Fifty Shades of Dumbass

Fifty Shades might be to blame for spike in handcuff mishaps: London firefighters

By QMI Agency

London firefighters say they've had to free dozens of people trapped in handcuffs recently in what they think might be the "Fifty Shades effect," prompting a cheeky warning for thrill-seekers to make sure they've got the keys before messing around.  

"I don't know whether it's the Fifty Shades effect, but the number of incidents involving items like handcuffs seems to have gone up. I'm sure most people will be Fifty Shades of red by the time our crews arrive to free them," Third Officer Dave Brown of the London Fire Brigade said in a statement Monday.

In the past three years, firefighters have been called to help 79 people trapped in cuffs. They've also helped nine men with rings stuck on their penises, and in the past, crews helped free a man whose penis was caught in a toaster and another whose manhood was lodged in a vaccum cleaner, the fire department said in the release.

Since 2010, firefighters have also freed 18 kids with their heads stuck in potties or toilet seats
Brown said some of the mishaps could be prevented with "a little common sense."

I knew that damn book was going to start causing some real problems sooner than later. It’s bad enough when it turns everyday people into perverted goons. It messes things up for the real perverted goons like myself.

These weekend warrior deviants ought to be asked if they got the idea to use handcuffs from Fifty Shades and if they say yes the firefighters to tell them to find a self-help book to get themselves free.
Sexual perversion isn’t a vacation; it’s a life sentence. Take it from my man Louie.



P.S. – the guy with his dong in a toaster and the dude with his wang in the vacuum didn’t get the idea from any book. That’s old school pervert stuff.