The Secret Is In the Sauce

Mass. mortuary hopes chili cook-off brings 'life'
Associated Press

PITTSFIELD, Mass. — A Western Massachusetts funeral home is trying "bring life" to business with a chili cookoff, a murder-mystery show and free limo rides to couples on their 50th anniversaries.

Terry Probst, the new managing partner of the Devanny-Condron Funeral Home in Pittsfield, hopes the events will remind people that the funeral home is a center for community life.

He said if customers know that the funeral home also can be the setting for other, happier activities, they might take some comfort in the place later when dark times come.

Among other other events sponsored by the funeral home are an art walk, a visit by the Easter Bunny, and monthly birthday cakes to the Pittsfield Senior Center.

This is a bad idea for so many reasons. First of all, I know two things I never like to see mixed are the recently dead and a cook-off. I've seen 'Fried Green Tomatos' too many times to know how easy it is to dispose of a body in food. The secret is in the sauce.

And if you can get past the idea of eating one of your recently deceased neighbors, then you have to begin to question the intentions of the mortuary attendent. If he's looking to stimulate business then he's certainly got to be hoping for a spike in supply. I'd be afraid that I'd take one bite and fall over poisoned. And that's just the cook-off. What happens when during the muder mystery people really start dying? If you ask me anyone who goes to this thing either has a death wish or effing loves chili.