TB 2 TB: No Table in Buffalo is Safe

Why did Tom Brady walk away from Patriots, Bill Belichick after 20 years?

Do we want to do "blame" or do we want to do "reasons"?

We can do both but - out of respect for the end of the greatest run by any franchise in NFL history - I'd rather lay off the blame for why Tom Brady is no longer a Patriot.

Let's stick to reasons.

One thing, though? Tom Brady didn't "decide" to leave the Patriots. That's for sure.

He decided to leave the same way a person "decides" to get out of the car when it pulls into the driveway, is put into park and the engine is turned off. Ride's over. Time to get out.

The Patriots made very clear to Brady over the past few years that they weren't in it with him for the long haul anymore.

They made it clear before the 2018 season when - instead of the extension he'd been trying to extract - he was given some incentives to hit in order to sweeten his salary.

At the time, a source texted me, "Remember, this is a club that would not pull the thorn out of the lion's paw if presented with the situation."

We all owe the NFL a debt of gratitude of keeping the hot stove burning this week. It's been a welcome distraction. No news hit my ear better than the bain of the Buffalo Bills' existence, the Nelson to their Bart, Mr. Thomas Brady hitting the road for Tampa Bay. Bill Belichick finally alienated the one player he had held on to all these years. And Buffalo's sins went with him when Bill put him in the hole. Now Buffalo has a Top 10 receiver in Stefon Diggs, a Top 5 defense and the stalwart Brady out of the division. If there's a Super Bowl next year I like the Bills' chances.

Bingeworthy Show of the Week

Project Blue Book

I for one welcome our alien overlords. I've never been a huge sci-fi guy or an alien guy but this show has enough of a history background (Cold War politics, CIA, spies, etc.) to draw my attention. Obviously its scripted but each episode concludes with the university researcher's notes from that case. Aiden Gillen from Game of Thrones (Littlefinger) kills it as Dr. Hynek, the Ohio State professor hired by the Air Force to investigate UFO cases and Ksenia Solo, ooh la la. I've got a new crush. Give it a shot. You won't be disappointed.

Fmr. Manager of DOD Aerospace Threat Program: “UFOs are Real”

I Javelina to Run

That Viral Javelina Footage Just Got Better Thanks To Some Well-Placed Music

Don’t stop him now, he’s having such a good time!

A wild javelina captured the hearts, minds and memes of social media this week after being caught on camera running through Tucson, Arizona.

Despite its somewhat boar-like appearance, the javelina is a peccary and not a pig. Javelinas roam from the American Southwest down into Argentina. And, according to the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum, they’re known for having scent glands near the rump that they rub on rocks, trees and each other to mark territory.

Javelinas live in groups of about 10 and communicate with both grunts and scents. While they are herbivores, javelinas will also eat lizards, birds and rodents if the opportunity arises.

And one has run right into the Twitter feeds of millions as the latest meme, in many cases with people adding some matching music:

Man, that thing is a beast. Like Marshawn Lynch busting through the line. One time me and my brother chased a javelina through a park with two OPD officers and two cowboys. The cowboys had two extension cords they had fashoined into a lasso. What was our plan for if we caught it? i mean, I guess the cops technically had to be doing it but I guess we were just helping out of some idiotic sense of civic service. Men really are stupid, aren't we?

Podcast of the Week

Disgraceland

Your favorite musicians are all scumbags. I know because I heard it on Disgraceland. 

Lot of great stories from the world of music like James Brown asking for a private viewing of Elvis' body at his funeral and telling the corpse, "Elvis, you rat, I ain't number two no more."

Bite Me

Biting passengers on flight is no reason for cash compensation delay: EU court adviser

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - Air travelers cannot receive cash compensation if their flight is delayed by a passenger biting others and assaulting crew members, an adviser at the Court of Justice of the European Union said on Thursday.

Such incidents were “extraordinary circumstances,” Advocate General Priit Pikamae wrote in a non-binding opinion, a form of guidance that is normally followed by the court.

A traveler flying from Brazil to Norway via Portugal in Aug. 2017 with Portuguese airline TAP sought 600 euros compensation in accordance with EU law, after his flight departed late from the Brazilian city of Fortaleza.

The plane had to be diverted to disembark a passenger biting and assaulting crew members before it could land back in Brazil, delaying the following outgoing flight.

“A passenger biting other passengers and attacking the cabin crew trying to calm him down, resulting in the deviation of a Lisbon-Fortaleza flight to the nearest airport in order to disembark this passenger and his baggage, leading to a flight delay, falls under the concept of extraordinary circumstances,” Pikamae said.

TAP argued that the delay at arrival in Lisbon, resulting in the passenger missing his connecting flight to Oslo, was due to the fact that the airline used the same plane that was diverted on its way to Brazil to disembark the violent passenger and it was not possible to send another plane on time.

The court itself will likely rule in two to four months on the matter. It typically follows the opinions of its advocate generals.

Finally a judge comes forward to challenge all these damn scam artists trying to fleece the travel industry with the ole' "get bit on a plane and sue the airline" scam. Look, wild shit happens on planes. Mile Hile Club, air sickness, biting other passengers and crew members. It goes with the territory. 

That's why you always build in time during your layover to doctor up your bite scars and hit the airport Chili's. A I the only one who's ever traveled before. You don't try to rob the poor airlines just because you catch a tooth in the neck. Ridiculous.

Wrestling Promo of the Week

I can't express how weird and unsettling it is to see wrestling without crowd noise. It's like watching a duck read a newspaper. Not that I'm complaining. The fact that I get to watch it at all is something I'm thankful for - any shot at normalcy right now is something we should embrace. But during these trying times I also flash back to the past to get a shot of enthusiasm.

We've got Hard Times but listen to Dusty. We'll make it through these Hard Time Blues.

Buddy, I'm Busy Over Here

Remind me never to cross this fella. There's an expression for dudes who don't give a F this hard. They ain't bad but the bad better not F with them.

Licking His Wounds

Man Who Filmed Himself Licking Ice Cream Tub Gets Jail Time

The 24-year-old Texas man was sentenced to 30 days in jail for posting a video showing himself removing an ice cream container from a Texas market freezer, licking the contents and returning the container to the freezer.

PORT ARTHUR, Texas (AP) — A 24-year-old man was sentenced Wednesday to 30 days in jail for posting on social media a video last August of himself removing an ice cream container from a Texas market freezer, licking the contents and returning the container to the freezer.

D’Adrien Anderson, 24, also was sentenced to an additional six-month jail term probated for two years and ordered to pay a $1,000 fine and $1,565 in restitution to Blue Bell Creameries, which had to replace all of its products in the freezer.

Anderson began serving his jail term immediately after sentencing.

The incident happened Aug. 26 at a Walmart in Port Arthur. Store surveillance cameras showed that he finally took the Blue Bell ice cream from the freezer and bought it, which wasn’t captured in the social media video, authorities said.

Anderson could have been sentenced to up to a year in jail and fined $4,000 for misdemeanor criminal mischief.

Obviously in the last 15 days sensitivities to this type of tomfoolery have heightened so I'm trying to grade on a curve here but I not mustering up a whole lot of sympathy for this fella. Honestly if someone tried this now I'm pretty sure they'd get sent to The Gulag or locked in the Stocks like the 1790's. And they'd have it coming. Justice might be getting frontier style again pretty soon. Don't lick the ice cream if you can't toss the salad.

Carl Pelini Lifehack of the Week

Look, a lot of people are freaking out right now about toilet paper. Seems ridiculous to me. Hell, anything can be toilet paper. Thrifty Nickel, treasure map from Long John Silver's, welfare check, Mcdonald's bag, restraining order paperwork, paystub from Nebraska. Hell, anything. 

My buddy from the Boca Raton Soup Kitchen, Tupelo Hank used to say you didn't even need toilet paper. He'd just show up at the supermarket first thing and ask for some paper bags. Carve out a couple leg holes and duct tape it up around your things. You gotcha a homemade diaper right there. Have Bo send you a pair of LSU sweatpants and you're in business. Toilet paper shortage? Ya'll are just being silly.

Lean On Me

Failed building demolition creates the 'leaning tower of Dallas'

300 pounds of dynamite couldn't topple the concrete and steel core of the former Affiliated Computer Services tower.

"I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah you, you wreck me"


I don't think I've ever seen something so attached to Dallas. Maybe Dirk Nowitzki.

Brewing Something Up

Doctors Discover Booze Brewing In Sober Woman’s Bladder

61-year-old patient was denied a liver transplant because doctors thought she was hiding an alcohol abuse problem

A 61-year-old Pennsylvania woman who was seeking a liver transplant caused quite a brouhaha after doctors tested her urine and discovered the presence of alcohol.

The patient insisted that she had not been drinking that day, but doctors at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine and Medical Center were skeptical. Since excessive drinking can harm the liver, they pushed her to enter an alcohol abuse treatment program instead, according to The Washington Post.

But the woman kept insisting she wasn’t an alcoholic and she showed no signs of visible impairment from drinking.

Eventually, doctors discovered that the real trouble was brewing in her bladder. The organ was producing alcohol on its own, according to a case study published Monday in the journal Annals of Internal Medicine.

It seems the woman suffered from urinary auto-brewery syndrome, which caused her bladder to make alcohol.

That booze didn’t show up in her blood. And her urine had no signs of ethyl glucuronide or ethyl sulfate, two chemicals produced when the body metabolizes alcohol.

But the woman’s urine had a lot of sugar and yeast — the two key ingredients for fermentation. (She had “uncontrolled diabetes,” according to the Philadelphia Inquirer.)

Once doctors figured out that the high levels of alcohol in the woman’s urine were not the result of excessive consumption, she was allowed back on the list to be considered for a liver transplant.

Her case “demonstrates how easy it is to overlook signals that urinary auto-brewery syndrome may be present,” the study said, calling for standardized guidelines for alcohol abstinence monitoring.

Wow, talk about cutting out the middle man. No more trips to the liquor store. Just brew that stuff up in the old liver on your own. What are the chances there are other ladies with this magical skill. Maybe one could make an honest man out of me. Then when I'm morning drunk I could just say I gave my wife a smooch this morning. How is that a crime?