BYB Express

In the grand tradition of Friday laziness I've decided to produce another BYB Express this week. Don't think of it as getting less blog. Just think of it getting more time to Facebook stalk.

F My Life Moment of the Day
Today, the first person to wish me happy birthday is my bank's ATM machine. I thought someone else would remember. Nobody did. At the end of the day, I went again so I could say two people remembered. FML.

Wal Mart Person of the Day

I'm all ears.

Mark Cuban & 'Girls Gone Wild' Team Up For 'Hottest Girl' Search
Huffingtonpost.com

Mark Cuban is teaming up with "Girls Gone Wild" for a new 12-part series titled, "Search for the Hottest Girl in America." According to a press release, the outspoken Dallas Mavericks owner will air the show on the cable channel HDNet, which he launched in 2001.

"We're very excited to work with the Girls Gone Wild team to launch this show," Cuban says in the release. "The program is a cool, behind-the-scenes look at the GGW enterprise and a wild ride for our viewers. It's a perfect fit for the new, unrated, late-night programming block that we air as part of our 'Guys Night In' line-up every Thursday."

The show promises to feature "thousands of wild college girls who will do anything to be voted the 'Hottest Girl in America.'"

What the hell is Mark Cuban thinking? I thought only B & C listers like Bill Bellamy or Tek from 'The Real World' had to do crap like this. I know Cuban doesn't need the money. I know its a great opportunity to see hot young girls make out with each other and shame their fathers but it doesn't come off as a classy business move. Take Joe Francis. That guys has probably gotten more tail in one day than I'll get in my whole life but he's also been in jail several times and been the victim of an extortion attempt that produced a video with a dildo shoved up his shoot. If I were Cuban I'd just round up my own girls and party with Dennis Rodman back at da crib.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day
(405): I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.

Bull semen smuggled in Thermos bottle
By TONY BLAIS, QMI Agency

EDMONTON - Did you hear the one about the Alberta cowboy who got hit with a hefty fine after being busted trying to smuggle bull semen across the border in his pickup truck?

Well, it's no bull.

Devin William Warrilow, 22, was dinged $5,000 Tuesday after pleading guilty in Edmonton provincial court to a charge under the Health of Animals Act for failing to present goods to a Canada Border Services Agency inspector.

Warrilow declared he had bought $260 worth of goods, including two tins of chewing tobacco, two containers of Excedrin, six bottles of body wash, shoes and firearm reloading tools and supplies.

However, the customs officer noted Warrilow "appeared nervous, avoided eye contact and was hesitant replying" so he referred the pair for a secondary examination.

At that point, officers began looking through the pickup and noticed there was a semen nitrogen tank in the box.

There's nothing worse than getting caught at the airport with a thermos full of bull jizz. You may think Mike Vick had it bad getting caught with weed or that Shaun Rogers had it bad getting caught with a gun but nothing tops bull semen. If I were the TSA guy I would have made him take a drink out of it and let him go. At the end of the day what does it matter if we stop the illegal trafficking of bull semen? Playing an awesome goof is way better.



On this day in…
1948 – Israel is declared to be an independent state and a provisional government is established. Immediately after the declaration, Israel is attacked by the neighboring Arab states, triggering the 1948 Arab-Israeli War.
1973 – Human Space Flight: Skylab, the United States' first space station, is launched.

Plus, George Lucas was born on this day in 1944, Suzy Kolber was born on this day in 1964 (Joe Namath is waiting with a birthday kiss) and Phillies pitcher Roy Halliday was born on May 14 in 1977.