Eat Me!

Alex Jones Says He’s Considering Eating Neighbors If COVID-19 Lockdown Continues

By David Moye/Huffpost

Think you’re going stir crazy from the coronavirus lockdown? Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones can probably top whatever disturbing thoughts you might be having. 

He said on his far-right radio talk show Friday that he’s willing to go full cannibal.

If COVID-19 shutdowns continue, he said, he has “extrapolated this out” and may have to resort to drastic and disgusting methods of survival.

“I’ll admit it. I will eat my neighbors,” Jones said, predicting a dystopian future plagued by food shortages. 

“I won’t have to for a few years ’cause I got food and stuff ― but I’m literally looking at my neighbors now and going, ’I’m ready to hang ’em up and gut ’em and skin ’em. My daughters aren’t starving to death. I will eat my neighbors. ... I will.”

Although Jones’ admission could make neighborhood watch meetings awkward, he said he plans on gobbling “globalists” who imposed the lockdowns first. 

“You think I like sizing up my neighbor?!” Jones bellowed. “I’m gonna haul him up by a chain and chop his ass up! I’ll do it! My children aren’t going hungry! I’ll eat your ass! And that’s what I want the globalists to know — I will eat your ass first!”

It’s unlikely Jones will ever go hungry, thanks to a fortune amassed in part through scams like selling fake coronavirus cures. He was ordered to pay Sandy Hook elementary school parents $100,000 for legal fees last year in a lawsuit they filed over his lies that the 2012 school massacre was a hoax.

Look, I'm never going to be one to advocate for a scumbag like Alex Jones but he's kinda being practical here. If all the farmers plow their crops and slaughter all the animals we may have to go Walking Dead style. 

Maybe Alex is just looking ahead. I say we give this great patriot a road map to survival. Alex, when all the meat runs out you can feel free to drive to West Texas and eat my a$$.