Top 5

The Top 5 Concludes with the Lamest College Mascot in the country.

#1 Kansas State - Willie the Wildcat

I know what you're saying. I only picked Kansas State because I hate them. Well, that's mostly true, but I didn't pick Missouri and Kansas so there have to be some other factors.


The biggest reason Willie the Wildcat is stupid is because he's not a cat. He's a man with a cat head. How did this happen? Did some scientist in the Little Apple cross breed a free safety with an alley cat? Or did Heathcliff and Michael Bishop have some tryst in the late 90s that produced this beast.

Maybe the school was so poor that they could only afford a cat head. Whatever the reason, its stupid. Fix it.

Urkel Back on TV. Psych.

Sorry, didn't mean to confuse anyone there. Jaleel White, formerly of Urkel from 'Family Matters' fame is going to be on the hit series Psych tonight at 9 pm on USA. I thought for sure we would never see Urkel again, but he's back and I bet he's a lot less douchey than Screech.


I love Psych. It's definitely in my top 5 favorite shows on TV. Apparently in this episode Urkel and Keenan Thompson (of Kennan and Kel and SNL fame) play Gus' old college buddies. So, I think this will be a good comeback for Urkel too.

You know what's not going to be a good comeback though? The aforementioned Kel is supposed to be making a comeback in some kung fu movie directed by Cedric the Entertainer. I'd rather Bill Engvall read me a bedtime story than watch that crap.

Smoke up Johnny!

Judge orders man to quit smoking for one year
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

WAILUKU, Hawaii - A judge has ordered a 19-year-old Hawaii man who pleaded no contest to starting a restaurant fire with a flicked cigarette to stop smoking for a year.

Makaio Bachman-Majamay of Makawao was originally charged with third-degree arson for allegedly igniting the shake roof of the Wei Wei Bar-B-Q Restaurant in Pukalani in July 2008. Witnesses extinguished the blaze using buckets of water, The Maui News reported.

Deputy Public Defender William McGrath says his client didn't mean to set the fire.

Bachman-Majamay pleaded to a reduced charge of third-degree criminal property damage.

Second Circuit Judge Joel August ordered him to do community service and pay a $1,025 fine to fix the roof. He also told the teen not to use tobacco for a year.

"That means no cigarettes," August said. "Perhaps it will add about 10 or 15 years to his life if he stops smoking permanently."

I'm surprised at how convinces this judge is that this kid is going to stop smoking. Yeah, because when you tell a teenager he has to do something, it usually gets done. Are you kidding me? People are told to stop drinking alcohol when they get arrested for DUI but it doesnt happen. I don't know. I guess if they hair test this kid instead of take his urine, then he'd be screwed. If I was him, I'd take up crack. Its a good high, it'll get out of his system quick and he'd never miss the cigarettes.

Yard Dog Submitted Video

This just in from my favorite Yard Dog, Lil' Terry. I don't watch these 'Trading Spouses shows but this kid is a tyke after my own heart. I'm pretty sure if someone would have tried to take my Pepsi and Skittles away at his age I would have reacted similarly. So enjoy the videos. The remix is even better.

On this day in...

On this day in...
1789 – The U.S. Congress passes twelve amendments to the United States Constitution: the Congressional Apportionment Amendment, the Congressional Compensation Amendment, and the ten that are known as the Bill of Rights.
1846 – U.S. forces led by Zachary Taylor capture the Mexican city of Monterrey.
1911 – Ground is broken for Fenway Park in Boston, Massachusetts.
1912 – Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism is founded in New York, New York.
1957 – Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas, is integrated by the use of United States Army troops.
1981 – Sandra Day O'Connor becomes the 102nd Justice sworn in as an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States and the first woman to hold the office.

Births
1897 – William Faulkner, American writer, Nobel laureate (d. 1962)
1917 – Phil Rizzuto, American baseball player and sportscaster (d. 2007)
1929 – Barbara Walters, American broadcaster
1930 – Shel Silverstein, American humorist and author (d. 1999)
1943 – Robert Gates, American Secretary of Defense
1944 – Michael Douglas, American actor and producer
1947 – Cheryl Tiegs, American model
1951 – Mark Hamill, American actor
1951 – Bob McAdoo, American basketball player
1952 – Christopher Reeve, American actor (d. 2004)
1961 – Heather Locklear, American actress and model
1968 – Will Smith, American actor and rapper
1969 – Catherine Zeta-Jones, Welsh actress
1971 – John Lynch, American football player
1973 – Bridgette Wilson, American actress
1980 – T.I., American rapper

Birthday week concludes with quality and quantity. A great day for heros/superheros too. You've got Superman, Hancock and Luke Skywalker. Plus there are greats in their field literary, film and music. Then there's John Lynch. Well, at least he could hit really hard.

Bring me a higher love

World's new tallest man has giant longing for love

LONDON (AFP) – The world's new tallest man, measuring two metres 46.5 centimetres (eight feet one inch), said he was looking for love as he was presented by Guinness World Records in London.

Sultan Kosen, 26, blotted out the iconic Tower Bridge as he posed for photographs on the banks of the River Thames on Wednesday in his first ever trip outside his native Turkey.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

He takes over the title from China's Bao Xishun, who stands 'just' 2.36 metres (seven feet 8.95 inches).

The Turk also has the world's largest hands and largest feet, measuring 27.5 centimetres (10.8 inches) and 36.5 centimetres (14.4 inches) respectively.

And his giant hands dwarfed those proffered by amazed wellwishers as he turned heads in London, while reporters strained to get their microphones within reach of his head.

Kosen's record was unveiled to mark the launch of the Guinness World Records 2010 edition. The book, now in its 55th year, includes the world's biggest burger, made in the United States and weighing 185 pounds (84 kilograms), and records for the dog with the longest ears and the world's biggest skateboard.

Kosen was unable to complete his schooling because of his extreme height, but works occasionally as a farmer to support his family.

He said he hoped his newfound celebrity status would enable him "to travel and see the world and have a car that accommodates my size."

"My biggest dream though, is to get married and have children -- I'm looking for love," he said.

The extreme difficulty of squeezing into a regular-sized car is one of the main disadvantages of his height, but he says it comes in handy for replacing light bulbs and hanging curtains for his mother.

The tumour was successfully removed in surgery and he finally stopped growing last year. He uses walking sticks and tires quickly if he is standing.

I question the legitimacy of Kosen's crown because the title of tallest man had previously been stripped from Leonid Stanyik. Staynik, from the former USSR refused to be tested under new Guinness guidelines because he's a bit of a recluse. I personally just think Guinness wants a freak to parade around and Stanyik refused.

Sour grapes aside I hope Kosen finds a lucky lady to spend his days with. If I was him I'd go for about a 5-footer. She'd be the perfect height if you catch my drift.

PS: Despite these giants of Eastern Europe and Asia, America is still the best ever in tall dudes. Robert Wadlow of Alton, Illinois was the tallest guy ever at 8'11''. USA!!!

Burritos Make Me Wanna Shoudt!

Pa. man gulps 33½ burritos, wins eating contest
By MELANIE DABOVICH/The Associated Press

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Professional eater "Humble Bob" Shoudt ate 33½ burritos in 10 minutes, winning the 2009 World Burrito eating championship on Friday before an excited crowd at the New Mexico State Fair.

Shoudt, of Royersford, Pa., finished just ahead of runner-up Hall "Hoover" Hunt of Jacksonville, Fla., who put down 30 burritos in the International Federation of Competitive Eating-sponsored contest.

Shoudt, who won $1,500, said he didn't eat for two days to prepare for the competition. Competitors ate burritos, filled with beef, beans and green chile — each weighing about a quarter of a pound.

The 15 competitors paced during a brief delay as organizers made room to fit everyone on a stage. Plates stacked with four burritos were placed at each chair along with several plastic water bottles.

Yes, there really is an International Federation of Competitive Eating. This was the 14th contest on the Major League Eating Circuit in September alone.

Next up? Hunt and Shoudt planned to fly out Friday night to compete in a grits eating contest in Louisiana. Major League Eating's top-ranked eater is Joey Chestnut, and the 42-year-old Shoudt recently defeated the world champion at a chili spaghetti eating contest.

Shoudt also has eaten 35 beef brisket sandwiches in 10 minutes and 39 hamburgers in two minutes in past contests.

I really just posted this story to try and motivate Joey Chestnut to get his groove back. Ever since Joey beat the hot dog record at Nathan's on July 4th he has been on cruise control. I hate to see another athlete go this route. Chestnut is going to get just like Tiger Woods. He'll limit his eating contests, only showing up for the big events (hot dogs, burgers, steak) or he'll just show up for a guaranteed check like he did with the one-on-one p'zone contest against Kobayashi. Chestnut was supposed to be the people's champion. Joey, you've broken my heart.

Was it a stick up or a hold up?

Cops: Naked Man, 91, Thwarts Intruder
AP

LAKE WORTH, Fla. (Sept. 20) - Authorities said a naked 91-year-old man was able to hold a drunken intruder at gunpoint until deputies arrived. Robert E. Thompson jumped out of bed early Saturday when his dog starting growling and attacking the intruder. He said he got his revolver and went out back to let the guy know how he felt about home invaders.

Thompson, a World War II veteran, said he didn't even notice he was standing outside in the dark without any clothes on.

Authorities arrived to find a drunk intruder being held outside by a naked homeowner.
The 26-year-old intruder was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail on a burglary charge.

You've got to love when old people do cute things like defend themselves. Also, what is it with old people and their obliviousness to nudity. Its like when you visit old people in the hospital or the home. They never know they're hanging out of their gowns. Or else they just want to make people uncomfortable. Maybe thats the joy of being old. That might be why old men insist on standing next to you at the urinal when there are several others available nearby. Just to be creepy.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, during gym class, my teacher insisted that everyone should to relieve some stress by throwing a basketball at the wall. I wound up and hurled the thing at the wall, it bounced back and hit me in the stomach. I began to vomit uncontrollably. Even my teacher laughed. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to my girlfriend she was crying and told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy and poured my beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room for a guy in a wheelchair. FML

College Football TV Schedule

September 25
Missouri at Nevada, 9 pm, ESPN

September 26
Indiana at Michigan, 11 am, ESPN2
Minnesota at Northwestern, 11 am, BTN 610
Michigan State at Wisconsin, 11 am, ESPN
Southern Miss at Kansas, 11 am, FSN
LSU at Mississippi State, 11 am, MSG 634
Fresno State at Cincinatti, 11 am, SNY 639
South Florida at Florida State, 11 am, ESPNU

San Diego State at Air Force, 2 pm, Mtn. 616
Arkansas at Alabama, 2:30 pm, CBS
UTEP at Texas, 2:30 pm, FSN
California at Oregon, 2:30 pm, ABC/Gameplan
Miami at Virginia Tech, 2:30 pm, ABC/Gameplan
Illinois at Ohio State, 2:30 pm, ESPN
Pittsburgh at North Carolina State, 2:30 pm, ESPNU 614
Western Kentucky at Navy, 2:30 pm, CBSC
Idaho at Northern Illinois, 2:30 pm, CSN 665
Akron at Central Michigan, 2:30 pm, FSNOH 660

Colorado State at BYU, 5 pm, Mtn. 616
Florida at Kentucky, 5 pm, ESPN2
Arizona State at Georgia, 6 pm, ESPNU 614
Ball State at Auburn, 6 pm, FSNS 646
Louisville at Utah, 6:30 pm, CBSC 613
Notre Dame at Purdue, 7 pm, ESPN
Iowa at Penn State, 7 pm, ABC
Texas Tech at Houston, 8:15 pm, ESPN2
New Mexico State at New Mexico, 9 pm, Mtn. 616
Washington State at USC, 9 pm FSN

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(281): Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
(281): Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"

(618): so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?

(414): filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.

Top 5

We are counting down the Top 5 Lamest College Mascots this week. By we, I mean the royal we. Noone's going to lend a hand around here to help me and Michael Crabtree has refused to respond to my job offer.

#2 - The Stanford Tree


The Stanford Tree is pretty much universally panned as the lamest mascot in the nation. A tree doesn't exactly strike fear into the hearts of opponents. Not to mention this tree looks oddly like a Christmas tree and has a stupid smile on its front. Aside from its odd apperance the tree is known for brawling with opposing mascots and getting drunk. That's why I didn't rate it the lamest. But its still damn lame.

Salisbury Silly Steak

Apparently Sean Salibury has finally gone completely batshit after being canned from a few jobs. He's been threatening Deadspin and ESPN for two straight days. These emails are crazy.

Mexican zombies break record. Want 'candies' as a reward

Mexico sets ‘Thriller’ dance record
By The Associated Press

MEXICO CITY (AP) — Thousands of Michael Jackson’s Mexican fans have won the world record for most people to dance to the song “Thriller” simultaneously in one place.

Jamie Panas of Guinness World Records says that 13,597 people performed the dance routine on Aug. 29, which would have been Jackson’s 51st birthday.

The fans, many dressed as zombies, danced to “Thriller” in Mexico City led by a Michael Jackson impersonator in sunglasses, a sequined black jacket and white glove.

The previous record was held by a group of 242 students at the College of William & Mary.

Panas confirmed the new record on Friday.

Talk about getting owned in a Guinness category. The U.S. Thriller record just got smashed by these Mexican folks. That just goes to show you when it comes to efficient labor, you have to go to Mexico. Now we can't even dance to our own music as well as Mexicans.

My only curiosity is how that prison dance from the Phillipines didn't qualify for the record. I doubt there were 14,000 prisoners but there should have been enough to beat that U.S. record of 242. If you don't remember it, here it is.

On this day in...

On this day in...
622 – Prophet Muhammad completes his hegira from Mecca to Medina.
1789 – The office of the Attorney General of the United States of America, and the United States Post Office Department, are established.
1890 – The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints officially renounces polygamy.
1957 – President Dwight D. Eisenhower sends 101st Airborne Division troops to Little Rock, Arkansas, to enforce desegregation.
1962 – United States court of appeals orders the University of Mississippi to admit James Meredith.
1968 – 60 Minutes debuts on CBS.
2005 – Hurricane Rita makes landfall in the United States, devastating Beaumont, Texas and portions of southwestern Louisiana.

Births
1725 – Sir Arthur Guinness, Irish brewer (d. 1803)
1755 – John Marshall, 4th Chief Justice of the U.S.(d. 1835)
1896 – F. Scott Fitzgerald, American novelist (d. 1940)
1921 – Jim McKay, American sportscaster (d. 2008)
1936 – Jim Henson, American puppeteer (d. 1990)
1945 – Lou Dobbs, American journalist and television anchor
1946 – "Mean" Joe Greene, American football player
1948 – Phil Hartman, Canadian actor (d. 1998)
1964 – Rafael Palmeiro, Cuban-born baseball player
1973 – Eddie George, American football player
1975 – Kyle Turley, American football player
1981 – Drew Gooden, American basketball player

Another huge birthday day. This has to have something to do with astrology or something. If I have any crazy hippies reading the blog, explain to me the cosmic forces behind so many talented people being born this week. We have lots of legends born today and a man that died before his time, Phil Hartman. Also, on his birthday I'd like to make an empassioned appeal to Eddie George to hand his Heisman tropy over to Tommie Frazier. Don't cheat the sport like Steve McNair cheated on his wife. What? Too soon?

I Saw the Sign

Unfaithful woman seeks 2nd chance by wearing sign
AP

SANDUSKY, Ohio -An Ohio woman who said she was unfaithful has chosen a very public way of asking her boyfriend not to break up their engagement.

Jess Duttry, 19, stood outside a supermarket parking lot in northern Ohio this week with a handwritten sign that said "I cheated" and "Honk if I deserve a second chance." On the back, Duttry had scrawled, "I honestly love him."

She said she choose to stage her vigil Wednesday evening after her fiance took back his ring earlier that day when she confessed she'd cheated on him this summer.

It's not clear if he saw the message, but Duttry said dozens of people honked, and some got out of their cars to hug her and wish her well.

I guess this had to be a somewhat effective method of apology. Sandusky is a pretty small town so word had to get back to this girl's boyfriend that she was publisizing her whoreness to the townspeople. Although, she was polling the public about whether she should be forgiven and I think thats entirely up to the boyfriend. He shouldn't be swayed by popular opinion.

I kind of wish some of my ex girlfriends had to stand around in Odessa/Lubbock and beg for my forgiveness for cheating on me. Of course they never would, which leads me to believe her boyfriend is either incredibly rich, handsome or he has a giant penis.

Aggies attacked by a Pirate (Not Leach)

Man accused of sword attack after finding soda can
AP

BRYAN, Texas -A man who was apparently was upset after finding a soda can in his room allegedly used a sword to cut two of his roommates. Michael Angel Zamago was jailed on Friday on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon related to family violence. Bail was $25,000.

A police report indicates Zamago was upset to find a soda can in his room, thinking someone entered without permission. Zamago allegedly used the sword to poke holes in a closed door to a room where the pair fled.

One roommate has a cut under his right arm pit. The other suffered a cut in the shoulder area.

If this story hadn't been out of College Station/Bryan, I would have easily gone with the 'Seems Like A Reasonable Reaction' header but I'm pretty sure this guy has gone pirate crazy. We all know the Aggies have been haunted by Tech in recent years and I'm guessing this guy finally just went off the deep end and figured if he couldn't beat them, join them. But he got too into it and now he's attacking Ags with a sword for leaving soda in his room. Although, in his defense I heard Leach attacked his wife with a sword when his rum had been moved. You can't reason with a pirate. You just have to dominate in time of possession and hope he makes a mistake.

Lethal Rejection

Execution fails over inmate's unsuitable veins

CHICAGO (Reuters) – Executioners couldn't find a suitable vein in which to inject drugs to kill a 53-year-old murderer, who then got a one-week reprieve from the governor so Ohio prison officials can figure out what to do.

"This is unchartered territory for us," prison spokeswoman Julie Walburn said of the difficulty in killing convicted rapist and murderer Romell Broom.

Democratic Governor Ted Strickland issued the reprieve at the request of the prison warden overseeing the state's execution chamber at the Southern Ohio Correctional Facility in Lucasville.

Walburn said prison officials would consult "several people" about how to perform Broom's execution, which by state law must be done by lethal injection.

Broom is to be executed for the rape and murder of 14-year-old Tryna Middleton in Cleveland in 1984.

Some of Middleton's family members present to witness the execution were emotional afterward, Walburn said.

"They were looking for closure and obviously they did not get that," she said.

How'd you like the headline? I was also considering, 'You're So Vein.' I'm not a big fan of the death penalty because we've killed several innocent people in this country in the name of justice, but when we're completely sure the guy is guilty then I'm wildly in favor of it. In fact, if there's definitive DNA evidence then I'm in favor of public beheadings or hangings. You know, something to keep the sheep in the flock.

That's why I think the cops should just crack this dude over the skull with a frying pan and then kill him Dexter style.

The New BYB Headquarters

Here are the latest updates/additions to BYB territory. Yeah, I live in here. Eat your hearts out.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I had a blind date with a girl someone in my office set me up with. Before the waitress returned with our drinks, this girl asked me to go to her parent's house and pretend to be the father of her yet unborn child because the real father is a drug addict and in jail for stealing her dad's car. FML

Today, I was in class, playing online poker and keeping up my winning record. I eventually got seated against a guy who beat me at every hand. I heard laughing behind me after I lost all my winnings. The guy behind me had just made an account, looked over my shoulder, and won all my money. FML