College Football Picks

I'm not seeing a whole lot I like this week and given my performance in the past few weeks I probably shouldn't wager at all. It's getting pretty bad in the BYB bank account. But here are my picks for Halloween anyway. If you bet them expect a trick and no treat.

The winners are bolded.

Rutgers at UCONN -7 1/2
I knew UCONN would keep the game close against West Virginia last week and I think they'll play great again this week. Emotions will be high as the Huskies play their first game in Stoors since the muder of one of their receivers. I like UCONN in this one.

Iowa State at Texas A&M -7
Iowa State didn't do much against Nebraska last week (aside from force turnovers) but A&M is an up and down yo-yo of a team this season. They start well and fall apart against Arkansas. They play lights out against Okie State and get trounced by Kansas State. They beat Tech big and...lose to Iowa State at home. I like the Cyclones and the points here.

Nebraska -13 at Baylor
I'm not trying to sell my own team down the river here but how the hell is Nebraska getting 13 points on the road right now? I'm not sure if the Husker offense can even score 13 points. I know its Baylor but I like the Bears anyway. Nebraska wins but I think we're talking 7-10 points.

Kansas at Tech -7
Much like A&M, Tech seems to be an up and down team this year. Things couldn't have seemed more optimistic going into last Saturday's game and things couldn't seem more dismal now. I expect Tech to bounce back well against Kansas.

Georgia at Florida -15
The Bulldogs have made Tebow very angry in the past. They won't like him when he's angry. The Gators roll in this one.

USC -3 1/2 at Oregon
I threw this game on here because its one of the few big games of the week. I think USC wins but I also think its going to be very close. I should probably just stay away from this one.

On Halloween Day in...

I really wanted to continue nthe Halloween theme I got rocking in the BYB today so I figured we'd do on Halloween Day instead of the 30th. You're not missing much on the 30th anyway. Mussolini became Prime Minister, Jackie Robinson signed with Brooklyn and John Adams and Kevin Pollack were born. See.

Now, On Halloween Day in...
1517 – Protestant Reformation: Martin Luther posts his 95 theses on the door of the Castle Church in Wittenberg.
1864 – Nevada is admitted as the 36th U.S. state.
1913 – Dedication of the Lincoln Highway, the first automobile road across United States; – The Indianapolis Street Car Strike and subsequent riot begins.
1959 – Lee Harvey Oswald attempts to renounce his American citizenship at the US Embassy in Moscow, USSR.
1961 – In the Soviet Union, Joseph Stalin's body is removed from Lenin's Tomb.
1984 – Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi is assassinated by two Sikh security guards. Riots soon break out in New Delhi and nearly 2,000 Sikhs are killed.
2002 – A federal grand jury in Houston, Texas formally indicts former Enron Corp. chief financial officer Andrew Fastow on 78 counts of wire fraud, money laundering, conspiracy and obstruction of justice related to the collapse of his ex-employer.

Spooky Births
1795 – John Keats, British poet (d. 1821)
1931 – Dan Rather, American television journalist
1944 – Kinky Friedman, American musician and novelist
1950 – John Candy, Canadian comedian and actor (d. 1994)
1950 – Jane Pauley, American news anchor
1951 – Nick Saban, American college football coach
1961 – Peter Jackson, New Zealand film director
1963 – Fred McGriff, American baseball player
1967 – Vanilla Ice, American rapper

I was really hoping there would be a spooky birthday like Vincent Price or something but I guess we'll just have to settle for John Candy and Vanilla Ice. Not a bad consolation prize. I bet Nick Saban wants a win for his birthday present/Halloween treat. I can't help him there but I can help him with the best Halloween song ever!

Ghost of Bearded Past

Billy Mays III: I Want to Be Haunted By My Father
by TMZ Staff

Billy Mays III -- the late pitchman's son -- is hosting a Billy Mays costume contest for Halloween in honor of his dead father ... and get this, zombie Billy Mays submissions are encouraged.

Little Billy posted the following on his website:

"Halloween is approaching rapidly and it goes without saying that "deceased celebrities" (and balloon boy) will most likely be a huge theme at every gathering.

There will no doubt be a multitude of people dressed as Billy Mays (or zombie Billy Mays).. it is one of the easiest costumes of all time to put together. (Beard, blue button-down, khakis, prop product, etc..)"

Billy wants people to send him pics of their Billy getups -- the winner gets a bunch of prizes ... including, of course, a tub of OxiClean.

I'm glad this kid is getting in the Halloween spirit and trying to look at his father's death with a sense of humor. As we all know laughter is the best medicine. And he's right. It should be pretty easy to grow a beard, get a denim shirt and carry around some Orange Glow or a Handy Switch. Or if you wanted to look menacing you go as Zombie Billy and carry an Awesome Auger. Personally I'd go with the Mighty Putty and put it on the spot on my head where he racked himself in that airplane. Too soon?

Top 5 Scary Movies

I figured in the spirit of Halloween I'd do a condensed Top 5 Horror movies. Of course I'm going to skew young here. I'm not much for Frankenstein Dracula or the Blob. Nor am I much for the real new crap that Hollywood is cranking out these days. The hayday for horror was the the late 70s and 80s with the classic slasher flicks. So here we go. Click on the story title for the full list.

Honorable Mention: There's tons of movies I could put here but I don't want to be here all day so I'm just going to mention the original Halloween 2 and the original Prom Night. Halloween 2 is easily the best horror sequel of all-time and actually had its plot set as a continuation of the night in the original Halloween. Prom Night (1980) was another Jamie Lee Curtis slasher flick and was a who-dun-it type of movie.



#5. A Nightmare on Elm Street
Of all the horror movie villains of the modern era Freddy Kruger is easily the most identifiable and probably gave children the most nightmares in the 80s. Aside from being scary as hell Freddy had a knack for comedy and really helped change the genre. Plus the movie launched the career of Johnny Depp. Here he is now.



#4 Scream
I thought I had to throw at least one movie from the 90s on this list. Scream changed the genre by shifting the slasher from an unkillable psychopath like Mike Myers or Jason to one of your friends from school. Plus it was pretty funny.



#3 - Friday the 13th
If one killer was as identifiable in the 80s as Freddy, it was Jason Voorhies. But what most people don't remember is that Jason's mother Ms. Voorhies is actually the killer in the original film. Jason makes his first appearance at the end of the movie and becomes the killer in the first sequel (also a very good flick). But it was Ms. Voorhie's killing of Kevin Bacon that highlights this movie.



#2. Texas Chainsaw Massacre
No horror movie has garnered the same kind of negative attention and hysteria that Massacre did. It's legend grew at drive-in theatres across America and it was subsequently banned in countries throughout the world. Most of those involved in the making of the film endured a July filming in the Texas heat and received no money from the film after the production company turned out to be mob related.



#1 Halloween
How could Michael Myers not win on his day? The King of Slasher flicks is Halloween which actually endured a lackluster debut to become one of the biggest cult classics of all-time, spawning seven sequels, a remake and a remake of a sequel. it also served as Jamie Lee Curtis' debut and made her the undisputed scream queen of her time. The infamous closet scene is the film's signature moment.

House of 1,000 Dunces

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I don't care if its Halloween time or not. If I saw that giant beast coming out of a warehouse in Baltimore with a chainsaw I'm going to pull a gun on him. I mean, better safe than sorry. It's much easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask someone to sew your face back on.

That part about his being drunk is BS though. Who isn't drunk at a haunted house? A sober chainsaw guy is like a Mall Santa not on coke. It just ain't right.

Dexter's Sister (Wife) Afraid For Her Life

Dexter Star Death Fear
National Enquirer

Jennifer Carpenter who plays serial killer Dexter's sister on the hit Showtime show is scared producers are going to pull an Ashlee Simpson on her AND kill her off!

The brunette beauty who secretly wed costar Michael C. Hall last year is a nervous wreck about the series finale because the details are being kept TOP SECRET!

"There are three pages missing at the end (of the script)," Jennifer confided. "We're not allowed to know what happens.

"I'm scared... (but) this is a show with a serial killer and guess what happens to people around serial killers?

"They die," she said.

"Not only are you gonna die, but you're gonna die in a really messed-up way."

Uh oh.

I certainly hope they don't kill Deb off. That would really screw up the vibe of the show. I'm already mad enough that they killed Lundy. Plus, if they kill of Michael C. Hall's wife then he may get pissed and quit. And I don't know what I'd do without my favorite serial killer. Sundays in the Fall would be irreversably changed. Then I might have to go Dexter on someone.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, my cousin and I were out on the boardwalk. I walked to the railing next to a man and said, "Great view isn't it?" Then I found out that the man was blind and had a seeing eye dog. FML

Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

For the record I would rather have sex with Austin Power's Goldmember or WWE wrestler Goldust than this woman. Thank you Georgia.

Prejudiced Pirate: Mike Leach hates fat girls

I was shocked when I first heard Mike Leach's disparing comments about the fat women of Lubbock, Texas. As a six year student of Texas Tech who was known to knock a few back from time to time, there is no type of person who touched me on a more personal level than a Lubbock fat girl.

These ladies give their love, asking for almost nothing in return (especially sobriety, a phone call or a ride home). Now just because Mike Leach lost a game he has to throw an entire minority group under the bus. I think this is a call for action. The fat women of Lubbock need to picket this Saturday's game against Kansas. Coach Leach needs to know this type of aggression against the overweight will not stand.

P.S. - I would have thought Mike Leach would like fat girls. Everytime I shacked up with a chubby lady I had a little Captain in me!
For the full video of Leach's fat tirade click here.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(301): This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list

(971): So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"

They're Playing Football

Not too great s late of games this week, of course after last week's craptastic schedule this week will be by much better by comparison. I will be on the road this weekend watching what will likely be two of the worst games of the week. Eat your hearts out minions.

Now to the few good ones.

Texas at Oklahoma State
Boone Pickens Stadium has not been friendly to Texas in the past, pushing Texas to the brink during the Vince Young dream season and being a touch play to play each time. After enduring an early loss to Houston, OSU has bounced back and is probably the second best team in the South. But the announcement that Dez Bryant has been banned for the remainder of the season could hamper the Pokes. Texas' offense finally clicked against Mizzou last week and should give UT enough to get a close win.

Kansas State at Oklahoma
You know its a bad week when I'm throwing K St. in 'They're Playing Football' but like or not the Wildcats are the defacto leader in the Big 12 North at this point. That said, the Wildcats are going to get bludgeoned by the Sooners in this one. If getting their good name back isn't motivation enough for the Sooners, I'm sure Bob Stoops will be happy to remind his team of the '03 Big 12 Championship.

Georgia at Florida
This game has become one of the better rivalry games in the country. This season though, the Bulldogs have probably the worst defense in the SEC and will give Florida a chance to get its offense going. Tebow seemed upset after last week's narrow win against Miss State. I'd hate to be the Dawgs' D right now.

USC at Oregon
Autzen Stadium is a tough place to play and the Ducks are on fire. This is a game where Oregon could step up and prove everyone had it wrong when they buried the Ducks after the Boise State loss. Not so fast my friend. USC gets the win and stays in the national title hunt.

The Games On My Radar

Kansas at Tech
I'm a bit curious to see which QB trots out for Tech Saturday. Sheffield is probably still a bit too banged up but I wouldn't be surprised to see Doedge get the start. Kansas' defense has been a weakness all season so it might not matter which QB starts. Of course I said that about the A&M defense too, but this time I may be right. Tech gets the win.

Nebraska at Baylor
Bo Pelini said this week that Nebraska needs a spark offensively. Thank you, Captain Obvious. Wouldn't finding that spark be your job? How about you worry about that and I'll worry about restocking the vodka shelf and getting the F My Life moments posted. Nebraska finds a candle in the darkness offensively and gets just enough to win.

Notre Dame vs. Washington State
This game is going to be an epic murder. Its a good thing I'm going to get free drink coupons for the stadium lounge.

On this day in...

On this day in...
1618 – English adventurer, writer, and courtier Sir Walter Raleigh is beheaded for allegedly conspiring against James I of England.
1787 – Mozart's opera Don Giovanni receives its first performance in Prague.
1863 – Sixteen countries meeting in Geneva agree to form the International Red Cross.
1886 – The first ticker-tape parade takes place in New York City when office workers spontaneously throw ticker tape into the streets as the Statue of Liberty is dedicated.
1901 – Leon Czolgosz, the assassin of US President William McKinley, is executed by electrocution.
1923 – Turkey becomes a republic following the dissolution of the Ottoman Empire.
1966 – National Organization For Women is founded.
1998 – Space Shuttle Discovery blasts off on STS-95 with 77-year old John Glenn on board, making him the oldest person to go into space.

Births
1897 – Joseph Goebbels, Nazi Minister of Propaganda (d. 1945)
1942 – Bob Ross, American artist and television host (d. 1995)
1947 – Richard Dreyfuss, American actor
1971 – Winona Ryder, American actress
1978 – Travis Henry, American football player
1983 – Maurice Clarett, American football player


A good birthday for troubled running backs with both Travis Henry and Maurice Clarett. Plus, who would have thought Bob Ross had been dead 14 years? You can still see his show on PBS. I thought he was still alive. We'll probably be saying the same thing about Billy Mays in a few years.

Monkey Business

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How dare the government have the audacity to step in the way of this monkey doing his job. Does he come down to where they work and throw crap at them while they're trying to work? Well, if he doesn't yet then he's about to start!

P.S. - How does a damn monkey calm anyone down? They're not exactly the most serene animals. I think this lady just gets lonely and only a monkey can fill that void.

College Football's Debbie Downer

Once filled with promise, season has failed to sizzle
By Mark Schlabach/ESPN.com

This was supposed to be a college football season to remember.

We were supposed to be witnessing one of the most compelling Heisman Trophy races in history. With quarterbacks Sam Bradford, Colt McCoy and Tim Tebow coming back to school, the trio was supposed to light up scoreboards and jockey for position on Heisman Trophy ballots, while their teams jockeyed for the No. 1 ranking in the Bowl Championship Series standings.

Instead, with six weeks to go in the 2009 regular season, Bradford's college career is over (along with Oklahoma's national championship hopes) because of an injured right shoulder, and McCoy and Tebow have rarely looked like the players who were Heisman Trophy finalists a year ago.

With apologies to Boise State, Cincinnati, Iowa and TCU, the 2009 college football season has been a flop by most accounts.

Rest of column here.


I saw this column by Mark Schlabah this week and I thought it brought up an interesting point about this college football season. Things haven't been what we thought they'd be. This was supposed to be the season of the Heisman frontrunners. For the first time in college football history there were two Heisman winners returning and the Heisman runner up from '08 also returned. Instead, we now have zero definitive Heisman frontrunners. Sure, Jimmy Clasuen and Mark Ingram are getting some love but noone is sure they'll stick around.

Also, despite still having more a few undefeated teams, there is no dominant squad. Alabama is probably the closest thing we have and the Tide came close to losing to unranked Tenneessee last week.

My impression is that you can't really expect anything in college football. There's growing parity in the sport and injuries can change the season in a heartbeat. I guess the biggest disappointment has been the lack of Top 25 teams playing each other at this point in the season. It seems like we're getting 1-2 matchups between Top 25 teams a week when we used to get multiple such games in the past. That may be largely in part to the influx of non-BCS conference teams in the Top 25 or it could just be an anomoly. I'm not sure.

All that said I'm still betting things start to turn around. I think the top teams will start playing better and I think at the end of the year Tebow and McCoy will be on the stage with Clausen at the Downtown Athletic Club. Either way, I'll still be watching.

If nothing else, at least we got to see this last week.

Get Your Cock Out of Your Kitchen

Man Busted for Being Naked at Home
AOL News

(Oct. 21) A Virginia man was busted for indecent exposure after he was caught in the buff. In his own home. Alone.

Eric Williamson, 29, got up at 5:30 a.m. Monday and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. He was naked, but he was alone in the Springfield house, so he didn't think it mattered.

Wrong.



A woman and a 7-year-old boy were cutting through Williamson's front yard from a nearby path, according to WTTG-TV, Channel 5 in Washington. Through his front window, they saw Williamson having coffee in his birthday suit.

Fairfax County police showed up and arrested him. Williamson said he had no idea anyone could see him, but police said they believed he wanted to be seen by the public, said WTTG, a Fox station.

If convicted, Williamson could face one year in jail and a $2,000 fine. He plans to fight the charge.

"If I stood and seemed comfortable in my kitchen, it's natural. It's my kitchen," he told the station.

You know I'm not going to get on this mom and son's case too much for walking through someone else's yard (although that probably is trespassing), but getting on this poor guy's case for having his wang out while he's making some Kool Aid is just ridiculous.

I'm not a big nudity guy (although I have sometimes been a big nude man) but sometimes you have to make a quick jaunt through the house with no clothes. I know when I'm doing laundry in the main house, I sometimes have to make my way through the back yard and back to BYB Headquarters naked. Hopefully the neighbors haven't been subjected to my nude laundry romps, but if they have then they haven't ratted me out. They're nice people.

Gettin' Off On the Wrong Foot

Amputee suspected after one shoe goes missing

BRUSSELS, Belgium - Police say a one-legged suspect was caught after only one shoe went missing in a store in Belgium.

An amputee was an immediate suspect when a store attendant found one shoe missing from a shop in the western Belgian town of Maldegem. Police spokesman Rik Decraemer said Monday authorities were alerted and quickly found the man who fit the description by shopkeepers. The shoe was also recovered.

The suspect, a Russian asylum seeker, faces possible charges and was handed over to judicial authorities.

I'm sure when this guy went out to do some robbing he probably wasn't thinking about how this would backfire on him. Seriously man, why you stealing shoes? Why not steal a nice jacket or some booze? Stealing shoes is only going to draw attention to yourself. Especially when you only steal one. Its pretty obvious this guy is rocking a wheel chair. If he had a fake leg he would have stolen both shoes. I think a guy in a wheelchair buying new shoes is suspicious in the first place. That seems to be an area one could save a lot of money on. I mean those shoes are going to get much ware and tear. I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell.

Hulk Hogan's Bait and Switch

You may have seen Hulk Hogan's recent media blitz aimed around getting attention for his new book, "My Life Outside the Ring." All the while I couldn't help but think there was something bigger up ol' Hulk's sleeve than just a book and a few exhibition wrestling matches. That's when the other shoe dropped. The Hulkster is back in pro wrestling full-time with his announcement that he will be joining TNA Wrestling, owned by former Designing Women star Dixie Carter. His announcement coincided with an appearance on Larry King Live, which should bring some much needed attention to wrestling's second organization.

I doubt Hulk's partnership with TNA will boost ratings too much but with slumping ratings for WWE Raw Vince McMahon can't be happy about this news.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I took a trip to Wal-Mart. There's a car wash that they conveniently built right outside of this Wal-Mart. So as I was leaving, I decided to make use of this car wash, not even thinking about the $200 worth of groceries I had just purchased. I drive a pick-up truck. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

This apparently is in Cancun. I didn't even realize they had Wal Mart's in Cancun. But I can see they have beautiful women...with diabetes.

Clark's Top 25

Alabama sturggled for the first time this season, but Florida did too. The Longhorns took care of business for once so who's #1? As my good buddy Brian Welch says, why speculate? Last week's rankings are in ( ).

1. Alabama (1) - It took a miraculous defensive effort by DT Mount Cody to keep Alabama undefeated but don't expect me to punish the Crimson Tide just yet. Florida and Texas have sturggled plenty this season. Alabama deserves one slump game.
2. Florida (2) - I flirted with the idea of dropping Florida below Texas this week but given the Big 12 North's recent play I'm not so sure that beating Miss St. by 10 isn't betting than beating Mizzou by 34.
3. Texas (3) - Colt McCoy finally exploded ith 269 yards and 3 TDs (two to Jordan Shipley) to lead the Horns past Mizzou 41-7.
4. Cincinatti (4) - The Bearcats took care of business again, beating Louisville 41-10. Backup QB Zach Collaros was ultra efficient going 15-17 for 253 yards and 3 TDs passing.
5. TCU (8) - Up until two weeks ago I was suspicious of how good TCU really was. Two weeks later they've beaten Colorado State and BYU 82-13.
6. Boise State (5) - Like I wrote last week, as Boise's schedule continues to drag on the Broncs will continue to get dropped. Tough titty.
7. Oregon (7) - The Ducks' loss to Boise may hold them back as voters may be hesistant to jump them over a team they lost to head to head. But a win against USC this week may change that.
8. Iowa (9) - The Hawkeyes edged out Michigan State 15-13 this week and now have Indiana and Northwestern before facing Ohio State. I doubt you'd find a person who doesn't expect Iowa to be 11-0 going into that one.
9. USC (6) - The Trojans avoided their second disappointment of the '09 season with a 42-36 win against Oregon State. USC was paced by RB Allen Bradford who had 147 yards and 2 TDs on the ground.
10. LSU (10) - The Tigers looked strong again with a 31-10 win against Auburn. QB Jordan Jefferson had 242 yards and 2 TDs.
11. Penn State (11) - I thought for sure that Michigan would give the Nittany Lions a close game but Penn State romped 35-10 as QB and one-time Heisman candidate Darryl Clark had 4 Tds passing.
12. Georgia Tech (13) - The Yellow Jackets dominated on the ground again with RBs Jonathan Dwyer and Anthony Allen both topping the 100-yard mark, while QB Josh Nesbitt had 82 yards and 2 TDs on the ground.
13. Virginia Tech (14) - The Hokies took the week off last week. Well played.
14. Oklahoma State (15) - The Pokes took it to hapless Baylor last week 34-7 as Zac Robinson was on fire going 23-27 for 250 yards and 3 TDs. I'm sure that will inspire Baylor to take it to Nebraska this week.
15. Houston (16) - Houston dominated SMU 38-15 last week. I'm not too impressed with that but I can't really drop them for winning by 23.
16. Ohio State (18) - Lebron's little talk with Terrelle Pryor must have at least helped a little as he had 239 yards and 2 TDs passing and 104 yards and a TD rushing in a 38-7 win against Minnesota.
17. Pittsburgh (23) - I'm not sure how good South Florida is but beating the Bulls 41-14 is a great showing for Pitt. The Panthers are going to try and make the Big East a two-team race.
18. Miami (12) - After a fairly consistent season the Canes defense fell apart against Clemson, letting QB Kyle Parker and RB C.J. Spiller team up to embarrass the Canes in a 40-37 win.
19. Mississippi (19) - The Rebels were idle last week.
20. Notre Dame (20) - The Fightin' Irish had last week off to prepare for their first home game at a neutral site at the Alamodome in San Antonio.
21. Utah (21) - The Utes didn't look convincing in a 23-16 win against Air Force but they did good enough to win.
22. West Virginia (23) - The Mpuntaineers survived a game where emotions were high after the murder of a UCONN wide receiver. Up next for WVU is reeling South Florida.
23. Oklahoma (25) - The Sooners got back on track in what many thought would be a trap game in Lawrence, Kansas. QB Landry Jones had 252 yards and 2 TDs in a 35-13 win.
24. Arizona (NR) - Arizona seems to be the Pac 10 flavor of the week with a 5-2 record and a 27-13 win against UCLA last week. The Wildcats have this week off.
25. California (NR) - The Golden Bears dominated poor Washington State last week and will now face Arizona State this week.