We Can't Stop? Please Try Harder

I didn’t know furries were a thing until that episode of Entourage when that lady gave Turtle a furry costume and told him to come over for sex. Then he predictably wimped out and Johnny Drama donned the furry suit.

As terrible as that scene was and as terrible as that show turned out to be, it was award worthy compared to what happened in the video above.

First of all, giant stuffed animals are creepy. Is anime porn that big of a thing that a platinum recording artist would base an entire routine on it at an awards show?

Now on the jaw dropping part. We’ve all known Miley Cyrus has a thing for twerking for a while. What we didn’t know by the helpful use of full length stretch pants was how odd her ass looks when she does it. There was pretty much no coverture in that ass whatsoever.

Get More: 

2013 VMA, Artists.MTV, Music, Miley Cyrus

Now as I the most qualified critic? No, I’m technically an obese drunk with average grooming habits. But I know my limits. You’re not gonna see me rocking any muscle tees or skinny jeans. So Miley, stick to the long britches or get ass implants. Or don’t. Who am I kidding? I don’t care. More than anything last night taught me that I’m officially an old man now. I didn’t watch a second of the VMAs, which would have been appointment TV for me in my teens.

And yes, I know the Family Smith was reacting to Lady Gaga and not Miley in the shot above. But that doesn’t fit the narrative this story is going after. So as far I’m concerned they had the same reaction to Miley and it just didn’t get caught on tape. Nobody could see pancake ass like that gyrating around and not drop the jaw. Or at least scrunch your face up.

P.S. – What was Robin Thicke wearing? Did he steal the Hamburglar’s suit and cinch it up? He looked like a cross between Vanilla Ice and Beetlejuice. As goofy as he looks I do kind of enjoy that song.