What's Trendy?

Today's hot trending topic is Britney Spears. The former pop princess is being sued by some former investors over one of her awful perfumes, Radiance. Spears is being accused of being “sneaky and underhanded” (not exact legal terms) for allegedly trying to cut Brand Sense Partner, LLC. out of a licensing agreement.

From what I gleaned from the legal talk Britney’s dad and cosmetics company Elizabeth Arden conspired to cut Brand Sense out of the deal and now they’re pissed. What surprised me is that Britney’s scent bring in $15 million a year. And I still remember when she was running around bald attacking paparazzi with an umbrella. Good times.

Major League Dummies

Students kicked off team for sacrificing chickens
By QMI Agency

Two Texas high school students have been kicked off their baseball team for allegedly sacrificing chickens, a local newspaper is reporting.

The Star-Telegraph reports the two players, who were not identified, may have sacrificed baby chicks on the baseball field. The reason was unclear, but baseball coach Bobby McIntire said it may have been for superstitious reasons.

The high school is located in Benbrook, just west of Fort Worth.

McIntire said the students may have gotten the idea from the movie Major League, where a character named Willie Mays Hayes talks about how another player, Pedro Cerrano, is "looking to sacrifice a live chicken" to help in a game.

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What is it about ‘Major League’ that makes fans so obsessive? First, Charlie Sheen refuses to take that mitt off even when he’s got a chance at a handful of goddess ass or a pile of blow and now we’ve got high school ball players sacrificing chickens. Of course, if they had paid enough attention they would have realized Cerrano sacrificing a chicken wasn’t even appropriate to do in a movie and that’s why Jake Taylor came to the rescue with a bucket of KFC. I just hope this form of imitation doesn’t continue or Corbin Bernsen’s wife may get screwed. Here's a little 'Major League' for your Opening Day.

Grand Opening!

Well it’s that time of year again, when a young man’s fancy turns toward the diamond. It officially begins a five month waiting period for me until football season starts. At least I have the NFL Draft and NBA Finals to look forward to. But for my readers who are baseball fans I’ve again assembled a group of genius baseball minds to give me their predictions. Actually, they’re just the only three guys who offered but I’ll take what I can get. Here we go.

CHRIS TERRY (former Permian baseball player and short man extraordinaire)
NL WEST - Rockies, Giants, Dodgers, Padres, D-Backs
NL CENTRAL - Reds, Cardinals, Brewers, Cubs, Astros, Pirates
NL EAST - Braves, Phillies, Marlins, Nationals, Mets
AL WEST - Angels, Rangers, A's, Mariners
AL CENTRAL - White Sox, Twins, Tigers,Royals, Indians
AL EAST - Red Sox, Yankees, Rays, Blue Jays, Orioles

Wildcard Winners
NL - Phillies
AL - Yankees

Playoff Predictions
NL Divisional - Braves over Reds
NL Divisional - Rockies over Phillies
AL Divisional - Red Sox over Angels
AL Divisional - White Sox over Yankees
NLCS - Rockies over Braves
ALCS - Red Sox over White Sox
World Series - Red Sox over Rockies

Postseason Awards
NL MVP - Tulo
AL MVP - A-Rod
NL Cy Young - Roy Halladay
AL Cy Young - Felix Hernandez
NL ROY - Freddie Freeman
AL ROY - Mike Moustakas
NL Manager of Year - Jim Tracey
AL Manager of Year - Mike Scioscia
NL Comeback Player - Pablo Sandoval
AL Comeback Player - Chone Figgins

Misc Predictions
First Manager to get fired - Jim Leyland
Biggest name to be traded - Jose Reyes
Player with most HRs - Adam Dunn
Someone linked to steroids for first time - Edgar Renteria
First team to clinch playoff spot - Red Sox
How many wins for Royals - 68

MATTHEW MUENCH (former El Paso Coronado player and ESPN Rise writer)
Division Standings
NL WEST - Rockies, Giants, Dodgers, Padres, D-Backs
NL CENTRAL - Reds, Cardinals, Cubs, Brewers, Astros, Pirates
NL EAST - Phillies, Braves, Mets, Marlins, Nationals
AL WEST - Rangers, A's, Angels, Mariners
AL CENTRAL - Tigers, Twins, White Sox, Indians, Royals
AL EAST - Red Sox, Yankees, Orioles, Rays, Blue Jays

Wildcard Winners
NL - Braves
AL - Twins

Playoff Predictions
NL Divisional - Phillies over Reds
NL Divisional - Rockies over Braves
AL Divisional - Red Sox over Twins
AL Divisional - Tigers over Rangers
NLCS - Phillies over Reds
ALCS - Red Sox over Tigers
World Series - Red Sox over Phillies

Postseason Awards
NL MVP - Ryan Howard
AL MVP - Adrian Gonzalez
NL Cy Young - Roy Halladay
AL Cy Young - Felix Hernandez
NL ROY - Domonic Brown
AL ROY - Kyle Drabek
NL Manager of Year - Jim Tracey
AL Manager of Year - Terry Francona
NL Comeback Player - Jimmy Rollins
AL Comeback Player - Manny Ramirez

Misc Predictions
First Manager to get fired - Jim Riggleman
Biggest name to be traded - Felix Hernandez
Player with most HRs - Adrian Gonzalez
Someone linked to steroids for first time - Paul Konerko
First team to clinch playoff spot - Rangers
How many wins for Royals - 64

ADAM BOEDEKER (Denton Record Chronicle sportswriter)
Division Standings
NL WEST - Giants, Rockies, Padres, Dodgers, D-Backs
NL CENTRAL - Reds, Brewers, Cardinals, Cubs, Pirates, Astros
NL EAST - Phillies, Braves, Marlins, Mets, Nats
AL WEST - Rangers, A's, Angels, Mariners
AL CENTRAL - Twins, Tigers, White Sox, Indians, Royals
AL EAST - Red Sox, Yankees, Rays, Blue Jays, O's

Wildcard Winners
NL - Rockies
AL - Yankees

Playoff Predictions
NL Divisional - Phillies over Rockies
NL Divisional - Giants over Reds
AL Divisional - Red Sox over Twins
AL Divisional - Rangers over Yankees
NLCS - Giants over Phillies
ALCS - Red Sox over Rangers
World Series - Red Sox over Giants

Postseason Awards
NL MVP - Albert Pujols
AL MVP - Ian Kinsler (COMPLETE off the wall, homer pick)
NL Cy Young - Roy Halladay
AL Cy Young - Jon Lester
NL ROY - Freddie Freeman (ATL)
AL ROY - Desmond Jennings (TB)
NL Manager of Year - Bruce Bochy
AL Manager of Year - Terry Francona
NL Comeback Player - Pablo Sandoval
AL Comeback Player - Manny Ramirez

Misc Predictions
First Manager to get fired - Ozzie Guillen
Biggest name to be traded - Josh Johnson
Player with most HRs - Pujols
Someone linked to steroids for first time - Pujols
First team to clinch playoff spot - Phillies
How many wins for Royals - 73

Tweet of the Day

Sorry to go Judah Friendlander on you two days in a row but this guy is funny and almost everyone else sucks.


Judah Friendlander: The Harry Houdini exhibit was closed today. But I was able to break in and see it anyway.

Stunning Junk

Cop sues boss for tasering genitals
By QMI Agency

Watch where you point that thing. Tasering a fellow cop in the genitals might just land you in legal trouble and cost you your job.

According to a new lawsuit filed by an officer in the tiny U.S.-Mexican border town of Nogales, Arizona, on Feb. 8, 2010, Sgt. Sergio Bon allegedly pushed a clipboard at Pedro Molera. When Molera placed the clipboard on Bon's desk, Bon allegedly unholstered his Taser and pointed it at Molera.

According to a report in the Arizona Daily Star, Molera responded "Are you going to use it? Go ahead." At that point, Bon is said to have placed the Taser on Molera's penis, over top of his clothes, and squeezed the trigger for up to two seconds.

Molera said that there was excessive redness following the electric shock and went home in emotional distress.

Molera registered a complaint the next day after he heard other officers joking about it.

Bon, an 18-year-veteran, has resigned as a result of the allegations. Molera is seeking unspecificed damages from Bon and the police department for a lack of training of superior officers and for failing to take appropriate training and supervision measures.

I don’t know if you can blame Officer Bon on this one. A goof is goof even if it involves a taser shot. Bon clearly warned Officer Molera that he was cruising for a taser bruising and Molera wanted to be a tough guy. Now, going for the nuts was kind of a busch league move but I still think both were in the wrong. Not to mention, Molera didn’t even file a complaint until he became the butt of the office joke. What did you expect dude? You got tasered in the ballsack.

I Volunteer to Hang Out With This Guy

Former Vols Quarterback Erik Ainge Opens Up About Drug Use



I was recently by a loyal BYB reader and friend to an ESPN.com article about former Tennessee and current Jets quarterback Erik Ainge’s battle with drug use. The hook for the article was a line by Ainge where he wrote,” I was a really bad drug addict. I would've made Charlie Sheen look like Miss Daisy.” Now that’s a statement. That’s the drug addict equivalent of him calling out Tom Brady. I perused the rest of the article and didn’t find the salacious details that one would expect when they compare their drug use to Charlie Sheen’s.

This was pretty much the juiciest tidbit:

“I made a lot of poor life decisions. I got a roommate, a friend from back home in Oregon -- big mistake. He moved in with me [in New Jersey], and he was a really bad influence. Between the two of us, we were sleeping with a lot of women from the clubs and bars, and it was a recipe for disaster.
I was getting drug-tested three or four times a week [by the NFL], but I continued to drink daily through the spring of 2010 and into the summer. That's when I relapsed with hard drugs. In July, I went on a two-week bender.”

Now there were probably some pretty wild things going on in that guy’s apartment but the cops didn’t get called so obviously he didn’t lock any hookers in a broom closet ala Sheen. So I’ve got one message for Erik Ainge – just because you ruined your life doesn’t qualify you as a Warlock rock star from Mars. You may have used a lot of heroin but you’ve never tasted tiger blood. Duh.

YouTube Video of the Day

You may remember last September I introduced you all to the Wendy’s training video ‘Cold Drinks’ and then I cruelly walked away from the BYB before showing you the sequel. What a bastard I am. Here is the long awaited part 2 – ‘Hot Drinks.’

Maybe They Should Write These Rules Down

Fox draws ire of both managers today (3/28)
Jeff Zrebiec/Baltimore Sun

Orioles catcher Jake Fox hit his Grapefruit League-leading 10th home run today in the Orioles 14-9 rout of the Detroit Tigers at Ed Smith Stadium. However, he left a pretty poor impression on both managers because of one sequence in the eighth inning.

The Orioles had runners on second and third and no outs in the eighth inning today when Fox came to the plate against Tigers minor leaguer Chance Ruffin. The most important aspect of this story is the score was 13-3 at the time, and both teams had subbed out most of their regulars. Ruffin started the at-bat with three straight balls, but Fox decided to take a rip at a 3-0 pitch in a clear take situation.

It certainly qualified as a breach of baseball etiquette. Swinging 3-0 in a 10-run game with no outs in the eighth inning with a minor league pitcher on the mound is a decent way to make sure you get a fastball in the ribs in your next at-bat. The average fan may not think it was a big deal but Orioles manager Buck Showalter and Tigers manager Jim Leyland certainly did.

Showalter angrily yanked off his hat, and was seen yelling in the home dugout to anyone in particular. His hat off the whole time, he kept shaking his head and muttering throughout the rest of Fox's at-bat, which resulted in a walk Leyland, meanwhile, yelled at Fox from the top step of the dugout.

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You see, this is one of the major reasons I hate baseball, this and the mind numbing boredom. For a game where the players spit and scratch themselves constantly they sure do have a lot of unwritten etiquette rules. That’s why I like the easy sports – football and basketball and the only unwritten rule in those is when you’re winning by a lot you put in backup players. Just don’t run up the score.

I guess that’s at the heart of this story too but I didn’t know there were certain pitches you weren’t allowed to swing at. I’m pretty sure if I played baseball I’d have my head taken off in the first game for violating some stupid rule I didn’t know existed. Oh well, take me out to the ball game.

Wal Mart Person of the Day

It’s nice to see that 80’s Christian rapper MC Promise Keeper is still alive and well.

What's Trendy

Today’s top trending topic is Jackie Chan. Unbeknownst to me a rumor had been swirling about the interweb that Jackie had a heart attack and died. But Jackie’s people are now assuring fans (if he has those) that Jackie is alive and well. Because that’s justice – Bruce Lee is dead but Jackie Chan will live to be 100. Actually, I’m happy Mr. Chan remains with us. Let’s just hope he and Will Smith’s son aren’t off doing more damage to Pat Morita’s legacy. Long live the original Miyagi.

Shaka Shakes Down Vegas

Las Vegas Hilton took $10 bet on VCU at 5,000 to 1
By DAVID PAYNE/covers.com

At one point this season, Virginia Commonwealth was 9,999-1 to win the NCAA tournament at the Las Vegas Hilton sportsbook.

At 5,000 to 1, Hilton book manager Jay Kornegay took a $10 bet on the Rams to win the tournament. For those of you unsure of the math, that's a $50,000 payout for that lucky bettor if the Rams cut down the nets next Monday.

“We definitely have some liability associated with VCU winning the title,” Kornegay told Covers.com in a phone interview from Las Vegas. “I can’t say I’m comfortable.”

Kornegay will take on as much as “$30,000 to $50,000” in liability on a future bet like VCU to win the NCAA title. But most wagers on big longshots are of the “ham sandwich” or $20 variety.

“There were more significant bets on VCU, but most of the time it’s just little stuff. A guy will bet like $20 because he or his girlfriend went to school there,” said Kornegay. “But it doesn’t have to be a very large wager to hurt at those kinds of odds.”



I wasn’t sure if I was going to hop on this VCU bandwagon or not but this gambling aspect adds an element of revenge. After Vegas paralyzed my liver and stole whatever semblance of dignity I still had two weeks ago I’ve been hoping the city would fall like Sodom and Gomorrah. But with the house always winning there is little chance of that. But now a hero appears. Go Rams! Pay this devil city back for its evil ways.

YouTube Video of the Day

Is this a real thing? I’m pretty sure I’d lose my sh*t if this started playing the next time I got on a plane. I know the safety announcements are a special kind of boring on American flights but I don’t think Richard Simmons is ever the answer. I just hope the flight attendance calls “no homo” before this thing starts playing.

Oh What A Feeling, When You're Naked On the Ceiling!

Naked man falls through woman's ceiling
By QMI Agency

A Mississippi woman got a shock Tuesday when a naked man came tumbling through her ceiling and asked her for clothes.

The woman, Keleigh Townsend, denied his request, so he then grabbed a coat off a hook and ran out the front door.

Police say the man was a wanted fugitive hiding out in the apartment complex, according to a report from the Hattiesburg American.

When police got word of his location and began to search the apartment complex, he allegedly hoisted himself into the crawl space above his apartment and tried to crawl between the units.

What he didn't count on, police said, was being too heavy for the flimsy drywall that formed the ceiling of Townsend's apartment, and he came tumbling down in his birthday suit.

I guess the biggest curiosity in this tale is why was the guy naked in the first place? I know the impulse to hide out when the cops are on their way is strong but I think I might have at least taken a second to throw some jogging shorts on. And this lady Townsend sure is a mean broad. The guy has already fallen through your ceiling and you’re no doubt going to call the cops so what’s the harm in letting him borrow a coat to cover his meat and potatoes? If I was him I would have gone in her drawers and stolen some trousers. He was going to jail anyway.

Now That's What I Call A Fiesta!

Fiesta Bowl probe results in Junker dismissal, casts pall over BCS
By Austin Murphy and Michael McKnight, SI.com

SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. -- For 30 years, John Junker was a glad-handing, canary-blazered shogun of the Fiesta Bowl, the smiling face of that event and its most passionate advocate. So grand was his passion that it overruled his judgment, which is how the 55-year-old came to find himself seated at a conference table, trying to convince investigators there was a legitimate business purpose for the $1,241 he'd charged to the bowl for a visit to a high-end Phoenix strip club on September 12, 2008. ("We are in the business where big strong athletes are known to attend these types of establishments," Junker said, according to investigators. "It was important for us to visit and we certainly conducted business.")

That pathetic quote appears on page 240 of the bowl's 276-page, 1,500-footnote "Special Committee Report" -- the result of a recently completed investigation that was launched last fall. That evening of adult entertainment is but one of many instances outlined in the report of brazen, scandalous behavior by Junker and others on the Fiesta Bowl payroll that included, but wasn't limited to: funneling money to politicians through bowl employees; coaching witnesses, and altering documents during the investigation that followed; taking junkets to college football games with politicians and their families -- all on the bowl's dime. On page 210 is a charge that the bowl footed the $33,188 bill for Junker's 50th birthday party, a four-day bacchanal in Pebble Beach that had, according to one attendee, "absolutely no business purpose."

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This story just further illustrates how bad my luck is. Sure, there were some perks during my tenure at the Alamo Bowl but a stripper doing the Batman on my face certainly wasn’t one of them. And I never got any exciting tasks like bribing Rick Perry. I just had to call and beg fast food restaurants for gift certificates. I think I really could have been a valuable asset to the Fiesta Bowl. I basically have no moral code and I’ll work for trips to the strip club.

Tweet of the Day

Judah Friedlander: I beat up Chuck Norris so bad, he had to change his name to Charles. And he has to spell it P-U-S-S-Y.

I'm relatively new to this Twitter thing but I'll tell you one thing I know - Judah Friedlander aka the guy with all the weird trucker hats from '30 Rock' brings it.

Spring Break!

Now that’s what you call a spring break experience. Any time a fast food joint breaks down into total chaos I’m totally for it. You’ve got to like her jumping on the counter move. That really stepped up the crazy. If she would have just given a Randy Savage style flying elbow the scene would have been complete. I’m not sure what was said to inspire a throwdown like this but it has to be on par with Farva’s experience at the Dimpas Burger. Of course I think his attack was a little bit better than this chick’s. I don’t see her throwing any food.

Super Troopers Liter of Cola - watch more funny videos

Wal Mart Person of the Day

I hope this kid is going to a midnight showing of the 'Rocky Horror Picture Show.' Is that still a thing? Do people still do that?

Billshit! Bills Target Newton, Gabbert

Bills to draft against need?
The Buffalo News

Cam Newton isn't the only quarterback trucking off to Buffalo, who is also likely entertaining, at least, Blaine Gabbert and Christian Ponder. Chan Gailey and Buddy Nix admitted quarterback isn't the Bills' biggest need because they believe veteran Ryan Fitzpatrick is a reliable starter. But both men made it clear they have to strongly consider taking a potentially great signal caller if he's available with the third overall pick in the draft.

"If you wait until you do not have a quarterback to draft one, you're too late," Nix said. "Now our greatest need is not quarterback. It's definitely not quarterback. Invariably, if there's going to be a franchise guy there and one we deem as a guy that can go eight or 10 years, be the face of the organization and take us to the playoffs and win every year, you can't pass him up."

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That right there is the kind of forward thinking I love in a football team. If you wait to draft a quarterback until you need one then it’s too late. Meanwhile, if you wait to draft a decent offensive lineman for a decade then every quarterback you put on the field will be massacred. But that’s the Buffalo Bills for ya. It’s just more Billshit and it's leaving some people speechless.

What’s Trendy?

Today’s trending topic is Katie Couric. The hot dish on Katie is that she is stepping away from her nightly news anchor job and becoming a regular on 60 Minutes. Additionally, she is set to get her own daytime TV host gig.

This doesn’t come as a shock seeing as CBS was ready to toss her on the street almost as quickly they hired her as anchor. But slowly her ratings improved and with Diane Sawyer taking over at ABC chicks quickly represented 2/3 of the network anchors.

No one is going to top Brian Williams. That guy has become an institution overnight (well as much of an institution one can be with the internet, cable news and angry birds stealing most American eyes) but maybe it can be a win-win for CBS and Katie. Anderson Cooper as CBS anchor? Maybe.

Anywho, in honor of Katie here’s some great gotcha journalism.

Told Ya

Well the mighty San Antonio Spurs have now lost four straight and were without the services of all three of their superstars last night. I’m not sure who is reading this but there’s a decent chance that no matter who you are I told you the Spurs weren’t going to get through the season without getting bit by the injury bug. And you know why, because bugs bite the elderly and gimpy. This triumvirate of snooze hasn’t lasted a whole season together since Bush’s first term.



When the Spurs jumped out to a big lead in The West (which no doubt wasted the energy and legs they need right now) everyone though Greg Popovich had channeled Ponce de León and found the Fountain of Youth. Oh wait, de León never found that and the AARP Legends team didn’t either. The Spurs better hope they end up playing the Hornets in Round 1 now that David West is out.

YouTube Video of the Day

I couldn’t resist the opportunity to put my boy Shannon Brown in this slot today. Check out him switching hands on this badass dunk.

Kobe’s take - "I give it a 10, no question," Bryant said. "It was just ridiculous. His explosiveness is out of this world. I don't know if I could do that. I did a lot of [stuff], but that ..."

Wish Upon A Falling (Food Network) Star

'Barefoot Contessa' AGREES to See Make-A-Wish Kid
by TMZ Staff

It's a MIRACLE!!!! "Barefoot Contessa" star Ina Garten has somehow found the time to meet with a Make-A-Wish foundation kid named Enzo ... after TMZ reported she denied his request TWICE.

Garten's rep released a statement explaining how the Food Network chef only "became aware of Enzo's story this weekend" .... and insists she will be calling the 6-year-old later today.

As we first reported, Enzo is battling leukemia -- and told the foundation he WISHED he could cook a meal with Ina ... because he watched her show with his mom while in bed battling the illness.

Enzo's family, along with the M.A.W. foundation, had confirmed that Garten declined to grant Enzo's wish due to scheduling conflicts -- TWICE -- but now, Garten's rep says she's willing to play ball.

The rep insists, "[Ina] looks forward to inviting him to spend some time with her at the Food Network studios."

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Well its amazing what a little bad publicity can do to warm the heart of a cold, evil cooking show host. I guess when TMZ turned the heat up on this truly terrible soul she melted like butter under public scorn. But that's good. What do we have public opinion for if not punish people who refuse to meet dying kids? But take this with a grain of salt (because Ina's cooking and bullshit both may need it). As of last night she had yet to call the family. Psychopath.


Hey Ina, this is what a good person (WWE superstar John Cena) does for Make A Wish kids. He takes 30 of them to Wrestlemania, gives them a private autograph session and a private pizza party. FYI - John Cena is behing honored by Make A Wish at Wrestlemania for granting 200 wishes, only shy of Jeff Gordon, Dale Earnhardt Jr., and fellow wrestler Hulk Hogan.

Tweet of the Day

Katt Williams: #iDontUnderstandWhy when black teenagers got pregnant, they got sent to Maury...but white women get their own TV show "16 and pregnant"

I thought this was especially funny given the news about a 'Teen Mom' star getting arrested for assault. I've never even seen people fight on 'Maury.' They do some badass dancing when they are not the father though.

An Apple (and a Pill) a Day Keep the Doctor a Gay

Man claims faulty drug turned him into 'gay sex addict'
By QMI Agency

Didier Jambart, a 52-year-old married father who suffers from Parkinson's disease, has accused pharmaceutical giant GlaxoSmithKline of producing a "defective" drug that turned him into a gay sex addict.

"After first taking the drugs, I was bursting with energy," the U.K.'s Daily Mail newspaper quotes Jambart. "I would get up at four in the morning and run 10.5 km, but later, it went more than too far."

Jambart said he suffered from severe depression, attempted suicide as many as eight times and became a compulsive gay sex addict. He says he exposed himself on the Internet and was raped because of his dangerous sexual encounters.

While the company denies any wrongdoing, a French patient group says it has been contacted by 100 other people who have suffered similar side-effects.

The crux of Jambart's case is he began taking the medication in 2005, but GlaxoSmithKline didn't including a warning against strange side-effects on the package until 2006.

The Daily Mail previously reported that Peter Shepherd, a British IT manager, underwent a similarly dramatic personality change in 2001 when he began taking another kind of Parkinson's medication. In that case, Shepherd became a sex-crazed transvestite and spent more than $600,000 on a "luxury lifestyle."

None of the allegations have been proven in court. A ruling in Jambart's case is expected this week.

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Whoa! This just goes to show you what kind of wacky stuff can happen in a lab. Scientists trying to make a better blood pressure drug inadvertently made Viagra and now lab coats trying to help Parkinson’s patients have unwittingly made them into sex crazed homosexuals and transvestites. What’s particularly of interest in this story is how the drug changed this guy’s sexual preference. I’ve heard of drugs making people hypersexual before but they didn’t usually change teams.

If this is true this drug is going to do for creepers in the gay community what roofies did for date rapists. I didn’t really need a reason not to go to a gay bar but getting this pill slipped in my drink is icing on that cake.

P.S. - Just imagine the side effects description for this drug in a TV ad. They'd have to get the Micro Machines guy to get those tidbits glossed over.

Bring Back the Draft!

NFLPA events will not prevent players from attending draft
By Albert Breer/NFL Network

The NFL Players Association has finalized a plan to re-work its signature draft event, "The Debut," expanding it to three days, but not interfering directly with the NFL Draft itself, which begins at Radio City Music Hall on Thursday, April 28. In previous years, "The Debut" was a VIP event held the Wednesday night before the draft.

The NFLPA will host a reception and dinner for the prospects and their families at a Times Square hotel on Thursday at 4 p.m. The festivities are scheduled to wrap up by 7 p.m., giving the players time to make the short trip to Radio City Music Hall for the 8 p.m. start of the draft.

Scheduled events for Friday are still being determined, but it is expected that the players' commitments that day will end in time for the 6:30 p.m. start of the second round.

The NFLPA will wrap up the weekend with a party Saturday night for the draftees, their families, sponsors and other VIPs in New York City.

NFLPA spokesman George Attalah reiterated Monday, via Twitter, that the NFLPA is not asking players to boycott the draft and no players have voiced any objections to a potential invitation from the NFL.

Alabama wide receiver Julio Jones, considered one of this year's top prospects, told The Birmingham News he would welcome the opportunity to be a part of the festivities at Radio City Music Hall.

"I have not heard anything about that, but hopefully I will be there to shake the commissioner's hand," Jones said. "Yes, sir, I want an opportunity to go to New York and be able to experience that."

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Look I understand trying to present a united front to management but the Draft is going to happen anyway. NFL teams are still going to select players and when this lockout ends those players are going to suit up for the teams that drafted them. What I think is wrong is that a group of players that have already had their Draft Day moment is trying to sway a group of 21-22 year old kids into giving up theirs.

The inclusion of players into the NFL Draft Day festivites was nothing more than an attempt to increase TV viewership but in the process it gave these incoming players their first chance to be recognized for their accomplishments and abilities on a grander scale. Now the NFLPA wants them to give that up because of this pissing match. I commend the NFLPA for moving their events around but now they need to support players like Julio Jones who still want to shake the commissioner's hand. Viva the Draft!

Wal Mart Person of the Day

When see through goes wrong.

Bloodshot Eyes Crying In Arraignment

Willie Nelson Pot Case -- Let Him Sing for His Freedom
by TMZ Staff

Willie Nelson’s pot possession case could end on a high note -- because the singer may get off with little more than a small fine ... if he agrees to SING IN COURT.

Nelson was charged with misdemeanor marijuana possession back in November ... after U.S. Border Patrol in Texas found weed on his tour bus -- but the prosecutor in the case is willing to let Willie off with a $100 fine ... if he sings "Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain” INSIDE the courtroom.

According to the prosecutor, the song would count as his community service -- but Willie's punishment ultimately rests in the judge's hands.

No word if Nelson will accept the offer ... but it's a good deal -- because if he gets convicted he faces a maximum of 180 days in jail and a $2,000 fine.



If anyone deserves leniency it’s definitely Willie Nelson but I’m a little surprised that he’s getting off this light. I know the guy must have some money lying around from touring and from those terrible ‘Dukes of Hazard’ movies. How about making Uncle Jessie pony up a little of that hip salad and put it to use in this cash strapped state? And instead of singing in court I think we’re all owed a free concert for this one. I think everyone in Texas has paid to see Willie enough that we’re owed a freebie by now.

Also, if Snoop would have known performing in court was an option he would have beat that murder wrap a lot sooner.

What's Trendy?

Today’s top trending topic is Mila Kunis. The interweb is a abuzz today with news that Kunis will star ‘Oz,’ which is apparently some sort of Wizard of Oz prequel and not a film adaptation of the HBO show. I preferably would have liked to see Chris Meloni and Rick Fox dodging a jailhouse shiv. But congrats to Mila anyway. This film, which is also going to star James Franco, should continue to propel her career as will her budding romance of Justin Timberlake.

Bust Your Bubble

I guess if you had chaos in your Final Four then you won you’re bracket pool. All I know is that I was in second place in my pool with only seconds remaining in the Florida game and the Gators needing only a two pointer. Then some kid jacks a three, Florida ends up losing and I’m out of the running. Then the Kansas loss throws everything into chaos. I’m pretty sure the eventual winner of the pool pretty much came out of nowhere.

I guess this Final Four grouping shouldn’t surprise us. As little attention as I pay to college basketball during the year the one thing I kept hearing was how there wasn’t really an elite team. Ohio State and Kansas had their moments, as both teams did throughout the tourney but they aren’t immune to an upset. And now VCU gets to rub it in Jay Bilas’ face. The truth is VCU didn’t deserve to get in; the Rams have just made the best of an underserved opportunity. And there’s nothing wrong with that or this.

YouTube Recommended Video of the Day

I had to do this just for my boy K$.

Hungry, Hungry Hip Hos

Look, I wasn’t sure if I approved of the name of this establishment, especially in a bible belt town like Waco but when you hear the logic put forward by proprietor Lakita Evans there’s no way you can object. Look what’s going on in Japan. Should I sit around worried that I can’t eat sushi ever again or should I just grab me a fat ho and have a good time? I think it’s a no brainer. Also, if I got fried onion strings on top of my fat ho could it be a nappy headed ho?

P.S. – Props to my boy James Eppler for making the joke no other anchor would touch on “Good Day Lubbock.”

Jamie Eppler: "I would really enjoy a Sloppy Ho right now." So said I on the air this morning in reference to a story on a restaurant called "Fat Ho Burgers" in Waco. The Sloppy Ho is a menu item. And that's what you missed on... "Good Day Lubbock."

Tweet of the Day

Michael Ian Black: Just got my teeth cleaned at the dentist. Asked them to see what they could do about my ball sack. Did not get a laugh.

Oh my god that's funny. Damn uptight doctors. Kind of reminds me of my post last year about a veterinarian without a sense of humor.

Queer Eye of the Tiger

Well Sylvester Stallone, the star of such fine films as 'Judge Dredd' and 'Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot' (RIP Estelle Getty) is now going to throw his hat (most likely a douchey fedora) into the garment industry.

Reportedly Stallone's clothing line Sly Inc. (didn't see that coming) will be made for men 25-40 and be sold at stores like Macy's, which makes me happy for the first time in my life that neither Odessa nor Lubbock have a Macy's. I can only guess Stallone is going to crank out a bunch of shirts with silly, gold enriched designs like Affliction or Ed Hardy.

There may be one good thing about Stallone's clothing line. If I ever manage to squeeze into a pair of his leather pants maybe I can yell, "Yo Adrian! I did it!"

Bye Bye Beck

So word on the street (aka the New York Times) is rumoring (can that be a verb?) that Glenn Beck may be running his crazy train off the rails at FOX News and looking to pull into the station at a new cable network.

I thought as the farthest right leaning lunatic on the #1 news network in the world this guy's job would be as secure as Tom Brady's but according to these reports FOX News is flirting with the idea of giving him the boot based on "declining viewership."

Who knows what Glenn Beck has in mind for an encore to his Calcavade of Crazy that has been his FOX News tenure but let's hope there's more puppets.

The Daily Show - Moment of Zen - Glenn Beck's Puppet Show
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

P.S. - Glenn, will you please show me on the doll where progressive government touched you? Should I turn it over?

Wal Mart Person of the Day

I always wondered what happened to the member of the Commodores who got kicked out.

OJ No Longer Part of Balanced Breakfast

OJ HEART ATTACK FEARS
National Enquirer

Creepy double murder acquitee OJ SIMPSON is a walking heart attack!

The disgraced football legend has packed on 50 pounds, sources say, and his family now fears that he'll die of cardiac arrest behind bars.

At 6-foot-1, the 63-year-old con weighed 225 pounds when he entered prison, but now he's ballooned to a blubbery 275 pounds by pigging out on junk food and going without exercise, a family insider told The ENQUIRER.

"O.J. is turning into a butterball," the source said. "If he doesn't go on a diet, he's going to die of a massive heart attack in jail. His kids are worried about him."

Even Simpson worries that his weight will trigger a heart attack, said another source.

"O.J. is so depressed over his weight that he can't even take care of himself," the source revealed. "He says, 'I'm a heart attack waiting to happen. When I leave here, they'll probably be taking me out in a pine box.'"

Simpson has been locked up in Lovelock Correctional Center near Reno, Nev., since December 2008, when he was sentenced to up to 33 years on charges of kidnapping, armed robbery and assault with a deadly weapon.

His request for a new trial was denied in October, and he's been deeply depressed since then, said the source. Simpson is also still suffering psychological effects from being beaten unconscious by a young skinhead in a brutal prison yard attack, the source added.

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Poor O.J. Talk about the pendulum swinging all the way in the opposite direction. One day you’re a Hall of Fame running back, actor and rent-a-car peddler who gets away with murder and the next day you’re in jail for 33 years for trying to steal your own memorabilia and you’re getting beat up by skinhead punks. Even Norm McDonald is starting to feel bad for this guy.

Skip to the 4:30 mark for Norm's thoughts on jailhouse O.J. Truly funny stuff and obviously ad libbed.

What's Trendy?

Okay the trending topic today is Sarah Jessica Parker. I don’t understand how one of the ugliest people in the world could be the hottest topic on the interweb but it’s come to my attention that women are punishing us by making SJP famous. You know, the same way black people are punishing us by making Tyler Perry famous.

Anywho, Sarah is a bit upset today because the new ‘Sex and the City’ movie (which I think makes a baker’s dozen now) is basically a flashback movie where these old hags remember their past. It’s like a prequel meets a bad ‘Growing Pains’ episode. And SJP is mad because the director wants to cast young chicks to play the cast in the flashback scenes. I guess the last decade of undeserved screen time for this horse faced goon hasn't been enough for her. Don’t fret Sarah. If things go like they usually do you’ll get your way and all my married buddies will get dragged to this craptacular film.



P.S. – Tell Ferris I said hi.

Hey Romney, Get A Look At These Magic Underwear!

Tim Tebow To Model Jockey Underwear
Huffpost Sports

Tim Tebow isn't having trouble keeping busy during the NFL lockout.

According to ESPN's Adam Schefter, the Denver Broncos quarterback will model Jockey underwear in his commercial debut next week.

Tebow will reportedly be featured in a "blitz of magazine ads and television appearances."

"People may say it's underwear, but everyone wears underwear -- it's not like I'm doing something risque," Tebow said this week from his home in Denver. "I wouldn't do anything that goes against what I stand for. The whole campaign is very classy."

In July of last year, Tebow signed a multi-year deal to be a spokesman for Jockey.

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I was wondering when Tim Tebow was going to start making some TV ads for Jockey. Sure, he only started a couple games last year but you'd think that Jockey would want to make some money off their investment. I commend Tebow for strutting his junk around to make some money. Hell, with the economy tanked and a lockout going on even ultra-Christian quarterbacks have got to make ends meet somehow. I think they should go with a slogan like – “Jockey: So tight they keep Tim's junk pure.” Or “Jockey: No holes but always holy.” I'm just spitballing here but I'm not freeballing.

P.S. - Didn't Jockey miss the boat here? You'd think with his busy pants dropping schedule Jockey would have tried to get Dez Bryant. Then you get product placement at the mall too.

More Like Barefoot Depressor

Celeb Chef -- Too Busy for 'Make-A-Wish' Kid
by TMZ Staff

The Make-a-Wish Foundation had to break some bad news to a 6-year-old cancer patient this week ... when Food Network star Ina Garten informed them she was too busy to cook a meal with the boy ... TMZ has learned.

A family member involved with the Make-A-Wish foundation tells us ... a little boy named Enzo was approached by the organization after he was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia three years ago.

Enzo told Make-A-Wish ... he really wanted to cook with the "Barefoot Contessa" host because he would often watch the show with his mother while resting in bed.

M.A.W. approached Garten with the wish last year ... but at the time, she was unable to meet with Enzo due to a book tour. The organization urged Enzo to pick another wish, but he told them he wanted to wait until she becomes available.

We're told the organization went back to Ina this year ... but her team responded with a "definite no" ... once again, citing scheduling conflicts.

A member of Enzo's family says the 6-year-old is heartbroken ... and asked parents, "Why doesn't she want to meet me?"

When we called Make-A-Wish for comment on this story, they told us, "From time to time, planning for wishes doesn't turn out as originally envisioned, despite people’s best intentions and efforts throughout the wish-granting process."

We're told Enzo has now made a new wish -- he wants to swim with dolphins ... and he's already taking lessons to make his dream come true.

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I certainly understand a person having a hectic schedule and not wanting demands made of their time. When I strike it rich I plan to give nothing back to society whatsoever...unless Make A Wish calls. Seriously, how are you not going to set aside one afternoon to cheer up a dying kid? I hope you fall on a carving knife you cruel, evil woman. At least he gets to swim with dolphins. Trust me kid, marine animals are awesome.

YouTube Recommended Video of the Day

YouTube must have liked all my Deion Sanders searches because it recommended a remix of this song with Deion Sanders making an appearance. But I really hated that version of the song. So here is MC Hammer’s lone hit song during his time with Death Row Records. I’m not sure what really sunk Death Row – 2pac dying, Dre leaving or this video.

Can You Smell What the Book Is Cooking?

'Muffin top' added to Oxford English Dictionary
By Rob Manker, Tribune reporter

"Muffin top," you've finally made it — into the dictionary, that is.

The Oxford English Dictionary has added the term to its latest edition, listing it among changes announced Thursday. The first definition refers to the top portion of an actual muffin, a usage popularized on an episode of "Seinfeld." The second, more pejorative entry, however, refers to "a protuberance of flesh above the waistband of a tight pair of trousers."

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You've got to love Oxford English Dictionary for getting with the times and adding some hip new terms. I'm sure they were afraid of losing all their clientele to the Urban Dictionary. But they’ve still got a while to go. Muffin top is a nice start but I won’t trust any dictionary until it’s got Cincinnati Bowtie in it. Also, I think the writer added the best word to this dialogue- protuberance. I’m going to start wearing that word out like some ’85 Wranglers.

Tweet of the Day

Ashton Kutcher: One of my financial advisors just referred to a fund I'm invested in as looking opaque.

This jackwagon does understand we’re in the midst of the biggest financial meltdown since the 1930’s right? I’m pretty sure people in Detroit are burning personal belongings for warmth. I have a Master’s degree and I’m thinking about applying for a paper route. But please Michael Kelso, tell us how bad you’re doing. Douche.

Worst Mentor Ever

Deion Sanders: Dez Bryant needs help
By Tim MacMahon/ESPNDallas.com

Deion Sanders, who stopped mentoring Dez Bryant months ago, strongly criticized the Dallas Cowboys receiver in reaction to the criminal trespass warning given to Bryant over the weekend at a Dallas mall.

"I'm upset but not surprised whatsoever," Sanders said on The Ben & Skin Show on ESPN 103.3 FM in Dallas.

Sanders described Bryant's behavior at NorthPark Center on Saturday as "ignorant."

The 2010 first-round pick was issued the warning after an off-duty police officer requested that Bryant and his friends pull up their pants because their underwear was showing and Bryant responded with repeated profanity, according to the police report.

Bryant, who was stung by Sanders' comments, is adamant that the only thing he did wrong at the mall is use profanity toward a police officer, whom Bryant claims shoved him into the back as he was escorting him outside.

"I feel like the cop was in the wrong here more than anything," Bryant told ESPNDallas.com on Friday. "Don't just make it seem like I went off and had a hot head for no reason. That's the only thing I did wrong -- I used profanity."

Still Sanders said Bryant has issues stemming from his difficult childhood.

"He needs help. He needs help," Sanders said. "I told the Cowboys from Day One that he needs help. Matter of fact, they have a team in place to help him. But you cannot tell a grown man what to do."

Sanders, who was recently selected into the Pro Football Hall of Fame and serves as a mentor to many NFL players, said he ended his relationship with Bryant over the summer due to the receiver's dishonesty.

"I wish Deion would come to me as a man and talk to me," Bryant told ESPNDallas.com. "I've been reaching out to Deion. I've never done anything wrong to Deion or disrespected him. I've never lied to Deion."

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You know, I think I'm going to step 100% behind Dez Bryant for the first time. I just better be careful or I'll step on his pants. Seriously though, the guy has been a Cowboy for almost a year and the worst thing he's done is cuss at a cop. Hell, if you give me $3 million salary the first thing I'm doing is cussing out a cop - just to make up for the all the times I wanted to and couldn't. So let your freak flag fly Dez. And the next time Deion tries to call you immature just show his this gem.

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Elvis is always smooth - just like Keith Stone.

Duke Loses and Now This?

Bigfoot sighting 'caught on video'
FOX News

A North Carolina man claims to have video of the legendary Bigfoot.

Thomas Byers was driving with a friend when he said he saw Bigfoot cross Golden Valley Church Road in Rutherford County on Wednesday.

Naturally, he whipped out his video camera and was able to capture a five-second video from about 4.5 to 6m away.

"It ran across the road and into the woods right in front of us and I was able to film it," Mr Byers wrote in an email to WCNC-TV.

And Bigfoot, he said, was in desperate need of a shower.

"One thing I know is the smell of it was horrid. It smelled like a cross between road kill and a skunk. And it did not like the fact that I was there on the road with it. In the video you can hear it snarl or growl at me as it crosses the road," he said.



Great, the world is practically falling apart with all these wars and natural disasters and now I've got to contend with Bigfoot too. And this Bigfoot isn't even nice. It snarled and growled at the guy. Next thing you know Nessy is going to rear her ugly head because she's finally tired of hearing all that bagpipe music. I do find it kind of off that Bigfoot lives in North Carolina though. As hairy as he is I bet the summers there are a bitch. Talk about swamp ass.

There is a bit of good news about this Bigfoot sighting though. Maybe John Lithgow will start talking a much needed 'Harry and the Hendersons' sequel.

The Back Yard Blog Returns. Never Say Die!

In the words of LL Cool J – Don’t Call It a Comeback! The BYB is back from hiatus y’all. I don’t know for how long but it’s going down! Get ready for some jokes and jokes and jokes and goofs!

Sweet 16 Starts Tonite. Who Ya Got?

Here's my bracket. As you can see it was a rough first two days but I finished up okay in the Round of 32 and unlike last year all my Final Four teams (and especially my national champ) are still in after the first two rounds.

Obviously I'm in a bit of a bind in the Southeast today as I have Utah State taking out Old Dominion and both those teams are no longer eligible. I’ve asked the NCAA about a mulligan rule but they insist that Butler and Wisconsin take the court. Bastards.

Other than that I’ll be pulling for teams that I hate in Florida and Duke. That’s what is great about the NCAA Tourney – it makes strange bedfellows. And as usual my bracket sucks and my feet bleed.

What do you think of my bracket? Post a comment and tell me how I deserve Jay Bilas' job or tell how big a dumbass I am. Either way.

What's Trendy?

This may be my favorite new addition to the Back Yard Blog and it takes the place of the FML Moment of the Day. It's called What's Trendy. Basically, I see what the number one trending topic on Yahoo is and then I make a few observations/smart ass remarks about it.

Today's topic couldn't be better. The #1 topic when I started typing (12:47 a.m.) was Rebecca Black. My initial reaction was, “who the hell is Rebecca Black?” To say my pop culture knowledge has slipped since my last post is to say the least. My boy Kelsey won’t shut up about Bruno Mars and I have no concept of what or who that is.



But back to Rebecca Black. From what I have found out she is some type of pop singer. I watched her video ‘Friday’ and I wasn’t entirely sure if it was real or a goof. It kind of looks like a really crafty computer kid just made a YouTube video and passed it off as legit. The song also makes me feel bad for any bad things I ever said about Mandy Moore’s music. But kudos to you anyway Rebecca Black. You’re What’s Trendy today.

LT Must Stand for Loves Teenagers

So Lawrence Taylor is now a convicted pedophile after pleading guilty to having sex with a 16-year-old prostitute, a charge he’s far from denying. In fact, he seems pretty okay with it.

LT spoke with FOX News’ Shepherd Smith after the verdict to give his side (because a black man always gets the benefit of the doubt from FOX) and sounded entirely unapologetic for his actions. But what else is new?



My favorite quote has to be, "It's the world of prostitution. You never know what you're gonna get. Is it gonna be a pretty girl, an ugly girl or whatever it's gonna be.”

Then Shepherd burned him pretty bad with the reply, “a young girl?" To which LT replied, “I don't card them. I don't ask for a birth certificate."

Word to the wise LT. It’s called buyer beware and it works with hookers too. If you buy a 56’ plasma screen off the back of a truck for $150 the cops may want to haul you in and if your hooker walks in looking like Hannah Montana the D.A. may want to speak with you.

YouTube Video of the Day

I think the internet must be 99% porn and 0.5% videos of people hurting themselves. Just imagine if the internet would have been around in the 80’s. Bob Saget wouldn’t have any of his “America’s Funniest Home Videos” money and we’d only have to see him half as often as we do now.

You're Never Too Old for Love

Refused a kiss, 92-year-old shoots house
By Reuters

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla - Helen Staudinger, 92, wanted a kiss, and authorities say she wouldn’t take no for an answer.

The central Florida woman fired a semi-automatic pistol four times at her 53-year-old neighbor’s house after he refused to kiss her, police said Tuesday.

“If my head would have been over just a little bit further, (a bullet) probably would have hit me in the back of the head,” the neighbor, Dwight Bettner, told Reuters.

Staudinger was in jail Tuesday, a day after being arrested on charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and shooting into a dwelling.

According to a police report, Staudinger told deputies she went to Bettner’s house in Fort McCoy, Florida, and refused to leave until he gave her a kiss.

When he said no, they argued and she left angry, the report said.

Bettner said he was on the phone with his father moments later when he heard gunshots. One bullet went through a window, spraying him with glass.

The former law enforcement officer said his elderly neighbor had seemed attracted to him since he moved in six months ago.

“I’ve taken her trash out for her, just neighborly stuff,” Bettner said. “I guess she just took that as something else.”

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A friend of mine posted this story on Facebook and it reminded me of a story from my past.

When I was in high school I had these trashy neighbors who had a senile, latch key grandma who wandered the block. She'd ring my doorbell and ask for cigarettes, which was pretty bad since she had an oxygen tank. When I told her I didn't have any smokes she'd ask for a kiss. I'd end up just having to shut the door in her face because she wouldn’t walk away.

I legitimately feared bodily harm. She wasn't that spry but she was too crazy to underestimate. I guess I should just be happy she didn't shoot my house up.

Status Update/Tweet of the Day

Frankie Muniz: Are you serious!!!?? Clippers game is going into double overtime thanks to my idol Eric Gordon nailing a three to tie it at the buzzer.

Okay, calling Frankie Muniz famous at this point might be a bit of a stretch but I thought Malcolm deserved some flak for this one. First of all, I hate it when celebs root for the Clips just to be different. Hey Boy Wonder, Billy Crystal tried that move 30 years ago and while Jack was smacking Laker girl ass your boy Billy was watching Michael Olowokandi play. So finish up your sad game and tell the other 19 Clips fans to clean up the mess before they leave. The real team has to play there later this week.

P.S. - Tell your fake dad that he’s the bomb on ‘Breaking Bad.’

Would You Like To Go To A Party In My Pants?

Dez Bryant Creates A Pants Controversy In Dallas

The weekdays following the start of the NCAA tournament are a lonely time for sports fans. What are we supposed to do until Thursday? Well that’s why God created Dez Bryant. The Cowboy receiver, who first gained NFL attention in another wardrobe related story when he refused to carry Roy Williams’ pads, again made headlines by being tossed from the NorthPark Center by Dallas police for wearing saggy pants.

Accounts vary on whether Bryant himself or only members of his posse were “sagging” (as it was called by my junior principal) but the incident was enough to earn Bryant a criminal trespass warning. I’d explain it but the DPD do a much better job:

Also on Saturday, at about 8:00 p.m., Desmond Bryant was issued a criminal trespass warning by representatives of NorthPark Center when he began using profanity after he and his companions were requested to pull their pants up by Dallas Police officers working off-duty at the scene so as to not expose their underwear and buttocks to other patrons of the center. This action is not a violation of law and officers would have taken no official police action. Mr. Bryant's response to the request was profanity laced [as in, per the police report, "What the fuck, you stopped me like I stole something!"], and center representatives felt the outburst merited a request for Mr. Bryant to leave the premises. The Dallas officers working off-duty at the scene escorted Mr. Bryant to his vehicle during which he continued to use profanity. Mr. Bryant refused to leave the center until an individual he called his "representative" could respond to the location. Mr. Bryant entered his vehicle but parked in a fire lane still refusing to leave, necessitating a request for on-duty officers to respond to the location. After on-duty Dallas officers responded a friend of Mr. Bryant arrived at the location and convinced Mr. Bryant to leave with him. No further action was required. A Miscellaneous Incident Report was completed and has been provided.

Bryant said the incident was no biggie and it wouldn’t stand in his way of heading back to the mall to get “these Lebrons.” Because when you’re looking to improve your public image you should always highlight the fact you’re a Lebron fan.

Is this really anything for the Cowboys to worry about? Probably not. They had a troubled wide receiver once before and it worked out well. Plus, when compared to snorting coke and trying to cut a teammate’s neck with scissors, wearing saggy britches and cussing at the popo doesn’t look so bad.

But if the Cowboys are concerned about Dez I say they bring in an expert with military experience to talk to him. Yeah, I’m talking about this guy.

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Okay, if you expected me to go away from this time honored BYB tradition you were dead wrong. People keep getting trashier and more shameless. Turning our heads now would do society a disservice. But I do really want to turn my head away from that rump situation.

Can't Stop Crazy

Westboro Baptist Cranking Up the Crazy Bus

According to a TMZ.com report Westboro Baptist has picked Liz Taylor's funeral as their first high profile protest spot since an 8-1 Supreme Court decision earlier this month that upheld the church's right to protest at U.S. soldiers’ funerals.

Westboro preacher Fred Phelps’ daughter Margie Phelps (can’t imagine why a nice guy hasn’t snatched her up yet) announced on Twitter today that they would be picketing Taylor’s funeral.

While Taylor wasn’t gay, (as her numerous marriages would certainly indicate) apparently her friendship with Michael Jackson and work with AIDS charities was enough to earn her a nod as some sort of "gay enabler." I just think Westboro was itching so bad to get back on the road they would have picketed anyone. I mean, have you ever spent three weeks in Kansas?

Well, here’s hoping their caravan all blows a tire and drives into the Grand Canyon.

Can't Stop Crazy Part 2

When you're trying to convince people you're past your dark and violent past it’s never a good idea to do something violent. Chris Brown telling us he has changed is like Charlie Sheen telling me he’s not on drugs. Yeah, you may have gone to anger management and Charlie can show me a clean drug test but actions speak louder than words.

Plus, did he really expect GMA not to ask about the Rihanna thing? Honestly, if it weren’t for that incident 90% of the GMA audience wouldn’t know who he is. With that hair they’d probably think Sisqo was making a comeback.