Osama Bin Lovin'

BIN LADEN LOVES WHITNEY, PLOTTED TO KILL BOBBY BROWN
National Enquirer

Terror master mind Osama Bin Laden is obsessed with diva Whitney Houston and plotted to kill then -hubby, Bobby Brown, his former sex slave claims!

Sudanese poet and novelist Kola Boof who claims to have been Bin Laden's private sex slave for four months a decade ago says that the bearded loser lusted for Whitney despite his many wives!

In Diary of a Lost Girl, Boof writes: "He told me Whitney Houston was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen."

Although the jihadist disapproves of Whitney's music he can't stop his heart from going pitty-pat.

"Osama kept coming back to Whitney Houston," she writes. "He asked if I knew her personally when I lived in America. I told him I didn't.

"He said that he had a paramount desire for Whitney Houston, and although he claimed music was evil he spoke of someday spending vast amounts of money to go to America and try to arrange a meeting with the superstar.

"It didn't seem impossible to me. He said he wanted to give Whitney Houston a mansion that he owned in a suburb of Khartoum.

"Whitney Houston's name was the one that would be mention constantly -- how beautiful she was, what a nice smile she has, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have women's husbands killed."

Boof also reveals the baneful bin Laden read more than just the Holy Koran.

"In his briefcase I would come across photographs of the Star magazine, as well as copies of Playboy."

Shockingly, the author claims Bin Laden's fave TV shows were The Wonder Years, Miami Vice and MacGyver.

I've actually already heard about Osama's love for Whitney but I figured today was a good day to ridicule the shit out of him, and if anything should earn one ridicule, it would be the undying love for crackhead Whitney Houston.

It actually sounds like Obama is obsessed with America, most notably the 80s. He loves The Wonder Years, Miami Vice, and MacGyver, and he dated a girl named Boof so you know he's a Teen Wolf fan. I bet he calls him top cave assistant Styles. I'm just saying, if any foreign embassy gets bombed by a van with a 'Wolfmobile' paintjob we'll know who's responsible.