And They're Off!

Kentucky Derby Fans Can Watch Turtles Race Instead Of Horses This Weekend

Dan Gelston/AP

Losing the Kentucky Derby has left race fans shell-shocked.

The first Saturday in May has yielded to the legs of a bunch of slowpokes: Seattle Slow headlines a field of turtles — yes, turtles — that will race in the Kentucky Turtle Derby.

Call it, the slowest eight minutes in sports.

The race is more methodical marathon that mad dash to the finish — though the victor can win at the line by a turtleneck rather than a nose — and is just one more offbeat sport that has had a moment during the coronvirus pandemic.

The Derby, America’s longest continuously held sports event, had been scheduled for May 2. It will now be run Sept. 5, kicking off Labor Day weekend. It’s the first time the Derby won’t be held on its traditional first Saturday in May since 1945, when it was run June 9. The federal government suspended horse racing nationwide for most of the first half of the year before World War II ended in early May, but not in time to hold the first leg of the Triple Crown that month.

Looking for a slower substitute, the first Kentucky Turtle Derby was hatched.

The Courier-Journal headline from 1945 read: “167 Turtles Arrive for Races Saturday” and about 6,500 fans filled the Jefferson County Armory for the 8 p.m. post time. The event went down like this: 20 turtles were herded into seven qualifying races and the winners went on to compete in a 20-foot finale.

I admire the ingenuity Americans are showing trying to get sports back on the TV. Nebraska put on a virtual spring game that was exceptional. Watching a video game football game doesn't sound like a lot of fun but in a pinch it'll do. When I moved into my first apartment in Lubbock I didn't have cable. I turned on NCAA Football 2002 on the Playstation and started watched computer automated games. Saw some barnburners.

But I'm also a somewhat turtle owner. Our turtles are well loved and well fed but they don't exactly take direction. I can't imagine these races are going well. But I'm desperate for sports so if they keep these things going I'll wager on them. Can you blame me?