What's Trendy?

Okay, this isn't really trending but my boy Lil' Terry posted it on Facebook so it's close enough. It may be the funniest and most awkward thing I've ever seen. Enjoy!

BYB NFL Mock Draft

Alright football fans, you now have the opportunity to view information that some men would kill for – my NFL Mock Draft. I’m more accurate than Gray’s Sports Almanac.

1. Panthers – Cam Newton, QB, Auburn – I have a feeling the Panthers aren’t going to pass up the opportunity to get an upgrade over Jimmy Clausen. They’re talking to a lot of different players but when it’s all said and done they’ll take the franchise QB.
2. Broncos – Marcell Dareus, DT, Alabama – The Broncos are transitioning to yet another new defense and could use a big, athletic tackle who can play along the line. Dareus will be they’re guy.
3. Bills – Blaine Gabbert, QB, Missouri – Bills Coach Chan Gailey has said QB is not a need but they would consider taking one anyway. They could go safe at another position but given their recent draft record, is any pick really safe?
4. Bengals – A.J. Green, WR, Georgia – With T.O. gone and Ochocinco possibly on his way out the Bengals need a big time infusion of talent at wideout so this should be their guy.
5. Cardinals – Von Miller, DE, Texas A&M – Miller looks to be one of the quickest, most athletic pass rushers we’ve seen in a while, which is something the Cards could use. If Newton or Gabbert were still around they’d consider taking a QB.
6. Browns – Julio Jones, WR, Alabama – The Browns are set to move ahead with Colt McCoy. Now they just need to get him some targets.
7. 49ers – Patrick Peterson, CB, LSU – Many experts have Peterson as the best prospect available. He’s uber fast, tall and can return kicks too. He won’t slip past here.
8. Titans – Nick Fairley, DT, Auburn – Fairley rubbed some teams the wrong way by being flaky at the combine and some team days but the Titans defensive line coach coached Fairley at Auburn. He’ll vouch for him.
9. Cowboys – Robert Quinn, DE, North Carolina – I’ve learned when it comes to the Boys to just pick the most ridiculous move possible. Here it is.
10. Redskins – Da’Quan Bowers, DE, Clemson – Bowers has been held back by some injuries but he probably has the best ability of all the defensive ends in the draft.
11. Texans – Prince Amukamara, CB, Nebraska – Amukamara shut down one side of the field last season for Nebraska and after a terrible 2010 season the Texans need a lot of help at DB.
12. Vikings – Jake Locker, QB, Washington – Despite claims that he’s inaccurate Locker can make all the throws necessary to play in the league. He is stock is back on the rise and with no options at QB the Vikings will see it fit to pick him.
13. Lions – Cameron Jordan, DE, Cal – The Lions will add a speedy pass rusher to an already impressive defensive line.
14. Rams – Corey Liuguet, DT, Illinois
15. Dolphins – Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama
16. Jaguars – Ryan Kerrigan, DE, Purdue
17. Patriots – J.J. Watt, DE, Wisconsin
18. Chargers – Aldon Smith, DE, Missouri
19. Giants – Anthony Costanzo, OT, Boston College
20. Buccaneers – Adrian Clayborne, DE, Iowa
21. Chiefs – Tyron Smith, OT, USC
22. Colts – Nate Solder, OT, Colorado
23. Eagles – Mike Pouncey, C, Florida
24. Saints – Muhammad Wilkerson, DT, Temple
25. Seahawks – Andy Dalton, QB, TCU
26. Ravens – Jimmy Smith, CB, Colorado
27. Falcons – Cameron Heyward, DE, Ohio State
28. Patriots – Mikel LeShoure, RB, Illinois
29. Bears – Danny Watkins, OT, Baylor
30. Jets – Phil Taylor, DT, Baylor
31. Steelers – Gabe Carimi, OT, Wisconsin
32. Packers – Brooks Reed, DE, Arizona

YouTube Video of the Day

I'll of course be sitting around with a bunch of quickly aging fat dudes watching the Draft tonight, which is kind of sad. But at least we're not as sad as these dudes who are going all out at Clemson Fantasy Camp. I think if they want the true experience they ought to have to go full pads and contact.

Top 10 NFL Draft Moments

The NFL Draft may seem like a three hour long show where old white men sit at desks and stand in front of a podium once every 15 minutes (and it is mostly that) but occasionally things happen that interrupt our conversation, make us spit up our beer or keep glued to the TV for more than a few seconds at a time. These 10 moments are the most memorable in my short time as a draft connoisseur.

1. Mike Ditka Trades His Draft for Ricky Williams – I’ve been watching the draft for more than a decade now and nothing has happened before or since that will equal this draft day decision in awkwardness. The Saints traded all their draft picks in the 1999 Draft and two in the 2000 Draft to move into position to draft Texas RB Ricky Williams. Kind of puts a lot of pressure on a guy eh? It might even turn him into a bipolar pot addict who runs away to Australia. There was one good thing about the move though. It gave us pictures like these.





2. Brady Quinn Rides the Slide – Tom Brady may have been more upset about his draft day snubbing but we didn’t get to see it play out on national television like we did with Quinn. In the video below Quinn loses his composure when Miami picked Ted Ginn ahead of him. Luckily for Quinn Commissioner Goodell whisked him away to a green room where he pouted away from the cameras until Cleveland drafted him at the top of the second round.



3. Vikings Can’t Get Pick In – I’ve seen a polar bear ride a tricycle at a circus and I’ve never seen anything like the Vikes first round pick in 2003. Minnesota was trying to pull off a trade with Baltimore to move down three spots but couldn’t get the deal done until only 32 seconds remained on the clock. Time expired and reps from the next two teams, Jacksonville and Carolina, hustled ass to the podium and got to pick ahead of the Vikes. The Jaguars even ended up with Byron Leftwich, who Baltimore was trying to trade up to get. What made it all even worse was the same thing almost happened the next year when the Vikings almost let time expire again and their rep had to sprint to the stage.

4. Eagles Boo McNabb – Few fans are as rowdy and mean as Philadelphia Eagle fans and only Jets fans make more noise on Draft Day. Thus was the recipe for disaster when Philly opted to take Donovan McNabb over Ricky Williams. The Eagles booed the hell out of their future All-Pro QB, act they reprieved years later when they drafted Kevin Kolb. I guess Eagles fans can only appreciate a QB who kills dogs mercilessly.



5. Aaron Rodgers Slides – Before the metrosexual Brady Quinn fell down the NFL Draft boards Super Bowl MVP Aaron Rodgers was taking that dive, but he had to suffer it in front of the cameras. It really hurt to watch. I laughed because I’m soulless but this poor guy had a rough day. I guess it paid off eventually.


6. Tebow Goes First Round – Lots of experts had questions about Tebow coming into the 2010 Draft, but former Bronco coach Josh McDaniels wasn’t one of those experts, who drafted a QB he might have gotten in the next round. It came as a huge shock – even to Tebow who can see into the future through the graces of God.

7. Mel Kiper vs. Bill Tobin – in 1994 young (by young I mean early middle age) draftnik Mel Kiper announced himself to the world with this verbal smackdown with Colts General Manager Bill Tobin after the Colts reach on undersized hybrid DE/LB Trev Albert. This may be the moment the Draft really became a thing.



8. Eli Manning vs. the Chargers – Eli Manning is by now pretty well hated and it started here with spoiled Eli having his daddy tell the world that he wouldn’t play in San Diego and would sit out if drafted by the Bolts.

9. Bill Cosby Freaks Out – For some reason Bill insisted on coming to the 2010 NFL Draft to hang out with Quan Cosby (absolutely no relation), who had no chance of getting drafted early and wouldn’t have been there if Bill hadn’t requested his presence. The two sat in awkward silence aside from when ESPN let Bill cut to commercial and he spouted gibberish for a minute or two. It was similar to this Cosby hit from Sportscenter.



10. Colt McCoy Lasts To Third Round – We didn’t get the joy of this thing playing out before our eyes but three days of interviews from Colt’s farm house in Tuscola kept the second and third rounds interesting and Colt languished with no NFL team.

FML Moment of the Day

In the last two seasons my favorite NFL team has drafted a defensive end they can't use (Aaron Maybin) and a running they didn't need (C.J. Spiller). FML.

Top 10 NFL Draft Busts

NFL Draft time is always fun because it allows us to judge athletes who have ability while we have none and criticize NFL executives who make more in a week than we make in a year. And there’s no better a group to ridicule than that of NFL Draft busts. They had a shot once but they pissed it away and now we get to laugh at them forever.


1. JaMarcus Russell, QB, LSU – Drafted #1 in 2007 by the Oakland Raiders. Career Stats: 4,083 pass yards, 18 TD, 23 INTs.

Russell may rank this high on my list in part because he is the most recent big time bust but his ever rising weight, terrible passing and cough syrup addiction make him an obvious #1. It’s hard to outshine Todd Marinovich as a washout Raider QB but at least Todd had an excuse – he was rebelling against a helicopter dad. Russell was obviously rebelling against decent play and behavior.

2. Akili Smith, QB, Oregon – Drafted #3 in 1999 by the Cincinnati Bengals. Career Stats: 2,212 pass yards, 5 TDs, 13 INTs.

Joey Harrington gets a lot of mentions on bust lists but he was hurt by mismanagement in Detroit and showed signs of life in Miami, but Smith was the Oregon QB whose career was over practically before it started.


3. Penn State Running Backs and Defensive Linemen

The Penn State running backs (Blair Thomas, Ki Jana Carter and Curtis Enis) are often listed as a package deal after two decades of futility by the three PSU backs that resulted in less than 5,000 combined rushing yards. But the Penn State defensive linemen have to be nearing their teammates’ level of failure. It all started with Courtney Brown in 2000 (19 career sacks), continued with Aaron Maybin (zero sacks in two years with the Bills) and with one tackle in his rookie season Jared Odrick of the Dolphins may be joining the Pitiful Lions club soon.


4. Mike Williams, WR, USC – Drafted #10 in 2005 by the Detroit Lions. Career Stats: 109 catches, 1,290 yards, 4 TDs.

This could have just as easily been Charles Rogers but his journey wasn’t as funny. Big Mike found his way to this spot after suing the NFL for the chance to be drafted after his sophomore year, losing that lawsuit and then sitting out the 2004 college football season. In that year he got rusty, lived on potato chips and quickly became a tight end sized laughing stock in Detroit.


5. Steve Emtman, DT, Washington – Drafted #1 in 1992 by the Indianapolis Colts. Career Stats: 134 tackles, 8 sacks, 1 INT.

Injury problems were mostly to blame for Emtman’s NFL failure as he played in only 50 games in eight years but injuries are a part of the game. He also makes this list because he was one of the biggest defensive stars in college football history leading Washington to a share of national title in 1991.

6. Brian Bosworth, LB, Oklahoma – Drafted in the Supplemental Draft by the Seattle Seahawks in 1987. Career Stats: 24 games, 4 sacks.

“The Boz” is a special case because he didn’t actually go in the NFL Draft but rather in a subsequent Supplemental Draft. A draft that he made a mockery of by writing letters to a majority of the NFL’s then 28 teams to inform them he wouldn’t play for them. Despite insisting he wouldn’t play for the Seahawks they drafted him anyway and signed him to a record contract (worth slightly more than $1 million a year at the time). Bosworth, a bit of a loudmouth, then sued the NFL to wear his college number (44) and lost that case. His last big NFL moment came when he promised to shut down Bo Jackson in a game againt the Raiders. Bo then ran for 200+ yards, 3 TDs and plowed Boz at the goaline for a score. Only a piss poor acting career followed after that.




7. Lawrence Phillips, RB, Nebraska – Drafted #6 in 1996 by the St. Louis Rams. Career Stats: 1,453 yards, 14 TDs.

Phillips has the dubious distinction of being the only attempted murderer to make the bust list as he sits in a California prison doing 30+ years for weapons charges, domestic abuse and trying to run over three kids in his car after a pick-up football game. He wasn’t exactly a choir boy before being drafted either as he sat out most of his junior season at Nebraska after beating his girlfriend and throwing her down a flight of stairs. While he was never a decent human, Phillips was probably the best college running back I ever saw play but his off the field issues and apathy about pass blocking (leading to one of Steve Young’s many concussions) ruined his career.


8. Tony Mandarich, T, Michigan State – Drafted #2 in 1989 by the Green Bay Packers.

Mandarich was a beast coming out of MSU and considered to be one of the most solid offensive lineman to come out of the draft in years, but when he immediately dropped weight in the NFL many assumed his career at MSU might have been steroid fueled. He crapped out after three seasons.


9. Troy Williamson, WR, South Carolina – Drafted # 7 in 2005 by the Minnesota Vikings. Career Stats: 87 catches, 1,131 yards, 4 TDs.

The Vikings were looking to replace Randy Moss in the ’05 Draft and went with the Gamecock burner Williamson who ran a low 4.3 at the NFL Combine. Williamson’s problem wasn’t speed in the NFL but he was nagged by a vision problem and caught the ball worse than Stone Hands from ‘Necessary Roughness.’

10. Ryan Leaf, QB, Washington State – Drafted #2 in 1998 by the San Diego Chargers. Career Stats: 3,666 pass yards, 14 TDs, 36 INTs.

This list wouldn’t be complete without my boy Ryan Leaf. He’ll forever be dogged because of his failure and his relationship to future NFL Hall of Famer Peyton Manning, who went first in the ’98 Draft. Many experts, including yours truly, thought Ryan Leaf was actually a better QB than Manning and would have a better career. Instead he quickly melted under media scrutiny in San Diego, screamed at reporters and fans and threw picks. Leaf tried to revive himself in Tampa and Dallas but it was for naught. Most recently he served as QB coach and Golf coach at West Texas A&M University in Canyon but lost his job after being arrested for crawling into a WTAMU player’s window to steal his painkillers.

Revisiting the 2010 NFL Draft

1. Rams – Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma – Bradford was marvelous in his rookie debut leading one of the best turnarounds in recent memory taking the Rams to 7-9 after going 1-15 in 2009. Bradford won the 2010 Offensive Rookie of the Year by throwing for 3,512 yards and 18 TDs. A+
2. Lions – Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska – Much as I expected the NFL found out how great Suh really is. He won NFL Defensive Player of the Year honors and was named to the Pro Bowl after racking up 66 tackles and 10 sacks during his rookie campaign. Plus, he just became the record holder for Tweetups, whatever the hell those are. A+++
3. Buccaneers – Gerald McCoy, DT, Oklahoma – The former Sooner was injured at times through the season but showed promise with 28 tackles, three sacks and two forced fumbles. B-
4. Redskins – Trent Williams, OT, Oklahoma – It’s hard for offensive linemen to assert themselves as rookies but Williams seems to be giving the Skins what they want from him and will book a book end on their line for the foreseeable future. B+
5. Chiefs – Eric Berry, S, Tennessee – This talented DB became a force to be reckoned with on a breakout team with 92 tackles, two sacks and four INTs. A+
6. Seahawks – Russell Okung, OT, Oklahoma State – Injury concerns overshadowed what is still likely to be a great pick. B-
7. Browns – Joe Haden, CB, Florida – Haden came around after learning a lot early in the season but needs more help in that Browns defensive backfield. B+
8. Raiders – Rolando McClain, LB, Alabama – Not every defensive player drafted in the first round ends up starting but McClain was a mainstay of the Raiders linebacker corps. B
9. Bills – C.J. Spiller, RB, Clemson – This did not end well. The Bills wasted a Top 10 pick on a third down back who only earned 283 yards (2.8 per carry) on the ground last year. F
10. Jaguars – Tyson Alualu, DT, Cal – Alualu started the whole year for the Jags to quiet many of the critics who called this pick a reach. B-
11. 49ers – Anthony Davis, OT, Rutgers – Davis started at RT the whole year with some really good moments and some bad ones as part of a pretty poor offense. C+
12. Chargers – Ryan Matthews, RB, Fresno State – Matthews was injured much of the year and finished with 678 yards and seven TDs on the ground. There’s almost no reason to take a back this high anymore. D+
13. Eagles – Brandon Graham, DE, Michigan – Graham was hurt most of the 2010 season, finishing with 13 tackles and three sacks, but still has a great upside. C-
14. Seahawks – Earl Thomas, S, Texas – His 76 tackles and five interceptions certainly were a factor in the Seahawks reaching the playoffs last season, even if they did have a losing record. A-
15. Giants – Jason Pierre-Paul, DE, South Florida – Everyone talked how raw Pierre-Paul was going into the 2010 Draft. Despite not starting he got 4.5 sacks. B-
16. Titans – Derrick Morgan, DE, Georgia Tech – Morgan was hurt most of the year but he wasn’t on the field that much even when he was healthy. He finished with five tackles and a sack. D+
17. 49ers – Mike Iupati, G, Idaho – Iupati was a full year starter on the 49ers young offensive line. That’s got to count for something. B-
18. Steelers – Maurkice Pouncey, C, Florida – He made the Pro Bowl in his first season and made the Center/QB exchange perfectly with three different passers. A+
19. Falcons – Sean Weatherspoon, LB, Missouri – Weatherspoon didn’t have much of an impact (42 tackles, one sack) after being said to be NFL ready. D-
20. Texans – Kareem Jackson, CB, Alabama – He was part of the worst pass defense in the NFL last season so it couldn’t have been that great but he is the best DB the Texans have and finished with 65 tackles and two INTs. C-
21. Bengals – Jermain Gresham, TE, Oklahoma – He was the lone bright spot on an offense that fell apart last season, leading all rookie tight ends with 52 catches, 471 yards and four touchdowns. A-
22. Broncos – Demaryius Thomas, WR, Georgia Tech – Thomas became a starter at wideout by the end of the season but the jury is still out on the receiver who only grabbed 22 balls for 283 yards. C-
23. Packers – Bryan Baluga, OT, Iowa – He was a starter on a Super Bowl team and part of an offensive line that protected one of the league’s top passers and opened holes that made undrafted rookie James Starks look pretty damn good. A-
24. Cowboys – Dez Bryant, WR, Oklahoma State – Dez can’t be punished for quarterback injuries/issues and showed flashes of brilliance last season (45 catches, 561 yards, 6 TDs) but behavior issues and occasionally disappearing in the offense hold him back. C+
25. Broncos – Tim Tebow, QB, Florida – He didn’t get his shot until late in the year but he was his typical impressive self with 654 yards and five touchdowns passing and 227 yards and six touchdowns passing. Now we’ll see if the new coaching staff gives him a shot. B-
26. Cardinals – Dan Williams, DT, Tennessee – Williams became a starter on the Cardinals DL fairly quickly but failed to make a huge impact with 35 tackles. C-
27. Patriots – Devin McCourty, CB, Rutgers – McCourty was a surprising Pro Bowl selection as a rookie as he racked up 82 tackles, seven interceptions and two forced fumbles. A+
28. Dolphins – Jared Odrick, DT, Penn State – In the great line of Penn State defensive linemen before him he showed nothing his rookie season before getting injured. F+
29. Jets – Kyle Wilson, CB, Boise State – Had no impact as a rookie but in his defense, he was given almost no chance to play. Incomplete
30. Lions – Jahvid Best, RB, Cal – Best played hurt behind a slowly developing line and could end up being one of the better dual threat running backs in the league after gaining 555 yards and four touchdowns rushing and 487 yards and two touchdowns receiving last season. B+
31. Colts – Jerry Hughes, DE, TCU – Hughes had absolutely no impact as a rookie and seems to be another great college player who can’t transition to the NFL game. F-
32. Saints – Patrick Robinson, CB, Florida State – Robinson didn’t get much playing time last season but is sure to get more next year. C-

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Going Rouge (NFL Edition)

The lead up to the NFL Draft is a time when NFL scouts immerse themselves in film and scouting reports, follow prospects around with a stop watch while they run around in underwear and conduct multi-hour interviews with potential draft picks.

It would be interesting to know more about these scouts and what they’re thinking going into the draft. That’s why I loved this story about former scout Dave Razzano, who has gone rouge and given his unapologetic opinion to Yahoo Sports’ Michael Silver about a lot of the guys we’ll see walking across the stage tonight.

Here are the great first few graphs.

“ROSEVILLE, Calif. – The Rogue Scout sits in a small office near the front door of his suburban Sacramento home, remote control in hand. He’s staring at a TV set that’s at least a decade old, examining game tape of one of the 2011 NFL draft’s top prospects, a quarterback who’ll likely be snatched up with one of the first five selections.

The scout has seen this movie before, and he doesn’t like it.

“What does this guy do that anybody likes?” Dave Razzano asks, pressing the rewind button. “Every pass is an underneath curl route! It’s third-and-10 in the red zone – throw a [expletive] touchdown pass. But look at this: A three-yard dump-off. That’s all he does. He threw the ball just about every play, and he had 16 touchdown passes last season.

“This is the guy somebody’s gonna take in the top 10? Based on what? Trust me, they’re guessing.”

Razzano, a respected talent evaluator during a two-decade-plus career with the San Francisco 49ers, St. Louis Rams and Arizona Cardinals, is talking about former Missouri quarterback Blaine Gabbert, and he’s not holding back. He has always given unvarnished and sometimes unpopular opinions – Razzano believes his dismissal from the Rams following the 2005 season was triggered by a heated pre-draft argument with then-general manager Charley Armey in which he denigrated future No. 1 overall selection Alex Smith as a backup-caliber quarterback – and since being fired by the Cardinals following the 2009 draft in an apparent cost-cutting move, he’s been completely unencumbered by discretion.”

It’s great to hear someone destroy Blaine Gabbert. I certainly wasn’t impressed by anything he did at Mizzou, but sadly my Bills probably were and he’ll end up being the Bills new starting QB. FML.

What’s Trendy?

Today was pretty slim pickings in the trending topics. Prince Harry found a date to his brother’s wedding, his on-again-off-again gal pal who may share his love of Hitler goofs, and Michael Douglas spoke about his wife’s bipolar disorder. But I chose to go with Christina Aguilera, one of the judges on the new singing show ‘The Voice,’ who explained to Ellen DeGeneres today how she screwed up the national anthem at the Super Bowl.

“I took in the moment a little too much,” she said.

That sounds a little goofy seeing as she’s a professional who has probably sang the song about a million times. I’m sure she was more curious why Mike McCarthy or Mike Tomlin didn’t come help her finish the anthem. If Mo Cheeks was there he would have.

Warren G - This DJ Be Stiffy

The penis enhancement business one is a tough one. There are hundreds of products including pills, creams, patches and extenders. (I had to look that up by the way, it’s not like I know from experience). And in the world of male enhancement the one thing that can put your company over the top is a celebrity endorsement. It certainly worked for ExtenZe. One day they’re just another 3 a.m. infomercial, then they ink Jimmy Johnson to a deal and they’re getting mentions on ESPN.

With ExtenZe cornering the size challenge sports fan market the newest male enhancer on the block, AffirmXL, shot for a music connection and got former Death Row Records inmate Warren G to star in this pimptastic ad that is set to begin airing tonight.



Although Warren G told TMZ.com that he hasn’t reached a deal with AffirmXL yet and actually had no idea the ad was set to run I’m sure he’ll be able to cash in huge off this. At the end of the day who do you really want to buy penis pills from, an aging coach with Styrofoam hair or a rapper with eight hos sitting on his lap?

I’m just sad Nate Dogg couldn’t be around to get into freak mode and regulate those ladies with Warren.

“I got a car full of girls (and a pocket full of AffirmXL) and it’s going real swift. The next stop is the East Side motel.”

YouTube Video of the Day

Everybody loves a good Rick Roll, especially WWE ‘Tough Enough’ host and Hall of Famer Stone Cold Steve Austin. I didn’t think this was really him until he takes off the glasses. Glad to see he takes time out of his busy ass whipping schedule to enjoy some 80's tunes.

I hope they play this as a goof on The Rock during his birthday party on RAW Monday.

Call CaNine-1-1

Man accused of taunting police dog by barking at it challenging law on free speech basis
Associated Press

MASON, Ohio — A Mason man charged with teasing a police dog by barking at it says the city ordinance he's accused of breaking violates his constitutional right to free speech.

The Cincinnati Enquirer reports the attorney for 25-year-old Ryan James Stephens says his client was not striking the animal in suburban Mason. Lawyer Jim Hardin says barking may not be seen as intelligent speech but is "still speech." He questions the validity of a city law that bars taunting police dogs.

A police officer investigating a car crash at a pub on April 3 reported he heard the dog barking uncontrollably. The officer said he found Stephens making barking noises and hissing at a dog inside the police car.

The officer's report quoted Stephens as saying "the dog started it" and said the man appeared highly intoxicated.

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I understand that police dogs are on the job and are in many ways officers of the law but should there really be special laws against teasing them? I don’t think barking at a dog through a car door (as loony as it may be) should be a violation of the law. In fact I don’t think barking at a human officer through a car door should be illegal.

You’ve got to hand it to the guy for hiring a good lawyer and coming up with the free speech defense. I think I would have just tried to point out that the law was bullshit but this guy went the extra mile. I think he should even get the Dog Whisperer as an expert witness and say he was just trying to become the dominant pack leader.

I also love how Stephens told the cop that “the dog started it.” Sounds like one hell of a night.

P.S. – Is it also illegal to bark and hiss at Dog the Bounty Hunter?

Who Green Lit This Fiasco?

In my many internet searches for sports stories that don’t actually involve sports I ran across this story about ESPN’s Colin Cowherd getting a sitcom based on his life on CBS. While I do think Cowherd is one of the better sports guys on radio I can’t help thinking this is going to be a fiasco.

First of all, sitcoms based on a celebrity’s life aren’t exactly doing gangbusters right now (Paul Reiser) and while the co-producer of ‘Two and a Half Men’ is helping develop the series I seem to remember network TV having a tough time developing a show about a sports writer/commentator. Does anybody remember ‘Listen Up?’ about Tony Kornheiser? That brilliant idea that tried to reinvigorate the careers of George Costanza and Theo from ‘The Cosby Show’ (below) as Kornheiser and Mike Wilbon lasted about five episodes.



Cowherd assured USA Today the show won’t be about his life, which he said is boring, and stated the show will be about the relationships with the women in his life. That’s what his ESPN Radio audience will love – another TV show for their wives to watch with them and ask stupid questions.

FML Moment of the Day

Today, my friend told me that her favorite aunt died last night of a heart attack. The first thing I could think of to say was, "Oh no, is she okay?" FML

Royal Flush

When I first saw the description of this toilet I thought it was the most exorbitant piece of technology I’d ever seen. A 6,000 toilet that can lift its own lid? Sounds pretty ridiculous. But on second thought I think if I had a lot of money I’d definitely buy this thing. One thing I hate is having to go #2 when there are a roomful of people nearby. I have to run the sink to drown out their noise and I’m sure the green people would hate that I'm wasting water so the speaker system would work wonders for me.

And this thing has a fan that immediately deodorizes the area and sprays a fragrance so you’re party guests would never have to be embarrassed for blowing the place up. So the Numi sounds like a perfect addition to my fantasy bathroom that also includes a shower with a mini fridge to keep my shower beers cold.

Orange You Still Glad They’re Getting A Team?

Some recent complaints by San Diego State coach Rocky Long about Boise State’s famous smurf turf gave new life to the rumors that UTSA, which will start football in the fall, may be considering making their turf orange.



As a former resident of the Alamodome and volunteer at the Alamo Bowl I shudder to think the field might soon look like God spilled orange juice through a hole in the roof. While the photo above is only a novelty shot and Coach Larry Coker insists there will be no orange turf I’d still like a definitive decision on this.

If I have to stagger in hungover for four straight days this December and stare down at something this bright my head might explode.

I’d really hate it for the guy that paints the field for the Alamo Bowl too. It’s bad enough he has to paint logos on the field and paint the end zones. If he has to take a bucket of green to that thing every year he may go crazy.

Wal Mart Person of the Day

She looks crazy. That may be why her top is trying to run away.

Surfin' DOA

Despite all the things we have in the world that divide us (race, religion, politics, etc.), the entire world can pretty much be broken into two categories – channel surfers and non-channel surfers. Either you like to find a program and ride it out or you like to see if the grass is greener on the other side.

It’s an issue that’s been known to start fights and ruin marriages. I’m sure James Carville and Mary Matalin have had many more fights about the remote than they have politics or Miracle Whip. But in Lakeland, Florida a squabble about the surf turned deadly when a homeless man stabbed his 54-year-old disabled buddy for flying through the channels last week.

The stabber, David Young, lives in the woods by the victim, Martin Vasser’s apartment and was a frequent guest. You’ve got to figure the hospitality was appreciated but all that goodwill was destroyed immediately by the constant channel flipping of the old man.

While cops believe robbery of Vasser’s property and hydrocodone pills was also a motivation for the crime I think we all know the truth. Young lived in a tent in the woods, presumably without a TV so when he finally got a chance to watch he probably had some catching up to do. How was he supposed to do that with Vasser flipping around like a madman? I don’t know if I can even blame this guy as much as I love my stories.

What’s Trendy?

Today’s top trending topic is the Shiba Inu puppy cam, which before I watched NBC Nightly News yesterday, I had never heard of. The 411 is that some San Francisco couple bought a Japanese dog a few years ago and every time that bitch shoots out puppies they toss ‘em in a bed and put a webcam on them, which you can watch live here. It’s like the Truman Show with more nipples.

I don’t think I could sit and watch puppies multiple hours a day but Brian Williams assures me in the following video that it’s “off the hook” so maybe I should give it a shot. I’ve got pretty much nothing else to do.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Buck(eye)ing the System Lands Jim In Hot Water

For the past month college football fans have been wondering when the other shoe would drop on Jim Tressel and his Ohio State Buckeyes and while there’s no decision yet, yesterday the NCAA lifted their leg.

The NCAA sent a “notice of allegations” to the Buckeyes yesterday, in which they accused Tressel of lying about player benefits and not informing Ohio State that players were ineligible because they had sold items to a tattoo parlor. (Oddly enough, Terrelle Pryor used his money to buy a “born to be bad” tattoo).

Odds are that we may not know what penalties will land at Ohio State’s door until after the 2011 season but everyone outside of Columbus is starting to see this as a fireable offense for Tressel. I know Ohio State President E. Gordon Gee doesn’t want to fire Tressel and the Buckeye fans love him but OSU has to consider the possibility that canning Tressel might get them some lenience from the NCAA. It’s too late to find a permanent replacement now but Luke Fickell’s interim coach tag could last longer than five games.


Then we come to the elephant with the heart condition in the room – Urban Meyer. Meyer, a Toledo native, is sitting on the shelf at ESPN after walking away from Florida for the second time in two years. Many college football pundits, including my favorite albino basset hound Beano Cook, are wagering that Urban finds his way to Columbus by 2012.

No one can deny that Urban Meyer is the most successful coach of the past decade. He won multiple national championships at Florida and shaped one of the greatest careers in college football history in Tim Tebow. But he did have a very public meltdown. He has medical issues, mostly what one would assume is a shaky heart, and these issues were exacerbated greatly by the stress of his job at Florida. Florida is a big time football job with the eyes of the nation constantly upon the program’s leader. I think I know a job just like that and the coach there for now sports a red sweater vest.

I'm just thinking if you want to go the stability route you might not go with the guy who may need a quadruple bypass if he drops a game to Michigan State. I kind of think Ohio State would be crazy to pass up an alum who has run a program with zero felony arrests or NCAA violations but I don’t really want the Buckeyes taking my Bofriend so I guess I should be happy if Urban lands the job.

YouTube Video of the Day

I had a lot of fun with mascots yesterday so I figured I’d keep it going today. This guy has a pretty good hump going on with the Cleveland Indians mascot until that killjoy ruins the party. Not sure what exactly this mascot is. I guess Chief Wahoo was too inappropriate to keep around.

All Hail Olivia the Munn

Olivia Munn might not be the top trending topic on the internet right now but I’m not sure why not. The ‘Daily Show’ reporter and actress on the short lived NBC show ‘Perfect Couples’ has been making a lot of headlines lately.

First came rumors last year that she hooked up with Justin Timberlake at an event for ‘The Social Network’ and that their relationship had rekindled after J-Tim’s breakup with Jessica Biel.

But a little infidelity is nothing for funny woman Munn who made all the blogs last week as she encouraged partiers at a corporate event at club Pure in Las Vegas to have random sex with strangers and share STDs.

Munn yelled to the club Pure crowd, "Who is going to have a random hookup tonight?" and continued “Let's have fun ... let's hook up ... and maybe share some STDs ... bye!!"

The excitable Munn must have had a few too many vodka cocktails because she raised eyebrows by accosting some patrons on the way out, cursing and screaming at them.

From the NY Daily News:

"You can go f— yourselves!" she told the group, adding that her "career will go on," but the slack-jawed group she was addressing was "going to have to kiss peoples' asses for the rest of [their] lives!"

Now I’m actually sad to see ‘Perfect Couples’ go. True, it was dreadful but if it made her more famous then we may have gotten some more of these awesome moments. Alas, it was cancelled after only a handful of episodes but Munn insists that it was always just a miniseries. You’ve gotta love the optimism. In her honor here’s one of her better segments from ‘The Daily Show.’

The Daily Show - Big Red Dogs
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Athletes Behaving Badly

There are a lot of really good tidbits about athletes and their odd/criminal behavior this week but there’s no quite enough meat on any of them for a full post so I figured I’d smash ‘em together in a BYB sandwich. Chips cost extra.


One of the most entertaining men in the NFL is DeAngelo Hall, or as many NFL writers and bloggers have come to call him MeAngelo, because of his legendary ego. Hall recently made an appearance on Washington D.C.’s 106.7 The Fan to talk about the lockout, Jay Cutler and, most interestingly, Jason Kidd’s son’s head.

Hall, who recently stayed in a cabana next to Kidd’s ex-wife and son in a casino was amazed the size of the kid’s head.

“That’s how we knew who it was. And I’m like, I’m telling my cousin that couldn’t be him because the kid was 5’10″ and….I’m like that kid couldn’t have grown into that, because I remember her holding him at the game. But he’s 12 years old and he’s 5’10″– the dude is taller than me — but the head is still there.”

Most people would vote against giving a teenager a complex about his looks on a major metro radio station but not me. Of course I’m a big fan of the dad from ‘So I Married An Axe Murderer.’




Odds are J Kidd’s son may get his head rubbed a bit more often after that story but it won’t be the kind of head rub MLB legend Lenny Dykstra was looking for recently when he interviewed potential housekeepers.

The former slugger got himself into a pinch when he told a 47-year-old woman who had responded to an ad to be Dykstra’s housekeeper that she also had to give him massages as part of her duties. Then he stripped naked. That’s where the interview ended. She saw his two balls and gave him three strikes.

Dykstra may have been just going for a really good goof with that interview so he probably needs to learn how to hone his comedic skills, like former New England Patriot QB Scott Zolak, who according to Drew Bledsoe was coming up with cutting edge penis jokes way before Justin Timberlake.



Bledsoe told a Boston radio station last week that Zolak invented the dick in a box act while with the Patriots when he used to walk around the locker room with a donut box offering a large cream filled to anyone who dared to try one.

“You know that Saturday Night Live skit with Justin Timberlake from a couple years ago where the guys put their junk in a box or whatever?” Bledsoe asked. “Well, let’s just say that wasn’t an original idea. (Zolak) used to walk around the locker room with a donut box and offer guys donuts and when they opened the box he’d have a little surprise for them.”

In all fairness the dick in a box gag is really just a variation of the penis in the popcorn gag at the movies. Gag pun not intended.


Finally we come to the case of Laker rookie Derek Caracter, who became the second most hated Laker Monday after a report that he pushed a pregnant waitress at IHOP Saturday night in New Orleans.

The official N.O. police report states:

“Caracter, a 6-foot-9 forward who was in New Orleans for the playoffs series, was drunk and acting disorderly inside the restaurant, police said.

He "started grabbing and pulling" a pregnant waitress, prompting the manager to go outside and flag down a police officer, Harper said. The female officer tried to defuse the situation, Harper said, but Caracter remained obstinate. The officer arrested him.”

Honestly, I can’t even defend a Laker who assaults a pregnant woman but much like the kid who fooled her high school mates the New Orleans police had it wrong and the waitress was not pregnant. So no harm, no foul right? Pancake waitresses aren’t real people…unless they’re nailing Tiger Woods.

Just kidding about that last part. The Lakers should probably cut that guy tomorrow. But Derrick Caracter may not be any worse than Chris Paul. He'd certainly push an IHOP waitres, pregnant or not...if she got in his way on the court. He'd even hit his own mama.

FML Moment of the Day

Today, my grandpa who is staying with us mistook me for a Japanese soldier and started to hit me with a bat. This is the second night in a row. FML

Girls Gone AWOL, Guy Gone Crazy

Anyone who has ever been horny at 3 a.m. and fallen for the trap that is ‘Girls Gone World’ has probably felt that the soft core porn company gives a little too much. As in, they give you movies you don’t order and bills you don’t want. Then you have to make trips to the post office you don’t want to make. It’s a vicious cycle.

But one angry customer lashed out at GGW last week for giving too little.

After a Girls Gone Wild show that even the owner of the Saginaw, Michigan bar that hosted it called “shim-sham,” a 51-year-old Oregon man took his frustrations out on the GGW tour bus by hitting the machine and ripping off both rear view mirrors.

The owner of the bar told the Saginaw News that customers were charged a $10 cover and, despite fliers that promised scantily clad women, no GGW girls actually entered the bar.

Obviously the guy had to be arrested for property damage but if I was the cop I think I would have let him off. In fact, if the Girls Gone Wild representative made any stink about it I probably would have shot out the bus’ tires like the sheriff did in ‘Porky’s.’

I’ve been the victim of “shim shams” like this before but it’s a little harder to lash out irrationally at Mardi Gras or Spring Break. Of course, my expectations of public nudity are probably higher than they should be.

Paris Hilton’s Driving – It’s Fairly Legal

Paris Hilton is back in the news (if Twitter counts as a news source and it pretty much does) for her driving. This time she probably wasn’t drunk but she was absent minded enough to endanger the star of the new USA show ‘Fairly Legal’ Sarah Shahi. According to Shahi, Hilton almost hit her with her car and then ran a stop light.

Instead of asking Paris for mediation like her character Kate Reed might do Shahi took to Twitter where she blistered the social networking world with scathing assessments of Paris Hilton – or pretty much stuff everybody already thinks of her. But they are pretty funny.

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Those coaching shorts are hanging on for life.

Hard Water

Man's sperm found in co-worker's water bottle
By QMI Agency

A California man was sentenced Friday after twice putting his semen into the water bottle of a female co-worker.

Michael Kevin Lallana, 32, was ordered to register as a sex offender for life and sentenced to six months in jail as he was found to have received sexual gratification from the acts.

On Jan. 14, 2010, Lallana deposited semen into the unidentified woman's water bottle at Northwestern Mutual Financial Network in Newport Beach, Calif., according to a press release from the Orange County District Attorney.

The woman then unknowingly drank the water, but threw it away after she realized the beverage was contaminated.

Again, on April 6, 2010, Lallana committed the same act. The woman was suspicious of the taste in the water, and sent it to a private laboratory to be tested.

Lab tests confirmed it contained semen. Police investigated, and charged Lallana.

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I guess what troubles me most about this story is that the guy did it twice. I’m not surprised that he would pull a stunt like that multiple times. I mean, there’s a guy in South Carolina who banged the same horse twice. But how was he allowed the opportunity to do it again? If you ask me every business should have a strict one strike and you’re out rule about ejaculating in their coworkers’ water bottles and drinking cups.

I know people deserve a second chance in life but I think you’ve got to side with caution when it comes to semen in water bottles.

Upon reading the story twice I guess the first woman didn’t know she drank semen but she obviously had her suspicions and police wouldn’t have gravitated toward Lallana if people in the office didn’t think something was up with him. I bet now everybody in that place is questioning what they’ve been drinking for the past couple years. They all may have gotten some of Stiffler’s pale ale.

What’s Trendy?

The top trending topic today is Nicki Minaj, who like many other of today’s music stars, I had no knowledge of until I saw her on SNL a couple of months ago. I always skip through the music sets on SNL so I have no idea what she sings but what I have found out in the last two weeks is that she is on a mission to give a lap dance to every point guard in the NBA and she’s starting at the top.

Minaj first grinded her mivag on Chris Paul during her New Orleans show and moved onto the Southwest to give two-time MVP Steve Nash a very awkward lap dance.



Next stop on Minaj’s Rated R Tour of PG’s – Oakland. Better get ready to make it rain Steph Curry.

They’re Playing Basketball!

Well we’re a little over one week into the NBA Playoffs (which means we only have about 30 weeks to go) and the NBA landscape has been colored surprised. The hot upset pick in the East turned out to be a complete miss as the aging cast of the Boston Celtics swept the Knicks without the services of Shaquille O’Neal, Kendrick Perkins or anything else that can legitimately be called an NBA center.

The Knicks had some impressive moments during the series, they choked away a few games and they had to deal with injuries to Amar’e Stoudemire and Chauncey Billups. They also have a lot of issues to deal with in the offseason. Most importantly, do they want to keep the GM who pulled them out of the salary cap dumpster or the sexual harasser who will sign any player with a pulse. Good luck with that brain buster.

The hot upset pick in the West may still happen. Up two games in the series the Dallas Mavericks were making their usual detractors look silly but after two games in the Rose Garden the series is tied and Dallas looks to be coming undone again. The Mavs followed up a close Game 3 loss by completely falling apart Saturday, losing an 18-point fourth quarter lead while Brandon Roy, who previously appeared to be having a nervous breakdown on the court came back to life before our eyes. Maybe it’s the tough Rose Garden Crowd. Mark Cuban got hit in the trash by flying trash and the Mavs players have even been victim to pickpockets in the crowd.



The final surprise in the playoffs has been the fantastic bed shitting ability of NBA West powers L.A. and San Antonio. The Spurs have been showing their age and their diminished defensive ability by allowing Zach Randolph to repeatedly drive a truck through the lane and average 20+ per game against the sultans of snooze. Down 2-1 the Spurs play again tonight in Memphis.

While the Spurs are still commiserating their failure on the road the Lakers get to go home to wallow in their poor play. Chris Paul has led two impressive Hornet wins (30+ pts and double digit assists in Game 1 and a triple double in Game 4).

Those looking for the reason for the Lakers’ struggles have had a lot of directions to wag their finger. First it was Pau Gasol, who reverted to Gausoft mode in the first two games, earning a media tongue lashing from Kobe before putting together a 17-point performance in Game 3. But something tells me all that good will was ruined last night when Kobe Bryant (who gutted it out and came back in the game with a gimpy ankle) drove the lane and scooped a perfect pass to Gasol who let it fly through his hands and out of bounds. Gasol was able to get an And One the next time down the floor but missed the free throw and the Lakers couldn’t cut through the four point lead.



While Kobe and many NBA pundits have thrown the blame on Gasol there are still others who think the Lakers aren’t getting enough from Lamar Odom and LA Times columnist Bill Plashke thinks it’s because the NBA’s Sixth Man Award Winner has been ruined by reality show cameras. I can’t claim I’ve never blamed Khloe K for Laker problems but I always said it mostly facetiously. Short of Doug Christie’s wife I don’t think NBA ladies have that profound of an impact. Either way I just hope the Lakers can get through this thing in two more games. Of course then they might have to go meet up woth the Blazers and this guy.

Preggers Like Me

Making the media rounds this week was the story of a teenager who faked a pregnancy as a school project to gauge the reactions of her peers, teachers and other adults.



So she says she basically did this to expose stereotypes and rumors and her big revelation to the world was mostly that people thought she wouldn’t make it to college after the baby. I’ve got news for you honey. That’s not a stereotype. You don’t see a lot of pregnant chicks or unmarried girls with infants in college. Of course there’s a lot of irresponsible sex going on but that’s part of the reason colleges are revolving doors for young minds. And getting pregnant in high school is irresponsible – not a rumor.

Of course it does have to hurt to hear that some people thought she would get pregnant anyway.

I do have to give this girl some credit though. She showed a lot of dedication dragging that fake lump around for six months. In fact I haven’t seen this kind of dedication to a story since Terry Griffith went dude for her expose of sexism in high school journalism.



P.S. - It also reminds me of the time Shawn Hunter almost got raped doing the same thing in drag on 'Boy Meets World.'

YouTube Video of the Day

I think this elementary school may be using their mascot the wrong way. It’s obvious by the end of that video that the school is trying to use the cougar to positively motivate the students to do well in school but that cat has some street cred with the opening tackle. I’d tell the kids if they screw up the cougar will pounce on them at any time. They’ve seen it happen before, it could happen again. You can’t fault the theory – it worked well for Gary the No Trash Cougar.

Sportswriter to Pitcher - Screw Your Kids!

The joy of child birth – it’s the culmination of the genetic pairing of two people in love (or two who got deep into the whiskey and got funky) and the components of two people become fused into one product, a baby. It’s a special moment as old as time itself and it’s an experience that most people only get to experience a couple times in life, if at all. But what happens when this magic moment conflicts with one’s work schedule? Well if you’re a Rangers pitcher then you had better have your ass on the mound, unless of course you want bad pub.

Rangers starting pitcher Colby Lewis welcomed his second child into the world last week and went to California to experience the birth of this child with his wife Jenny. To do so he had to miss a start and that drew the ire of ear-ringed sportswriter Richie Whitt. I always kind of wondered what Jerry Maguire star Jonathan Lipnicki would do when he grew up and apparently its giving pro athletes shit for caring about their families.



Here are a couple of Whitt’s finer moments in the column:

“In Game 2, Colby Lewis is scheduled to start after missing his last regular turn in the rotation because -- I'm not making this up -- his wife, Jenny, was giving birth in California. To the couple's second child.

Don't have kids of my own but I raised a step-son for eight years. I know all about sacrifice and love and how great children are.

But a pitcher missing one of maybe 30 starts? And it's all kosher because of Major League Baseball's new paternity leave rule?”

As a second child I couldn’t be happier to hear that the importance of birth goes down with each child. I thought the idea of the birthright went out when the Bolsheviks massacred Tsar Nicolas’ family but I guess I had that wrong. Under Whitt logic my dad probably did give a frog’s fat ass I was popping out. For all I know he might have been fishing during my birth.

The truth is that things have changed since the 50’s. Dads don’t just smoke cigars in the lobby, give the sex talk at 12 and teach the kid to drive at 16. There’s slightly more involvement now and missing a start to be with your wife while she’s pushing your creation out isn’t out of line. Whitt rationalized his backward ass point of view with this gem of analogy:

“Follow me this way to some confusion.
Imagine if Jason Witten missed a game to attend the birth of a child. It's just, I dunno, weird. Wrong even.”

You see Richie. The difference between the two situations is that the NFL plays 16 games a year. If Jason Witten were to miss a game and the Cowboys lost because of it there could be dire circumstances for the team. The MLB on the other hand plays 162 games. If Colby Lewis missed a game because he had a hangnail it probably wouldn’t matter in the long run. That said, I still wouldn’t blame Witten for missing a game to see his kid be born – unless of course it was a playoff game but this is the Cowboys we’re talking about so it probably wouldn't be.

More than anything I like how Antonio Cromartie can be blasted for not knowing his kids names but then a sports dad is criticized for being there for his family. Damed if you do, damned if you don't.

Anywho, Richie Whitt is a douche who just slid about 20,000 slots down the eligible bachelor list in DFW. Of course the haircut, earring and fully buttoned polo shirt probably aren’t helping either.

Curb Your Whole Damn Show

It was pretty obvious about five minutes into the first episode of ‘The Paul Reiser Show’ that it wasn’t going to work and after two weeks my assumption was right. NBC has now cancelled Paul’s show.

The show was basically a homeless man’s version of ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ but it skimped on the comedy. The first time I watched Curb I was intrigued by the idea of a mix of sitcom with reality. Stars played themselves but also played characters. But what keeps people coming back to Curb is the comedy, the crazy ass situations Larry gets himself into.

‘The Paul Reiser Show’ just chronicled a washed up actor hanging out with boring suburbanites. Not much for the common man to relate to except for the boring part and there wasn’t much funny to speak of either.

You’ve got to feel bad for Paul Reiser though. He spends almost a decade in hibernation and then falls flat on his face in his first venture back into showbiz. What makes it even worse is that he had to hit the talk show circuit a couple weeks ago to bang the drum for this thing so there hasn’t been any time for the humiliation to die down. Maybe he and Judge Reinhold can convince Eddie Murphy to make another ‘Beverly Hills Cop.’

FML Moment of the Day

Today, I went to church for Easter Sunday with my family. I tried to dress appropriately with a floral skirt, a dress shirt, and heels to match. When my aunt saw me, she said, "This is a place of worship, not a whore convention." FML

MJ - Blowing More Than Bubbles?

Michael Jackson was many things – childlike, a musical genius, accused pedophile and animal enthusiast but was he gay? Well if you believe Jason Pfeiffer, he certainly was. Pfeiffer, a former assistant of Jackson’s dermatologist Dr. Arnold Klein, says that he carried on a gay relationship with Jackson right up until his death and his former employer initially backed up those statements.

This story first broke about a year ago but I must have been too busy working the bar to pick up on it.

Klein, who has been rumored to be the biological father of MJ’s kids, initially told media sources that Jackson and Pfeiffer were lovers and wanted to get the story out to pour water on the rumors that Jackson was a pedophile (I guess he doesn’t understand those two things aren’t mutually exclusive).

Klein now has backed off those statements. No one is sure why but Joseph Jackson and any number of the Nation of Islam may have put a knife to his throat.



The element of this story that most caught me by surprise is the appearance of Pfeiffer (above), whose weight is probably bigger than the combined weight of Jackson’s other sexual partners (of course many of those may have been children). He looks like Mark Mangino's less talented son. This guy is fat. I know MJ was basically a shut in but you’d think he’d turn to Bubbles the Chimp before going for this guy.

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Like a giant, gay Easter egg

Even Smokey the Bear Gets Thirsty

Police: Man left campfire for beer run before Austin blazes
Associated Press

A 60-year-old homeless man is facing an arson charge after authorities say he started a campfire to cook eggs and left the hot coals unattended to buy beer before a fire broke out and damaged about a dozen homes.

An arrest affidavit released Monday says Michael Bernard Weathers initially told investigators he was cooking eggs in his vehicle but later admitted starting the campfire nearby. Most of parched Texas is under a burn ban.

Weathers was jailed Monday on $50,000 bond. No attorney was listed in online court records.

Austin fire officials say 10 homes were heavily damaged and six others had minor damage. Texas wildfires have burned more than 700,000 acres in the past week.

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I know most of the state is on fire right now and fire safety has to be one of the top priorities for all Texans but we still have to be practical here. What was this homeless guy supposed to do? He needed beer and he needed a fire for his eggs. Should he have put the fire out before he went to get beer? Well, hindsight is 20/20. And he’d have to restart the fire and sit around waiting for it to get hot before he could enjoy his supper. It’s impractical. I know one thing. We better get some rain soon or there are going to be a lot of homeless people missing out on eggs and beer. The breakfast of champions.

One Day BYB Vacation

It’s Friday again and I’m either too hung over to do the blog or I just didn’t feel creative enough. Don’t act like you’re surprised. I don’t even have the motivation to get a job.

Since you’re all probably tired of Rebecca Black I’ll cut you a break and give you some better Friday music.

What’s Trendy?

Today’s top trending topic is the New York Yankees logo. Not the logo they put on hats and stuff but the old school logo to the left that showcases what seems to be the first U.S. gay marriage between a top hat and a Louisville Slugger.

The logo, which has been used sparingly by the Yankees for more than 70 years, is the subject of a new lawsuit by some Brooklyn lady, Tanit Buday (worst name ever), who claims her grandpappy created it at the behest of the Yanks in 1936.

I’m going to go ahead and call bullshit on Tanit here. She’s the second lady to try to sue the Yankees over this logo in the last two years and I’m guessing she has no proof of her claim. Not to mention if one were the creator of a logo for one of the most valuable sports franchises in the world you think they might want to capitalize off that. I’m guessing Tanit’s granddad just told her he created the logo so she wouldn’t think he was a sad old loser.

Glenn Beck's Replacement - Charlie Manson?

In this polarized political atmosphere we find ourselves in you certainly hear a lot of criticisms of our current president Barack Obama. Some are valid, some are fair and many are ignorant, fear mongering, ignorant slams.

With the large sum of educated citizens we have in this country I found it odd that the most rational and poignant criticism I read of Obama was by a convicted cult leader. Charlie Manson resurfaced this week for the first time in 20 years as part of an hour long telephone interview for a piece in Vanity Fair about the 40th anniversary of his conviction. Judging by the racist ramblings in his Helter Skleter theory and the swastika carved in his forehead you would think Manson’s thoughts on Obama would make the Tea Party seem respectful but Manson’s main criticism was Obama’s inability to hold Wall Street accountable.

"I think Obama is an idiot for doing what he's doing," Manson said, referring to the Prez as a "slave of Wall Street." "They're playing with him."

Of course Manson also rolled out some of his classics by reminding us he “doesn’t play” and “shoots people.”

"I'm too bad. I'm a mean guy. I'm an outlaw. I'm a criminal. I'm everything bad."

But between the boasts about being America’s boogeyman Manson had a few interesting things to say, such as his concern about global warming.

"Everyone's God, and if we don't wake up to that there's going to be no weather because our polar caps are melting because we're doing bad things to the atmosphere," said Manson, whose forehead is tattooed with a Nazi swastika. "If we don't change that as rapidly as I'm speaking to you now, if we don't put the green back on the planet and put the trees back that we've butchered, if we don't go to war against the problem...”

Manson also asked Obama to set him free recently but it looks as if America’s new political pundit is going to be staying put in prison. Maybe he and Glenn Beck can do a crazy show together from jail.

P.S. - Doesn't Manson look old as hell now? If it weren't for the swastika scrape he'd look like somebody's run down grandpa.