That freak needs to be on a leash
Monday, August 12, 2013
Friday, August 9, 2013
BYB Top 25 Countdown - Breakdown
The following post is part of the BYB 2013 Preseason Top 25 Countdown. Continue to check in Monday-Friday each week as I count down the Top 25 teams in college football. I swear, even if I flake out and don’t do any other posts, I will continue the countdown.
These picks are a reflection of how I predict the college football season will shake out. I performed a complex formula and broke down each team’s schedule, predicting wins, losses and push games, you know, games that I’m to chicken shit to actually pick a winner. I then ranked the teams with the most predicted wins highest and the teams with the least predicted wins lowest.
This isn’t precise. For example, I have Texas at #23 with six wins, zero losses and six pushes. This means UT could finish 12-0, 6-6 or anything in between. While Texas is ranked low I think the Horns have a great chance at finishing the season ranked high.
The Top 25 is also influenced by other factors like strength of schedule and conference affiliation.
Just Missed Out – Records are (Wins-Losses-Push Games).
I can't wait for college football season!
BYB Top 25 Countdown - #17 Fresno State Bulldogs
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| Quarterback Derek Carr |
As I noted in the BYB Countdown preface strength of schedule and conference affiliation play a part in these rankings. Case in point – the Fresno State Bulldogs.
I actually have Fresno State at 9-0-3 in my schedule breakdown but due to a weak conference slate and no impressive non-conference opponents the sky is not the limit for Fresno State. Even if the Bulldogs went undefeated they likely wouldn’t have a chance at playing for a national title.
Retro college football fans checking back in on Fresno State after not being nationally prominent for some time will see a familiar name at quarterback – Carr.
Derek Carr, the younger brother of former top draft pick David Carr, leads the Bulldog offense and Fresno had the 12th best passing offense in the nation last season. Carr has returning starters at receiver in Isaiah Burse and Davante Adams and Josh Harper returns after being out with an injury.
The offensive line returns three starters and will need to keep Carr off the ground if the Bulldogs have any chance at an undefeated season.
Defensively the Bulldogs play a 3-4 base and return all three defensive linemen in Andy Jennings, Nikko Motta and noseguard Tyeler Davison, who will be tasked with clogging the middle and improving a run defense that finished 71st nationally. The Bulldogs were much better against the pass, finishing second nationally, with corners Sean Alston and L.J. Jones back this season.
I have Fresno State pegged for push games against Boise State and at San Diego State and San Jose State.
BYB Top 25 Countdown - #18 Michigan Wolverines
The following post is part of the BYB 2013 Preseason Top 25
Countdown. Continue to check in Monday-Friday each week as I count down the Top
25 teams in college football. I swear, even if I flake out and don’t do any
other posts, I will continue the countdown.
These picks are a reflection of how I predict the college
football season will shake out. I performed a complex formula and broke down
each team’s schedule, predicting wins, losses and push games, you know, games
that I’m to chicken shit to actually pick a winner. I then ranked the teams
with the most predicted wins highest and the teams with the least predicted
wins lowest.
This isn’t precise. For example, I have Texas at #23 with
six wins, zero losses and six pushes. This means UT could finish 12-0, 6-6 or
anything in between. While Texas is ranked low I think the Horns have a great
chance at finishing the season ranked high.
The Top 25 is also influenced by other factors like strength
of schedule and conference affiliation.
 |
| Left Tackle Taylor Lewan |
After finishing 11-2 and winning the Orange Bowl in his
first season as Michigan head coach, Brady Hoke felt the sting of the sophomore
slump with a 9-5 record and a loss to South Carolina in the Outback Bowl. In
fact, Vincent Smith still might be feeling the pain.
As much of a climactic bad finish as that hit represented
for Michigan last season, Taylor Lewan and the Michigan Wolverines are focused
on not allowing the 2013 season to play out the same.
Offensively Michigan will finally get to play a full season with coordinator Al Borges’ offensive scheme as scrambling quarterback Denard Robinson is gone and Devin Gardner returns in his stead. Gardner threw for 1,219 yards and 11 TDs in Borges’ pro style system after Robinson got injured and figures to be a all-conference contender in 2013.
Gardner will be helped by the return of running back Fitzgerald Toussaint, who has one of the best names in college football and receiver Jeremy Gallon. Receiver Amara Darboh and tight end Devin Funchess will see more opportunity for catches this season.
The offensive line is young but is led by tackle Taylor Lewan who should be another in the great line of Michigan tackles and will likely be a Top 10 pick in the NFL Draft.
The defense only returns three starters and lost top tackler Jake Ryan to an ACL tear in spring ball. The defense will look to be aggressive and need DT Quinton Washington to be strong against the run and end Frank Clark and Keith Heitzman to get after opposing passers.
I have the Wolverines at 7-0-5 with no predicted losses but five push games – at Penn State, at Michigan State, home against Nebraska, at Northwestern and the finale against Ohio State at the Big House. Finishing that slate undefeated is highly improbable.
BYB Top 25 Countdown - #19 Wisconsin Badgers
 |
| Al Borland's son, Chris Borland |
To explain why Wisconsin struggled in 2012 one should look no further than Russell Wilson’s excellent debut season in the NFL. Without Wilson at the helm the Badger quarterbacks failed to get the ball to talented receiver Jared Abbrederis and had a disappointing 7-5 season.
They rebounded at the end of the season with a 70-31 dismantling of Nebraska in the Big Ten Championship Game and a strong showing in a 20-14 Rose Bowl loss to Stanford as quarterbacl Joel Stave finally began to come into his own.
Stave should get the call at QB this season and will focus on honing in on Abbrederis. Montee Ball is gone at running back but the Badgers are deep at that position as usual and speedster James White should fill in nicely.
The offensive line is young but has talent. Offensive coordinator Andy Ludwig will likely shuffle the line until he gets the look he wants.
On defense the Badgers are led by the flannel adorned son of Tool Time’s Al Borland, Chris Borland. I can never pass up a Home Improvement joke. The real Home Improvement will be what defensive coordinator Dave Aranda and Borland do to a defense that was already decent in 2012.
The Badgers finished 17th nationally in scoring defense but are looking to blitz more this season. They have a talented defensive line with three starters in Ethan Hemer, Beau Allen and Pat Muldoon. Borland will be joined by returning starting linebacker Ethan Armstrong and converted defensive ends Brendan Kelly and Tyler Dippel who will serve as pass rushers at OLB. The secondary is young and will need to come around quick.
I have Wisconsin at 8-1-3 with a loss at Ohio State and push games against Northwestern, Penn State and at Arizona State. If Wisconsin can beat the Sun Devils they could have a very successful start to the season.
BYB Top 25 Countdown - #20 Michigan State Spartans
The following post is part of the BYB 2013 Preseason Top 25
Countdown. Continue to check in Monday-Friday each week as I count down the Top
25 teams in college football. I swear, even if I flake out and don’t do any
other posts, I will continue the countdown.
These picks are a reflection of how I predict the college
football season will shake out. I performed a complex formula and broke down
each team’s schedule, predicting wins, losses and push games, you know, games
that I’m to chicken shit to actually pick a winner. I then ranked the teams
with the most predicted wins highest and the teams with the least predicted
wins lowest.
This isn’t precise. For example, I have Texas at #23 with
six wins, zero losses and six pushes. This means UT could finish 12-0, 6-6 or
anything in between. While Texas is ranked low I think the Horns have a great
chance at finishing the season ranked high.
The Top 25 is also influenced by other factors like strength
of schedule and conference affiliation.
 |
| Linebacker Max Bullough |
Michigan State had a disappointing 2012 after strong showings in the previous two seasons, going 6-6 with a 17-16 win against TCU in the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl.
2012 starting quarterback Andrew Maxwell returns for the Spartans but will be pushed for the starting role by Connor Cook, who sparked the team’s bowl win against TCU.
Aside from the quarterback battle the success of Michigan State this season will likely be determined by the performance of the brothers Bullough. Max Bullough is a senior linebacker and MSU’s best defender. He will be counted on to keep the Spartan defense playing at a high level. In 2012 the Spartans finished fourth nationally in total defense, ninth in scoring defense, eighth in rush defense and ninth in passing defense.
The defensive line is young but the defense will be led by Bullough and other returning starting linebackers Denicos Allen, and Taiwan Jones. All Big Ten corner Darqueze Dennard joins returning starting safeties Isaiah lewis and Kurtis Drummond.
While Max Bullough is being counted on to keep up the high level of play on defense, his brother Riley Bullough will attempt to fill the void left at running back by the loss of Le’Veon Bell. The receiving corps in experienced but also dropped a lot of passes last season.
I have Michigan State at 8-2-2 with losses at Notre Dame and at Nebraska and push games against Michigan and at Northwestern. The rest of the slate are weak non-conference opponents and struggling B1G foes.
BYB Top 25 Countdown - #21 UCLA Bruins
The following post is part of the BYB 2013 Preseason Top 25 Countdown. Continue to check in Monday-Friday each week as I count down the Top 25 teams in college football. I swear, even if I flake out and don’t do any other posts, I will continue the countdown.
These picks are a reflection of how I predict the college football season will shake out. I performed a complex formula and broke down each team’s schedule, predicting wins, losses and push games, you know, games that I’m to chicken shit to actually pick a winner. I then ranked the teams with the most predicted wins highest and the teams with the least predicted wins lowest.
This isn’t precise. For example, I have Texas at #23 with six wins, zero losses and six pushes. This means UT could finish 12-0, 6-6 or anything in between. While Texas is ranked low I think the Horns have a great chance at finishing the season ranked high.
The Top 25 is also influenced by other factors like strength of schedule and conference affiliation.
These picks are a reflection of how I predict the college football season will shake out. I performed a complex formula and broke down each team’s schedule, predicting wins, losses and push games, you know, games that I’m to chicken shit to actually pick a winner. I then ranked the teams with the most predicted wins highest and the teams with the least predicted wins lowest.
This isn’t precise. For example, I have Texas at #23 with six wins, zero losses and six pushes. This means UT could finish 12-0, 6-6 or anything in between. While Texas is ranked low I think the Horns have a great chance at finishing the season ranked high.
The Top 25 is also influenced by other factors like strength of schedule and conference affiliation.
 |
| Quarterback Brett Hundley |
In 2012 Jim Mora was able to dust off the cobwebs covering
the UCLA program and catapulted the team to a 9-3 regular season and impressive
27-24 loss to Stanford in the Pac 12 Championship Game.
The offense hummed with Brett Hundley at quarterback, as he
set records for passing yards, total offense and completions. UCLA will have to
replace talented running back Johnathan Franklin but word is junior Jordan
James looks capable.
Shaq Evans will be Hundley’s top target in the passing game
and the offensive line returns four starters.
The defense only returns five starters but the defensive
line is one of the best in the Pac 12 with Cassius Marsh a contender for
all-conference honors and DT Seali’l Epenesa has starting experience.
Linebacker Anthony Barr, who was at the top of the Pac 12 in sacks and TFL
returns as well.
I have the Bruins at 7-2-3. They start with a predicted win
against Nevada before traveling to Lincoln for a push game battle with
Nebraska. They should tally three wins after Nebraska with winnable games
against New Mexico State, at Utah and home against Cal.
Then comes the bad news. The Bruins face back-to-back road
games against Stanford and Oregon, which bring two predicted losses, They
finish the season with predicted wins against Colorado, Arizona State and at
USC and push games at Arizona and against Washington in Pasadena.
BYB Top 25 Countdown - #22 Notre Dame Fightin' Irish
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| Quarterback Tommy Rees |
The 2012 season was a success for the Irish as they finished the regular season undefeated and reached the national title game after being a pretty low pick in the preseason.
The finish wasn’t quite as enjoyable as the climb for the Irish as the Manti Te’o fake girlfriend saga played out in the national news and Notre Dame was destroyed by Alabama in the BCS Title Game. Things got worse this spring when junior quarterback Everett Golson was ruled ineligible for play in 2013 after some “poor academic judgment.” I’m guessing that either means skipping class or bubbling all his scantron answers to spell out Golson Rules.
Tommy Rees reenters as starting quarterback. The senior has been somewhat effective in his college career, even helping the Irish win some games last season when Golson was hurt or ineffective.
Theo Riddick and Cierre Wood are gone at running back and their absence will be missed. George Atkinson III got some playing time in 2012 and will be counted on to fill the void. He’ll likely lean toward running behind the left side of his line, as seniors Zack Martin and Chris Watt return.
Te’o is gone at linebacker but Prince Shembo, Dan Fox and Danny Spond return at the other linebacker spots. Whoever does replace Te’o (Jarrett Grace is the frontrunner) will get the good fortune of playing behind two great linemen in noseguard Louis Nix III and defensive end Stephon Tuitt, who are both All-American candidates.
I have the Irish at 7-1-4 with its lone predicted loss coming in the season finisher at Stanford. I have Notre Dame pegged for wins against Temple, Purdue, USC, Air Force, Navy, Pittsburgh and BYU, and push games at Michigan, Michigan State, Oklahoma and vs. Arizona State in Dallas.
BYB Top 25 Countdown - #23 Northwestern Wildcats
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| Running Back Veneric Mark |
Pat Fitzgerald has built a consistent winning program in Evanston. The Wildcats got over the postseason hump last season getting the first bowl win of Fitzy’s career and now must push forward, making the step toward winning the Leaders Division and the B1G.
Northwestern returns 17 starters from a 10-3 2012 season, including two quarterbacks with starting experience. The Wildcats will continue to play two quarterbacks in 2013 with regular starter Kain Colter, a good running threat, moving over occasionally to play WR as Trevor Siemian comes in as more of a traditional passer. Colter though, is an efficient passer and Siemian is effective running the option.
They’ll be joined by All-Conference running back Veneric Mark. The slight Mark, a Darren Sproles type, isn’t going to bowl anyone over with his size but has good speed and tenacity.
The Wildcats have two starters returning at receiver but will be breaking in three new offensive linemen.
The defense finished near the top of the conference in scoring and rushing defense last season as DE Tyler Scott tied for the lead in the B1G in sacks. But the Wildcats finished 89th nationally in pass defense and safety Ibraheim Campbell and CB Nick VanHoose will have to bring along the rest of the defensive back corps.
I have Northwestern going 7-2-3, with losses against Ohio State and at Nebraska. I have them pegged for wins against California, Syracuse, Western Michigan, Maine, Minnesota, Iowa and Illinois and push games against Michigan and Michigan State and at Wisconsin.
BYB Top 25 Countdown - # 24 Texas Longhorns
The following post is part of the BYB 2013 Preseason Top 25 Countdown. Continue to check in Monday-Friday each week as I count down the Top 25 teams in college football. I swear, even if I flake out and don’t do any other posts, I will continue the countdown.
These picks are a reflection of how I predict the college football season will shake out. I performed a complex formula and broke down each team’s schedule, predicting wins, losses and push games, you know, games that I’m to chicken shit to actually pick a winner. I then ranked the teams with the most predicted wins highest and the teams with the least predicted wins lowest.
This isn’t precise. For example, I have Texas at #23 with six wins, zero losses and six pushes. This means UT could finish 12-0, 6-6 or anything in between. While Texas is ranked low I think the Horns have a great chance at finishing the season ranked high.
The Top 25 is also influenced by other factors like strength of schedule and conference affiliation.
As you see in my explanation of the picks above this low ranking for Texas does not mean I expect Texas to finish the season ranked this low. I actually have Texas winning the Big 12 this season. But when breaking down the schedule I only gave Texas six definite wins. On the bright side, I gave the Longhorns no definite losses. I’ve got them at 6-0-6.
Texas returns 19 starters from a mediocre 2012 team but the Horns looked impressive in a win against Oregon State in the Alamo Bowl and experience along the offensive line and on defense should make Texas much more competitive this season.
Quarterback David Ash has been erratic during his career but he outlasted Chase McCoy and benefited from McCoy being sent home from the Alamo Bowl after a rape allegation, which was later dropped. It’s now Ash’s team and he has a talented stable of backs including Jonathan Gray and Malcolm Brown, veteran receivers Jaxson Shipley and Mike Adams and five experienced linemen.
The Longhorn defense was anything but good for the majority of the season. The Horns gave up rushing yards in droves but Texas improved throughout the season and will count on DE Jackson Jeffcoat to disrupt opposing quarterbacks. They’ll also need the returning DBs to make up for the loss of Kenny Vaccaro.
I have Texas winning against New Mexico State and at BYU before push games against Mississippi and Kansas State, in which Texas will be favored. They get a tune up win at Iowa State before facing OU in a push game in Dallas. The finish the season with push games at TCU, Oklahoma State and at Baylor and what should be wins against Kansas, West Virginia and Texas Tech.
These picks are a reflection of how I predict the college football season will shake out. I performed a complex formula and broke down each team’s schedule, predicting wins, losses and push games, you know, games that I’m to chicken shit to actually pick a winner. I then ranked the teams with the most predicted wins highest and the teams with the least predicted wins lowest.
This isn’t precise. For example, I have Texas at #23 with six wins, zero losses and six pushes. This means UT could finish 12-0, 6-6 or anything in between. While Texas is ranked low I think the Horns have a great chance at finishing the season ranked high.
The Top 25 is also influenced by other factors like strength of schedule and conference affiliation.
 |
| Quarterback David Ash |
As you see in my explanation of the picks above this low ranking for Texas does not mean I expect Texas to finish the season ranked this low. I actually have Texas winning the Big 12 this season. But when breaking down the schedule I only gave Texas six definite wins. On the bright side, I gave the Longhorns no definite losses. I’ve got them at 6-0-6.
Texas returns 19 starters from a mediocre 2012 team but the Horns looked impressive in a win against Oregon State in the Alamo Bowl and experience along the offensive line and on defense should make Texas much more competitive this season.
Quarterback David Ash has been erratic during his career but he outlasted Chase McCoy and benefited from McCoy being sent home from the Alamo Bowl after a rape allegation, which was later dropped. It’s now Ash’s team and he has a talented stable of backs including Jonathan Gray and Malcolm Brown, veteran receivers Jaxson Shipley and Mike Adams and five experienced linemen.
The Longhorn defense was anything but good for the majority of the season. The Horns gave up rushing yards in droves but Texas improved throughout the season and will count on DE Jackson Jeffcoat to disrupt opposing quarterbacks. They’ll also need the returning DBs to make up for the loss of Kenny Vaccaro.
I have Texas winning against New Mexico State and at BYU before push games against Mississippi and Kansas State, in which Texas will be favored. They get a tune up win at Iowa State before facing OU in a push game in Dallas. The finish the season with push games at TCU, Oklahoma State and at Baylor and what should be wins against Kansas, West Virginia and Texas Tech.
BYB Top 25 Countdown - #25 Oklahoma Sooners
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| Quarterback Blake Bell |
As I explained in the preface regarding Texas’ low ranking, I would find it shocking if the Sooners actually finish as low as #24 but I could only give OU six definite wins. On the bright side I didn’t give OU any definite losses as I have them 6-0-6.
Obviously, OU’s biggest adjustment is going to be at quarterback where touchdown vulture Blake Bell (aka The Belldozer) will replace Sooner all-time leading passer Landry Jones. Bell, who is best known for his short yardage running skills and strength will attempt to show the college football world that he’s adept at tossing the ball as well and will have a veteran line and some promising backs and receivers to aide him. Center Gabe Ikard is a preseason candidate for the Raiola Award and Damien Williams is a large talented back who had 946 yards and 11 TDs rushing in 2012.
The defense returns only three starters and will need to develop quickly in the first three games before facing Tommy Rees and the Fightin’ Irish Sept. 28 in South Bend. Cornerback Aaron Colvin and linebacker Corey Nelson’s experience will be critical in getting the rest of the defense to come around.
I have the Sooners starting with wins against Louisiana Monroe, West Virginia and Tulsa before push games at Notre Dame, vs. TCU and vs. Texas in Dallas. Down the stretch I have the Sooners beating Kansas, Texas Tech and Iowa State with push games at Baylor, at Kansas State and at Oklahoma State.
F My Life Moment of the Day
YouTube Video of the Day
Russian dash cam videos have to be the greatest thing to happen to the internet.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
F My Life Moment of the Day
You're Killing Me Smalls!
'SANDLOT' STAR ARRESTED FOR HEADBUTTING COP
tmz.com
The story is crazy. We're told Guiry was at Bush Intercontinental Airport in Houston over the weekend when a United Airlines employee concluded he was too drunk to fly.
Law enforcement sources tell us, the employee contacted an airport cop, who approached Guiry and gave him two options: a public intoxication arrest, or the drunk tank.
Guiry then made a terrible mistake -- allegedly becoming belligerent and verbally abusive ... and even threatening the officer. Guiry then allegedly tried kicking the cop in the face and then scored a headbutt.
Well, who didn’t see this coming? When you and your pal Benny do the impossible and pickle the beast you’re going to start getting chesty with people. What is some dumbass airport cop going to do to you when you’ve already bested an English mastiff with a bad attitude?
But Smalls made an error. While PF Flyers are the best shoes for little league baseball in the 1960s and for outrunning canines they aren’t helpful when trying to kick a cop in the face.
I bet Smalls’ head was spinning worse than the time he chowed down on the Red Man and got on the roller coaster.
YouTube Video of the Day
I thought that was Judah Friedlander for a second. One thing is for sure – he’s got some sweet ass dance moves. That is a man I’d hate to fight.
Fifty Shades of Dumbass
Fifty Shades might be to blame for spike in handcuff mishaps: London firefighters
By QMI Agency
"I don't know whether it's the Fifty Shades effect, but the number of incidents involving items like handcuffs seems to have gone up. I'm sure most people will be Fifty Shades of red by the time our crews arrive to free them," Third Officer Dave Brown of the London Fire Brigade said in a statement Monday.
In the past three years, firefighters have been called to help 79 people trapped in cuffs. They've also helped nine men with rings stuck on their penises, and in the past, crews helped free a man whose penis was caught in a toaster and another whose manhood was lodged in a vaccum cleaner, the fire department said in the release.
Since 2010, firefighters have also freed 18 kids with their heads stuck in potties or toilet seats
Brown said some of the mishaps could be prevented with "a little common sense."
These weekend warrior deviants ought to be asked if they got the idea to use handcuffs from Fifty Shades and if they say yes the firefighters to tell them to find a self-help book to get themselves free.
Sexual perversion isn’t a vacation; it’s a life sentence. Take it from my man Louie.
P.S. – the guy with his dong in a toaster and the dude with his wang in the vacuum didn’t get the idea from any book. That’s old school pervert stuff.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
F My Life Moment of the Day
Spurs - Now With Assless Chaps.
Buyer beware when it comes to sports relationship scandals. Tiger Woods turned out to be quite the fan of porn actresses and pancake waitresses but Robert Griffin’s supposed tryst turned out to be 100% fictional.
We all should take stories about athlete’s sex lives with a grain of salt – unless it’s a player you hate. Then it’s all gravy. Such is the story about the reason behind Tim Duncan’s divorce. The word on the downlow is that Duncan is on the downlow.
The blog Hollywood Street King published a story quoting an unnamed source that Duncan’s ex Amy may have outed Tim during divorce proceedings.
From HSK: We’ve learned there’s one man in Tim Duncan’s life who the NBA All-Star doesn’t want the public to know about. Though we can’t yet confirm his identity, we can tell you he’s reported to be Duncan’s longtime undercover lover!
The said bromancin’ boys reportedly met back when Duncan was in college. Sources say the men lived together through college, four-years after college — and even shacked up under the same roof as Amy, during the first two-years of the Duncan’s marriage, before the baller reportedly purchased a condo for his boy. That’s why we’re told Timmy’s looking to have a gag order placed on Amy, as the couple’s divorce proceedings move forward.
Here’s the drop:
“Amy treated Tim like a bitch throughout their marriage because she knew he was fucking his BFF. Tim knows Amy was cheating on him but he’s willing to give her whatever she wants, because he doesn’t want Amy to tell the world that he’s bisexual.”
Now there’s no legitimate reason to believe Tim Duncan is gay and granted, by now this is an old story but I was too lazy to post about it when it first leaked and I still want to and it's my blog so suck it.
But if he was it certainly wouldn’t be hard for him to keep it a secret. You know, because he barely speaks and has a permanent poker face due to be the least interesting man on the planet.
One thing is for sure – he’s probably as unimaginative and boring in bed with men as he is with women. This is his O face.
Stairway to Nothing
The State of Wyoming Has 2 Escalator
MEGAN GARBER/The Atlantic
Lee looked into the matter. She found that there was one escalator in Casper -- and that the escalator, it seemed, was the only one in the state. Lee's reporting was later amended: it turns out that there were, in fact, two escalators in Casper -- and therefore in the state of Wyoming -- in 2008. (Actually, technically, there were four: two sets of escalators, each with an ascending and descending set of stairs.) Both were located in banks. One was set in the city's First National Bank building, and the other in the Hilltop National Bank.
So, yes: In 2008, Wyoming had two-and-depending-on-how-you-count-four escalators, in the entire state. Which works out, using 2012 state population statistics, to 0.000003467 escalators per capita. Not a high number, but hey, per the Governor's office itself, "it is widely assumed that there are no escalators in Wyoming." So, take that.
A lot can change in five years, though. And since the two-escalators stat is getting some attention now that Wyoming is back in the national news, I decided to embark on a very important fact-finding mission when it comes to the technological infrastructure of the great state of Wyoming. How many escalators, I wanted to know, are in the state right now -- in 2013?
Best I can tell ... two. Yep, still two.
I asked a spokesman for the Wyoming governor's office whether any escalators might have been constructed in the state since 2008; he wasn't sure, but thought the newly-constructed airport in Jackson Hole might be a contender. The airport is single-level, though, it turns out -- no escalators necessary.
And there seems to be no escalator elsewhere in Jackson, either. "I'm not aware of any," said Andy Heffron of the city's Chamber of Commerce. "I don't even think the hospital has an escalator," another Chamber representative said. It's "just stairs and elevators, that kind of thing."
But maybe the city of Sheridan has one? "I'm not aware of any escalators in the city," Sue Goodman in the City Planning Office told me. "Just elevators."
But what about Cheyenne, the state's capital and its most populous city? No again. "We haven't had one for quite a long while, as a matter of fact," Dick Mason, in the city's Building Office, explained. There used to be an escalator in an old J.C. Penney building, he said ... but the escalator was demolished along with the building itself. (Fellow former escalator-havers of Wyoming include Pink Garter Plaza, a mall-style complex in Jackson, and the Casper/Natrona County International Airport.) Today, for the most part, if you need to get up a level and can't or don't want to use stairs, elevators are the way to go.
And that makes sense. Escalators may be magical machines, the stuff of literature and comedy and epic, epic poetry; they are also, often, less practical than their fellow vertical people-movers. "There are code issues involved with escalators, which make them somewhat less popular," Mason noted. "The code does not want openings between adjacent floors that are unprotected." Say there's a fire: stairways offer people enclosed ways to escape buildings, while escalators generally don't. If you're an engineer thinking about the best ways to move people between floors, escalators often lose the contest. Plus, escalators tend to be more expensive to install and maintain than their counterparts.
Two escalators? In an entire state? Doesn’t seem possible does it? The slow ass city I grew up in has more escalators than the entire state of Wyoming.
Escalators are so much fun too. You can run up them going the wrong way like in the end of a romantic comedy when you are trying to get to the love of your life before she boards a plane. Or in an action movie if you’re chasing down the bad guy. They serve a lot of practical purposes too. Like if you need a bunch of people to quickly ascend a floor without having to cart them all in a tiny box.
Of course maybe the people of Wyoming are only focused on safety. As Broadie in Mallrats let us know – escalators are dangerous, especially for children.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
F My Life Moment of the Day
Stop! or My Mom Will Pay You to Have Sex With Me
This kid is heading to Harvard with a mortifying virginity story
By Fernando Alfonso III/Daily Dot
It's one thing to have your parents help you land a date. It's an entirely different, and completely creepy, thing to have them surreptitiously orchestrate an entire summer of love with the sole purpose of getting their kid laid.
A mother from Philadelphia has turned to Craigslist in a desperate attempt to get her 18-year-old Harvard-bound son a "sugar baby" to attend a concert, pick up her son, and have sex with him, many times, in exchange for a car.
The mother made the post Tuesday. Check it out the post in its entirety below.
Best mom ever? Sure, this kid was initially horrified when he found out his mom was thinking about his sex life and trying to get him the hookup. But when that wore off he was probably psyched about the prospect of banging a hot chick.
So what if your mom had to pay for it? Trust me, the trust fund babies you’ll meet at Harvard parents paid for them to have sex too. Just in a different way. They pay for fancy cars, healthy allowances and club memberships that basically are fishing bait for sex. Your mom just had the good sense to cut to the chase and make sure you had sex before getting to college.
Of course the downfall of this story is that if mom keeps putting food on the table instead of letting her boy hunt then one day he’ll starve. Helicopter parents are getting out of control and getting involved in their child’s sex lives just seems like the new frontier. Coach won’t start your kid – storm into his office. The head cheerleader won’t go on a date with him – put her on blast on Facebook. Your kid can’t get laid in a morgue – buy a hooker.
Also, how is this not prostitution. If there is a quid-pro-quo then it would seem to meet the requirements for a crime.
Worst Day Ever!
Man acquitted in romantic bear-spray squabble
SF Gate
A San Francisco man was acquitted Thursday of breaking into
his ex-fiancée’s house and assaulting her new lover before getting sprayed with
bear mace by a shirtless neighbor.
Jurors deliberated for just three hours before finding
Christoper Hall, 31, innocent of the two felonies.
The “chaotic and confusing” night began on March 25 when
Hall broke off his plans to marry his 34-year-old fiancée, said Deputy Public
Defender Phoenix Streets.
The two had met in a hacky-sack circle in early February and
announced plans to marry just two weeks later, Streets said. But the
relationship quickly turned tumultuous, Streets said, and the pair broke up on
March 25.
Hall took his few possessions and moved out of his fiancée’s
home and into a tree at Mclaren Park. But as Hall climbed the tree and
attempted to sleep that first night, he became cold and returned home, Streets
said.
Hall’s former lover was not there, so Hall “curled up under
a tarp under the woman’s backyard bushes,” Streets said.
Around 10 p.m., the woman, who had been at the movies with a
“new male friend,” returned home. The man “happened to be a former U.S. Marine
with extensive combat training,” Streets said.
As the woman and her new friend talked in the kitchen, they
heard noises outside and decided to investigate. The woman armed herself with a
knife while the friend grabbed a frying pan, Streets said.
As the pair approached Hall, he looked up and began yelling
and running after them, Streets said.
“As the woman closed and locked the door in Hall’s face, his
hand went through the window pane,” Streets said.
Hall opened the door and grabbed the Marine, demanding to
know who he was. The pair fell backward and scuffled for 90-seconds, Streets
said.
The Marine eventually put Hall in a headlock and encouraged
him “to take deep breaths and relax,” Streets said.
During the fight, the woman fled and told a neighbor that
Hall was going to kill the Marine, Streets said.
The neighbor “ran out of his house shirtless and armed with
an aerosol can of bear repellant,” Streets said.
The group hauled Hall outside, and he kicked the door,
prompting the neighbor to open the door and spray Hall in the face with bear
mace, Streets said.
Hall then picked up a rock and hurled it at the door before
fleeing the scene, Streets said. He was arrested several hours later.
Streets said that jurors did not convict Hall because they
did not find Hall’s ex-fiancée to be a credible witness. The Marine also
suffered no apparent injuries, Streets said.
“There was no doubt Mr. Hall had a terrible night, but this
case was grossly overcharged,” Streets said. “You cannot commit a burglary if
you have the right to be in a building. Mr. Hall had paid rent, made
improvements to the house and still had some of his belongings inside.”
Hall was facing seven years in state prison for the
felonies. He was found guilty of misdemeanor vandalism.
I guess you just can’t trust people you meet in a hacky sack
circle anymore!
Talk about your all-time bad breakups. This would make the
best country music song ever.
This poor bastard got broke up with and kicked out of his
house. Obviously, he’s a unpopular deadbeat because instead of staying with a friend
or getting a hotel room he tried to sleep in a tree. Of course, a tree wasn’t
that comfortable so he headed back home and slept in the back yard.
Then he finds his girlfriend had found a new man and brought
him home with her in the span of only a few hours. When he tried to confront
them he gets his ass kicked by a Marine. And if all that wasn’t bad enough he
got sprayed in the face with bear repellent by his former neighbor.
If an experience that bad befalls you it has to be a sign
that a change is needed. You’ve got to move or get a job or something. Or at
least stop dating girls from hacky sack circles.
Also, what the hell is bear repellent? Trust me, if a bear
is on your track spraying him in the eyes with some aerosol isn’t going to fix
the problem.
All in all this is the worst day since Dennis got his
revenge on that hippy on It’s Always Sunny.
YouTube Video of the Day
I’m sure there have been some unbelievable advancements in the development of marital aides but I’m sorry Jonathan Mann, I don’t think we’ve seen the end of the dildo.
Its Billshit!
 |
| The Bills suck so bad that its scary! |
How do you know your favorite team is cursed? When your big time free agent QB hurts his knee slipping on a mat. The Bills aren’t the only team dealing with injury issues this summer but they’re damn sure the only team dealing with them because their equipment staff is lousy and their quarterback has worse footwork than a gorilla on skates.
No wonder this guy couldn’t beat out Jon Skelton in Arizona. I’m starting to miss Ryan Fitzpatrick. Sure, he sucked at throwing too but at least his Harvard education allowed him to make some informed choices, like not running on wet, slippery mats. Plus, he has a sweet beard.
If things weren’t bad enough for the Bills the defensive savior of the franchise, otherwise known as the guy they gave $50 million guaranteed to, has been masquerading around as a police officer.
In his free time Mario Williams likes to go to a junior college and take law enforcement classes. You know, because that’s normal. Texas requires peace officers to complete 660 hours of training but Lone Star College Law Enforcement Academy in Houston thinks those rules should only appear to us regular folk, not mediocre, well paid defensive ends. Williams completed his 660 hours of training in three months, or half the amount of time it takes someone who actually completes the training. Needless to say, Texas Commission on Law Enforcement (TCOLE) has jerked Lone Star’s contract with the state.
Odds are Mario Williams only wanted to become a police officer so he could start a task force to arrest his ex-wife and get her to return his wedding ring or at least to get her to stop talking about him wanting to kill himself. Perhaps he’s gone from suicidal to homicidal. He ought to arrest himself for grand theft contract because he sucks.
It's Billshit!
Monday, August 5, 2013
F My Life Moment of the Day
YouTube Video of the Day
There’s no bigger internet sensation in the world than Rhubarb Lady. I’ve watched this video about 50 times and I can’t understand exactly how this started. She’s stealing rhubarb out of someone’s yard but she thinks its alley property? If people can be possessed by the devil this has to be what they sound like.
Ballad of Johnny Manziel
"This is the ballad of Johnny ManzielConquered college football and his life went to HellBeat Alabama and won the HeismanWe found out he’s a douche and his life is ruined"
Who’s spiraling downward faster, Amanda Bynes or Johnny Football?
Since I last checked in on Johnny when he “slept in” at the Manning Academy (cue Bradley Whitford asking Billy Madison if he fell asleep or passed out) Johnny has gotten in a Twitter war with Pat Forde and some Alabama fans, had his shit put out in the streets completely by Wright Thompson, his parents and himself, I guess, and just now became the focus of an NCAA investigation into illegal benefits.
His dad says he’s a stress drinker (who isn’t) and his mom says he lost his smile like Shawn Michaels.
At least he hasn’t gotten cheek studs and plastic surgery. Nor has he lit a dog on fire and gone to a loony bin. But he could. Someone better lock Reveille’s cage.
I did find myself somewhat sympathetic toward Manziel when I read in a college preview magazine that people gave him personalized memorabilia to be signed (personalized items are usually resold) but the personal messages were in erasable marker and they were erased and sold on ebay. I felt bad for him of course, until I found out he may have accepted 5K to sign other items. This guy has an uncanny knack for destroying all feelings of good will toward him.
Either way, he’s going to get suspended or banned by the NCAA or he’s going to have to change his ways. I’d go with finding Jesus. It’ll play well in the media and you don’t have to do 28 days like real rehab. It’ll be fun watching it play out either way. It’s the Summer of Johnny!
"This is the ballad of Johnny ManzielConquered college football and his life went to HellBeat Alabama and won the HeismanWe found out he’s a douche and his life is ruined"
You Have the Right to Remain Silent...and Show me Your Boobies
Blond beauty set to sue NYPD over sexy photos swiped from iPhone
By Rocco Parascandola AND Bill Hutchinson / NEW YORK DAILYNEWS
A Long Island beauty says NYPD cops seized her iPhone and
that one of them stole sexually explicit photos and videos meant for her
boyfriend’s eyes only.
Pamela Held, 27, of Deer Park, is poised to sue the city and
the Police Department, accusing a cop of invading her privacy by forwarding the
provocative images from her iPhone. The steamy images of Held were sent to a
personal cell phone that her lawyer said belongs to Officer Sean Christian.
“It makes me sick,” Held told the Daily News. “I don’t even
want to think about what he’s done with them.”
Police sources confirmed that Christian, 41, assigned to the
104th Precinct stationhouse in Ridgewood, Queens, is the subject of an Internal
Affairs investigation stemming from Held’s complaint.
Held’s nightmarish ordeal unfolded the night of Feb. 6 when
five cops in a police van pulled over her Sentra in Ridgewood because it had no
inspection sticker. The cops found prescription drugs in the car, so the
officers, including Christian, hauled Held and her pal to the stationhouse.
When cops began grilling her about her whereabouts that
night, Held told them she was visiting a friend and had text messages to prove
it. She gave one officer the security code to open her phone and pointed out
the messages. Then police left the room, with the phone, while she was
processed on misdemeanor drug charges.
“I knew they had my phone and I was bugging out,” Held told
The News. “I had a bad feeling.”
She was held nearly three more hours at the stationhouse
before her phone was returned and she was given a desk appearance ticket. Held
said Christian followed her to her car.
“He was telling me I’m a beautiful girl and I need to stop
hanging out with the wrong people,” Held recalled.
She left and later pulled over to check her phone.
“I saw this number and all the pictures and videos attached
to it,” Held said.
She counted 20 nude photos and five sexy videos of her that
had been forwarded to the phone number. Fearing the worst, she contacted lawyer
Richard Soleymanzadeh, whose private investigator traced the mystery number on
Held’s phone to Christian and learned he was a cop.
In a brief interview with The News, Christian, on the job 10
years, denied swiping the photos and videos from Held’s phone. He denied ever
meeting Held or working at the 104th Precinct. Christian, who remains on the
job, claimed the number that appeared on Held’s iPhone belonged to his brother.
But in a secretly recorded call to the number associated
with the stolen images — and with Internal Affairs detectives listening in —
Christian seemed quite familiar with Held, a source said. He chatted and
flirted with Held for 50 minutes, even calling her back when the call dropped.
Detectives examined Christian’s phone records and it does
not appear it ever received the photos or videos. Christian told detectives he
never received Held’s images, another source said. But Soleymanzadeh contends
there was no “message undelivered” notation on Held’s iPhone, indicating the
images were sent.
Being a cop must be tough. There are literally endless
opportunities to abuse your power. That was the case for Sean Christian. He
doesn’t take bribes, fondle women when he’s frisking them or steal drugs from
the evidence lockup. But no one is perfect and when he found some naked pics on
a chick’s phone he just couldn’t help himself.
Now the newspaper got a little ahead of itself with the
blonde beauty headline. Pamela Held is no dime piece but after a day of
policing crackheads, criminals and crooks she probably doesn’t look half bad.
What confounds me is how Officer Christian was dumb enough
to not delete the forwarded messages to his phone. His job basically revolves
around collecting evidence and following clues and he sucks so bad that he
leaves a clear path or forwarded messages? That’s shoddy police work. I think
they’ve got to fire him just for that.
And he’s dumb enough to have a flirtatious conversation with
a girl whose nude pics he stole? He must either be the dumbest cop in the world
or he thinks he’s sexual catnip.
Also, how naïve is Pamela Held?
“It makes me sick,” Held told the Daily News. “I don’t even want to think about what he’s done with them.”
Really, I think you can figure out what he did with the
photos. Remember the hand he pushed your head under the police car roof with?
Well, it’s been busy ever since he borrowed your phone.
Call K 9-1-1
Banker jumps out of his seventh-floor window following fight with co-op board over dogs — and lives
By KIRSTAN CONLEY, AMBER SUTHERLAND and JEANE MACINTOSH/NY Post
Paramedics rushed Adam Silberman, 47, who miraculously survived the plunge, to Weill Cornell Medical Center with “multiple trauma” injuries after a 10:18 a.m. call for help, according to law-enforcement sources.
Silberman was in intensive care with several broken bones, and doctors put a balloon in his aorta to head off any potential clotting, according to his wife, Monique Ender Silberman, a broker at Town Residential.
The jump would have surely killed Silberman instantly if he hadn’t hit a second-floor awning, which broke his fall, law-enforcement sources said.
Silberman’s father-in-law, Paul Lord Ender, said the banker had been depressed about a long-running battle with the co-op board at his swanky Fifth Avenue building at 68th Street.
Neighbors of the power couple have been complaining about the pair’s dogs barking and their rambunctious play in the lobby, according to Ender and a Silberman pal. One dog had already been sent away.
Cops found “crack paraphernalia” inside the couple’s apartment, but it was not clear whether Silberman used drugs, law-enforcement sources said.
Family pal Michael Moss insisted Silberman doesn’t abuse alcohol or drugs. He said the jumper’s troubles are tied to his job and beloved pooches.
“The stress was too much for him,” Moss said.
Ender said Silberman was beside himself with worry about his three French poodles: Prince Polo, Princess Jasmine and Prince Bonbon.
“He was depressed about the situation,” Ender told The Post. “It’s horrible what happened. I’ve been praying and crying the whole day.”
Moss said his daughter took one of the pooches off the couple’s hands last week.
In addition to their pet woes, the Silbermans also have had some money troubles.
They were hit with more than $650,000 in state and federal tax liens during the past five years, according to public records.
Well I bet he had a ruff landing!
Now I know this is going to come off as insensitive but is there any better indication that pet worship has really gotten out of control than a guy jumping off a building because he couldn’t have dogs at his apartment.
No one should be killing themselves over not getting to live with something that licks its own ass and can’t communicate. For once in my life I’m starting to understand why conservatives are so concerned about gay marriage starting a slippery slope to people marrying animals – because people like Adam Silberman would probably marry their dogs.
Granted, $650,000 worth of debt and crack addiction are more than understandable reasons for jumping out of a building. The amount of crack he likely bought by going that far in the hole probably made him think he could fly.
I really wish he would’ve landed on his dog when he fell.
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