We Can't Stop? Please Try Harder

I didn’t know furries were a thing until that episode of Entourage when that lady gave Turtle a furry costume and told him to come over for sex. Then he predictably wimped out and Johnny Drama donned the furry suit.

As terrible as that scene was and as terrible as that show turned out to be, it was award worthy compared to what happened in the video above.

First of all, giant stuffed animals are creepy. Is anime porn that big of a thing that a platinum recording artist would base an entire routine on it at an awards show?

Now on the jaw dropping part. We’ve all known Miley Cyrus has a thing for twerking for a while. What we didn’t know by the helpful use of full length stretch pants was how odd her ass looks when she does it. There was pretty much no coverture in that ass whatsoever.

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2013 VMA, Artists.MTV, Music, Miley Cyrus

Now as I the most qualified critic? No, I’m technically an obese drunk with average grooming habits. But I know my limits. You’re not gonna see me rocking any muscle tees or skinny jeans. So Miley, stick to the long britches or get ass implants. Or don’t. Who am I kidding? I don’t care. More than anything last night taught me that I’m officially an old man now. I didn’t watch a second of the VMAs, which would have been appointment TV for me in my teens.

And yes, I know the Family Smith was reacting to Lady Gaga and not Miley in the shot above. But that doesn’t fit the narrative this story is going after. So as far I’m concerned they had the same reaction to Miley and it just didn’t get caught on tape. Nobody could see pancake ass like that gyrating around and not drop the jaw. Or at least scrunch your face up.

P.S. – What was Robin Thicke wearing? Did he steal the Hamburglar’s suit and cinch it up? He looked like a cross between Vanilla Ice and Beetlejuice. As goofy as he looks I do kind of enjoy that song.

They're Playing Basketball! (and hiding out in hotels)

Agent: Lamar Odom not missing

ESPN.com news services

Free-agent forward Lamar Odom is in a Los Angeles hotel, where friends are trying to get him help for an unspecified drug problem, a source told ESPN on Monday.

The information comes after Odom's agent refuted a TMZ report Sunday that his client had been missing for 72 hours after a dispute with his wife, Khloe Kardashian.

Agent Jeff Schwartz would not reveal Odom's whereabouts, telling ESPN.com's Marc Stein earlier Monday: "Lamar is not missing. His wife knows exactly where he is."

TMZ also reported that people close to Odom feared that he was involved with drugs.

Kardashian reacted angrily on Twitter to ongoing speculation about her husband, saying: "Really hard to sit here and listen to people talk s--- about my family."

Without disclosing further specifics, Schwartz added: "Playing in the NBA is still very much a part of Lamar's plans."

Odom spent last season with the Los Angeles Clippers and has been pursued in free agency this summer by the Clippers and Los Angeles Lakers.

The wedded bliss of power couple Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian has been a Back Yard Blog favorite topic for years. Ever since The Candy Man and Miss Piggy started their relationship they’ve given us classic moments like awkward interviews and broken sex swings.



Now the sad tale of a player who once seemed destined for great success has devolved into drug use and disappearing into L.A.’s underbelly. A belly that has claimed starts than his sister-in-law’s baby bump has claimed Kanye.

Watching this play out the next few weeks should be quite interesting. Will the Kardashian/Jenner clan be able to pull Lamar out of the Chateau Marmont? Is he hanging out with Amanda Bynes? When did he put down the Krackel and pick up the crack?

There may only be one way to find Lamar – a golden ticket to the Willy Wonka factory. Someone get Gene Wilder on the phone.

Also, if missing person status was determined by play on the court one could make the case Odom has been missing since 2011.

Full House (of Ex-Husbands)

Jodie Sweetin Files for Legal Separation; Wants the Tot and the Toyota

tmz.com

Jodie Sweetin has filed for legal separation...TMZ has learned, and a Toyota is on the line.

The "Full House" star filed legal docs in L.A. County, citing irreconcilable differences. She married Morty Coyle in March, 2012.

Jodie and Morty have a daughter, Beatrix, who is 2. Jodie wants full custody.  

Jodie is also asking the judge to award her their 2000 Toyota Avalon. Jodie wants the judge to make her and Morty split their $200 Kohl's credit card balance.

It's Jodie's 3rd marriage.   

Jodie has had her struggles.  She's struggled with addiction -- in particular, meth, ecstasy and coke.

As I sit writing the post I’m actually watching some of Jodie’s strong work as Stephanie on Full House. She’s been caught eavesdropping on D.J.’s phone calls and is gullible enough to believe Donna Jo has a plan for revenge. Just as gullible as she was to believe her third marriage would work.

Plus, if Candace Cameron wanted to get back at you, she’d just fail to give you a copy of her brother’s movie and wait for Armageddon.

Jodie needs to realize her marriages have been failures because she needs a man like me in her life. Since I’ve got the new company ride, I could just give her the keys to the Hyundai and she could let Morty have the Toyota. Plus, I’d have no problem taking on the $200 in Kohl’s debt since I already have $80K in student loans.

This has been well thought out, Jody. You just need to relent and go with the flow – the same method you used in the crack house.

Follow the North Star

So the Twitterverse (that's a thing, right?) is all atwitter with the news that second coming of Christ and the lady with the huge ass named their kid North.

Congratulations media whores. Now your child shares a name with the film that outweighs all the good Gary Garrison Rob Reiner did in his career.




What the Hell was Meathead thinking?

This probably wasn't the worst possible scenario for this kid. If given an hour I'm sure I could come up with 20 names dumber than North for a celebrity child. Especially considering Kanye's first choices were Jehovah and Immanuel. He has a God complex, you see.

The late breaking news today (aka whatever TMZ had up when I finally broke down and re-started the BYB) was that North had yet received no middle name. Kanye needs to get on this right way. I can say from personal experience, not having a middle name is an mild inconvenience.

I've almost seen my brother throttle a doctor's office receptionist when she questioned why he wrote a middle inital instead of a name on documents. My parents wanted his initials to be C.C.C. and damned if they couldn't think of a second name that started with a C. You'll have to forgive them, they've drank a lot of Odessa water in their day.

But here's to you North West. Enjoy the name and we won't blame you when you check into rehab in 20 years.