kirk Lazarus then you're just talking out your ass. It could be your face. They look fairly similar.

Chappelle's Show
Mooney on Movies
www.comedycentral.com
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Scary-Oke

We've been talking about starting kareoke at the bar but videos like this certainly give me pause. I can't have some drunk Chinaman butchering country songs and going crazy on stage.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I went on a double date with my bestfriend. At the end of the night, her boyfriend gave her a long kiss, and texted her 5 minutes after we left to say he missed her already. My boyfriend picked his nose, then gave me a fist bump as a goodbye. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

There's a whole lot of wrong in that photo.

Preseason College Football Top 25 Countdown - #7 Virginia Tech

The college football season is less than two weeks away and as I try to pass the time between watching Little League World Series highlights and preseason NFL, I can't wait for the gridiron action to get started. So, if we can't watch college football, we're going to talk football. So let's continue the Preseason College Football Top 25 Countdown with the Top 10.

#7. Virginia Tech Hokies - Not much has changed in the ACC in recent years - well, as long as you look at the top of the conference. While Florida State and Miami have slid around the conference ranks, Virginia Tech has had it hold on the reigns of the ACC (save for a few end of the year struggles with Boston College). This year should be no different. While the middle of the ACC will be a crapshoot of evenly matched teams, the Hokies should be able to ride one of the best team's in school history to an ACC title.

QB Tyrod Taylor finally looks to have mustered the consistent ability that many critics were unsure he'd ever gain. Last season wasn't prolific for Taylor with 2,311 yards and 13 TDs but efficient with only five interceptions. That may be all V-Tech needs from Taylor as they'll be helped by one of the best running back tandems in the nation with Ryan Williams and Darren Evans returning. Evans was well on his way to becoming one of the best backs in the nation in 2008, winning ACC Freshman of the Year before being sidelined with an injury in 2009. So Williams stepped into the role winning Freshman of the Year honors in 2009 with 1,455 yards rushing. Aside from the rushing tandem Taylor will also have back disruptive receivers Jarrett Boykin and Danny Cole.

Defensively the Hokies are always stout and despite breaking in several new starters, should be good in 2010. Despite big losses on the defensive line (Jared Worilds) the Hokies bring back one of the better DBs in the ACC with Rashad Carmichael and an experienced presence in the middle with John Graves.

The schedule begins with a bang against Boise State but the game (in Landover, Maryland) is right in V-Tech's back yard. If they get past the Broncos they can cruise into ACC play before a home game with Georgia Tech November 4 and then back to back road games at North Carolina and Miami. Still, a 10-2 or 11-1 is certainly within reason.

This Is Really Going To Piss Off the Maytag Man

Kenmore washers, dryers can talk on the phone
By QMI Agency

People who have recently purchased washers or dryers from Kenmore may have bought a new feature they didn't even know existed: an appliance that can talk on the phone.

The new feature allows customers to hold a phone up to their washer/dryer and let the appliance tell a customer service rep on the other end what's wrong with it. The customer service rep can then relay fixes to the appliance owner, or suggest that a repairman come to take a closer look.

According to a video posted on the company's website, the appliances emit a high-pitched computer noise similar to the sounds emitted by dial-up modems from the Internet days of old.

A computer on the other end then deciphers the signal and displays diagnostic information for the customer service rep who can then walk consumers through the repair process.

Kenmore and Sears rolled out the feature quietly earlier this year, so some users may have bought the new feature and not even known it. Consumers who bought the new feature will be notified by mail starting next week, according to a company statement.

Just when my iPhone 4 had pushed me to the brink or raging against all new technology, I read a story like this and I'm back in 100%. Is their really a day coming in the future when I don't have to explain why my appliances/computer/phone doesn't work to some Indian guy who probably hates me because he works for 14 cents an hour? Instead I can just hold the phone up to the damn machine and it explains it for me? That is single handedly the best idea ever. Maybe even better than sliced bread. The makers of the these washers and dryers deserve to be hoisted onto our shoulders. Unless the feature doesn't work. Then I'm going to beat them with a shovel right after I finish with Steve Jobs.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(859): I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.

Preseason College Football Top 25 Countdown - #8 Iowa

The college football season is less than two weeks away and as I try to pass the time between watching Little League World Series highlights and preseason NFL, I can't wait for the gridiron action to get started. So, if we can't watch college football, we're going to talk football. So let's continue the Preseason College Football Top 25 Countdown with the Top 10.

#8. Iowa Hawkeyes - Every season has to have the come out of nowhere overachievers and in 2009 that team was Iowa. In 2010 the Hawkeyes aren't going to be able to sneak up on any teams but that doesn't preclude them from success as this could be Kirk Ferentz' best team yet in Iowa City.

By the time Iowa came onto the national scene in 2009 much of the talk was about QB Ricky Stanzi, who did impress last season with 2,400 yards and 17 TDs passing. Then Stanzi got hurt and the national media focus quickly turned to unproven backup James Vanderburg, who performed well enough to win in a big game against Ohio State but came up short.

What was lost through the national narrative was the spectacular play of what is likely the best defense in the Big Ten. Gone off the #10 defense in the nation is powerful linebacker Pat Angerer but the attack should not lose steam with the return of stars like Adrian Clayborn, safety Tyler Sash, and defensive linemen Broderick Binns and Karl Klug.

Offensively the Hawkeyes lose alot on the offensive line including first round pick Bryan Baluga but bring back the gunslinger Stanzi and his top weapon, speedy receiver Derrell Johnson-Koulianos. Iowa still has to be considered the top threat to Ohio State in the Big Ten.

The schedule is also kind with road trips to Michigan, Indiana, Northwestern and Minnesota but games against Penn State, Wisconsin and Ohio State will be a struggle despite the fact they'll be in Iowa City.



P.S. - Gotta love the Hulk Hogan theme song in the highlights.

Rolling With The Oldies

Pa. Man, 78, Rides Roller Coaster 90 Times In Day
kptv.com

WEST MIFFLIN, Pa. -- A 78-year-old man rode a Pittsburgh-area roller coaster 90 times in one day - bringing his lifetime total to 4,000 rides. Vic Kleman spent about five hours on the Jack Rabbit roller coaster at Kennywood Park in West Mifflin.

The wooden coaster is no spring chicken, either. It's celebrating its 90th anniversary - the number that prompted Kleman's marathon riding session on Sunday.

The Jack Rabbit has an 85-foot, double-dip drop. Kleman says he's been going on it since 1959, and usually rides it about 20 times a visit.

Kleman, who lives in nearby Knoxville, Pa., is a member of the American Coaster Enthusiasts.

I've never been a fan of roller coasters. Well, let me amend that. I've always been too much of a puss to actually get on one but from the looks of them I don't like them. So I can't understand why anyone would want to ride one 90 times in one day...unless they have some sort of sick fetish for soda being thrown in their face and they're too ashamed to ask someone to do it to them. Of course I also have heard that roller coasters make your balls jump up into your abdomen so maybe this old guy is just trying to tighten up a loose sac situation.

On this day in...

On this day in...
79 – Mount Vesuvius erupts. The cities of Pompeii, Herculaneum, and Stabiae are buried in volcanic ash.
1456 – The printing of the Gutenberg Bible is completed.
1814 – British troops invade Washington, D.C. and burn down the White House and several other buildings.
1891 – Thomas Edison patents the motion picture camera.
1909 – Workers start pouring concrete for the Panama Canal.
1912 – Alaska becomes a United States territory.
1932 – Amelia Earhart is the first woman to fly across the United States non-stop (from Los Angeles to Newark, New Jersey).
1944 – World War II: Allied troops start the attack on Paris.
1981 – Mark David Chapman is sentenced to 20 years to life in prison for murdering John Lennon.
1989 – Cincinnati Reds manager Pete Rose is banned from baseball for gambling by Commissioner A. Bartlett Giamatti.
1991 – Mikhail Gorbachev resigns as head of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union.
1992 – Hurricane Andrew hits South Florida as a Category 5 Hurricane.
1995 – Computer software developer Microsoft releases their Windows 95 operating system.

Births
1929 – Yasser Arafat, Palestinian leader (d. 2004)
1955 – Mike Huckabee, American politician, Governor/Presidential candidate
1958 – Steve Guttenberg, American actor
1960 – Cal Ripken, Jr., American baseball player
1962 – Craig Kilborn, American talk show host
1962 – David Koechner, American actor
1965 – Marlee Matlin, American actress
1965 – Reggie Miller, American basketball player
1973 – Dave Chappelle, American actor and Comedian
1979 – Michael Redd, American basketball player
1981 – Chad Michael Murray, American actor
1987 – Jon Scheyer, American basketball player

I could have easily gone with Dave Chappelle here but I think I get a little Chappelle overload sometime so here is David Koechner as his alter ego Champ Kind trying to profess his love for Ron Burgandy.

The Real Smokey the Bear

Canadian police find bears guarding pot crop
Reuters

VANCOUVER – A pair of marijuana growers in Western Canada appear to have been using bears to protect their illegal crop, but the well-fed animals proved to be a bit lax in their guard duties, police said on Wednesday.

Officers were dismantling two large outdoor plots of marijuana near Christina Lake, British Columbia, when they realized there were 10 large black bears wandering around the farm property, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police said.

Officers were initially worried the bears might be dangerous, but quickly realized the animals were actually very docile and content just to sit around as the marijuana was seized, police said in a news release.

Two people were arrested in connection with the drugs.

The bears, which were apparently being fed dog food to keep them on the property, may eventually have to be put down, police said.

See, that's the only downfall to having viscious animals guard your pot. Inevitably they're going to sample the product and then they're going to be about as useless as can be at guarding it. You'd think they might get paranoid and better lookouts but when you're stoned out of your mind and weigh 800 lbs., it's pretty hard to get off your ass to protect the stash.

Plus, I bet pic-a-nic basket thefts are through the roof in that area because of the munchies.

The Beard Is Back!

Potts named Tech's starting QB
By Don Williams/AVALANCHE-JOURNAL

Texas Tech will start the 2010 football season just as it opened in 2009, with Taylor Potts at quarterback.

Tech coach Tommy Tuberville named Potts the starter on Sunday after a training camp competition with fellow senior Steven Sheffield.

“We have a very talented group of quarterbacks and are excited about every one of them,” Tuberville said in a prepared statement. “The competition during camp between Taylor and Steven has been outstanding, but at the end of the day we can only have one starter. Taylor has done a tremendous job, and we feel like he has gotten better each and every day.

Potts threw for 3,440 yards and 22 touchdowns last season, when he started 10 games. He also had 13 interceptions, some resulting from mechanical lapses.

After Saturday’s scrimmage, Potts said he’s “made a lot of progress on mechanics” and how he plays and gave credit to new offensive coordinator Neal Brown.

So the young man once dubbed "Nick" by his former coach will be taking back over the reigns of the Red Raiders this season. I wasn't really surprised by the decision. While Sheffield's mobility brings another dimension to the offense and he performed better against some of Tech's better opponents in 2009, Potts is the most experienced candidate and the most prototypical quarterback. I'm not really sure why we can't see both. It seemed to work pretty well in the Alamo Bowl. But I guess you have to name a starter. Unless you're Nebraska. Then I guess you can wait until five minutes before the first kickoff.

P.S. - Do a Google search for photos of Potts. This isn't even close to being the gayest one.

BYB Express (With Preseason Top 25 Countdown)

It's Friday again and you know what that means - it's time for the BYB Express. Don't think of it as getting less blog. Just think of it getting more time to .

F My Life Moment of the Day
Today, I picked up a penny off the street for good luck on my job interview. A few seconds later, some random hobo beat me up, took my wallet, and ran off. The whole ordeal made me late for the interview. So much for good luck. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

I wonder if she has back problems.

PRESEASON TOP 25 COUNTDOWN - #9 TCU

The 2009 season went perfectly for the Horned Frogs...until the Fiesta Bowl. TCU generated national headlines in '09 and even got ESPN College Gameday to show up in Fort Worth but they hit a bump against Boise State and missed its chance of proving itself on the biggest stage. Luckily, TCU will have a chance to get back to that same level this year with a forgiving schedule and nine starters returning on offense. Andy Dalton will lead the Horned Frog offense after throwing for 2,765 yards and 23 TDs in '09. Dalton's top four targets, including stars Jeremy Kerley and Jimmy Young return as well.

Defensively, TCU will have to replace star defensive end Jerry Hughes but also returns fellow end Wayne Daniels. Defensive tackle Cory Grant and nose tackle Kelly Griffinalso return to give TCU a formidible line and Tank Carter will anchor what should be a promising linebacking corps.

The schedule should be a breeze with the exception of a road game at Utah and a road conference matchup against Oregon State. Of course, SMU will have its crosshairs planted on its arch rival.



Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day!

(403): Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.

(1-403): Your godly.

BRING YOUR OWN BLACKLIGHT!

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

You know this camp is going to be about the nerdiest thing this side of a Star Trek Convention. Seriously, when Space Camp and Computer Camp think you're lame then you probably should take a long look in the mirror. It's kind of odd too that these kids will be learning all about semen because they'll probably never get to release any.



On this day in…
1858 – Charles Darwin first publishes his theory of evolution in The Journal of the Proceedings of the Linnean Society of London, alongside Alfred Russel Wallace's same theory.
1866 – President Andrew Johnson formally declares the American Civil War over.
1920 – The National Football League, (NFL), is founded in the United States.
1938 – Lou Gehrig hits his 23rd career grand slam – a record that still stands.
1940 – In Mexico City exiled Russian revolutionary Leon Trotsky is fatally wounded with an ice axe by Ramon Mercader. He dies the next day.
1988 – Iran–Iraq War: a cease-fire is agreed after almost eight years of war.

Births
1931 – Don King, American boxing promoter
1935 – Ron Paul, US Congressman, 1988 and 2008 presidential candidate
1946 – Connie Chung, American journalist
1954 – Al Roker, American television personality
1965 – KRS-One, American rapper
1970 – Fred Durst, American singer (Limp Bizkit)

This is a pretty skimpy list of birthdays so I went with legendary boxing promoter Don King getting interviewed by some lady.



Many U.S. kids confused by equal sign
By QMI Agency

U.S. students are being taught to memorize math formulas, instead of understanding them, which has led to confusion about what the equal sign means, a new study says.

Researchers at Texas A&M University say about 70% of students in Grade 6 in the U.S. "exhibit misconceptions" about the equal sign, while "nearly none of the international students in Korea and China" have this problem.

Co-author of the study, Robert Capraro, gives an example of the math equation: 4+3+2=( )+2.

Students who have learned to memorize symbols and who have a limited understanding of the equal sign will tend to solve problems such as 4+3+2=( )+2 by adding the numbers on the left, and placing it in the parentheses, then add those terms and create another equal sign with the new answer," he said in a press release. "So the work would look like 4+3+2=(9)+2=11."

However, the correct answer "makes both sides equal. So the understanding should be 4+3+2=(7)+2. Now both sides of the equal sign equal 9."

You hear a lot of horror stories about how stupid kids are today and how standardized testing has screwed up school. I'm always a bit skeptical but I guess here's your proof. American students are now too stupid to know what an equal sign is. I think we've hit a new low. What makes it even worse is that Sheepbang University (aka A&M) is the one that has to point it out.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home. As a volunteer, I'm not supposed to accept any money or gifts from any of the residents. However, one elderly woman kept insisting I take her gold watch. After politely refusing for the fifth time, she decided to chuck it at my face. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Looks like Diamond Dallas Paige's mom.

Preseason College Football Top 25 Countdown - #10 Wisconsin

The college football season is less than three weeks away and as I try to pass the time between watching baseball highlights and Brett Favre speculation, I can't wait for the gridiron action to get started. So, if we can't watch football, we're going to talk football. So let's continue the Preseason College Football Top 25 Countdown.

#10. Wisconsin Badgers - Expectations are always going to be high when your team returns the Conference Offensive Player of the Year and that is exactly the case at Wisconsin this year with John Clay back in 2010. Clay ran for 1,517 yards and 18 TDs last season and he will have all five offensive lineman returning with him to help him find his way. Along with what will certainly be a strong running game, the Badgers return steady QB Scott Tolzien and WR Nick Toon (son of NFL legend Al Toon), which should give them a balanced attack in 2010.

What will be the biggest focus in 2010 for the Badgers is keeping leads. The Badgers were terrible in the fourth quarter last season and the defense wasn't entirely helpful in the area. On the bright side the Badgers were tops in the Big Ten in run defense last year with an attack led by DE J.J. Wyatt and LB Chris Borland. In a league that is still run dominant having a great run defense is at a premium.

The non conference schedule is a joke so the season should come down to a home game against Ohio State and road games at Michigan State and at Iowa. Of course there is always the chance of an unexpected loss (at Michigan, at Purdue).