Go for the Gold (Vibrator)

Free vibrators for Olympic medal-winners
By MATT KIELTYKA/QMI Agency

VANCOUVER, B.C. -- If the Olympic rings don't tickle your fancy, a local store hopes theirs will.

Commercial Drive's Womyns'Ware has erected a naughty guerrilla marketing campaign designed to bait athletes and visitors to their east Vancouver location.

Olympic ticket holders get a 10 per cent discount in the store, accredited media receive a $5 coupon and a free sex-toy guide, medal-winning athletes will score a free vibrator and registered lugers will take home a free "Slip Kit" to boost performance. Did we mention five-packs of penis rings - which can be used to create your own Olympic logo - are on sale?

It's all in good and legal fun according to co-owner Janna Sylvest.

"Why not Womyns'Ware and Olympic Sports," Sylvest told 24 hours via email. "Both sex and sporting activities are excellent cardiovascular endeavours and statistically I've read that sex is more often engaged in during the Winter months, just like the luge."

And don't underestimate the impact a big event like this can have on the local sex-toy economy.

"We learned this lesson the hard way when we neglected to schedule extra staff during the federal Liberal convention," Sylvest said.

In my Sports Marketing class with Dr. Bae we learned about ambush marketing in Olympic cities where companies who have not paid for sponsorships try to get their products associated with the games. But Dr. Bae neglected to mention where the Sex Toy industry falls into this phenomenon.

Though I may not much about the Olympic games, I do know a bargain when I see one. A free vibrator and five penis rings at a discount rate. That's a deal you can't shake a stick at. No pun intended. Gold medals are probably a bit more valuable right now for the sheer fact that you can melt it down and send it to the Gold Exchange but a free vibrator is nothing to sneeze at. Too bad they didn't have these for the 96 Gymnastics team, which were all my first crushes.