BYB Top 25 Countdown = #4 Stanford Cardinal

Stanford QB Kevin Hogan

David Shaw has filled in nicely for Jim Harbaugh, taking his alma mater to consecutive BCS Bowls, including last season’s Rose Bowl win against Wisconsin. The Carindal’s pro-style offensive attack and power football style remains in stark contrast to the Pac 12’s spread focus and that difference in style has seemed to assist Stanford in consistent, focused play.

Kevin Hogan returns as starting quarterback after taking over when Josh Nunes was injured against Colorado. Hogan was thrown into the fire as the Cardinal’s last three games were against ranked teams in Oregon State, Oregon and UCLA.

The then freshman weathered the storm with a 3-0 record and added wins in the Pac 12 Championship rematch with UCLA and in the Rose Bowl. He finished the season with 1,096 yards and nine TDs and completed 71 percent of his passes.

Hogan will be breaking in new starters at running back and receiver but Tyler Gaffney has significant experience in the backfield and Ty Montgomery is primed for a breakout season at receiver after being slowed by injuries in his career.

The offensive line is deep, experienced and one of the best in the country. David Yankey should be another All-American at guard for the Cardinal and three other returning senior starters will likely have a chance to play pro as well.

The defense returns eight starters from a group that was dynamic defending the run in 2012, finishing fifth nationally in rush defense and 11th nationally in scoring defense. Defensive ends Ben Gardner and Henry Anderson are the best pair of ends in the conference and team leader Shayne Skov and dynamic A.J. Tarpley should be the soul of the talented defense. The defensive back corps returns starters in cornerback Alex Carter and safeties Jordan Richards and Ed Reynolds.

Stanford lost two games by a total of 10 points last season and has a more forgiving schedule this season. Road games at Oregon State and USC will be challenging, as will home bouts with UCLA and Oregon but the defense will be stellar. If the skill position players produce then Stanford could be playing in the BCS Championship Game finale. I have Stanford at 9-0-3.

YouTube Video of the Day

They Didn't Buy A Zoo!

Chinese zoo tried to pass off dog as lion 

Taylor Bigler/Daily Caller

A zoo in China tried — and failed — to pull one over on its visitors by trying to pass off a Tibetan mastiff as an “African lion.” They could have gotten away with it if only the dog had started roaring instead of barking. 

The People’s Park of Luohe in the Henan province put an employee’s fluffy dog into the cage marked “African lion” because the lion had been shipped to a breeding facility, Beijing Youth Daily reports, via FoxNews.com. 

A mother was pointing out different species of animals to her son when she realized that the “lion” was actually making the sound a dog makes. But the mastiff wasn’t the only pet the zoo tried to pass off as wildlife. 

They also caged ”two coypu rodents in a snake’s cage, a white fox in a leopard’s den, and another dog in a wolf pen.”

 “The zoo is absolutely cheating us,” a visitor told the Chinese paper. “They are trying to disguise the dogs as lions.” 

People probably wouldn’t have been so mad about the whole thing had the zoo just marked the cage Tibetan mastiff, because those dogs are perhaps even more adorable than lions. 

Get Rich Quick Scheme #414 found! There are all these new people in Odessa and Midland with no new entertainment venues being added and a lot of these people have snot nosed brats too! What are these people craving? A zoo!

I’ll just start adopting pets from shelters or stealing them out of people’s yards/houses and then I’ll put them on display in some parking lot. Why wouldn’t they give me a license for that? They let people sell disgusting blankets with sports team logos that mean nothing to most people in West Texas or cantaloupes.

Heck, I could even glue wings to a few stray cats and claim I genetically mutated a new species of animal. All I need is a lab coat to sell that story.

This idea is just chocked full of opportunities. P.S. – I think that’s the lion that was hiding out in my buddy’s yard. See the Group Text Moment of the Day Tuesday and Wednesday for the inside joke.

Group Text Moment of the Day: Mow Your Lawn! (Part 2)

Cougar Kids Stalk Nashville

Speck, Hud Mellencamp face felony battery charges

By Laura Lane/heraldtimesonline.com

Rock star John Mellencamp’s two teenaged sons face felony battery charges stemming from a July incident during which police say they punched and kicked a 19-year-old man they assaulted on his front porch. The fight left the man with facial fractures and cuts that required stitches.

Speck Mellencamp, 18, 870 S. Woodscrest Drive, and 19-year-old Hud Mellencamp, who gave police an address on Lower Schnooner Road in Nashville, each face a charge of battery resulting in serious bodily injury. The charges were approved Thursday by Monroe Circuit Judge Marc Kellams.

Bond was set at $5,000 surety and $500 cash.

Monroe County Chief Deputy Prosecutor Bob Miller said arrangements are being made for the Mellencamps to turn themselves over to police.

Ty Smith, 19, 3330 S. Spring Branch Road, a friend of the Mellencamps, also was charged with felony battery for his alleged part in the incident. He is the son of Indiana University baseball coach Tracy Smith, and is an IU football team freshman walk-on.

Smith turned himself in at the Monroe County Jail at 5 p.m. Thursday. He was released from the jail at 7:19 p.m. after posting a $5,000 surety, $500 cash bond, according to jail records.

According to a report from BPD Detective Rick Crussen, the man who was injured had been sitting on his front porch with two friends when the Mellencamps and Smith walked up the steps. He said he asked them what they wanted, then was struck in the face by Speck Mellencamp.

After that, “he began being punched, kicked and stomped by Speck Mellencamp and the other two males. They have been identified as Hud Mellencamp and Ty Smith,” the probable-cause affidavit in the case states.

Three roommates inside the house heard the commotion, ran outside and pulled the three assailants off the man. The man said that as he stood up, Speck Mellencamp knocked him backward off the porch, a drop of several feet. The man said Speck Mellencamp continued punching with his fists until one of the roommates intervened. Witnesses said the Mellencamps and Smith then ran from the scene.

They also reported that the three did not say anything, striking without warning. People who were there confirmed that the three hit and kicked the man while he was down on the ground.

Hud Mellencamp is a trained boxer whose bouts have been reported on in The Herald-Times. The Mellencamps told police the fight was in response to Speck Mellencamp being hit in the face at a party at the house earlier that night.

Speck Mellencamp said he had tried to stop a dispute between two girls who were fighting over him and was pushed and hit by a man. He was upset by the incident and not thinking straight, he said, when he returned to the house with his brother and Smith.

During a June 5 appearance on the “Late Show” with writer Stephen King, John Mellencamp explained his black eye, pinning it on his 18-year-old son. “My son and I had words and he got a punch in and I didn’t,” he said.

"Little ditty about Speck and the Hud man
2 American kids breaking faces with their hands
Speck’s gonna beat you and leave scars
Hud will run over your legs with his daddy’s car
Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the thrill of the beatin’ is gone
Say, Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the blood on the porch is gone."

Seriously, don’t name your kids Speck and Hud or some fat blogger will ridicule them without benefit of the doubt. With names like that you have to know these kids are douchebags.

Wal Mart Person of the Day

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

BYB Top 25 Countdown - #5 South Carolina Gamecocks

No other player than Johnny Football is as big a star as Jadeveon Clowney. For the time being though, all of the hype around Clowney comes from his play on the field. Sure, there was intriguing talk about a meeting with Jay Z but the meet did not violate NCAA rules and meeting a rap legend is an opportunity most would not pass up, despite what it means for his future representation.



The hit Clowney had in the Outback Bowl against Michigan was ESPN’s top play for months and was only ushered out of its place by a touchdown run by a child with cancer in Nebraska’s spring game. No in game play in any sport in recent memory captured our attention like Clowney’s hit.

The junior defensive end spearheads a talented defense that returns four other starters, including overshadowed defensive line mate Kelcy Quarles who could very well join Clowney on the All-SEC first team defensive line. The Gamecocks also return three starting defensive backs who should benefit from Clowney instilling fear in at least three opposing quarterbacks by his count. That number will grow this season.

It’s not like Steve Spurrier to be overshadowed but that what has Clowney has done to his sneaky good offense. Sure, the Gamecocks aren’t going to be confused for Oregon anytime soon but Connor Shaw is effective running the zone read and has the ability to hit open passers.

No shoes? No shirt? No Spurrier

Dylan Thompson will pitch in quarterback in more traditional passing situations and both QBs have a good group of undersized targets in returning starter Bruce Ellington and juniors Damiere Byrd and Nick Jones.

The offensive line returns four starters who will be counted on to open holes for running backs Mike Davis and Brandon Wilds who will be replacing Marcus Lattimore.

The trip to Georgia Sept. 7 will be an early barometer for this Gamecock squad but they will be fortunate as the Bulldogs travel to play Clemson the week before and could be worn out. The middle of the year is filled with easily winnable games so any loss before the Nov. 16 date with Florida in Columbia would be a true slip up.

The season finale rivalry game with Clemson will be testy given Clowney’s assertion that Tiger QB Tajh Boyd is afraid of him but the Gamecocks have won the last four against Clemson. I have South Carolina at 9-0-3.

YouTube Video of the Day

Arrested R You

Lisa Ann O'Neill: Woman gave teen boy oral sex in Toys R Us parking lot, deputies say 

wpbf.com

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. —A married West Palm Beach woman faces numerous charges after deputies said she had an ongoing affair with a teen boy, WPBF.com has learned. Lisa Ann O'Neill, 41, was arrested Wednesday after deputies said the teen boy detailed various sex acts he allegedly engaged in with O'Neill over a period of about a year. 

The boy said last month that he began exchanging text messages "about sexual stuff" with O'Neill in June 2012, according to the arrest report written by the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office. He also said O'Neill had a party at her home in September, during which she gave him several beers. 

After the party, O'Neill texted him and asked him to come back over, and that's when she gave him oral sex and they had intercourse for the first time together, the report said. 

A few days later, the boy said he asked her to send him "some photos of her body, and she sent him photos of her breast and vagina," according to the report. 

O'Neill continued to send such photos to the boy via text message, and the pair continued to meet for sex, the report said. 

The last encounter was in May, when the boy said O'Neill sent him a text asking him to meet at the closed-down Toys R Us store on U.S. 441, near Southern Boulevard. 

According to the report, the woman gave the boy oral sex in the car. 

Lisa Ann O’Neill, don’t you know the rules about borderline pedophilia?

The rule is if a man does it then it’s always wrong and if a woman does it then it’s ALMOST always awesome. Lisa, you fall into the small exception that is not awesome. You see, you’re just plain grotesque.

That means you should be locked under the prison, never to return. So learn to control your urges or get vast amounts of plastic surgery. Those are really your only two options.

By the way, those photos should be burned or used as in place of venereal disease photos as an abstinence tool.

Group Text Moment of the Day: Mow Your Lawn! (Part 1)

Goodbye Wisconsin!

Sorry to not get to this sad news from Hollywood sooner but troublesome daughter Laurie Foreman from That 70’s Show died while in rehab last week.

She was also the focus of a feature on the BYB last month in a post titled “You're Sentenced to Red's Foot In Your Ass” after a DUI arrest.

In lieu of flowers please send Red Foreman the tuition money he never got back after Laurie’s failed stint at the University of Wisconsin, where she began an affair with one of her professors.

On the other side Laurie joins Donna’s sister who just disappeared after the first few episodes. They didn’t even name her.

It's truly a sad time in Point Place. Tonight, we're all falling off the water tower.

Wal Mart Person of the Day

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I walked past a girl giving out leaflets for a nightclub. She ignored me the first two times. I dismissed it cynically, thinking she was only giving them to good looking young people. The third time she gave one to a balding 40-year old guy with his pre-teen kid. She still ignored me. FML

BYB Top 25 Countdown - #6 Clemson Tigers

One of the most repeated memes (I didn’t know what a meme was until a few weeks ago) is pulling a Clemson. Think of it like getting Munsoned from Kingpin. Clemson seems to have the cat by the tail (pardon one of the worst puns ever) and falls flat when we all think its going to be their year.



In 2012 Clemson lost early to Florida State but crawled back into the national conversation only to lose once again to intrastate rival South Carolina.  The wound of the fourth consecutive loss to the Gamecocks likely got infected during SEC Media Days when Jadeveon Clowney said that Clemson QB Tajh Boyd is afraid of him. We’ll have to see if Boyd cowers when he sees Clowney Nov. 30 in Columbia.

Until then Tiger fans hope Boyd sees Sammy Watkins clearly. The speedy junior wideout returns after missing time from a drug suspension and injury last season. Watkins set the Clemson single season receiving record in 2011, only to see the record beat by former Cock DeAndre Hopkins.

Clemson WR Sammy Watkins

Boyd will have an more unfamiliar face lining up behind him as RB Andre Ellington is gone to the NFL and Rod McDowell replaces him. McDowell will have the good fortune to run behind a line returning four starters.

Defensive coordinator Brett Venables improved the Clemson in 2012 and brings back five from last season’s squad, including three of four defensive linemen. Vic Beasley, the only new starter on the line had 8.5 sacks in spot duty last season.

Linebackers Spencer Shuey and Quandon Christian return at outside backer positions and Stephone Anthony has logged a lot of time in the middle. The secondary is young but talented.

The two teams that beat Clemson in 2012 remain obstacles this season but Florida State returns only 11 starters and must travel to Clemson. The Tigers have the talent to beat South Carolina but the recent trend of losses and road environment give me reason to predict a loss. The mood for the season will be set in the season opener against Georgia in Clemson, which I have as a push game, putting Clemson at 9-1-2.

YouTube Video of the Day

Fighting a ram doesn't look like a whole lot of fun. I'll just stick to staring contests.

Group Text Moment of the Day

Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays! This gem is from last Monday.

It's Adam and Eve, Not Adam and Sting!

Last weekend marked a historic time for the professional wrestling. No, it wasn’t me live tweeting SummerSlam, although that was nothing short of revolutionary. What was so historic was the news that the WWE, the major league of wrestling, has its first openly gay wrestler.

Meet Darren Young. I say meet because I’m assuming that of the 12 people that read this blog only one or two give wrestling the occasional 15-second pause when flipping the channels Monday night. And none of my Back Yarders watch enough wrestling to see a lower mid card talent like Young who, along with tag team partner Titus O’Neil, are stuck in a glut of uninspiring tag team talents who aren’t deemed necessary enough to get a match on a PPV. But hey, there’s always WWE Superstars.
Not sure what channel it airs on though, or what day.

But for one day the full focus of the WWE universe was not on John Cena, CM Punk or The Rock. It was on a member of the Prime Time Players who opted to test the durability of the WWE’s Reality Era by telling us all something honest about himself. It was a brave act even in a time enlightened and liberal enough to earn Young universal praise amongst his peers on Twitter because, when the fanfare dies down, the locker room will still have its inherit bravado and tough guy nature.

Young will be tested on the other side of the curtain as well. He will most certainly be pushed and packaged differently now and his sexual orientation will be used in dialogue, if not storytelling altogether. Here’s just hoping they don’t have some wrestler play a hackneyed homophobic heel. But this is Vince McMahon so that’s probably coming once they run out of any ideas that don’t suck. Just please, no Billy and Chuck reunions.

Wal Mart Person of the Day

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML

Put Me in Coach...Or I'll Bite Your Face Off!

Well there are only two things that could have gone on in this situation. Either Western Pennsylvania is about to wade through its own type of Sandusky scandal or Jim Wildman should have put Uncle Rico back in the game in 82.

There’s only two reasons to bite your former high school football coach so badly that he needs 60 stitches – 1) he molested you in the shower in front of a red headed guy or 2) you’re a complete lunatic that has fixated so much on a failed high school football career that you have nothing to lose by nearly killing a 66-year-old mean with your teeth.

There’s no middle ground there. Joseph K. Koscinski is either an emotionally destroyed victim or needs to spend the rest of his life in an insane asylum. I’m sure it would look something like this.



Click here for more about the story, you know, if reading about coaches getting bit is your thing.

BYB Top 25 Countdown - #7 Louisville Cardinals

Louisville QB Teddy Bridgewater

The hype associated with Louisville going into the 2013 season centers entirely around quarterback Teddy Bridgewater, who has been ceded the preseason title of best available quarterback in the next NFL Draft.

As Geno Smith, Matt Barkley and Brady Quinn can attest, the title is fleeting. Bridgewater appears to be a talented prospect with 3,178 yards/27 TDs/8 INTs in 2012 but the junior passer need only be a babysitter in 2013 to lead Louisville to what could easily be an undefeated season.

Gone from the Cardinals’ schedule are Syracuse and UCONN, not the most imposing of opponents, but the only two to best the Cards last season.

Offensively, Bridgewater will have familiar targets to throw to the teams top three receivers from 2012 and add talented transfer from Florida, Robert Clark. The running back position has been by committee at Louisville as the Cards have been besieged by injury in the last two seasons. Dominique Brown and Senorise Perry return after both missed time last season with knee injuries.

Louisville returns eight starters on defense, including experienced safeties Hakeem Smith and Calvin Pryor and cornerback Terell Floyd. Linebacker Preston Brown will be entrusted to quarterback the defense from the middle linebacker spot after moving over from the outside in 2012.

The Cardinals play one of the softer schedules in college football. There are no definite losses on their schedule but road games at Kentucky and Cincinnati in the season finale look like push games and the game against Rutgers Oct. 10 in Louisville could decide the American Athletic Conference champion. I have Louisville at 10-0-2.

YouTube Video of the Day

This video is a perfect example of why it’s so dangerous to be baseball spectator. Not only do you have to watch out of fly balls and tough guys but the game is so slow that your behavior is constant fodder for bored announcers, as was the case with this jacked up bro who can’t get a water bottle open. Use your teeth homeboy!

Group Text Moment of the Day

Candy Crush sounds addictive. Glad I haven't picked up the habit. 

BYB Top 25 Countdown - #8 Texas A&M Aggies



Aggie tackle Jake Matthews


Look, I could use this preview as another opportunity to blast college football’s favorite celebrity clown as I love to do but that isn’t fair. It’s too easy. So here’s a Manziel free preview.

A&M did what everyone outside of Bryan/College Station thought was impossible going into the 2012 season – the Aggies competed for the SEC West Division title. The Ags beat college football’s best in Tuscaloosa. Years down the road when we look back and assess Alabama’s dynasty Texas A&M will be discussed just as Texas is whenever USC’s Pete Carroll era dynasty is brought up.

That said, the season wasn’t perfect as A&M was beat twice at home, by Florida and LSU. While Florida is gone from the 2013 schedule, LSU remains and this year the game is in Death Valley. That trip will likely be just as daunting as hosting the revenge showdown with Alabama.

Offensively the Aggies bring back the team’s top two backs, Ben Malena and Trey Williams, who should help lead a rushing attack that finished 11th in the country in 2012. Mike Evans is back at receiver and his tall frame ensures that no ball is out of reach.

The line is without Luke Joeckel, the #2 pick in the 2012 NFL draft, but Jake Matthews will shift over to the left side to guard the blind side and two other starters return from last year’s great line.

The Aggies will have to rebound on defense as the team returns only four starters from a year ago. The team will be relying on players like Kirby Ennis and Steven Jenkins to have strong returns from injury and for instant contributions from new additions like JUCO linebacker Tommy Sanders.

A&M was torched in pass defense last year and corners Deshazor Everett and De’Vante Harris will be needed to pull together an experienced group that will have to be the strength of the defense.

Assuming the QB Who Shall Not Be Named rises from the ashes of his Summer of Goon and is available to lead the team, I see the Aggies with no definite losses but with torturous push games against LSU and Alabama and the potential for failure in a trap game at Ole Miss.

If he isn’t around all bets are off as Arkansas, Auburn, Vanderbilt and Mississippi State immediately get upgraded to push games and LSU and Alabama become definite losses. With Manziel I have the Ags 9-1-2, without him it’s more like 5-2-5.

Wal Mart Person of the Day

The muffins have gone bad!

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML

BYB Top 25 Countdown - #9 Georgia Bulldogs

In the words of a great homeless man - "When you best the Georgia Bulldogs you gonna feel a bulldog bite!"



This seems to be the year Bulldog enthusiasts are pointing to as UGA’s year to shine and looking at the Dawgs’ talent; it’s easy to see why. Georgia returns 10 players from an offensive unit that scored 38 points per game in 2012.

Aaron Murray returns for what seems like his sixth season and he has the best backfield tandem in the country in Todd Gurley and Keith Marshall. Gurley, who was one of my fantasy backs last year, earned first team All-SEC honors after rushing for 1,385 yards and 17 TDs.

Despite the dynamic play of Gurley and Marshall, Georgia actually generated more offense through the air last season and Murray will have big play receiver Malcolm Mitchell back to stretch the field and Artie Lynch at tight end. Georgia did a poor job of protecting Murray but four starters come back on the line and should do a better job this season.

The Bulldog defense will be short on experience this season as the team returns only three starters on that side of the ball. The two deep is still tenuous and UGA will be counting on underclassmen to get settled into position quickly in fall practice. Two of the three returning starters, linebacker Amarlo Herrera and Damian Swann, figure to compete for All-Conference.

The young defense will be tested early and often as Georgia starts the season with Palmetto state showdowns, traveling to Clemson in the season opener and hosting South Carolina in its second game.

After a tune up against North Texas the Dawgs hosts LSU. If Georgia is 4-0 at the end of that slate then it has to be the #1 team in the country but it could just as easily be 1-3. Those three games and the Cocktail party showdown in Jacksonville against Florida are push games. I have Georgia at 8-0-4.

YouTube Video of the Day

Jimmy Fallon has stumbled into something awesome with these Brian Williams' mashup raps. This is definitely the best of them.

Come See the Sadistic Side of Sears

50 Shades of Sears?

Department store pulls men's bondage gear from website after customer complaints. . . but women's leather lingerie is still available   

By Catherine Townsend/Daily Mail

Sears has pulled bondage gear from its website after an image of a man wearing a leather harness was widely circulated online. 

Some customers were shocked that the retail chain best known for auto parts and appliances featured erotic accessories on its Elegant Moments page. 

But many of the raciest items for men - including the leather collar with chains ($17.59) and the 4 Piece Adjustable Harness ($55.99) - have been removed from the website. Others were disappearing at a rapid rate at press time. 

The items were being sold through Sears's marketplace, which allows online shoppers to order online from additional vendors. 

The Marketplace has edited questionable items in the past: In 2012 the company took down a link to another Elegant moments lingerie set with a see-through pink mesh top.

'The terms on our Marketplace prohibit images from displaying nudity and see-through clothing. Most often, we see third party sellers blocking out the nudity in the images,' a Sears spokesperson explained at the time.

'We perform ad-hoc content audits to remove inappropriate items and also take customer feedback and react very quickly.'

It remains unclear why some of the men's items that don't technically show nudity such as the collars and leather and mesh shorts ($21.59) have been removed, while leather G-strings, corsets, and sexy costumes for women remain available.

Whatever happened to seeing the softer side of Sears? I guess getting softer means trading in a chainsaw for nipple clamps. Sears should probably take a look into revamping the entire Marketplace concept.

I’m sure there’s a time and place for purchasing S&M gear. I’m just betting its 2 a.m. from adamandeve.com or from that weird porno shop on the rough side of town, not at the more than century old retailed known for tools and lawn mowers. Of course I’m sure there are some S&M tools more powerful than anything they have in Hardware or Lawn & Garden.

It’s a good thing this was just limited to online merchandise. Imagine some poor old man stumbling into a Sears looking for a gallon of paint and a hedge trimmer and leaving head to toe in leather with a ball gag in his mouth. Just imagine if they sold pets. They’d be out of gerbils in a week.

Group Text Moment of the Day

BYB Top 25 Countdown - #10 Florida Gators

Florida QB Jeff Driskel

Will Muschamp and the Gators turned the corner in 2012, going 11-1 in the regular season before a disappointing loss to Louisville in the Sugar Bowl. The main talking point for Florida going into this season is the expected improvement Jeff Driskel will have this season.

Driskel averaged only 137 yards passing per game in 2012 but was efficient, throwing only five picks. He will be expected to open up the Florida offense that was largely dependent on the running of the now departed Mike Gillislee. Matt Jones replaces Gillislee at running back and senior all-purpose player Trey Burton will also see action out of the backfield.

At receiver the Gators are young and thin so contributors will have to develop as the season goes on to complement the returning Quinton Dunbar.

The Gators return only four players on defense but there is a great pool of talent. Dominique Easley who was a beast at end for the Gators in 2012 moves inside to tackle and will be an All-American candidate. He will be replaced at end by talented newcomers Johnathan Bullard, Dante Fowler and junior Ronald Powell, who is back after an ACL injury.

The Gators are young at linebacker but Antonio Morrison had a great season as a contributor and should lead a good group. Florida’s defensive strength may be at defensive back where the team returns starters in Marcus Roberson, Louchelz Purifoy and Jaylen Watkins.

Florida’s non-conference schedule features scrimmages with Toledo and Georgia Southern but also tough push games with intrastate, non-conference rivals Miami and Florida State. The Gators will also be tested in its annual Cocktail Party game against Georgia and in trips to Death Valley to play LSU and to Columbia to play South Carolina. I have Florida at 8-1-3

Wal Mart Person of the Day

One down, one to go.

Reckless Drinking Finally Pays Off

'Frat bro with keg stand experience' needed for Reckless filming

By Philip Weiss/Live 5 WCSC

Filming is underway in Charleston for Reckless, CBS's newest legal show, and producers are looking for a number of extras, including a "male frat bro" with "keg stand experience".

Extras between the ages of 18 to 25 are needed for a frat house party scene that will be filmed Thursday evening and into the early morning, according to the Facebook page CBS Reckless Extras. 

Reckless is looking for extras who are real life couples who must be comfortable kissing on screen, male and female college types, and a "male frat bro to do a keg stand". The bro must have keg stand experience, and will be drinking water or some other non-alcoholic drink.

Additionally, if the "frat bro" has a six-pack, he must be comfortable with no shirt on.

Extras will be paid a guaranteed $58 for 8-hours of works, and time and half after that.

You mean I could have had a career in acting all along? I thought the big time TV networks only wanted quasi talented actors for tired, retread cops shows and sitcoms with unfunny people. Who knew they were hiring fat slobs to take keg stands.

I wonder if there is some place I can send my resume. Keg stand experience? Well I don’t like to toot my own horn but I’ve been known to drink in excess, upside down while doing very few pushups.

Maybe my college roommate still has a picture of me doing a keg stand. Honestly, I’m better with a beer bong but I don’t want to ruin the director’s creative vision. Oh, what’s that? It’s going to be filled with water or some other non-alcoholic beverage? Pass. I’d rather play a raped corpse on SVU.

P.S. – No dude with significant keg stand experience has a six pack so that just walked out the door. And time and a half? How the hell is doing one keg stand scene supposed to take longer than eight hours? That shirtless sap is going to get pretty damn water logged.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I stopped at a red light, when I noticed the car in front of me was in reverse. I honked at the driver, hoping he'd realize and place the car in drive. He thought the light turned green and immediately backed into me. FML

BYB Top 25 Countdown - #11 Florida State Seminoles

FSU CB Nick Waisome

Reloading is the mantra for the Florida State in 2013. After rebounding with a 12-2 record last year, including wins in the ACC Championship Game and Orange Bowl, the Seminoles have lost half the starters from the team. Florida State outpaced the SEC with the most players drafted to the NFL and the incoming group will have to gain familiarity quickly to match last season’s success.

Gone to the Buffalo Bills is quarterback and team leader E.J. Manuel and gone to West Virginia is top backup Clint Trickett, who left the team only four days after the Seminoles’ spring game. Redshirt freshman Jameis Winston is the odds on favorite to take over the position, though coach Jimbo Fisher continually reiterated during ESPN interviews in late July that sophomore Jacob Coker remains in the mix.

Whoever wins the QB battle will have a new running back to hand off to as Devonta Freeman takes over the starting job, with James Wilder providing short yardage running. Rashad Greene, who has 1,337 yards receiving in two seasons, is back at receiver and leads a deep group. The one area the Seminoles are not fighting inexperience is on the offensive line where the team returns four starters.

Secondary will be the strength for the Seminole defense as three starters return from the best pass defensive in the country in 2012. Florida State only surrendered 161.9 yards a game through the air a year ago and cornerbacks Nick Waisome and Lamarcus Joyner and safety Terrence Brooks will be counted on the continue the good play.

Only Christian Jones returns in the front seven but Mario Edwards Jr., who played in 11 games last season and was the top recruit in the country in 2012, should lead up a line deep on talent.

Florida State lost to intrastate rival Florida last season after breaking the Gators’ six year win streak with a 31-7 win in 2010 and a second straight win in 2011. There’s been many repeat winners in the recent history of the rivalry and I don’t see that changing in 2013 as I have Florida as the Seminoles’ only definite loss of the season. A road game in Death Valley (Clemson) looks like a loss and the annual showdown with Miami should be another close contest as well. I have Florida State at 9-2-1.

YouTube Video of the Day

If only this play actually existed. Then dads wouldn’t have to bring a flask and watch the game on their iphone the whole time. Sunday’s episode was fantastic. I can’t wait until the junior high musical directors catch up and write Walt and Hank’s confrontation into the play. 

As good as this play is I’m still not sure it’s as good as The Wire musical.

The Wire: The Musical with Michael Kenneth Williams from Michael Kenneth Williams      

Murder Confession on Facebook? SMH

Relationship Status: It's REALLY Complicated

People post way too much personal stuff on facebook. News about family illness, their innermost thoughts and fears – Facebook doesn’t seem like the right medium for that type of sharing. It also isn’t the best place for a murder confession.

In fact, the only good place for a murder confession is in a written statement to police and an explanation at the post-trial sentencing. Other than that you shouldn’t be checking in at your kitchen with a photo of your dead wife.

It’s awful to say but my first thought was, I wonder if he tagged her. Then I just hoped the post didn’t get any likes. Yep, I’m definitely going to hell.

P.S. - Obviously Michael Weston didn't teach him much about killing people during his stint on Burn Notice.

Group Text Moment of the Day

BYB Top 25 Countdown - #12 Oklahoma State Cowboys

OSU LB Shaun Lewis

Coming into this season the biggest question is which of the Cowboys’ impressive quarterbacks will be the opening game starter? That decision got easier to make when Wes Lunt opted to transfer to Illinois.

The battle now is between Clint Chelf and J.W. Walsh, with Chelf, who started the Cowboys’ last five games and threw for 1,500+ yards and 15 TDs, looking to be the favorite heading into fall practice.

Should Chelf go down Walsh is an apt replacement as the sophomore also threw for just over 1,500 yards and 15 TDs in 2012. Both quarterbacks will have the good fortune to pass to some of the Big 12’s best receivers in Josh Stewart, Tracy Moore and Charlie Moore.

The offensive line returns three starters that helped OSU be the fourth best total offense and third best scoring offense in the NCAA.

On defense the Cowboys return seven starters led by All-Big 12 caliber defensive tackle Calvin Barnett and linebacker Shaun Lewis. Both will be expected to help develop young, promising players like defensive Tyler Johnson in order to improve the team’s turnover rate that was the best in the nation in 2011 but slumped last season. Senior Daytawion Lowe leads an experienced defensive back group.

The Cowboys were picked ahead of rejuvenated Texas and conference stalwart and intrastate rival Oklahoma by the media during Big 12 Media Days. Okie State will have to play ride out a season with a bull’s-eye on its back while developing a struggling defense.

That will be too much to ask for an entire season and I don’t see the Cowboys escaping Austin with a win Nov. 16. They’ll also be pushed in home games against TCU, Baylor and Oklahoma but the confines of Boone Pickens Stadium could give them the edge. I have Oklahoma State at 8-1-3.

Wal Mart Person of the Day

COPping A Feel

Local mom calls 911 on detective: 'The guy just dropped his pants'

By Ian Forrest/KPTV.com

An Oregon State Police detective has been caught having sex with a prostitute while he was on duty, according to police.

A 911 call on Tuesday at 2:30 p.m. reported a man and woman engaging in a sex act in the bushes off Southeast Johnson Creek Boulevard near 77th Court.

The woman who called 911 told Fox 12 she was at home with her daycare kids when she saw a man and woman walk into the empty lot across the street. That's when her 16-year-old son said, "Mom, the guy just dropped his pants."

"And I'm like, what? No," said Jennifer Stone.

Clackamas County deputies responded and made contact with the two suspects while they were still in the bushes.

Police said Detective Richard Narvaez met the woman in a nearby parking lot.

Narvaez, who is assigned as a detective to the Tribal Gaming Section in Salem, was on duty at the time but not in uniform. He was cited on a charge of patronizing a prostitute and public indecency, and has since been put on unpaid suspension leave pending the investigation.

Police said 32-year-old Tiffany Smith, of Portland, was arrested on charges of outstanding probation violation warrants, public indecency and prostitution.

Stone said she's just glad the neighborhood children didn't see what happened.

"I think it's disgusting," she said. "I think it's stupid. Being in that profession, why would you screw up like this?"

I didn’t even think cops got in trouble for stuff like this. I guess I’ve seen it so many times on movies and TV that it just seemed like it was overlooked when it happened. Of course when TV and movie cops hump they generally wait until night, not 2:30 p.m. on a walking trail.

But what is a cop supposed to do when some vivacious hooker offers him a discount plow in the middle of the afternoon? He’s just got to channel his inner McNulty and hope for the best. Prudes like Jennifer Stone be damned.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

BYB Top 25 Countdown - #13 Boise State Broncos

Boise State DE Demarcus Lawrence

While conference realignment and the death of the Big East left Boise State still on the outside looking in to the power structure in college football, the Broncos’ consistency in the Chris Petersen era is the envy of many of the big five conferences’ schools.

Boise State has been to a bowl game every year since 2001 and had another impressive season in 2012 (11-2, Las Vegas Bowl win), which at this point, probably feels like a letdown to the Broncos.

Joe Southwick is another in the line of highly productive passers for Boise that includes Kellen Moore and Jared Zebransky. The senior threw for 2,730 yards and 19 TDs after taking over for Moore and got better as the season went along. Southwick will rely on a veteran line that features three seniors. Junior receiver Matt Miller is one of the better possession receivers in the country.

Defensively, the Broncos returns four starters on a unit that was once again one of the best in the country, ranking fifth in pass defense, eight in scoring defense and 12th in total defense, nationally. The strength of this year’s Bronco defense will be along the defensive line where Boise returns three starters from a unit that led the Mountain West in sacks in 2012.

Ends Demarcus Lawrence and Sam Ukwuachu and tackle Ricky Tjong-A-Tjoe will pace the Broncos and look to create turnovers. The linebackers are entirely new for Boise State as are the cornerbacks but the safeties are experienced, including Jeremy Ioane, who should compete for All-MWC honors.

In an ever changing Mountain West that doesn’t resemble the one just a few years ago there are still a lot of easy wins for Boise State. Expect the Broncos to be pushed in trips to Washington, Fresno State, Utah State and San Diego State but this season has the potential for an undefeated record. I have Boise State at 8-0-4.

YouTube Video of the Day

This was the viral hit of last week. If you've already seen it then you must like Steve Harvey's mustache more than I do. Still a good watch. Good call bro.

Judge, Jury and Featured Dancer

Strip Club Petitions High Court to Hear Tax Case

By Jacob Gershman/Wall Street Journal

With the help of a leading First Amendment litigator, an upstate New York strip club is asking the U.S. Supreme Court to decide whether it’s entitled to the same sales-tax exemptions granted to ballets and opera houses.

Albany-area strip club called Nite Moves is challenging the state’s sales-tax policy on constitutional grounds. It’s filed a petition with the Supreme Court seeking to overturn a ruling by the state’s highest court last year.

The issue is whether the club’s cover charge and three-minute lap dances should be subject to an 8% sales tax. The club argues that the same tax code that exempts “dramatic or musical art performances,” should also apply to strip-club performances, accusing the state of acting as a dance critic.

State attorneys have argued that the nude dancers at Nite Moves aren’t “engaged in a genuine choreographic dance performance.” The New York Court of Appeals ruled against Nite Moves in a 4-to-3 decision in October.

Nite Moves CFO Stephen Dick told Law Blog that he realizes the odds are long on the Supreme Court agreeing to hear the case at all. “But we believe our case has as much merit and is as important to free speech nationally as any other that we will be petitioning the court in the next session,” he said.

Well this is what happens when good men like Elliott Spitzer get run out of government.

What a bunch elitists they’ve got in the state government in New York. Sitting in their ivory towers and enjoying the “genuine choreographic dance” over at the ballet. I guess Joe Six Pack doesn’t deserve entertainment.

What’s more genuinely choreographed than some lass doing the batman on your face? I challenge these stuff shirts in Albany to check out the lunch buffet at Nite Moves and see if they don’t come away with a different point of view.

At least the Supreme Court can be counted on to make sure freedom of speech and artistic expression will be help up, unlike some g strings which will be pulled down. Clarence Thomas is probably wetting his lips right now. Anita Bryant never won glass heels.



Now that is some fine choreographic dance.

Group Text Moment of the Day

BYB Top 25 Countdown - #14 LSU Tigers

LSU QB Zach Mettenberger

The team generating the least amount of buzz in the SEC heading into the season is also the program that’s been the most consistently competitive and successful in the last decade – LSU.

Les Miles’ squad is sporting a lot of new faces this season as the team returns only nine starters, six on offense and three on defense. Among the news faces is offensive coordinator Cam Cameron, whose sacrificial lamb style midseason firing from the Baltimore Ravens sparked the team’s run to the Super Bowl.

Cameron’s top objective will be polishing quarterback Zach Mettenberg who had a decent season in his first full year as a starter in 2012, passing for 2,069 yards and 12 TDs in a game manager type role.

Mettenberger will have two of his top targets from last season, Odell Beckham Jr. and Jarvis Landry, at his disposal so the pass could figure more prominently in the Tigers’ offensive gameplan but running the ball will continue to be LSU’s prime focus. The Tigers welcomed Jeremy Hill back to the team after suspending him for a sucker punch that a judge later ruled did not violate his probation. Hill and top reserves Alfred Blue and Kenny Hilliard form a great tandem and will run behind a line that returns three starters.

Miles and defensive coordinator have the tough task of restocking a defense hit hard by the loss of upperclassmen. Linebacker Lamin Barrow returns to lead the team from the middle linebacker spot. He tallied 104 tackles and 7.5 tackles as a junior. The secondary will be the strength of the defense as Jalen Mills returns at corner and Craig Loston returns at safety. Despite being a first year starter, expect Anthony Johnston to be an All-SEC contender and another in the line of great LSU defensive tackles.

While the Tigers suffered key losses all over the field the schedule is winnable. LSU starts with a tough game in Arlington against LSU but should have enough to beat a Horned Frog that wasn’t that great a year ago.

LSU will be a heavy underdog against Alabama for the first time in Les Miles’ career and it looks like a loss with all that Alabama brings back. The Tigers will also be tested at Georgia and in home games against Florida and Texas A&M. I have LSU at 8-2-2.

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Now Welcome Racist Clerk!

OPRAH GETS SWISS APOLOGY FOR RACIST ENCOUNTER

Associated Press

GENEVA (AP) — Talk show host Oprah Winfrey says she encountered racism while shopping in Switzerland — and the national tourism office agrees.

The media mogul, who is one of the world's richest women, told the U.S. program "Entertainment Tonight" that a shop assistant in Zurich refused to show her a handbag because it was "too expensive" for her.
Forbes magazine estimates that Winfrey earned $77 million in the year ending in June.

A spokeswoman for the Swiss tourism office, Daniela Baer, told The Associated Press on Friday "we are very sorry for what happened to her."

The tourism office also posted an apology on Twitter, saying "this person acted terribly wrong."

Winfrey was in town to attend last month's wedding of longtime pal Tina Turner, who lives in Switzerland.

Let’s get something straight. The type of experience Oprah Winfrey had at this Zurich shop is not atypical of the experience that many black people have when shopping in expensive stores. It’s downright awful that this type of behavior and the thought that provokes it still exists.

But what I found disturbing is that Switzerland has to apologize for one racist clerk. It seems odd that a country with more than 8 million citizens has to apologize for the racist action of one.

I’m sure Jackie Chan has had someone make slanty eyes at him or laugh at his pronunciations a few times since he got to L.A. I don’t remember the U.S. Tourism Board issuing any mea culpas to him.

Let’s just chalk this one up to one dumbass clerk. If it happens again we’ll have Tina Turner whip some Swiss ass. You better be good to her. Or Oprah can have this jag on her show and make him look like an ass like she did the Million Little Pieces guy.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML

BYB Top 25 Countdown - # 15 Miami Hurricanes

Miami running back Duke Johnson

Going into last season it looked like Al Golden had every reason to bail. The Hurricanes were 6-6 in 2011 with five losses in ACC play and a NCAA scandal that would make Pete Carroll and Jim Tressell blush had just been reported. The sanctions facing Miami would surely be harsh and long.

A year later the Hurricanes are coming off a 7-5 season, with five conference wins, and enter the season with a experienced, confident quarterback and a potential All-American at running back. Oh, not to mention, the NCAA made a debacle of the investigation into Miami’s violations and the Hurricanes could very likely escape this situation with only its own, self induced restrictions.

The Hurricanes are the sure favorite to win the Coastal Division and play either Florida State or Clemson in the ACC Championship Game. Stephen Morris returns at quarterback after throwing for 3,345 yards and 21 TDs last season, and Miami has a true game breaker lining up behind him in running back Duke Johnson, who was a Freshman All-American in 2012 with 2,000 + all-purpose yards.  The Canes also return six of its top receivers from a year ago, including wideout Phillip Dorsett, who had 842 yards receiving.

While much optimism exists regarding the Canes entering the season, the defense remains a point of concern. Miami was 82nd nationally in scoring defense in 2012, giving up 31.4 points per game, which is actually not as bad as it could have been, as Miami was 116th nationally in total defense. Surrendering almost 32 points a game was a sign of bending but not breaking.

Defensive coordinator Mark D’Onofrio, who followed Golden to Miami from Temple, will have to improve the defense, beginning with the pass rush. Miami had only 13 sacks in 2012 and will need a group of returning players, including ends Anthony Chickillo and Shayon Green, to join incoming players like Devante Bond, Ufomba Kamula and Al Quadin Muhammad and better get after opposing passers, A better pass rush should help a Cane secondary that snagged only five passes last season but expect to see many new faces in the secondary as well.

Miami has the talent to compete with every team on their schedule and no definite losses exist for the team, despite the fact that it may have to play in a lot of shootouts. With Morris, Johnson and a bevy of talented receivers to rely on the Canes can stay in any game but they will play a lot of close ones. I have the Canes at 8-0-4 with push games against Florida and Virginia at home and on the road at North Carolina and Florida State.

YouTube Video of the Day

That video is totally worth getting a DUI for. Sure, this guy is going to have to pay a hefty fine and do some community service but he has one of the funniest mementos of a misspent existence ever.

Group Text Moment of the Day

BYB Top 25 Countdown - #16 Nebraska Cornhuskers

The following post is part of the BYB 2013 Preseason Top 25 Countdown. Continue to check in Monday-Friday each week as I count down the Top 25 teams in college football. I swear, even if I flake out and don’t do any other posts, I will continue the countdown.

These picks are a reflection of how I predict the college football season will shake out. I performed a complex formula and broke down each team’s schedule, predicting wins, losses and push games, you know, games that I’m to chicken shit to actually pick a winner. I then ranked the teams with the most predicted wins highest and the teams with the least predicted wins lowest.

This isn’t precise. For example, I have Texas at #23 with six wins, zero losses and six pushes. This means UT could finish 12-0, 6-6 or anything in between. While Texas is ranked low I think the Horns have a great chance at finishing the season ranked high.

The Top 25 is also influenced by other factors like strength of schedule and conference affiliation.  

Nebraska QB Taylor Martinez

Taylor Martinez’ career has been anything but magical. From a meteoric rise to a calamitous injury and decline and now to a painstaking day by day improvement, Martinez has worked to become a quarterback not only known for jaw dropping runs like the one below from the Big Ten Championship, but also for efficient passing and improved footwork and decision making.

As rocky a relationship as Martinez seemed to have with head coach Bo Pelini on the field in College Station in 2010 the fifth year quarterback and the sixth year head coach are tied to each other more so than any other coach and signal caller in the country.

Martinez leads an offense that will be counted on to carry the Huskers while Pelini’s defense continues to struggle and adjust to changing strengths and weaknesses of not only Nebraska’s opponents but to the Huskers’ own revolving door of defensive personnel.



The Huskers were strong running the football again in 2012 as Martinez and running back Ameer Abdullah both tallied 1,000 yards+ on the ground when both had to pick up slack after an injury to Rex Burkhead. With Burkhead gone, Imani Cross will be expected to pick up the remaining carries in the backfield.

The strong running game will allow Martinez good looks in the passing game and improve on a 62% completion percentage that the senior has stated he would like to see get to 70%. Nebraska returns Quincy Enuwa, Kenny Bell and Jamal Turner at receiver. The three players should be able to stretch the field and make defenses pay for loading up the box.

On the other side of the ball, the Blackshirts aren’t the Blackshirts anymore. Since Ndamukong Suh left Nebraska after the 2010 season Nebraska’s defense has continued to plummet and last seasons’ showings against UCLA (653 total yards surrendered) and Wisconsin in the Big Ten Championship (70 points, 539 rushing yards given up) were ready examples of how far Nebraska has fallen defensively.

Nebraska returns only three starters on defense but that could present a rare case of addition by subtraction as the younger players may be better suited to Pelini’s objectives. Jason Ankrah has been a consistent pass rusher for the Huskers and played a vital role in helping Nebraska to be, surprisingly, the fourth best pass defense in the nation in 2012.

The rest of Nebraska’s front seven is new but many have logged playing time in 2011/2012. Safety Ciante Evans will be counted on to develop an also young secondary.

Nebraska’s great running and attack and deep play threats should keep them in all their games which gives them no definite losses but a leaky defense will be a liability in all five of the Huskers’ push games, at home against UCLA, Northwestern and Michigan State and road trips to Michigan and Penn State. If the defense lapses significantly all those games can easily get out of hand. I’ve got Nebraska at 7-0-5.