Fork: Australian for Sex Toy

Man, 70, gets fork stuck in penis

By QMI Agency

An elderly Australian man ended up in hospital after he jammed an entire 10 cm fork inside his penis for "sexual gratification."

The bizarre medical emergency at Canberra Hospital was outlined in a paper in the International Journal of Surgery Case Reports.

"A 70-year-old man presents to the emergency department with a bleeding urethral meatus following self-insertion of a fork into the urethra to achieve sexual gratification. Multiple retrieval methods were contemplated with success achieved via forceps traction and copious lubrication," the paper reads.

The paper goes on to muse on the "immemorial" problem of men getting things stuck in their penises. "The practice manifests primarily during states of pathological masturbation, substance abuse and intoxication and as a result of psychological compounders. Autoerotic stimulation with the aid of self-inserted urethral foreign bodies has been existent since time immemorial and have presented an unusual but known presentation to urologists."

Despite this surprisingly well-documented problem, the authors note that: "the case ... of a penile urethral fork is a rarity."

This is what happens when you’re too broke to buy Levitra. Instead of sitting in his and hers outdoor bathtubs and watching the sunset with your silver haired angel of a wife you end up jamming a fork in your peephole to get yourself going.

The physician breakdown of how men end up getting things stuck in their urethras is so insightful. By stating that this happens during “states of pathological masturbation, substance abuse and intoxication and as a result of psychological compounders” the Australian doctors are actually saying that you have to either be constantly horny, drunk or high off your ass or just plain crazy to go jamming things in your johnson.

I just hope when this geezer strolled in they said, “That’s not a fork. This is a fork!”

But who am I to judge some ancient Aussie? As the old refrain tells us:

“The world don't move to the beat of just one drum.
What might be right for you, may not be right for some.
Cause it takes,
Diff'rent strokes to move the world,
yes it does.
It takes,
Diff'rent strokes to move the world!”

Unfortunately this guy probably won’t be making any different strokes down under anytime soon.