BYB Quarantine Throwback Game of the Week

Texas Tech vs. North Carolina State 2002

If you're anything like me you've been watching a lot of old sports games to help you with the lack of sports during this virus. Might I suggest one from my old sports writing days. I was in the press box watching with my good friend Matt Muench that day so I didn't watch on TV. So we'll to experience this together! Enjoy!

Red Rocket Returns to DFW!

Cowboys, QB Andy Dalton reach agreement on one-year deal

Todd Archer/ESPN Staff Writer

Andy Dalton is returning home.

Released by the Cincinnati Bengals on Thursday, Dalton agreed to a one-year deal with the Dallas Cowboys, the team announced Saturday. The quarterback's deal has a base value of $3 million and could be worth up to $7 million, a source told ESPN's Adam Schefter.

Before being selected by the Bengals in the second round of the 2011 NFL draft, Dalton played at TCU in Fort Worth, Texas. He lives in Dallas, which means he will not have to move his family during an offseason that has been made uncertain due to the coronavirus pandemic.

With CeeDee Lamb pick in NFL draft, Cowboys asking offense to lead way

Many assumed Dalton, 32, would be in position to find a spot with a less secure starter than Dak Prescott, such as the Jacksonville Jaguars or New England Patriots, but he opted to remain close to home.

Cincinnati drafted LSU quarterback Joe Burrow with the No. 1 overall pick last week, making Dalton expendable. Dalton was set to earn $17.7 million in the final season of a six-year, $96 million contract. In nine seasons with the Bengals, Dalton had a 70-61-2 record and helped them to the postseason in each of his first five seasons, but he was unable to win a playoff game. He holds the franchise record for touchdown passes with 204 and is second in passing yards (31,594), but he was benched after an 0-8 start to the 2019 season.

The Cows seem to be doing all the right things lately. I think they lampooned Jerry Jones on that yacht Draft Time so they could do it up right. Now they get the best backup QB on the market. 

I'll be honest, I wanted Red Rocket to be the Bills backup because I hold a special attachment to him. He's the man who single handedly put the Bills into the playoffs a couple years ago with his comeback against Baltimore. 

But Dallas got him. And as ambivalent as I am about Dallas, if Red Rocket ends up on the field I will be rooting for him.

BYB Quarantine Movie of the Week

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a sucker for Rocky movies. I celebrate almost the entire library. Except Rocky 5. God rest Tommy Morrison's soul but that movie was an abomination to say the best.

The best thing that could have happened to the series was Black Panther director Ryan Coogler and star from Fruitvale Station and The Wire, Michael B. Jordan getting involved. It rejuvenated Sly and made the Rocky series start a great new chapter. I encourage everyone to watch the original Rocky (one of the greatest movies ever) and Creed.

And They're Off!

Kentucky Derby Fans Can Watch Turtles Race Instead Of Horses This Weekend

Dan Gelston/AP

Losing the Kentucky Derby has left race fans shell-shocked.

The first Saturday in May has yielded to the legs of a bunch of slowpokes: Seattle Slow headlines a field of turtles — yes, turtles — that will race in the Kentucky Turtle Derby.

Call it, the slowest eight minutes in sports.

The race is more methodical marathon that mad dash to the finish — though the victor can win at the line by a turtleneck rather than a nose — and is just one more offbeat sport that has had a moment during the coronvirus pandemic.

The Derby, America’s longest continuously held sports event, had been scheduled for May 2. It will now be run Sept. 5, kicking off Labor Day weekend. It’s the first time the Derby won’t be held on its traditional first Saturday in May since 1945, when it was run June 9. The federal government suspended horse racing nationwide for most of the first half of the year before World War II ended in early May, but not in time to hold the first leg of the Triple Crown that month.

Looking for a slower substitute, the first Kentucky Turtle Derby was hatched.

The Courier-Journal headline from 1945 read: “167 Turtles Arrive for Races Saturday” and about 6,500 fans filled the Jefferson County Armory for the 8 p.m. post time. The event went down like this: 20 turtles were herded into seven qualifying races and the winners went on to compete in a 20-foot finale.

I admire the ingenuity Americans are showing trying to get sports back on the TV. Nebraska put on a virtual spring game that was exceptional. Watching a video game football game doesn't sound like a lot of fun but in a pinch it'll do. When I moved into my first apartment in Lubbock I didn't have cable. I turned on NCAA Football 2002 on the Playstation and started watched computer automated games. Saw some barnburners.

But I'm also a somewhat turtle owner. Our turtles are well loved and well fed but they don't exactly take direction. I can't imagine these races are going well. But I'm desperate for sports so if they keep these things going I'll wager on them. Can you blame me?

BYB Quarantine Podcast of the Week

Down the Hill

https://www.downthehillpodcast.com/

Abby and Libby - two young girls murdered.

Investigators are searching for the killer using their biggest clues: a grainy picture and a recording of his voice from the victim’s phone ordering the girls “Down the Hill.”

3 years and 50,000 tips later, it’s a mystery that still haunts the small town of Delphi, Indiana while police say the killer may walk among them.

Not exactly a happy subject matter during this pandemic but for those not easily shaken it's an interesting true crime tale. Still unsolved but hopefully this podcast gives enough answers to the folks in this Indiana town that it can be solved.

Good Day, You Cool Cats and Kittens

Hero Cat Alerts Sleeping Family To Burning Slow Cooker

By David Moye/HuffPost

Think cats are just selfish creatures who only want to eat, sleep and clean themselves? 

Well, that’s a crock, according to a Canadian man who says his cat woke him up to let him know a slow cooker was on fire.

Scott White of Portugal Cove-St. Philip’s in the province of Newfoundland and Labrador, said he went to sleep Sunday morning around midnight after setting some onions in the slow cooker to make jam.

A few hours later, around 4:30 a.m., White said his cat, Joey, did something strange. “Usually, Joey doesn’t bother us when we sleep, but I could sense him pacing around the bed and I woke up with a paw on my face,” White told HuffPost.

Sensing something was wrong, White got up and saw the kitchen filling up with smoke from the slow cooker. “There was a lot of haze in the kitchen, but not enough to alert the fire alarm about 20 feet away,” White said.

In the aftermath of Joey’s alertness, White and his fiancee have been giving Joey extra attention and treats from a “hero basket” donated to them as word about the cat spread around town.

But Joey’s heroism may have left White’s other pet, a 10-month-old puppy, in the metaphorical doghouse. “The dog was always in the window growling at people, so we thought he’d be a good watchdog,” White said.

Instead, the pooch slept through the entire incident.

“I guess we found out the real hero is the cat,” White told the CBC.

Yeah, take that Lassie! Dumbass dog sitting there with his tail between his legs while The Cool Cat has to take care of bizness and save the family. 

I'm a cat guy. I can't be drawn to an animal like a dog that needs desperately for my affection. You gotta make me work for it. Like a cat. And maybe if I love the cat enough it'll save my life one day. Maybe not.

Eat Me!

Alex Jones Says He’s Considering Eating Neighbors If COVID-19 Lockdown Continues

By David Moye/Huffpost

Think you’re going stir crazy from the coronavirus lockdown? Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones can probably top whatever disturbing thoughts you might be having. 

He said on his far-right radio talk show Friday that he’s willing to go full cannibal.

If COVID-19 shutdowns continue, he said, he has “extrapolated this out” and may have to resort to drastic and disgusting methods of survival.

“I’ll admit it. I will eat my neighbors,” Jones said, predicting a dystopian future plagued by food shortages. 

“I won’t have to for a few years ’cause I got food and stuff ― but I’m literally looking at my neighbors now and going, ’I’m ready to hang ’em up and gut ’em and skin ’em. My daughters aren’t starving to death. I will eat my neighbors. ... I will.”

Although Jones’ admission could make neighborhood watch meetings awkward, he said he plans on gobbling “globalists” who imposed the lockdowns first. 

“You think I like sizing up my neighbor?!” Jones bellowed. “I’m gonna haul him up by a chain and chop his ass up! I’ll do it! My children aren’t going hungry! I’ll eat your ass! And that’s what I want the globalists to know — I will eat your ass first!”

It’s unlikely Jones will ever go hungry, thanks to a fortune amassed in part through scams like selling fake coronavirus cures. He was ordered to pay Sandy Hook elementary school parents $100,000 for legal fees last year in a lawsuit they filed over his lies that the 2012 school massacre was a hoax.

Look, I'm never going to be one to advocate for a scumbag like Alex Jones but he's kinda being practical here. If all the farmers plow their crops and slaughter all the animals we may have to go Walking Dead style. 

Maybe Alex is just looking ahead. I say we give this great patriot a road map to survival. Alex, when all the meat runs out you can feel free to drive to West Texas and eat my a$$.

BYB Quarantine TV Show of the Week

Snowfall

FX.com

BOUT THE SHOW

It's the summer of 1984, and it's Season 3 of Snowfall. Crack cocaine is spreading like wildfire through South Central Los Angeles, continuing its path of destruction and changing the culture forever.

Police are waking up to this growing epidemic, and Sergeant Andre Wright (Marcus Henderson) has set his sights on budding Kingpin and next-door neighbor Franklin Saint (Damson Idris) and his people. While local law enforcement fights to stem the tide, Teddy McDonald (Carter Hudson) and the CIA are working hard to make sure the flow of cocaine into LA doesn’t stop.

To continue funding the war against communism in Central America, Teddy will need to find new routes into the United States using Gustavo “El Oso” Zapata (Sergio Peris-Mencheta) and what's left of the Villanueva family. As the stakes and losses continue to mount, our players truly begin to understand the destructive force they have set in motion, forced to re-examine their own motivations and the cost of continuing forward from here.

Snowfall is created by John Singleton & Eric Amadio and Dave Andron and Executive Produced by Singleton, Andron, Thomas Schlamme, Amadio, Michael London and Trevor Engelson. Andron will serve as showrunner.

Ever wonder how crack cocaine was invented and spread throughout the US? Well this great show tells that story with a good narrative and amazing characters. If you've got some free time (like I do), give a few minutes to this fascinating show. It's from John Singelton so anyone whoever liked The Program, Higher Learning or Boys in the Hood would be a big fan.

Aliens might be real

Aliens might be real as The Pentagon releases footages of what they claim is an 'unidentified aerial phenomena'

We might not be alone in this ever-expanding universe.

The Pentagon released three videos showing what they are calling "unidentified aerial phenomena". In the videos, we can see an oval object moving rapidly, which seems to be impossible manoeuvre for aircraft to carry out.

However, the videos have been released over the years, dating back to early 2000s. The first footage, which was recorded in 2004 and was picked up by To The Stars Academy of Arts & Science, co-founded by Blink-182 guitarist Tom DeLonge.

It shows a patrol carrier's sensor system picking up an object floating in the sky. The carrier had its sensors on and locked on the object. But after a while, the object speeds off to the left and sensors lost track of it because of its immense speed.

The other two videos were recorded in 2015 from the aircraft of two U.S. fighter pilots.

The first video was leaked in 2007 and the others in 2017 to which the U.S. Navy has come out and said they are real.

The U.S. Defense Department spokesperson Sue Gough said, “After a thorough review, the department has determined that the authorized release of these unclassified videos does not reveal any sensitive capabilities or systems, and does not impinge on any subsequent investigations of military air space incursions by unidentified aerial phenomena.”

Say whatever you want. It's pretty obvious to me that the aliens are really out there and I need to call them out. So thousands of years ago you build pyramids for the Egyptians but now you can't step up and help us out of this virus? For thousands of years all you aliens did was butt diddle hillbillies and mow circles into crops. Why don't you get your asses down here and pitch in? 

Oh? And Bigfoot? Don't think I don't have my eye on you. You're like Chewbaca with none of the charm.

TB 2 TB: No Table in Buffalo is Safe

Why did Tom Brady walk away from Patriots, Bill Belichick after 20 years?

Do we want to do "blame" or do we want to do "reasons"?

We can do both but - out of respect for the end of the greatest run by any franchise in NFL history - I'd rather lay off the blame for why Tom Brady is no longer a Patriot.

Let's stick to reasons.

One thing, though? Tom Brady didn't "decide" to leave the Patriots. That's for sure.

He decided to leave the same way a person "decides" to get out of the car when it pulls into the driveway, is put into park and the engine is turned off. Ride's over. Time to get out.

The Patriots made very clear to Brady over the past few years that they weren't in it with him for the long haul anymore.

They made it clear before the 2018 season when - instead of the extension he'd been trying to extract - he was given some incentives to hit in order to sweeten his salary.

At the time, a source texted me, "Remember, this is a club that would not pull the thorn out of the lion's paw if presented with the situation."

We all owe the NFL a debt of gratitude of keeping the hot stove burning this week. It's been a welcome distraction. No news hit my ear better than the bain of the Buffalo Bills' existence, the Nelson to their Bart, Mr. Thomas Brady hitting the road for Tampa Bay. Bill Belichick finally alienated the one player he had held on to all these years. And Buffalo's sins went with him when Bill put him in the hole. Now Buffalo has a Top 10 receiver in Stefon Diggs, a Top 5 defense and the stalwart Brady out of the division. If there's a Super Bowl next year I like the Bills' chances.

Bingeworthy Show of the Week

Project Blue Book

I for one welcome our alien overlords. I've never been a huge sci-fi guy or an alien guy but this show has enough of a history background (Cold War politics, CIA, spies, etc.) to draw my attention. Obviously its scripted but each episode concludes with the university researcher's notes from that case. Aiden Gillen from Game of Thrones (Littlefinger) kills it as Dr. Hynek, the Ohio State professor hired by the Air Force to investigate UFO cases and Ksenia Solo, ooh la la. I've got a new crush. Give it a shot. You won't be disappointed.

Fmr. Manager of DOD Aerospace Threat Program: “UFOs are Real”

I Javelina to Run

That Viral Javelina Footage Just Got Better Thanks To Some Well-Placed Music

Don’t stop him now, he’s having such a good time!

A wild javelina captured the hearts, minds and memes of social media this week after being caught on camera running through Tucson, Arizona.

Despite its somewhat boar-like appearance, the javelina is a peccary and not a pig. Javelinas roam from the American Southwest down into Argentina. And, according to the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum, they’re known for having scent glands near the rump that they rub on rocks, trees and each other to mark territory.

Javelinas live in groups of about 10 and communicate with both grunts and scents. While they are herbivores, javelinas will also eat lizards, birds and rodents if the opportunity arises.

And one has run right into the Twitter feeds of millions as the latest meme, in many cases with people adding some matching music:

Man, that thing is a beast. Like Marshawn Lynch busting through the line. One time me and my brother chased a javelina through a park with two OPD officers and two cowboys. The cowboys had two extension cords they had fashoined into a lasso. What was our plan for if we caught it? i mean, I guess the cops technically had to be doing it but I guess we were just helping out of some idiotic sense of civic service. Men really are stupid, aren't we?

Podcast of the Week

Disgraceland

Your favorite musicians are all scumbags. I know because I heard it on Disgraceland. 

Lot of great stories from the world of music like James Brown asking for a private viewing of Elvis' body at his funeral and telling the corpse, "Elvis, you rat, I ain't number two no more."

Bite Me

Biting passengers on flight is no reason for cash compensation delay: EU court adviser

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - Air travelers cannot receive cash compensation if their flight is delayed by a passenger biting others and assaulting crew members, an adviser at the Court of Justice of the European Union said on Thursday.

Such incidents were “extraordinary circumstances,” Advocate General Priit Pikamae wrote in a non-binding opinion, a form of guidance that is normally followed by the court.

A traveler flying from Brazil to Norway via Portugal in Aug. 2017 with Portuguese airline TAP sought 600 euros compensation in accordance with EU law, after his flight departed late from the Brazilian city of Fortaleza.

The plane had to be diverted to disembark a passenger biting and assaulting crew members before it could land back in Brazil, delaying the following outgoing flight.

“A passenger biting other passengers and attacking the cabin crew trying to calm him down, resulting in the deviation of a Lisbon-Fortaleza flight to the nearest airport in order to disembark this passenger and his baggage, leading to a flight delay, falls under the concept of extraordinary circumstances,” Pikamae said.

TAP argued that the delay at arrival in Lisbon, resulting in the passenger missing his connecting flight to Oslo, was due to the fact that the airline used the same plane that was diverted on its way to Brazil to disembark the violent passenger and it was not possible to send another plane on time.

The court itself will likely rule in two to four months on the matter. It typically follows the opinions of its advocate generals.

Finally a judge comes forward to challenge all these damn scam artists trying to fleece the travel industry with the ole' "get bit on a plane and sue the airline" scam. Look, wild shit happens on planes. Mile Hile Club, air sickness, biting other passengers and crew members. It goes with the territory. 

That's why you always build in time during your layover to doctor up your bite scars and hit the airport Chili's. A I the only one who's ever traveled before. You don't try to rob the poor airlines just because you catch a tooth in the neck. Ridiculous.

Wrestling Promo of the Week

I can't express how weird and unsettling it is to see wrestling without crowd noise. It's like watching a duck read a newspaper. Not that I'm complaining. The fact that I get to watch it at all is something I'm thankful for - any shot at normalcy right now is something we should embrace. But during these trying times I also flash back to the past to get a shot of enthusiasm.

We've got Hard Times but listen to Dusty. We'll make it through these Hard Time Blues.

Buddy, I'm Busy Over Here

Remind me never to cross this fella. There's an expression for dudes who don't give a F this hard. They ain't bad but the bad better not F with them.

Licking His Wounds

Man Who Filmed Himself Licking Ice Cream Tub Gets Jail Time

The 24-year-old Texas man was sentenced to 30 days in jail for posting a video showing himself removing an ice cream container from a Texas market freezer, licking the contents and returning the container to the freezer.

PORT ARTHUR, Texas (AP) — A 24-year-old man was sentenced Wednesday to 30 days in jail for posting on social media a video last August of himself removing an ice cream container from a Texas market freezer, licking the contents and returning the container to the freezer.

D’Adrien Anderson, 24, also was sentenced to an additional six-month jail term probated for two years and ordered to pay a $1,000 fine and $1,565 in restitution to Blue Bell Creameries, which had to replace all of its products in the freezer.

Anderson began serving his jail term immediately after sentencing.

The incident happened Aug. 26 at a Walmart in Port Arthur. Store surveillance cameras showed that he finally took the Blue Bell ice cream from the freezer and bought it, which wasn’t captured in the social media video, authorities said.

Anderson could have been sentenced to up to a year in jail and fined $4,000 for misdemeanor criminal mischief.

Obviously in the last 15 days sensitivities to this type of tomfoolery have heightened so I'm trying to grade on a curve here but I not mustering up a whole lot of sympathy for this fella. Honestly if someone tried this now I'm pretty sure they'd get sent to The Gulag or locked in the Stocks like the 1790's. And they'd have it coming. Justice might be getting frontier style again pretty soon. Don't lick the ice cream if you can't toss the salad.

Carl Pelini Lifehack of the Week

Look, a lot of people are freaking out right now about toilet paper. Seems ridiculous to me. Hell, anything can be toilet paper. Thrifty Nickel, treasure map from Long John Silver's, welfare check, Mcdonald's bag, restraining order paperwork, paystub from Nebraska. Hell, anything. 

My buddy from the Boca Raton Soup Kitchen, Tupelo Hank used to say you didn't even need toilet paper. He'd just show up at the supermarket first thing and ask for some paper bags. Carve out a couple leg holes and duct tape it up around your things. You gotcha a homemade diaper right there. Have Bo send you a pair of LSU sweatpants and you're in business. Toilet paper shortage? Ya'll are just being silly.

Lean On Me

Failed building demolition creates the 'leaning tower of Dallas'

300 pounds of dynamite couldn't topple the concrete and steel core of the former Affiliated Computer Services tower.

"I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah you, you wreck me"


I don't think I've ever seen something so attached to Dallas. Maybe Dirk Nowitzki.

Brewing Something Up

Doctors Discover Booze Brewing In Sober Woman’s Bladder

61-year-old patient was denied a liver transplant because doctors thought she was hiding an alcohol abuse problem

A 61-year-old Pennsylvania woman who was seeking a liver transplant caused quite a brouhaha after doctors tested her urine and discovered the presence of alcohol.

The patient insisted that she had not been drinking that day, but doctors at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine and Medical Center were skeptical. Since excessive drinking can harm the liver, they pushed her to enter an alcohol abuse treatment program instead, according to The Washington Post.

But the woman kept insisting she wasn’t an alcoholic and she showed no signs of visible impairment from drinking.

Eventually, doctors discovered that the real trouble was brewing in her bladder. The organ was producing alcohol on its own, according to a case study published Monday in the journal Annals of Internal Medicine.

It seems the woman suffered from urinary auto-brewery syndrome, which caused her bladder to make alcohol.

That booze didn’t show up in her blood. And her urine had no signs of ethyl glucuronide or ethyl sulfate, two chemicals produced when the body metabolizes alcohol.

But the woman’s urine had a lot of sugar and yeast — the two key ingredients for fermentation. (She had “uncontrolled diabetes,” according to the Philadelphia Inquirer.)

Once doctors figured out that the high levels of alcohol in the woman’s urine were not the result of excessive consumption, she was allowed back on the list to be considered for a liver transplant.

Her case “demonstrates how easy it is to overlook signals that urinary auto-brewery syndrome may be present,” the study said, calling for standardized guidelines for alcohol abstinence monitoring.

Wow, talk about cutting out the middle man. No more trips to the liquor store. Just brew that stuff up in the old liver on your own. What are the chances there are other ladies with this magical skill. Maybe one could make an honest man out of me. Then when I'm morning drunk I could just say I gave my wife a smooch this morning. How is that a crime?

Duck, Duck, Goose

For some reason the idea to write an opinion piece about Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson’s comments to GQ popped into my head near Midnight two days before Christmas. The horse has been beat near to death but some momentary thought that was clear for a fleeing moment sparked my interest enough.

This isn’t about gays. This isn’t about blacks. This is about Christianity.

Why would a substantial sum of individuals living in a country that had never elected a non-Christian president be so offended about a public figure reaffirming, however unskillfully, that he believes in principles outlined in the Bible?

Because while we are a country that wants our public figures, our representatives, our leaders to have faith – that’s all we want them to have.

Call if comfy Christianity - the kind of Christianity in the good news section of the local paper or the night time news. The terminally sick child that is now well after his community prayed. The local church that traveled to a community struck by disaster to lend a helping hand or the starlet in a Hollywood movie that had faith she’d find her one and only.

How many of the people who claim to be outraged at the treatment if Phil Robertson would make the same type of public statements tomorrow, even if the consequences were not the same? How many teachers, lawyers or factory workers would walk into their workplace tomorrow and give an impassioned justification of why homosexuality is a sin even if they knew their employment would not be threatened? My theory is that there would not be many. It’s not pleasant conversation.

And it’s not the same as telling people at your workplace that you agree with Phil Robertson. Or Pat Robertson. Or Ted Cruz. These types of declarations are easy fodder for a quick water cooler conversation, recognition that you are well aware of the latest overblown political event and that you fall on one side of the argument, usually the one that is most popular in that part of the county, red or blue. And they’re usually made to people who either agree with the outlook or wouldn’t object if they didn’t.

But telling your coworkers how you feel A&E is wrong for suspending Phil Robertson  isn’t the same as explaining to them why you feel gay marriage is wrong. Complaining that the liberal media is attacking Christianity isn’t the same as explaining why abortion is murder.

People like to hear that your church’s youth group built houses in New Orleans but when you go in detail about how “the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers —(they) won’t inherit the kingdom of God,” you’re likely to get a polite nod as they scamper away and try to escape back to the refuge or work. Lest be stuck talking to the Jesus freak.

Why do the people stray for those theological discussions? Why do we as a society govern religion out of school and the workplace when, at the same time, the idea of the US electing a Jewish, or a Muslim president is so improbable, and the idea of electing an agnostic or atheist seems so impossible? And a cable TV star can be suspended for talking about what’s in the Bible.

Maybe it’s because we want that comfy Christianity. We want the better parts of Christianity to be the bigger parts of Christianity. The doctrine of the Bible will not change but society wants to have the same feeling about God that we have watching the uplifting stories on the news without constantly focusing on the few points that seem to put us at opposite ends of an argument.

As brave as many feel Phil Robertson was for telling GQ what he thought about gay marriage it was much braver what Pope Francis said in an interview in September.

“It is not necessary to talk about these issues all the time. The dogmatic and moral teachings of the church are not all equivalent. The church’s pastoral ministry cannot be obsessed with the transmission of a disjointed multitude of doctrines to be imposed insistently. We have to find a new balance, otherwise even the moral edifice of the church is likely to fall like a house of cards, losing the freshness and fragrance of the Gospel.”

It’s pretty comfy not sitting by the Jesus freak.

College Football Picks Week 2

One week of picks in the book and if you rolled with me last week then you're already a winner. Sure, I only went 8-7 but it was a solid 8-7. With the exception of whiffing big on Auburn/Wazzu, Boise/Washington and Miss State/Okie State I looked almost knowlegable. And as Bo Pelini would say this is easily improvable. We shall see.

Here's this week's games. My picks are in bold.

South Florida at Michigan State -24 Nobody circles the wagons like the South Florida Bulls. Well, until the wheels come off. Willie Taggart may have done great things at Western Kentucky but losing to McNeese State 53-21 shows he has a lot of work to do or that he's not as good as his bio. Even Andrew Maxwell is licking his chops to play the Bulls. MSU romps in this one.

Western Kentucky at Tennessee -14 Speaking of Western Kentucky, the Hilltoppers have lost no ground after Taggart's departure with a solid win against Kentucky last week. Bobby Petrino is staying off the motorbikes and the females for now. Can he keep it within two touchdowns against the Vols? Why not? I'll take the points.

San Diego State at Ohio State -29.5 Unless Eastern Illinois is the Ohio Valley's version of a BCS buster then the Aztecs have taken a huge step back since Brady Hoke left. Expect Urban Meyer to give Hoke's old school a festive shot to the chops. A 30 point win should be no problem.

Oregon -24 at Virginia A 19-16 win against BYU is a nice start to the season for Virginia but its not much of a warm up for what's heading to town. Oregon wasn't lavished with much love for whopping Nicholls State last week. The Ducks will want something to brag about. I'll give the 24.

South Carolina at Georgia -3 I picked against the team from the Palmetto state last week when it played Georgia. I won't make the same mistake again. Expect Connor Shaw to do just enough to complement what should be another decent night for Mike Davis and the Gamecock defense will present a stiffer challenge than the Dawgs faced kast week. I'll take the 3 points.

Southern Mississippi at Nebraska -29.5 Nebraska pretty much ruined what should have been a great college football Saturday for me last week. The Huskers won't do the same this week and it won't be due to improved defensive play. I just refuse to be fooled again. Southern Miss may have dropped a home game to Texas State last week but until I see any different the Blackshirts give me enough reason to take the opponent, especially when given almost 30 points.

Louisiana Lafayette at Kansas State -10.5 I can't say I was upset to see the Wildcats get beat by a FCS team led by a former Husker but don't expect that to continue. This week's opponent Louisiana Lafayette gave up a big day to another quarterback trying to find his way in Arkansas' Brandon Allen. Expect KSU passer Jake Waters to find his football and cut down on the picks. I'll give the points.

Texas -7.5 at BYU Some home dogs made me look foolish last week but my old pals the Longhorns will win back some of my credability this week. I'll take Texas even though Mack was too stupid to take Jameis Winston.

UAB at LSU -36 LSU looked pretty damn impressive against the Horned Frogs in Dallas last week. Now its time for the letdown game. Relax Tigers, that just means not hanging half a hundred on a UAB squad that fough hard against Troy last week on the road. I'll take the big spread and the Blazers.

West Virginia at Oklahoma -21 Oklahoma started off the Trevor Knight era with a solid win against a Louisiana Monroe squad that snuck up on some teams last season. West Virginia outlasted William & Mary at home with a TD with three minutes to play. One of these things is not like the other. The Mountaineers will struggle to stop Oklahoma and without Geno Smith, I'm not sure if West Virginia can keep up on offense.

 Arkansas State at Auburn -13 I had Auburn pegged for a better squad than the one that edged out Mike Leach's Wazzu squad. The Tigers were saved by some timely interceptions but the story was when Leach had the Cougs run the ball. Washington State running backs Teondray Caldwell and Marcus Mason averaged 7.6 and 7.2 yards per rush, respectively. Arkansas State is currently the top running offense in the nation after blistering Arkansas Pine Bluff for 509 yards rushing. I'll take the Red Wolves and the points. 

Washington State at USC -16.5 Washington State played well against Auburn but USC's top line talent and a defense that looked improved against Hawaii should tell the real story. Phil Steele believes the Trojans are still one of the top teams in college football. I'll buy what he's selling for now and I'll give the points.

Notre Dame at Michigan -4.5 Both teams enter this game with legitimate reasons for optimism with promising opening game wins. Michigan sports a new look pro-style offense that got good games out of its skill position talent a week ago. Notre Dame has one of the formidable defensive lines in college football. This one will be close but Michigan's defense has progressed well enough to be able to shut down Tommy Rees and force a weakened Irish ground game to pace the team. I'll take Michigan and give the points.

Florida -3.5 at Miami Florida's defense once again looked like one of the best in the country last week, holding Toledo to 205 total yards. This week will be a tougher challenge as my Heisman dark horse Duke Johnson announced himself against FAU with 186 yards on 19 carries. Miami's defense was a liability at times last season and Florida running back Mack Brown has stepped up as a nice addition to take some pressure off QB Jeff Driskel. I'd love to take the home dog here but I think Florida is the safer play.

Syracuse at Northwestern -12 Syracuse showed some fight in a tough road loss to a B1G team last week. Expect that trend to continue. I've got to go with the Fighting Fitzys.

College Football TV Schedule

Thursday, September 5
7:00 p.m. Florida Atlantic at East Carolina - FXS1
Friday, September 6
7:00 p.m. Wake Forest at Boston College - ESPN2
7:00 p.m. Central Florida at Florida International - CBSSN
Saturday, September 7
11:00 a.m. Florida at Miami - ESPN
11:00 a.m. South Florida at Michigan State - ESPN2
11:00 a.m. Eastern Michigan at Penn State - BTN
11:00 a.m. Oklahoma State at UTSA - FXS1
11:00 a.m. South Carolina State at Clemson - NESN
11:00 a.m. Western Kentucky at Tennessee - MSG/MYTV16
11:00 a.m. Houston at Temple - SNY
11:00 a.m. Miami (Ohio) at Kentucky - FSOH
11:00 a.m. Southeastern Louisiana at TCU - FSSW

2:30 p.m. San Diego State at Ohio State - ABC/ESPN2
2:30 p.m. Oregon at Virginia - ABC/ESPN2
2:30 p.m. Toledo at Missouri - ESPNU
2:30 p.m. Buffalo at Baylor - FSSW/MSG+
2:30 p.m. Utah State at Air Force - CBSSN
2:30 p.m. Alcorn State at Mississippi - CSN
3:00 p.m. Old Dominion at Maryland - ESPNEWS
3:00 p.m. Idaho at Wyoming - RTRM
3:30 p.m. South Carolina at Georgia - ESPN
 5:00 p.m. Syracuse at Northwestern - BTN
5:00 p.m. Southern Mississippi at Nebraska - BTNa
5:30 p.m. Louisiana Lafayette at Kansas State - FXS1
6:00 p.m. Texas at BYU - ESPN2
6:00 p.m. UAB at LSU - ESPNU
6:00 p.m. West Virginia at Oklahoma - FOX
6:00 p.m. Colorado State at Tulsa - CBSSN
6:00 p.m. Stephen F Austin at Texas Tech - MSG+
6:30 p.m. Austin Peay at Vanderbilt - CSN
6:30 p.m. Arkansas State at Auburn - FSOH
7:00 p.m. Notre Dame at Michigan - ESPN
9:30 p.m. Washington State at USC - FXS1
9:30 p.m. Arizona at UNLV - CBSSN

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I was at the beach. I'd recently decided to try the "life hack" where you empty out a bottle of lotion and hide small valuables in it, to avoid them being stolen. I'd put the bottle in my bag. Instead of stealing stuff from inside it, though, someone just stole the whole bag. FML

College Football Picks Week 1

Here's your Week 1 Picks college football picks. If you bet with me you must be crazy, desperate, hammered or all the above. A fool and his money are soon to part but if you're dead set on blowing your money then I will be your enabler. This week is odd for me. I generally like the home dogs but I continually when against them when picking this week and as bad as I was last season that might not be a bad thing.

My picks are bold.

North Carolina at South Carolina -12.5 Larry Fedora started the trend of talented coaches making their way up the ranks after a start at Okie State. He's an up and comer who may be the man to fix the Tarheels but it isn't happening Game 1. Add Bryn Renner to the list of quarterbacks who will fear Mr. Clowney.

Texas Tech -6.5 at SMU Can Kliffy start things off with a one touchdown win? He better or things are about to get messy in Lubbock. I'll take Tech by 7.

Georgia -2 at Clemson I really like Clemson's squad but I've got them pulling a Clemson right out of the gate. I just like Georgia's two headed monster at running back and Aaron Murrary will be able to manage a big game scenario. Georgia will make the SEC look good in Week 1 and Clemson will rebound and finish 10-1.

Alabama -20.5 vs. Virginia Tech You know why Nick Saban is so good in bowl games? Because if you give him a month to prepare then its Game Over even before it starts. Much has been made about the Hokies finishing last season strong but those late season games were against some paltry opponents. Expect the Tide to roll large even with the big spread.

LSU -5.5 vs. TCU I may be reading too much into what is probably no more than a self serving decision but I think Les Miles may have outsmarted Gary Patterson in the whole Jeremy Hill kerfuffle. No you've got guys in Fort Worth asking if they think the non-suspension of an oppoising player is fair. Not to mention they've already got to deal with the distraction of their possibly now sober quarterback and some random Johnny Football questions. LSU will rally around Miles whether Hill plays or not. I like LSU in about a 10 point game.

Mississippi State vs. Oklahoma State -13 I was actually planning on going to this game in Reliant Stadium but I forgot I have my fantasy football drafts this weekend. Oklahoma State is definitely the better team but the growing pains of the developing defense and the revolving quarterbacks are going to make this interesting. I'll take Mississippi State and the points.

USC -23.5 at Hawaii Last year in Southern California the Trojans beat Hawaii by 39. The Warriors couldn't get things together and went 3-9 in 2012. Norm Chow is familiar with Lane Kiffin as the two have both served as Pete Carroll's offensive coordinator but Kiffin has Marqise Lee on his side and Chow has zilch. USC is going to play both quarterbacks, Max Wittek and Cody Kessler, which could present a problem for the offense but nothing big enough for Hawaii to take advantage of. USC wins big again.

Penn State -8 vs. Syracuse Syracuse is sporting a new look this year as former DC Scott Shafer takes over as head coach with Doug Marrone taking over the Buffalo Bills (Marrone may wish he could go back now). Both teams will be starting new quarterbacks. In fact, Penn State will not announce its starter before Saturday so whoever trots out for the Nittany Lions will be a surprise but at least whoever he is will have Allen Robinson as a target. Advantage PSU. Bill O'Brien seems to get the best out of his guys. At this point I don't know if that is the case for Scott Shafer. I'll give Syracuse the 8.

BYU -1 at Virginia No pick em's this week but this is the closest thing to one. It's a matchup of two teams sporting new coordinators. BYU replaced its offensive coordinator in the offseason and Virginia replaced both its OC and DC. I'll take the team that only replaced one coordinator and the one whose coach is named Bronco. BYU wins on the road.

Northern Illinois at Iowa -3 Three reasons to take North Illinois here. One, the Huskies keep cranking out big time stat, dual threat quarterbacks and have another one back this year in Jordan Lynch. Two, Iowa is always one of those teams that struggles with a directional school in the first week and three, Iowa sort of sucks in general right now. Northern Illinois is the team I feel best about this week so inevitably it won't happen but I'm picking it anyway.

Louisiana Monroe at Oklahoma -21 Big Game Bobby Stoops picked Trevor Knight to be the next QB to lead the Sooners and never has he made a poor decision there. But will the new guy struggle Game 1? It could happen. Louisiana Monroe beat Arkansas is the first game of 2012 and put some fear into Auburn and Baylor in the following two weeks, which is hinesite doesn't seem as impressive. I'll take Oklahoma and give the 21 points, one of which at least will be a Belldozer TD run.

Washington State at Auburn -16 A matchup of offensive geniuses. This game would have been amazing if both were still coaching the best incarnations of their best teams. But it's a stalled Cougar program vs. a rebuilding War Eagle group. I'll give Guz Malzahn the edge because many of the Auburn players are actually guys he was involved in recruiting as the former OC, while Mike Leach is still sorting out which of his players he should start or lock in a shed. I've got Auburn by three touchdowns.

Boise State at Washington -3 Pardon an extremely tired cliche but this is the game where the rubber meets the road for the Steve Sarkisian era at Washington. The Huskies have a rabid fan base that will be watching this game in a very swanky new stadium. Boise State is obviously the best non AQ program in the country but if Washington wants to take the step toward competing for conference titles and finishing in the Top 25 then it has to win this game. It won't and the final chapters of Sarkisian will start being penned.

Northwestern -5.5 at California Another home dog, another road team I'm picking. Pat Fitzgerald is a great coach that has a good group coming back, including two impressive quarterbacks and a burner at running back. Sonny Dykes may help California rebound during his tenure but this a one TD win should be in the bag for the Wildcats.

Florida State -10.5 at Pittsburgh Jimbo Fisher finally shared the worst kept secret in college football when he announced that Jameis Winston would be the new starting QB for the Noles this week. Last season Pitt dropped the season opener to Youngstown State. Things won't be that bad this season but even a Florida State team trying to replace 11 NFL Draft picks can beat the Panthers by 12. I like FSU giving 11.5

Good luck. As Frank Reynolds would say...

YouTube Video of the Day

Time for college football!

College Football TV Schedule

Lot of good games to watch kiddos!

Thursday, August 29
5:00 p.m.     North Carolina at South Carolina ESPN
6:00 p.m.     UNLV at Minnesota BTN
6:00 p.m.     Tulsa at Bowling Green ESPNU
7:00 p.m.     Utah State at Utah FXS1
8:15 p.m.     Mississippi at Vanderbilt ESPN
9:30 p.m.     Rutgers at Fresno State ESPNU
10:00 p.m.    USC at Hawaii CBSSN

Friday, August 30
7:00 p.m.     Western Michigan at Michigan State BTN
7:00 p.m.      Florida Athletic at Miami ESPNU
7:00 p.m.      Texas Tech at SMU ESPN
7:30 p.m.      North Dakota State at Kansas State FXS1

Saturday, August 31
11:00 a.m.     Villanova at Boston College         ESPNEWS
11:00 a.m.     Purdue at Cincinnati ESPNU
11:00 a.m.     Buffalo at Ohio State ESPN2
11:00 a.m.     Massachusetts at Wisconsin         BTN
11:00 a.m.     William & Mary at West Virginia         FXS1
11:00 a.m.      Toledo at Florida MNT16
11:30 a.m.      Florida International at Maryland         FSSW
11:30 a.m.      Louisiana Tech at N.C. State         ACC
12:00 p.m.      Rice at Texas A&M ESPN
2:00 p.m.       Utah State at Utah FCSP
2:00 p.m.       Colgate at Air Force RTNW
2:30 p.m.       Temple at Notre Dame NBC
2:30 p.m.       Mississippi State at Oklahoma State ABC
2:30 p.m.       Penn State at Syracuse ESPN2
2:30 p.m.       BYU at Virginia ESPNU
2:30 p.m.       Central Michigan at Michigan BTN
3:00 p.m.       Nicholls State at Oregon FXS1
3:00 p.m.       Louisiana Lafayette at Arkansas FSSW
4:30 p.m.       Alabama at Virginia Tech ESPN
6:00 p.m.      Washington State at Auburn ESPNU
6:00 p.m.       Kentucky at Western Kentucky ESPNEWS
6:00 p.m.      Miami (OH) at Marshall CBSSN
6:00 p.m.      Old Dominion at East Carolina FCSA
6:30 p.m.      Wofford at Baylor FCSC
7:00 p.m.      Georgia at Clemson ABC
7:00 p.m.      New Mexico State at Texas LHN
7:00 p.m.      Wyoming at Nebraska BTN
8:00 p.m.       LSU vs. TCU ESPN
9:00 p.m.       Boise State at Washington FXS1
9:30 p.m.       Northwestern at California ESPN2

Sunday, Sept. 1
2:30 p.m.      Ohio at Louisville ESPN
5:00 p.m.      Colorado vs. Colorado State CBSSN

Monday, Sept. 2
7:00 p.m.      Florida State at Pittsburgh ESPN

Group Text Moment of the Day

College football is here!

Don't Hassle the Hoff (or steal his signs)

WFSB 3 Connecticut

Sounds like this clerk is either overly dedicated to his job or he’s the biggest David Hasselhoff fan in the history of the world. It’s terrible that the victim is in critical condition over an event as trivial as this.

You think the Cumberland Farms could have just ordered a few extra signs. Putting a Hoff sign in front of your store is like tapping a keg at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. There’s no way it’s not getting taken.

But now you have some dummies who were almost assuredly drunk or high facing some stiff charges all because they were dumb enough to drag a clerk behind their car.

Of course, if the thieves would have been driving Kip then he would have shut off the engine, foiling the getaway and protecting the driver but unfortunately, Kip isn’t real.

P.S. - Kind of reminds me of the mailbox shootout from Dazed and Confused.

Wal Mart Person of the Day

If only those pants were as supportive as the child support

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML

Ear Aches and Cottonmouth Do Not Mix

Officials: Little known locally about earwax marijuana

By Marie F. Estrada/Times-Herald staff writer

Two minutes after taking a five-second hit from a vaporizer, Josh felt the effects of the earwax marijuana rushing over him.

"I felt like I was gonna die," the 17-year-old recalled. "The movie we were watching started to look 3-D. I kept seeing lights."

What the others in the group Josh was with had failed to tell him when they offered the drug to him, was that earwax marijuana can include up to 90 percent THC.

In short, it's highly hallucinogenic. And, knowledgeable sources say, it can be very dangerous to certain people.

Officials on Solano County's Alcohol and Drug Advisory board, say they know little about earwax marijuana -- its nickname derived from its appearance -- or its potential dangers.

The night Josh was under the drug's influence, someone telephoned Rhonda, Josh's grandmother. She picked him up and drove him to the hospital -- where his hands were handcuffed to the bed rails and he was later arrested. 

(Josh and Rhonda agreed to be interviewed for this article under the condition that certain details of Josh's experience the night he tried earwax be excluded.)

The effects of the drug didn't end with Josh's arrest. The earwax was so intense that Josh's high lasted three days, all of which he spent in juvenile hall.

A year of probation and $7,000 in fines later, Josh is just beginning to get over the experience.

Despite this, most teenagers are unaware that a high THC content in their bodies can have short- and long-lasting detrimental effects on their bodies and their lives.

Christie DeClue, a Solano County Alcohol and Drug Advisory board member, said marijuana has come a long way from the days of hippies and disco.

"In the 1970s, (people) were primarily smoking the leaves of the plant," DeClue said "Now users are smoking (the more potent) buds of the plant."

What disturbed Rhonda the most was not that the earwax exists -- but that the recipes are so easy to find -- and not one video explains the high THC content or potential risks.

Donald Poston, Josh's former counselor, said the substance is fairly easy to make, but can be incredibly dangerous.

"The earwax is made with aerosol butane and the resin of the leaves and buds of the female plants. The result is a yellow-green waxy material," Poston said.

A substance abuse counselor for Youth and Family Services of Solano County in Fairfield, Poston said Josh was the first person he met who had tried the drug.

Since then, it has been coming up more in group meetings with other juveniles.

The consensus? It is too strong.

On June 17, CBS Detroit reported two people have been sent to the hospital in Detroit after using earwax.
In the article, reporter Sandra McNeill wrote the two 36-year-olds -- both medical marijuana patients -- suffered episodes of psychosis.

Sorry for the long story but that was quite an interesting read.

Who are the scientists toiling away in the lab coming up with different potent strains of marijuana? Don’t get me wrong, I believe there’s nothing wrong with dope or medicinal marijuana being legal but if the geniuses who were coming up with earwax marijuana plied their trade a bit better then we might have a cure for cancer instead of stronger weed to ease the symptoms with.

And what is up with kids these days? Is weed and booze just not good enough anymore? Now they have to dip their weed in ear wax and get so bombed that they lose their freaking minds for half a week. Between bath salts, meth and earwax weed I think the youth of the nation might be permanently checking out, aside from momentarily dipping back into consciousness to watch Miley Cyrus twerk.

What will they come up with next? My bet is on dingleberry acid.

P.S. - My mind is working overtime to think what that kid could have done that was so embarrassing that the writer agreed not to print in. I'm guessing it wasn't as cool as shouting "I'm a golden god" on a rooftop. I'm guessing he just shit his pants.

YouTube Video of the Day

They're Playing Basketball (and formally divorcing their wives)

Secret hearing marks end of Duncans' union

BY GUILLERMO CONTRERAS/My SA

San Antonio Spurs star Tim Duncan's marriage is officially over.

In an unusual and secret hearing Tuesday that didn't even occur at the Bexar County Courthouse, state District Judge David A. Canales granted the divorce between Duncan and his college sweetheart, Amy.

The judge later told the San Antonio Express-News that he held the hearing during his lunch hour at the offices of Tim Duncan's lawyer, Sue Hall, at her request. The couple and their lawyers were present.

Several court observers saw the special request as unusual given that so-called “home” visits by judges are not normally afforded to the general public.

“I would say it's highly unusual, but I think it would be highly disruptive for them to come to court,” said attorney Jean Brown, who practices family law.

Canales said it wasn't out of the ordinary for a judge to hold an on-the-record hearing off-site, though it was the first time he has been asked to do it.

Notice of the hearing appeared nowhere on any public docket. Canales said that when a judge gets an agreement in a divorce case, it is not necessary to give public notice of a hearing.

He added that the parties felt uncomfortable coming to court because of the possible “paparazzi” factor — people taking pictures of them or asking for autographs.

“I don't see it as doing a special favor for the sake of a favor,” Canales said. “These folks were involved in a very private matter. It was mainly for privacy.”

Details of the divorce, such as the division of assets and which parent gets custody of their two children, were not immediately released.

The filings, which used only their initials, were first reported in the Express-News as part of a series examining the increasing number of cases in which parties are identified only by initials, and how the process toes the line of legal bounds.

Why is it so important for the details of Tim Duncan’s divorce to be kept quiet? Sure, privacy and all, but why are official documents redacted with only initials listed instead of names?

There were the gay rumors that leaked on the internet a month or so ago but that can’t be it. That news isn’t big enough to have the Bexar county government locking down information more effectively than the CIA.

The truth – Tim Duncan is a robot. That’s why he showed no signs of slowing down last season and that’s why he never has anything interesting to say. Whoever “raised” him in the Virgin Islands actually created him in a lab using the skin and muscles of a recently deceased man whose jaw was unable to close properly and a super computer programmed only with basketball knowledge and the verbal skills of an average eight-year-old.

It’s either that he’s some type of jungle bigfoot that was shaved down and taught to speak in choppy sentences. There’s fishy something going on.

Group Text Moment of the Day

One More Day Until College Football

Are we ready for college football? Hell yeah!

But just in case, I’ve got you covered. Actually, Athlon Sports has you covered. Why would you listen to me? You wouldn’t hire a clown to fix a leak in the john, would ya?

But here’s a link to the 100 best college football related Twitter accounts because those athletes post some stupid stuff that gets them in trouble. You don’t want to be the last one at the bar to know what Johnny Football, do ya?

And for your viewing please here are Bleacher Report Top 10 Hottest College Football fan bases in no particular order. I don’t trust their reportage but they can post some hot pictures. Texas Tech only at #23? Texas at #1 Boo!

Arizona State

Auburn

Clemson

Florida State

LSU

Mississippi

Georgia

USC

Texas

West Virginia