Mayoral Sex Scandal: Candidate Won't Stop Licking Himself

Cat runs for mayor of Mexican city
By Luc Cohen/Reuters

MEXICO CITY – Fed up with politicians they call “rats,” a group of friends in the eastern Mexican city of Xalapa have put forward their ideal candidate for mayor: a cat named Morris.   Xalapa resident Sergio Chamorro, who adopted the cat in August, said the plan began as a joke between friends borne out of their frustration with the Veracruz state government over freedom of speech.   “Fed up of voting for rats? Vote for a cat,” reads one campaign poster featuring the black and white cat, using the Spanish “ratas” for rats and “gato” for Morris.

Chamorro created a Facebook page advertising Morris’ candidacy in May. The page went viral in early June and now has more than 125,000 likes.   As the news spread, disillusioned citizens across Mexico nominated a donkey and even a chicken for political offices in the July 7 election.   There are seven official candidates for Xalapa mayor, including representatives of Mexico’s three major parties. Despite his large following, Morris is not an officially registered candidate and Chamorro is asking voters to write in “Morris” or draw a picture of a cat on their ballot.



Mayor Morris: Put me down or I'll have you arrested

This is a prime example of why drug lords rule Mexico. Cats running for mayor. Sure, it may seem harmless but when that thing wins, and it probably will, that sends a message. Lajitas had goat mayor for many years. He would sit in the town square and down beers that the tourists gave him. Which, compared to the mayor of Toronto, seems like responsible and distinguished behavior.

Of course the mayor or previous mayor (he may be dead by now) wasn’t always loved by his constituents. He survived a castration from a disgruntled citizen who saw him drinking beer on Sunday, when Texas’ blue laws prevented him from buying liquor. Seems a bit harsh really. He could have just stolen the goat’s beer. I don’t go sprinting toward Rick Perry’s nads with a knife when I get denied beer before noon on Sunday.

But back to the gato. I like how you can draw a picture of a cat on a write-in ballot. What do Mexico’s ballots look like anyway? We use electronic machines in America. Over there you get a Big Chief tablet and some crayons like you’re an eight-year-old walking into Red Lobster.

Also, how odd is it that people who are upset about freedom of speech are attempting to elect someone that can’t speak? Didn’t think about that, did ya meow?