A Boy Named Tide

Crimson Tide fans welcome their new son, Crimson Tide
By Matt Hinton

Alabama fans show their unique and undying obsession with the Crimson Tide in many creative ways: Detailed reproductions of cherished moments, carefully worded stays of justice in trials, elaborate full-body tattoos, Bear Bryant-based reinterpretations of Shakespeare, offering infants to be autographed, etc. And, though they can't pass on their love via DNA (yet; the state's best gene therapists are working around the clock), they can brand their offspring with 'Bama-themed names, as the Witts of Hartselle, Ala., did with both of their boys, Tyde and Saban, in 2005 and 2007.

Not to be outdone in their devotion, J.L. and Jackie Redd of Tallassee, Ala., took the next step in January by introducing their son, Crimson Tide Redd, to the world:

The young couple made an agreement before their son's birth that J.L. could be in charge of naming the baby, wanting to use his last name, Redd, as inspiration.

"His family was extremely excited (about the name choice)," Jackie said.

"Her family couldn't understand why we'd name our child after a football team," J.L. said.

The new mother admits young Crimson "does already have a lot of Alabama stuff," but lest you get the idea he's destined to become the Todd Marinovich of lunatic fandom, the parents entertain no such intentions or fears. They're going to call the boy "Ty," and J.L. insists he isn't going to push his son to Tuscaloosa when Ty inevitably grows up to become a highly sought Division I prospect: "If (Auburn) offers him a scholarship, then I'll be happy for him to go there. We don't have plans to tell him who to be a fan of."



Speaking of the Crimson Tide they have to be the most fanatic college football fans on the planet (even more so than Husker fans). True, while I have said that if I did spread my demon seed I would name my first born son Scott Frost Clark, I'm meant so only in jest. Plus, in this fantasy world my genious supermodel wife would stop me short of all out fan geekdom and come up with our child's name on her own. But I wasn't kidding about having my child cloned. If I can give my prospective son a leg up by mixing the genetic material of Grant Wistrom, Ndamukong Sug and Scott Frost then you better believe I wouldn't hesitate to do so. I'm not taking any chances. And with my rising debt daddy is gonna need a first round draft pick.