Don't Worry, Be Crabby

Website sells pubic lice for revenge
By QMI Agency

Revenge is a dish best served cold — or maybe with a side of crabs.

A website in Britain called crabrevenge.com says it sells pubic lice. While the disclaimer says the website creators "do not endorse giving people lice," and the lice are for "novelty purposes only," the website talks about using them for revenge.

"Make that bitch itch," the website says. "We sell you crabs to give your ex-girlfriend or whoever has pissed you off enough to make you seek revenge on them. If you want a method of revenge that doesn't involve permanent damage or risk of personal injury or jail time, you have come to the right place."

The company says it has a facility in the British Isles "where we do all of our parasite husbandry and carefully considered selective breeding." The website says the company was started "by a group of fellows who happen to know a thing or two about biology and revenge."

There are three options to choose from when ordering the lice. The green package includes one colony, which can have as many as 30 eggs. "This package is great for one person," the website says.

The blue package includes three vials, each with about 30 eggs.

"Use the first one straight away and you can freeze the other two batches for over 160 days, or you could get revenge on three people at once...Maybe your friends want in on the action and you'd like to take advantage of the discount pricing," the website says.

The red package includes one vial of "shampoo resistant F strain crabs," which can "take up to two weeks to get rid of and apparently bite so much they cause the victim to scratch themselves raw."

The website also includes testimonials — or tales of revenge.

"I never knew revenge could be so sweet," wrote Niall from Belfast, who used the crabs on a noisy next-door neighbour.

"Just what I needed to get back at my ex-wife," Ethan from Dublin wrote.

The website has numerous spelling and grammatical errors and while the website says it's not a joke, it might be hard to take seriously.

"Due to the number of people asking us whether or not this site is for real, we must now state that we don't f--- around when it comes to revenge," the website says.

I think the revenge for hire business is a bit of an untapped industry but intentionally giving people crabs is a bit harsh. I may have a few ex girlfriends and past foes that I have less than positive things to say about but I've never considered giving them crabs. I think that's going too far. You should probably just stick to posting naked pictures of them on the internet or giving them upper deckers, or putting a dead hooker in their trunk.