Would You Like To Go To A Party In My Pants?

Dez Bryant Creates A Pants Controversy In Dallas

The weekdays following the start of the NCAA tournament are a lonely time for sports fans. What are we supposed to do until Thursday? Well that’s why God created Dez Bryant. The Cowboy receiver, who first gained NFL attention in another wardrobe related story when he refused to carry Roy Williams’ pads, again made headlines by being tossed from the NorthPark Center by Dallas police for wearing saggy pants.

Accounts vary on whether Bryant himself or only members of his posse were “sagging” (as it was called by my junior principal) but the incident was enough to earn Bryant a criminal trespass warning. I’d explain it but the DPD do a much better job:

Also on Saturday, at about 8:00 p.m., Desmond Bryant was issued a criminal trespass warning by representatives of NorthPark Center when he began using profanity after he and his companions were requested to pull their pants up by Dallas Police officers working off-duty at the scene so as to not expose their underwear and buttocks to other patrons of the center. This action is not a violation of law and officers would have taken no official police action. Mr. Bryant's response to the request was profanity laced [as in, per the police report, "What the fuck, you stopped me like I stole something!"], and center representatives felt the outburst merited a request for Mr. Bryant to leave the premises. The Dallas officers working off-duty at the scene escorted Mr. Bryant to his vehicle during which he continued to use profanity. Mr. Bryant refused to leave the center until an individual he called his "representative" could respond to the location. Mr. Bryant entered his vehicle but parked in a fire lane still refusing to leave, necessitating a request for on-duty officers to respond to the location. After on-duty Dallas officers responded a friend of Mr. Bryant arrived at the location and convinced Mr. Bryant to leave with him. No further action was required. A Miscellaneous Incident Report was completed and has been provided.

Bryant said the incident was no biggie and it wouldn’t stand in his way of heading back to the mall to get “these Lebrons.” Because when you’re looking to improve your public image you should always highlight the fact you’re a Lebron fan.

Is this really anything for the Cowboys to worry about? Probably not. They had a troubled wide receiver once before and it worked out well. Plus, when compared to snorting coke and trying to cut a teammate’s neck with scissors, wearing saggy britches and cussing at the popo doesn’t look so bad.

But if the Cowboys are concerned about Dez I say they bring in an expert with military experience to talk to him. Yeah, I’m talking about this guy.