Why I suck at golf

Golfer cards three aces in 18 days
Associated Press

GREENVILLE, Ala. — Golf's not supposed to be as easy as one-two-three. But for one unbelievable 18-day stretch earlier this month, it was for Greenville's Ricky Langston.

Langston had, count 'em, three holes-in-one in the month of June at Greenville Country Club. And these were not obscure events. Because he plays regularly with a large group of golfers, at least nine people witnessed each shot. Three people witnessed all three.

For Langston, the aces have meant some rather large bar tabs. And some sleepless nights.

"Some nights I'll just lay in bed and I can't go to sleep," Langston said. "I'll be thinking about the odds of this kind of thing happening.

"I read Golf Digest and Golf magazine all the time, and I've never read anything like this."

It all started on June 3, when Langston holed an 8-iron on the 142-yard No. 8. Because he had made a hole-in-one two years ago -- his first, by the way -- this ace was not particularly earth-shattering for Langston.

But when it happened again eight days later, on June 11, Langston was pumped. This time it was a 6-iron shot that found the hole on the 165-yard No. 4.

Langston didn't actually see this shot go in the cup but friends let him know quickly that it did.

"They were giving me the hand gestures, like they were drinking a beer," Langston said. "I knew exactly what they were talking about, but I couldn't believe it."

It was true. In the cup was Langston's signature golf ball with a big orange stripe (he's a huge Tennessee Vols fan).

The bar bill for this ace went pretty high. And why not? Very few people make a pair of aces in eight days.

"No one took it easy on me (at the bar)," Langston said, laughing. "The guys I play with, they won't settle for a beer. They want Crown Royal."

Then, on June 20, it happened again. Langston holed an 8-iron on the 155-yard No. 6. Three weeks, three aces, three different holes. And the final one had a bonus: Langston's wife, Angie, was riding in the cart with him.

"Amazing. Amazing," marveled Scott Burkett, who along with Davis Watts and Matt Langford witnessed all three aces.

"I don't know if it's some kind of record, but it's close."

Research of such "records" can be sketchy at best. Ed Howell of Millbrook had two aces in one week last year. A California woman made 13 legitimate aces in a four-month span in 2007.

You know what? This sucks. I'll never even sniff a hole-in-one in my pathetic life. I'm not even sure if I'll ever get an eagle. I hardly ever play because I'd rather be watching TV and drinking but when I do play I usually only have a handful of shots which are not even close to a hole-in-one. Plus I have to watch a guy like Ben Roethlisberger who, by his own admission, is a golf novie go out and shoot in the 80s at a U.S. Open course. I can't break 90 at Ratliff. FML.