College Football Picks

I usually listen to the Picks on the Tony Kornheiser Show each week to gauge my opinions against that of Democratic strategist James Carville, who is having a rough season picking games but is hilarious. Last week, Tony had NBC correspondent Chuck Todd on who said he lost his ass one week because he took Carville's advice and took home underdogs in all cases.

It just so happens there are some intriguing games with home underdogs this week, but I'm going against the Carville Law. Winners are bolded.

Houston -1 1/2 at Tulsa
I'm not a big Houston fan as the UTEP loss and some narrow wins have me questioning how good the Cougars are. That said, Tulsa has been laughable at times this season. I'm sure Houston gets this win and covers.

Oregon -5 1/2 at Stanford
Northing against Stanford but Oregon is rolling right now. They feel the momentum of the Cal and USC wins and they still have an outside chance at the national title. The Ducks get it done by at least 7 here.

Oklahoma -6 at Nebraska
Nothing against my Cornhuskers but last week's performance at Baylor was less than impressive. It certainly didn't inspire any confidence in me that NU would beat Oklahoma. I correctly took Baylor and the points last week. This week I'll take OU and give the touchdown.

Northwestern at Iowa -16.5
I'm not even sure Iowa is capable of winning a game by 17 points. The Hawkeyes have made a habit of playing down to competition this season with near misses against Indiana and Northern Iowa. I'll take my second favorite team, the Northwestern Wildcats and the points.

Baylor at Missouri -16 1/2
Despite showing some tenacity in the second half I came away from last week's game in Waco thinking that Bears still have a while to go under Art Briles. If Robert Griffin were under center I'd give the Bears a prayer to keep this close. But Mizzou is steadily improving and this week should be a beatdown.

The BIG GAMES
I'm not hot on either one of these games but since you'll be watching them, I'll be picking them.

LSU at Alabama -9
I think this one is going to be close. Alabama's inexperience at QB will stop them from running away from this one, but Mt. Cody and the Tide defense will get Bama the win. I like Bama by 6.

Ohio State at Penn State -4
I think this will be a close game too. Ohio State did the right thing by getting a patsy to play last week. Maybe it got Terrelle Pryor's confidence up, but maybe not. The biggest factor will be the play of Nittany Lion passer Darryl Clark. I like my namesake to shake off the big game jitters and get Penn State a win by 7.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(215): I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?

(505): you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.

On this day in...

1789 – Pope Pius VI appoints Father John Carroll as the first Catholic bishop in the United States.
1861 – American Civil War: Jefferson Davis is elected president of the Confederate States of America.
1869 – In New Brunswick, New Jersey, Rutgers College defeats Princeton University (then known as the College of New Jersey), 6-4, in the first official intercollegiate American football game.
1947 – Meet The Press makes its television debut (the show went to a weekly schedule on September 12, 1948).
1965 – Cuba and the United States formally agree to begin an airlift for Cubans who want to go to the United States. By 1971, 250,000 Cubans made use of this program.
1985 – The Iran-Contra Affair: The American press reveals that U.S. President Ronald Reagan had authorized the shipment of arms to Iran.

Births
1887 – Walter Johnson, American baseball player (d. 1946)
1946 – Sally Field, American actress
1972 – Rebecca Romijn, American actress
1979 – Lamar Odom, American basketball player

It's a short list of birthdays today but what you give up in quantity, you make up in quality. Walter Johnson was the King of the dead ball era (am I talking baseball?), Sally Fields once tried to play a sex symbol in Smoky and the Bandit and Rebecca Romijn is supermodel royalty, although I liked her better when she was married to Uncle Jessie. Then there's my boy L.O. Good thing he's got a home game tonite. Then he'll be getting some Kardashian tail.

Balloon Buffoon

Balloon Boy's Dad -- Not Smart, Not Funny
by TMZ Staff

We've already established Richard Heene is no scientist -- turns out he isn't a comedian either.



TMZ has obtained a copy of a book Heene wrote back in 1994 called "The Official Offensive Driving Handbook." We know it's supposed to be funny because it's categorized as "humor" -- but that's the only clue. Mostly it just comes across as offensive.

In a chapter about the types of drivers to avoid, he refers to one group as "Jam'in Bro in His Cadillac," another as "Towelheads" and another as "Orientals." And the book is littered with photos with Heene dressed up as people from the various groups.

There are also photos of Heene on the toilet and one of him holding a water gun as if he were Rambo -- for reasons that aren't immediately clear.

Is this guy in jail yet? As soon as he is I would like a prison guard to give each black man on his cell block a copy of this book with the "jam'in bro in his cadillac" section highlighted. Then they'll be filming a new episode of Wife Swap but this time Richard himself will be the wife.

Give me more more commisary or give me death

Inmate requests death sentence for better amenities
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

SANTA ANA, Calif. - A white supremacist gang member convicted of murder has told the Southern California jury deciding his penalty that he wants capital punishment because prison amenities are better on Death Row.

Billy Joe Johnson is already serving a 45-year sentence for a different killing and is locked down most of the day.

He testified Tuesday in Orange County that he's heard Death Row isn't so bad, especially compared with his current living conditions.

His attorney says the 46-year-old figures that by the time his death sentence appeals run out, he'll be 65 or 70 years old and won't want to live longer anyway.

To try to convince the jury that he deserves death, Johnson testified he's killed two other people and never been caught.

As I may have mentioned before I'm an anti death penalty guy. Not because I respect life or anything. Its just because the legal system is flawed and sometimes innocent people get put to death. But in cases where its absolutely certain a murderer is guilty I say we should bring back public hangings. And I think this guy is the perfect candidate to start with. I'd commute his senetence to death, let him live a day in Death Row and then tell him his execution day got moved up. Then I'd laugh my ass off right in his face. Hopefully he gets raped real soon.

Deadly Furry Weapon

Ferret taken, recovered at Florida pet shop
Associated Press

JACKSONVILLE BEACH, Fla. — Police say a homeless man stole a live ferret by stuffing it in his pants.

Thirty-eight-year-old Rodney Bolton is charged with theft over the $129 animal that police say he took from a pet store in Jacksonville Beach, the Florida Times-Union reported.

A 17-year-old witness confronted Bolton in the parking lot and was bitten by the animal after the man allegedly shoved it in the teen's face.

That confrontation makes the ferret a "special weapon" under Florida law. So Bolton also faces battery charges for dangerously wielding the animal.

Calls to the Jacksonville Sheriff's Department to see if Bolton has a lawyer were not answered early Thursday.

I can't blame the cops a bit for locking this guy away. Some people might be afraid of a homeless guy having a knife or a broken bottle but I know to fear the ferret. Those things are viscious. Sure, Mr. Kimble may have promised that his didn't bite but when the chips were down that ferret in Kindegarten Cop sprung into action. But that ferret was used for good. This homeless guy's ferret was used for evil. Now he has to pay.

Judge Judy & Executioner

Judge pleads guilty to letting air out of tire
By Sarah Karush, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

LA PLATA, Md. - A Maryland judge has apologized for engaging in a bit of vigilante justice when he let the air out of the tire of a courthouse employee who parked in a restricted area.

Charles County Circuit Judge Robert C. Nalley entered a guilty plea and was given a $500 fine Wednesday for tampering with a vehicle at the courthouse where he usually presides. He also said he was ashamed that he let the air out of the courthouse cleaning woman's tire and said he was "embarrassed for the community."

A visiting judge who handled the case also required Nalley to write a "heartfelt letter of apology" to Jean Washington, the woman whose tire he deflated.

Props to anyone who got the obscure movie reference in the title. As for the story let me play devil's advocate. I know an official of the court (especially a judge) shouldn't be engaging in an illegal behavior, but I understand where Nalley was coming from. He hands out fines and sentences to repeat offenders all the time. These people just keep breaking the law. At the end of the day a judge probably feels like taking the law into their own hands. Then some cleaning lady parks her damn car in a restricted spot. She got what was coming to her.

Grave Situation

UK cemetery: Share a grave with a stranger?
By JILL LAWLESS, AP

LONDON -So you think London, population 8 million, is crowded with the living?
There are many millions more under the soil of a city that has been inhabited for 2,000 years. And London is rapidly running out of places to put them.

Now the city's largest cemetery is trying to persuade Londoners to share a grave with a stranger.

"A lot of people say, 'I'm not putting my Dad in a secondhand grave,'" said Gary Burks, superintendent and registrar of the City of London Cemetery, final resting place of close to 1 million Londoners. "You have to deal with that mindset."

The problem is a very British one. Many other European countries regularly reuse old graves after a couple of decades. Britain does not, as a result of Victorian hygiene obsession, piecemeal regulation and national tradition. For many, an Englishman's tomb, like his home, is his castle.

That view is also common in the United States, which like Britain tends to regard graves as eternal and not to be disturbed — although the U.S. has a lot more space, so the burial crisis is less acute.

Wow, there are lots of times when I realize how fortunate I am to be an American and this is certainly one of them. When I read the quote from the guy talking about attacking the mindset against "using a secondhand grave," I couldn't believe it. I can't imagine being buried on top of someone else. It's crazy, but I guess in a land locked area its necessary.

I wonder sometimes what happens when a cemetary runs out of room. I guess you just have to be buried in a different one. But what if your whole family is in the other one. I need an undertaker to weigh in on this one. Maybe I'll ask my great-uncle the next time I see him.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I went to my university bookstore and tried to use my debit card to pay, but got the "Insufficient Funds" notification. I was buying a single postage stamp, which costs 57 cents. FML

Today, I was woken up from a phone call from my boss. He asked if I had been asleep. I told him I wasn't, that I was in my car on the way to work. Then my alarm went off. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Take one Hulk Hogan and add meth. Then you've got this guy.

Sunny Steps in the Squared Circle

I wanted to get to this earlier in the week but I figured with 'Sunny' coming on tonight it would be a good time. I was really glad to see 'Sunny' finally address one of my favorite topics last week, pro wrestling. The episode included the gang's great insite into Hulk Hogan's match against The Iron Shiek and a legendary cameo by Rowdy Roddy Piper.

Combine that with 'The Big Bang Theory' showing some love for my Cornhuskers this week and it's been a good sports week for me. Too bad it'll all end Saturday at 7 p.m.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(901): I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks

(713): Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?

College Football TV Schedule 11/7

Northwestern at Iowa, 11 am, ESPN
Syracuse at Middle Pittsburgh, 11 am, ESPNU
Purdue at Michigan, 11 am, BTN 610
Wisconsin at Indiana, 11 am, BTN 611
Illinois at Minnesota, 11 am, BTN 612
Western Michigan at Michigan State, 11 am, BTN 615
South Carolina at Arkansas, 11 am, MSG 634
Louisville at West Virginia, 11 am, MASN 640
Central Florida at Texas, 11 am, FOXSW
Texas A&M at Colorado, 12:30 pm, FCSC 307 Cable

BYU at Wyoming, 1 pm, Mtn. 616
Oklahoma State at Iowa State, 2:30 pm, ABC
Ohio State at Penn State, 2:30 p.m., ESPN2
LSU at Alabama, 2:30 pm, CBS
Duke at North Carolina, 2:30 pm ESPNU 614/301
Navy at Notre Dame, 2:30 pm, NBC
Boston College at New Hampshire, 2:30 pm, MASN 640
Army at Air Force, 2:30 pm, CBSC 613
Kent State at Akron, 2:30 pm, FSOH 660
Oregon at Stanford, 2:30 p.m., FOXW, 692
Washington at UCLA, 2:30 p.m., FOXW, 694
Washington State at Arizona, 2:30 pm, FCSA 306 Cable

New Mexico at Utah, 5 pm, Mtn. 616
Memphis at Tennessee, 6 pm, ESPNU
Oregon State at California, 6 pm FSN
Vanderbilt at Florida, 6:15 pm, ESPN2
Houston at Tulsa, 6:30 pm, CBSC 613
Florida State at Clemson, 6:45 pm, ESPN
Oklahoma at Nebraska, 7 pm, ABC

Colorado State at West Virginia, 9 pm, Mtn. 616
Fresno State at Idaho, 9:30 p.m., ESPNU

So terrible games this week but look at it this way, at least you still get to watch Tebow. I spent five minutes with him and it changed my life.

They're Playing Basketball

So the Lakers followed up their impressive overtime win against the POWERFUL Oklahoma City Thunder by beating the Mingless and McGradyless Rockets by one point in overtime. Good thing there are no road trips to Charlotte anytime soon or that would be a for sure loss.

I'm beginning to think the distractions are going to be too much for this team. Most basketball hacks had the Lakers dancing into the Finals this year. Reggie Miller picked them to start the season 20-1. They started 1-1 so they only need to win 19 in a row to fulfill that prophecy. Aside from the lofty predictions, Lamar is trying to keep up with the Kardashians and Ron Artest is singing about the phlight of Arab women on YouTube. If that weren't enough now the Lake Show has this to contend with.

Maria Sharapova Dating Sasha Vujacic of the Lakers
The Big Lead

Maria Sharapova, the tennis star, was recently spotted at a U2 concert with Sasha Vujacic of the Lakers. (Vujacic was once was “involved” with Paris Hilton.) A couple people tweeted it. The story made its away around the web faster than a Sharapova serve. Vujacic was asked about the budding romance last night in Oklahoma City. He admitted to liking tennis, and said “I know” when reporters tried to bait him by saying how nice and smart Sharapova was. Then, he told the reporters to go ask Lamar Odom about his personal life. Then, everyone made jokes about Sharapova helping Vujacic find his jumper.

Hard to be mad at The Machine for getting some quality tennis nookie but I wish he would have waited until after the season or kept it under wraps like Luke Walton did with Brittney Spears. Maybe Sasha can trick Sharapova into taking some nude photos with that camera she schills on TV. That's the only way this will be worth it.

P.S. - You don't see Kobe causing any distractions for the team. And Colorado doesn't count. He was on vacation dammit!

On this day in...

1831 – Nat Turner, American slave leader, is tried, convicted, and sentenced to death in Virginia.
1872 – Women's suffrage: In defiance of the law, suffragist Susan B. Anthony votes for the first time, and is later fined $100.
1895 – George B. Selden is granted the first U.S. patent for an automobile.
1937 – World War II: Adolf Hitler holds a secret meeting and states his plans for acquiring "living space" for the German people.
1940 – Franklin D. Roosevelt is elected to a third term as President of the United States.
1968 – United States presidential election, 1968: Republican Richard Nixon wins the American presidency, in what turned out to be a decades-long realignment election.
2006 – Saddam Hussein, former president of Iraq, and his co-defendants Barzan Ibrahim al-Tikriti and Awad Hamed al-Bandar are sentenced to death in the al-Dujail trial for the role in the massacre of the 148 Shi'as in 1982.

Births
1911 – Roy Rogers, American actor (d. 1998)
1931 – Ike Turner, American musician (d. 2007)
1952 – Bill Walton, American basketball player and commentator
1963 – Tatum O'Neal, American actress
1968 – Sam Rockwell, American film actor
1973 – Johnny Damon, American baseball player

Johnny Damon must be having a Happy Birthday as he got his first World Series ring as a Jankee. Pretty good birthday date all things considered.

Also, how about the craziest euphamism of all time being created on this day. I've heard the Holocaust be referred to as the "final solution" but calling it "creating space for the German people" is like calling rape "extreme intimacy."

Gingrich Newt-ered by Dallas Strip Club

Club owner makes dog pound in Gingrich’s name
Associated Press

DALLAS — Snubbed by Newt Gingrich’s conservative group, the owner of a Dallas topless club has decided to create a shelter for pit bulls in his honor.

Dawn Rizos was set to receive an “Entrepreneur of the Year” award on Oct. 7 from the group American Solutions for Winning the Future, led by the former U.S. House speaker.

But the group reneged, saying it had mistaken her business for another. Rizos, who owns the topless club The Lodge, was refunded the $5,000 fee required to receive the award.

So she donated the money to Animal Guardians of America’s sanctuary for rescued dogs in Celina, about 35 miles north of Dallas.

“Newt’s Nook — A Home for Pit Bulls” is under construction. Rizos says they’ll invite Gingrich to the formal dedication in early November.

I'm always glad to see when a strip club gets the best in the PR world. Its just like the time the Jaguards Gold manager saved that lady and her kid on the train tracks during the age of Sheriff Short Sleeve's crackdown. In this case the Dallas strip club played it just right. But I would have taken it a step further. Aside from just inviting Newt to the opening of the Pit Bull Center, I would have taken a couple strippers to his office in D.C. and offered to give him a thank you lap dance for helping to fund the center. But they missed their chance. It's a Newt point now.

It's Hip To Be Chair

La-Z-Boy Puts Brakes on DUI Chair Auction
by TMZ Staff

Mere hours before bidding was scheduled to end on the infamous DUI La-Z-Boy-Mobile , the motorized recliner suddenly vanished from the auction -- and TMZ has learned it's all because of a battle over its name.

With the price at $43,100 and rising, eBay received a demand letter from the most unlikely of parties -- the La-Z-Boy corporation itself. We're told La-Z-Boy played the trademark card due to the title of the auction "La-Z-Boy DWI Chair" and eBay was forced to pull the auction.

Here's the worst part: the chair was being auctioned off by the Proctor Minnesota Police Department and all profits were to benefit the taxpayers.

We're told La-Z-Boy "felt bad" about stopping the auction -- but hey, business is business.

Fear not motorized chair enthusiasts -- we've learned the cops plan on re-listing the chair in just a few hours.

You may all remember the motorized Lazy Boy chair I reported on a couple weeks ago which some drunk guy got a DUI on. Apparently the Minnesota cops are going to auction this thing. For some reason I thought the police could only auction items obtained through ill gotten means. I mean, if I get a DUI in my truck the cops don't get to keep my truck. So why does this drunk guy have to lose his motor chair? Shouldn't he be allowed to auction it himself and pay for his own lawyer? I think we have a gross miscarriage of justice going on here.

Lil' Terry, let me know if this guy has any legal recourse. If so I'm making Patton fly to Minnesota and defend this guy pro bono.

Skate Out With Your Wang Out

Team gets penalty time for playing 'strip hockey'
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

BOISE, Idaho — A junior hockey team was banished from a city ice rink after players engaged in “strip hockey” — shedding a piece of uniform every time a practice shot missed its mark.

The city of Boise forbid the Idaho Junior Steelheads team from using the Idaho Ice World rink for four days; one player who shed his underwear briefly was suspended until next week.

Doug Holloway, Boise’s recreation superintendent, says rink employees told him players would take something off every time they missed a shot.

An adult whose daughter was on another rink saw the 17- to 20-year-old Steelheads skating in their underwear and complained to a city hotline.

Rink employees who noticed the scantily clad skaters urged them to cover up. Police are investigating.

You know, I'm getting sick and tired of these media folk questioning how coaches and athletes get ready for competition. I doubt this AP reporter ever laced up a apir of skates or he'd know that strip hockey is an essential training tool in the preparation for a hockey game. The game motivates a player to be accurate or he'll freeze his dong off. What's so hard to understand about that. And this team has to catch hell because some guy's daughter saw some dudes in their underwear? I hate to break it to ya Pops but by the time she hits high school she will have seen a whole lot more than that! Viva los Steelheads! Also, in this case isn't that nickname a double entendre?

Afternoon Delight in the Cemetary

Deputy Assistant Attorney-General, 66, caught in car in cemetery with stripper, 18, and sex toys
The Sydney Morning Herald

A US Deputy Assistant Attorney-General, who said he was on his lunch break when an officer found him with a stripper and sex toys in his sport utility vehicle, has been fired, his boss said.

Roland Corning, 66, a former state legislator, was in a secluded part of a downtown cemetery in Columbia, South Carolina, when an officer spotted him on Monday, according to a police report.

As the officer approached, Mr Corning sped off, then pulled over a few blocks away. He and the 18-year-old woman with him, an employee of the Platinum Plus Gentleman's Club, gave conflicting stories about what they were doing in the cemetery, Officer Michael Wines wrote in his report, though he did not elaborate.

Mr Corning gave Officer Wines a badge showing he worked for the state Attorney-General's Office.

Officer Wines, whose wife also works there, called her to make sure Mr Corning was telling the truth.

He then searched the SUV, where he found a Viagra pill and several sex toys, items Mr Corning said he always kept with him, "just in case", according to the report.

Mr Corning and the woman were let go without charges. Officer Wines's wife reported the call to her supervisor, who told Attorney-General Henry McMaster.

"We received credible information about inappropriate behavior Monday afternoon," Mr McMaster said. "And by the close of business, he was no longer working here."

What the hell is going on with South Carolina politicians? I know its the Gamecock state but they don't have to just think with their cocks. Or in Rep. Joe Wilson's case, just not think at all. First Mark Sanford ditches work and goes on a romantic jaunt through South America with his mistress and now this guy gets freaky deaky in a cemetary with a stripper. Wowsa! But I guess if this guy was going to be in a sex scandal, he went ahead and went all out. Way to go!

I do have to congratulate the Republicans for their last few sex scandals though. At least these have been with women.

The BIG Bounce

Nightclubs for the Plus Size Weigh In
By JOHN ROGERS, AP

LONG BEACH, Calif. (Oct. 26) - Move over, it's Saturday night at Club Bounce and people are bouncing onto the dance floor in a big, big way.

These are big, big people, all dressed to the nines and many tipping the scales at 250, maybe 300 pounds.

That's because this expansive nightclub a couple blocks from the Pacific Ocean, with its flashing lights, friendly atmosphere and wall-rattling hip-hop sounds, caters specifically to fat people.

That's right, fat people. Not just any fat people, either, but fat people who are proud to call themselves fat people. People who joke that they are part of the new Fat is Phat movement.

"Self-conscious? No! Not at all," laughs Monique Lopez, a curvaceous woman of 23 as she arrives in a tight, black dress and heels. "I was like, 'I'm going to Club Bounce tonight. I'm going to wear my shortest skirt.'" (Which she did.)

The movement for equal rights for plus-sized people is nothing new of course. The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, with chapters around the country, was founded 40 years ago. A nonprofit group, it advocates that everyone be treated equally regardless of size, arguing that we don't live in a one-size-fits-all world.



I haven't had a whole lot of luck in the lady department since I arrived back in Odessa so I think I might need to make a trip out to Club Bounce in Long Beach. It's like my good pal Matt Muench used to say "you've got to lower your standards to raise your average" and lately I've been batting .000. Better yet maybe I should open a 'Club Bounce' in Odessa. That way I wouldn't have the travel cost and I'd have home field advantage. I'd be like the fat version of that creepy guy from Studio 54.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm and I saw and smelled smoke coming under my door. My second story window wouldn't unlock so I broke it open, threw out as many of my belongings as I could, and jumped. Turns out, the smell and noise were from my roomates cheap vacuum cleaner, not a fire. FML

Today, my good buddy of about two years set me up on a blind date. I got to the meeting point and realized that my date was a guy. My "buddy" honestly thought I was gay. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

This lady doesn't have time to sit in a salon and wait for her hair to be done. She's a woman of the 90s and she needs to get her rotisserie chicken post haste.

They're Playing Football!

This may be the easiest "They're Playing Football" of the year. To be frank, there ain't shit going on this weekend. The ABC Primetime game is Oklahoma at Nebraska. That should show you how good this week's slate of games are. So rather than bore us all with a breakdown of a bunch of crap games, I'll just address the important ones. Keep in mind the rankings listed below are the Clark Poll ratings.

#9 LSU at #1 Alabama
This game has added intrigue because of the Nick Saban facing his favorite team storyline but its important enough just because it will almost assuredly decide the SEC West. What was supposed to be a three-team race between these two teams and Ole Miss has now become a two-team race and it all pretty much comes up to this game.

Both teams are playing at a high level all arund but the Alabama defense figures to be the most important group on the field. If Mt. Cody and the Crimson Tide front seven can disrupt the pocket and force Jordan Jefferson into bad decisions then this is likely Bama's game to lose. The matchup in the trenches and Bama's home field advantage leads me to believe the Tide win a close one.

#12 Ohio State at #10 Penn State
After looking pedestrian against Iowa Darryl Clark has rebounded and has arguably been the best player in the Big Ten this season. Especially once ou factor in Ricky Stanzi's interception carnival against Indiana. Ohio State has rode a rocky trail that included a loss to Purdue and a meltdown that caused Terrelle Pryor to use the Lebron phone. What's it all mean Basil? Nothing really.

What has happened up until this point in the season won't matter in this one. The questions remain. Can Terrelle Pryor get it done against a good defense? Can Darryl Clark overcome the internal pressure and win on a big stage? No and Yes. I think Darryl Clark will take a step forward against the Buckeyes and then put his OSU hat on next week and root for a Ohio State win against Iowa to send him to the Rose Bowl.

#20 Oklahoma at Nebraska
I'm definitely not feeling good going into this game but I'm feeling better than I would have been if Suh's BAC would have been .081. Nebraska's defense has to shake up Landry Jones the same way Miami did and that is a possibility. Unfortunately the Blackshirts are still going to need at least 21 points from the Husker offense to get a win. With a freshman QB and a banged up backfield I just don't think that's possible. I think Nebraska loses this one by 10-14 points.

Worst. Person. Ever.

Mom Accused Of Craigslist Revenge On 9-Year-Old
Woman Allegedly Posted Online Sex Ad, Gave Older Men Number To Little Girl's Home
Jennifer McLogan/CBS

CENTRAL ISLIP, N.Y. (CBS) ― A Long Island mother is accused of posting a sexually suggestive ad on Craigslist urging older men to call a little girl in a twisted case of alleged revenge.

Social worker Margery Tannenbaum, of Hauppauge, is facing aggravated harassment and endangering the welfare of a child charges after allegedly giving sex-seeking men a 9-year old child's name phone number through the online posting. Her lawyer, Tad Scharfenberg, proclaimed her innocence after her court hearing Tuesday following her arrest last spring.

"She's a good mother, she's never been in any trouble before, she takes good care of her kids," he told CBS 2. "I'm defending her to the fullest, she maintains her innocence."

The listing was allegedly posted after Tannenbaum's fourth grade daughter claimed to have an argument with a 9-year-old classmate from her Smithtown elementary school.

Prosecutors say Tannenbaum, 40, then plotted revenge by listing the provocative e-mail address "lacethong23@yahoo.com," and then giving out the girl's first name and phone number when she received several responses.

According to court documents, the mother of the 9-year-old girl received a call from a man who, upon her answering, asked, "Hey baby, is this [girl's first name]?"

When the woman told the man she was her mother, the caller responded: "Oh, hot lady lives with foxy momma!"

Said the girl's mother: "I told him the hot lady you are referring to is 9-years-old."

The caller then hung up, she said.

When you're hobby is to chronicle the actions of depraved citizens in a blog you begin to become less shocked when you read outlandish stuff. But this story still caught me by surprise. This is quite possibly the worst thing I've ever heard of a person doing and that includes serial killers and genocidal dictators. In a three-month news cycle where we've all heard multiple stories about the horrific abductions of Jaycee Duggard and Elizabeth Smart one would think everyone would be sensitive about the subject, or at least that all social workers would.

But in this case a woman decided to get revenge on a 9-year-old girl by possibly putting her in harm's way and risking an attack by a sexual predator. I'm trying to equate this to something I've heard before but I've got nothing. This lady makes the lady who cyber bullied the girl into killing herself look like Mother Theresa. She makes the Texas cheerleader mom who murdered her daughter's compeition look sane by comparison. Maybe I'm exaggerating but holy geez this was awful.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(651): make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
(1-651): I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.

(239): And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".

Stop Clowning Around

Drunk clown nabbed after crash
By Allan Dowd, Reuters

VANCOUVER, British Columbia (Reuters) - A Vancouver-area man has learned that if driving erratically in a clown suit is not enough to signal intoxication, then crashing into a police car certainly is.

A police officer in suburban West Vancouver was searching for suspects involved in a reported fight early on Sunday when he spotted a man, later found to be wearing a brightly colored clown costume, driving at him on the wrong side of the road.

The officer stopped his own car and turned on its emergency lights to warn the other driver, who nonetheless crashed head-on into the cruiser at 20-30 km per hour (12-19 mph).

A 29-year-old man is facing charges including impaired driving. He "will have some explaining to do in court," police said in a statement.

You'd think at least one of the 12-15 clowns in this car would have been sober enough to drive. I would have liked to see them all pile out of car once they crashed. I wonder if the guy was so drunk that he layed on the horn after he crashed and if the car horn actually sounded like a bicycle horn. Okay, that's enough clown humor. The only reason I posted this story was so I could show this classic movie scene.

They're Playing Basketball

Report: Donaghy's release Wednesday
ESPN.com news services

Former NBA referee Tim Donaghy is expected to be released from federal prison in Florida on Wednesday, according to a report in the Philadelphia Inquirer.

A New York judge sentenced Donaghy last year after the disgraced referee said he accepted thousands of dollars from a professional gambler in exchange for inside tips on NBA games -- including games he worked.

Last week Donaghy's tell-all book, "Blowing the Whistle: The Culture of Fraud in the NBA," was canceled by Triumph Books and parent company Random House, the publisher said.

The book, slated for publication later this month, was to have covered Donaghy's experience as an NBA referee and the events leading up to his conviction.

So the gambling ref is getting out of jail eh? Good for him. I was also happy to see some excerpts of his book were printed in Deadspin. Among his many claims were that the Game 6 Lakers/Kings seven-game series (I believe in 2001) was rigged so that there would be a Game 7. I figured I should address it since you Lakers haters are bound to give me shit about it.

For one, I've never once harbored the impression that refs don't cater to big name players and big name teams. I'm also sure the NBA likes a series going to seven games. It's all about the dollar dollar bill yall. The NBA refs are trying to give people what they want by letting by star players score and letting big time teams get to the finish line. The TV ratings prove it. But the refs must not be fixing too many games or the Spurs wouldn't have four titles. Between the terrible TV ratings for the Spurs' Finals wins and Tim Duncan's shaky relationship with Joey Crawford the Spurs would never win a game if it was all fixed.


Donaghy also praised the Human Clothesline, Raja Bell for his defense on Kobe. But right now the Lakers are the defending champs and Donaghy is bookless and living in a halfway house. So he can eat me.

If you'd like to ready any of Donaghy's other freaky tales such as Dick Bavetta's obsession with himself (Donaghy says Bavetta Tivo'd games to count the number of times they said his name), click here.

P.S. - Here's Dick Bavetta kissing my boy.

On this day in...

On this day in...
1677 – The future Mary II of England marries William, Prince of Orange. They would later jointly reign as William and Mary.
1825 – The Erie Canal is completed with Governor DeWitt Clinton performing the Wedding of The Waters ceremony in New York Harbour.
1861 – The University of Washington opens in Seattle, Washington as the Territorial University.
1921 – The Sturmabteilung or SA is formally formed by Adolf Hitler.
1952 – The United States government establishes the National Security Agency.
1979 – Iran hostage crisis begins: a group of Iranians, mostly students, invades the United States embassy in Tehran and takes 90 hostages (53 of whom are American).
2008 – Barack Obama becomes the first African-American to be elected President of the United States.

Births
1879 – Will Rogers, American humorist (d. 1935)
1916 – Walter Cronkite, American news broadcaster (d. 2009)
1946 – Laura Bush, First Lady of the United States
1969 – Sean "Diddy" Combs, American rapper
1969 – Matthew McConaughey, American actor
1981 – Vince Wilfork, American football player
1982 – Devin Hester, American football player

Talk about your big time b-days. How about a two-fer with Diddy and McConaughey? There's no way these two douches haven't spent their birthday together at least once. I don't know if they drank champagne in the NY or played naked bongos in Austin but they've shared cake. Speaking of spending birthdays together, I'm sure Wilfolk and Hester burned down South Beach a time or two on Nov. 4.

Too Fat To Kill?

Man using 'fat' defense in NJ depicted as marksman
By BETH DeFALCO, AP

HACKENSACK, N.J. -Prosecutors cross-examining a Florida man who claims he was too fat to have killed his former son-in-law tried to portray the defendant as a skilled marksman and attempted to undercut his alibi.

The 62-year-old defendant, Edward Ates, was at least 285 pounds when Paul Duncsak was shot in 2006.

Ates' attorney has made the case that his client didn't have the energy to run up a staircase, accurately shoot Duncsak, leave before police arrived, then make a 21-hour drive to his mother's home in Louisiana, as prosecutors claim.

His doctor testified that bounding up the stairs would have caused Ates to become short of breath and shake, making it difficult to keep his wrist straight enough to accurately fire a gun at someone from a distance.

Rest of story here.

This has to be the biggest BS defense ever. I'm not proud of it but I have to admit I tip the scales at well over 285 pounds these days and while I'm not going to be confused for Usian Bolt anytime soon, I'm not bedridden either. I could see if this guy was like Mark Mangino fat, the defense might make sense, but not at 285.

I'm 100% certain that if it was needed I could run up a flight of stairs, shoot a guy, run back down the stairs and then drive 21 hours. I might be a bit winded and needed a glass of water afterward but I could get the job done. In fact, if the proescution would like my help I'd be happy to make the trip to New Jersey and perform a recreation.

I'm Rappin' It!

Rapping teens cited for disorderly conduct
By Elizabeth White, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

SALT LAKE CITY - A rap by four teenagers at a McDonald's has gotten them a bad rap in one Utah city.

The teens were cited by American Fork police earlier this week for disorderly conduct after they rapped their order at a McDonald's drive-through.

The teens said they were imitating a popular video on YouTube. They rapped their order, which begins with, "I need a double cheeseburger and hold the lettuce ..." once quickly before repeating it more slowly.



Spenser Dauwalder said employees at the restaurant told him and his friends they were holding up the line and needed to order or leave. The 18-year-old said nobody was in line. He and his three 17-year-old friends left without buying anything.

American Fork Police Sgt. Gregg Ludlow says a manager wrote down the car's license plate number and called police. The teens were later cited by officers at a high school parking lot outside a volleyball match.

"We thought, you know, just teenagers out having fun," Dauwalder told KSL Newsradio. "We didn't think it would escalate to that."

Disorderly conduct citations are issued when someone does something to cause annoyance or alarm, Ludlow said. The citation is an infraction similar to a speeding ticket, Ludlow said.

"It was not just that they were rapping, they continued to hold things up," Ludlow said.

Ludlow said the teens were asked several times to speak plainly and that ultimately the manager came outside.

The owner-operator of the McDonald's said in a statement that the issue was about employees' safety at the restaurant in American Fork, about 30 miles (50 kilometres) south of Salt Lake City.

"The employee in question felt that her safety was at risk as a result of the alleged actions of these individuals in the drive-thru, not as a result of them rapping their order," franchisee Conny Kramer said in the statement. "As such, she contacted the local authorities."

This story is quite a conundrum. When I read a much shortened version in USA Today my immediate reaction was that people in Utah are racist, afraid of black people not named Karl Malone or Darren Williams and when they hear rap they automatically feel threatened.

After reading this story I can understand that the situation would be annoying and a hassle for the McDonald's workers. I mean, they already work at a fast food joint. Now they've got some punk kids screwing with them in the drive thru. If I were the manager I probably would have gone outside and cussed them something fierce and then gone back inside. But the manager didn't do that. She called the cops when it wasn't really necessary. That leaves her open to criticism, most of which is going to paint her as culturally insensitive and paranoid. Especially her statements that she feared for the safety of her staff. When you say that kids rapping into a drive thru is threatening and you live in Utah you might as well burn a cross in your yard.

P.S. - What the hell is with kids these days? Don't they get drunk and steal lawn decrations and road signs anymore? Damn internet!

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I was DJing for a church event where I was stationed in the middle and everyone was sitting behind me. I walked over to get something to drink and eat and come back with glaring looks. My screensaver had came on with pictures of my naked girlfriend. FML

Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

There's no greater friend to Wal Mart than the professional wrestling fan. Thanks New York.

Clark's Top 25

Well there's been a lot of talk this week about shuffling the Top 3 teams. Apparently because Florida and Texas finally played to potential we have to throw Alabama under the bus. I don't think I'm quite ready to do that. I'm not going to punish Bama for taking a week off.

The other conondrum has been the Oregon/Boise State paradigm. I think we all (aside from Boise State fans) are ready to admit Oregon has evolved as a team and is now better than Boise but can we rank Oregon ahead of the Broncs with a loss in the head to head game. I don't think we can. And I find it very hypocritical that media types like ESPN's Gene Wojohowski, who has bashed the coaches poll all year for ranking teams with a head to head win below the team they beat, now have Oregon ranked ahead of Boise. So I'm going to keep the Broncs where they are. For now. Let's get to it.

1. Alabama (1) - I have had the Crimson Tide #1 for a while now and I'm not dropping them. Texas and Florida were convincing last week but where have the Gators and Horns been all season when Bama has been crushing opponents? This week the Tide face LSU.
2. Texas (3) - I think Oklahoma State (despite not having Dez Bryant) is a good team and the throttling the Horns put on them was worth the #2 spot.
3. Florida (2) - I may be the only dude in America with the Gators at #3. Bashing Georgia was good but I expected it too.
4. Cincinatti (4) - The Bearcats looked sharp again as backup QB Zach Collaros was 22-28 for 295 yards and 4 TDs against Syracuse.
5. TCU (5) - The Horned Frogs romped again this week crushing UNLV 41-0. The result should be the same next week against San Diego State.
6. Boise State (6) - Boise looked shaky early but got things going in the second quarter and beat San Jose State 45-7.
7. Oregon (7) - Oregon looked unbelievable last week in a 47-20 destruction of Notre Dame. Right now Oregon may honestly be the best team in the nation but unless Boise loses the Ducks will be stuck.
8. Iowa (8) - The Hawkeyes overcame five interceptions by Ricky Stanzi and scored 28 points in the 4th quarter to come back and beat Indiana. The Hawkeyes really need to get a convincing win against Northwestern before heading to Columbus in two weeks.
9. LSU (10) - The Tigers didn't have to look far for a win this week. They beat up on cross-town opponent Tulane 42-0. This week the Tigers will have a chance to get back in the national title hunt against Bama.
10. Penn State (11) - The Nittany Lions struggled for a while with Northwestern before overtaking the Wildcats, winning 34-13. QB Darryl Clark has been on fire since the Iowa loss. He had 274 yards and a TD against NW.
11. Georgia Tech (12) - QB Josh Nesbit actaully showed off the long ball this week against Vandy. The junior passer completed only 6 passes but had 193 yards and 2 TDs passing, while RB Jonathan Dwyer had 183 yards on the ground.
12. Ohio State (16) - The Buckeyes didn't need much offense to beat New Mexico State as OSU dominated 45-0. Ohio State has a major showdown with Penn State this week. If the Buckeyes win it sets up a showdown with Iowa for the Big Ten title.
13. Pittsburgh (17) - The Panthers did the smart thing last week and took the week off. This week they'll play host to Syracuse.
14. Houston (15) - It kind of kills me to raise Houston after a week when the Cougars edged out Southern Miss 50-43. After Saturday the win against Okie State looks less impressive.
15. Miami (18) - Miami's season has had the ups and downs of a hurricane. Last week the Hurricanes edged Wake Forest 28-27. Miami will need to step it up if the team wants to win the ACC.
16. Notre Dame (20) - The Irish' win against Washington State was nothing to write home about but with Jimmy Clausen only playing one half I'll still give ND props. Now can the Irish win out and get in the BCS? They have to start with a win against Navy Saturday.
17. USC (9) - There's no shame in losing to Oregon right now but there is shame in getting dismantled 47-20. The Trojan's D looked hapless against the Ducks and hasn't looked good in weeks.
18. Utah (21) - The Utes beat Wyoming 22-10 to stay alive in the Moutain West race. Now they'll face reeling New Mexico.
19. Virginia Tech (13) - Losing to North Carolina wouldn't be so bad if the Tarheels hadn't started the season so poorly. The Hokies have to turn things back around in a non-conference tilt with East Carolina Saturday.
20. Oklahoma (23) - OU didn't dominate North co-leader Kansas State Saturday but Landry Jones' 294 yards and 4 TDs were enough to tally a 42-30 win. The Sooners travel to Lincoln to face the Huskers this week.
21. Oklahoma State (14) - Either the Pokes finally woke the sleeping giant at Texas or they may have some bigger problems than we thought. They have to look out for the hangover loss at Iowa State this week.
22. Arizona (24) - The Wildcats were off last week. Well played.
23. California (25) - Cal edged out Arizona State 23-21 Saturday. Not impressive but good enough. Next up is Jacquizz Rogers and the Oregon State Beavers.
24. South Florida (NR) - USF took down West Virginia last week and it was a good thing. I was getting tired of not saying "nobody circles the wagons like the South Florida Bulls."
25. Wisconsin (NR) - The Badgers have rebounded after consecutive losses to Ohio State and Iowa and beat Purdue 37-0 last week. Next up for UW is Indiana.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(807): I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.

Brusing Hit Doled Out to Amedola

My word. A Red Raider hasn't gone down like that since Crabtree's weekend with the Raider Recruiters. BOOM!

Ryan Seacrest has a stalker? Why?

Seacrest Suspect Charged with Stalking
by TMZ Staff

The L.A. County District Attorney's office has charged Chidi Uzomah with felony stalking.

The 25-year-old was also charged with two misdemeanor counts of disobeying a prior court order -- after assaulting a guard at Children's Hospital in Orange County and ordered to stay clear of Ryan Seacrest.

Uzomah is accused of stalking Seacrest between September 15 and October 30 -- the day he was arrested at the E! building where Ryan does a daily radio and TV show.

Uzomah, Jr. is currently in the Army Reserves in Upland, California. He was trained as a front line soldier and assigned to the 426th Civil Affairs Battalion -- a part of the Army special forces, which is attached to the Green Berets.



Before Uzomah's gig in the 426th, he served in the California Army National Guard from April 2005 through April 2009. He was honorably discharged and then transferred to the Army Reserves.

Lt. Col. Nathan Banks, an Army spokesperson, said: "We apologize to Ryan Seacrest. Pending the outcome of the local investigation, the Army will decide what further action to take. We take all matters of our personnel seriously."

Before he had cuffs on his wrists, the man accused of stalking Ryan Seacrest had stars in his eyes -- as in, the dude was training to be an actor ... and TMZ obtained footage from his acting class.

Just days before Chidi Uzomah was arrested for attacking Seacrest's security guard outside a hospital in Orange County, dude went to the Secrets of Acting studio and met with acting coach Charles Tentindo. Chidi told Tentindo he wanted "training" and came into the studio just once and ran through a scene a couple of times -- oddly enough, it was some kind of interrogation scene where Chidi was the witness. (BTW -- he's terrible).



For the video click here.

I don't have much to say about this story, aside from a couple questions:
1) Who the hell would want to stalk Ryan Seacrest?
2) Is this in fact the creepiest man in America? I think he just beat out the guy who kidnapped Jaycee Duggard.

CLARK OUT!

Spiked! Gators Gouged Bulldogs

Spikes benched, tried to gouge Bulldog

GAINESVILLE, Fla. -- Florida coach Urban Meyer has suspended Brandon Spikes for the first half of Saturday's game against Vanderbilt after the All-American linebacker attempted to gouge the eyes of Georgia running back Washaun Ealey in a 41-17 victory.

Spikes was retaliating after getting his eye poked earlier in the game, Meyer said Monday. The Southeastern Conference said it will look at replays of the incident later in the day.

Spikes is fourth on the team with 42 tackles and has three sacks.

He decided to return for his senior season instead of entering the NFL draft. The team's defensive captain has missed most of two games this season with an injured groin.



I hadn't heard about the eye gouge until Monday but I wasn't the least bit surprised it happened. Not because Brandon Spikes is a dirty player, but because the Georgia/Florida rivalry has become so heated and much of that heat is Bulldog generated. Two years ago Georgia needed to make a statement against Florida. The Dawgs had to punch the defending champs in the mouth and show they weren't scared. They did that with a team wide celebration after a 1st quarter TD. It drew a 15-yard penalty but it also caught Florida off guard. The Gators stewed for a year, came back and beat up on UGA in '08.

This season Georgia had little to brag about. They should have tried to come in under the radar and sneak past a UF team that found itself obsessing about things like Lane Kiffin, the BCS, offensive struggles and their QB's fledgling Heisman campaign. Instead the Dawgs had another team wide celebration after an early TD. This time it had the opposite result. The Dawgs had whipped themselves into a frenzy for Florida and maybe they shouldn't have.

Players seemed to get a little extra oomph early Saturday when coach Mark Richt surprised them in the locker room with black pants and black helmets, a different look for a team that usually wears white jerseys, silver pants and red helmets on the road. The Bulldogs had never worn black helmets.

It didn't make much difference.

"New helmets and black pants ain't going to make you win the game," said linebacker Ryan Stamper, who had one of Florida's four interceptions.

Stamper and his teammates were even less impressed by Georgia's team-wide celebration following Joe Cox's 26-yard TD pass to Aron White that cut Florida's lead to 14-10 in the second quarter. In 2007, the Bulldogs used a similar celebration -- an end-zone stomp that drew flags and Florida's ire -- to propel them to a rare victory in the series.

"That's a bunch of fake juice, coaches trying to get their players going because it was a pretty close game," Stamper said.

After that Tim Tebow ran wild. The senior QB had four TDs against the Dawgs. And now in the misguided motivation category we have to replace Lane Kiffin with Mark Richt. Kiffin may have shot his mouth off in the spring but he's had his team ready to play against the teams he disparaged. Richt, meanwhile, was foolish for trying to pump up what has become a one-sided rivalry.

On this day in...

On this day in...
1903 – With the encouragement of the United States, Panama proclaims itself independent from Colombia. US President Theodore Roosevelt had wanted the United States to build the Panama Canal, but was not willing to pay what Colombia asked.
1911 – Chevrolet officially enters the automobile market in competition with the Ford Model T.
1913 – The United States introduces an income tax.
1997 – the United States of America imposes economic sanctions against Sudan in response to its human rights abuses of its own citizens and its material and political assistance to Islamic extremist groups across the Middle East and Eastern Africa.

Births
1793 – Stephen F. Austin, American pioneer (d. 1836)
1949 – Larry Holmes, American boxer
1952 – Roseanne Barr, American actress and comedian
1953 – Dennis Miller, American comedian
1955 – Phil Simms, American football player
1957 – Dolph Lundgren, Swedish actor

Good day for birthdays. We've got a father of the Texas Revolution, a couple funny people, a passer, a real boxer and quite possibly the best fake boxer of all time.



P.S. - How hot did Bridgette Nielsen used to be? That's why drugs and alcohol are a bad idea kiddies.

Northern Exposure

There's long been a raging question in the sports world, who has the douchiest pro sports fans? Some say New York. You know, the Yankees get booed at home, the fans decide who "real Yankees" are and the Jets and Giants fans are always doing something drunken and stupid. They do play in New Jersey.

But I've always said its Philly fans. They had a prison in their old stadium. How is it even a contest. Plus they threw snowballs at Santa Claus and booed Donovan McNabb at the NFL Draft.

Luckily, 'The Daily Show' tackled the issue last night in a great segment.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Clash of the Cretins
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

Merry Sex-Mas

Man guilty of sexual Christmas cards of ex
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

MURFREESBORO, Tenn. - A man was sentenced to two years of probation for sending sexually explicit Christmas cards of his ex-girlfriend to her relatives.

The Daily News Journal reports 57-year-old David Simmons was accused of surreptitiously taking pictures of his ex-girlfriend while she performed sexual acts on him. After a bad break up, Simmons sent one of the pictures to the woman's relatives as Christmas cards.

He pleaded guilty Wednesday to charges of unlawful photography and criminal impersonation. In exchange for the plea he was given a suspended sentence

Who hasn't been the threshold of this situation? Every man whose girlfriend has ever taken nude photos or made a sex video for/with him has mulled the decision to publish those photos, whether that be on some website or on a yule tide greeting card. It's the Hail Mary pass for the desperate and we've all been there.

But there's two kinds of people in the world. Those who send X-rated X-mas cards to their ex girlfriend's families and those who destroy the pictures while drinking whiskey and listening to George Strait. I, much like most sane people in the world, fall into the second category. The man in the photo above falls into the first category.

F My Life Moment of the Day

Today, I flew to see the guy that I've been in love with for 3 years. We spent the day at Walmart. To buy a plunger. After I blocked up the toilet. FML

Today I was at a party and saw an old friend from college. I went up to her asking how she was and how her family was. She went on to tell me that her husband left her a month ago and started crying. I told her that he was an ass anyway and that she didn't need him. Turns out he died. FML

Wal Mart Person of the Day

Why sit at home and play WOW? That's a waste of good creepy.

College Football Wrap Up

I'm now rested from the College Football Road Trip and despite putting my ass to sleep with close to 14 hours of driving, it was a worthwhile experience. I believe if I ever attempt two games in one agai again though its going to have to be two games in Dallas or a game in Austin, then a game in College Station.

Of course my Saturday began with the thriller in Waco, which I'm SURE you all tuned into Versus to see that barnburner. Cody Green had a shaky first start, highlighted by a floating TD pass to Niles Paul and a errible interception returned for a touchdown. And Ndamukong Suh soaked up the double teams all day, allowing fellow DT Jared Crick to log five sacks and get National Defensive Player of the Week honors. I'm not going to bore you with too many of the details of the game. I was there and had a vested interest and often found myself bored.

But if you've never been to Baylor game in Waco you have to see this thing they do called "the running of the Baylor line." Wikipedia describes it as such:

"The Baylor Line is made entirely of freshmen and is the core of Baylor spirit and tradition. Students wear a football jersey with the number of their proposed graduation year and a nickname on the back. Before each football game, the Baylor Line gathers at one end of Floyd Casey Stadium and waits for the signal to rush the field and create a giant human tunnel through which the football team runs to enter the stadium. 6 members of the Baylor Line carry flags with the letters B-A-Y-L-O-R and a large flag with the "BU" single while the rest of the Line runs behind them. After that, students rush the sidelines and stand in an exclusive Baylor Line section behind the opponents' bench. Here, students cheer for Baylor and heckle the other team."

This was honestly one of the geekiest things I've ever seen and I've actually seen it before. I think the last time I was just so awestruck by the live bear mascot that I couldn't appreciate the sadness of the Baylor Line. Take a quick peek at the line from an inside perspective.



If any of you read my live blog from Saturday you would have seen that I proposed to change the name of the Baylor Line to "the running of the virgins." But that's enough about nerds.

I followed up the Nebraska/Baylor struggle with a jaunt to San Antone to watch the Irish play Washington State in what could be best described as a mercy killing. I couldn't pay attention to the bludgeoning on the field much. I was too distracted by how drunk and stupid most of the Notre Dame fans were. Some of their finest were sitting in our seats when we got to the game and then shuffled down and talked shit to some poor Washington State fan for much of the game. Stay classy, South Bend.

To escape from them we went to the lounge for some drinks but there I had to hear the boasting of the UT fans who were convinced after beating a Dez Bryant-less OSU squad that the Horns' were far and away the best team in the nation. Between the Irish and UT, it was like having stupid in stereo.

All in all I picked a pretty good week to hit the road. There were a bunch of lousy games (seems to be a growing trend). The lone highlight of the day was Oregon's smackdown on USC, which we happened to catch a bit of in the lounge. Unfortunately this seemed to bring the Irish and Horns fans together and I realized I liked them better when they were fighting.

This week I'm back in BYB headquarters. Nebraska will be playing victim to Oklahoma in the primetime game on ABC. I can only hope they keep it within 50 points.

Texts From Last Nite Moment of the Day

(513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

(843): if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.

(570): so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.

Blackshirts Survive the Suh Scare

Cornhusker Star Ndamukong Suh ticketed for negligent driving
Suh blows .035 BAC after hitting 3 cars
Associated Press

LINCOLN, Neb. -- Nebraska star nose tackle Ndamukong Suh has been ticketed for negligent driving after he hit three parked cars on a narrow Lincoln street.

Police Capt. David Beggs said Suh had been drinking before the accident, which occurred at 2:20 a.m. Sunday, but his blood-alcohol level of .035 was well below the legal limit of .08.

Suh, who was driving a 2003 Land Rover sport-utility vehicle, said he struck the first vehicle after he swerved to avoid hitting a small dog or cat crossing the street.

An accident report showed the Land Rover careened off the first vehicle, then hit two others on the other side of the street.

There were no injuries. Suh's Land Rover sustained an estimated $10,000 in damage.

Most people might think after a week where Husker DT Jared Crick won NCAA Defensive Player of the Week that Crick's five sacks would be my favorite stat. But this week my favorite stat is .035, which was Ndamukong's Suh's BAC after his wreck Saturday night. Suh is the only thing keeping Nebraska above the mystical line of respectability. If they lose him, they lose heart and ultimately become irrelevant in any national discussion.

So when I first heard that Suh had gotten a DUI Saturday my impulse was to run screaming down the aisle at HEB, crawl in the beer cooler and start pounding beers. Fortunately, Suh was mostly sober and beat the breathalyzer. I don't have to slit my wrists just yet. GO BIG RED!

On this day in...

On this day in...
1889 – North and South Dakota are admitted as the 39th and 40th U.S. states.
1898 – Cheerleading is started at the University of Minnesota with Johnny Campbell leading the crowd in cheering on the football team.
1920 – In the United States, KDKA of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania starts broadcasting as the first commercial radio station.
1936 – Italian dictator Benito Mussolini proclaims the Rome-Berlin Axis, establishing the alliance of the Axis Powers.
1947 – In California, designer Howard Hughes performs the maiden (and only) flight of the Spruce Goose; the largest fixed-wing aircraft ever built.
1957 – The Levelland UFO Case in Levelland, Texas, generates national publicity, and remains one of the most impressive UFO cases in American history.
1983 – U.S. President Ronald Reagan signs a bill creating Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.

Births
1755 – Marie Antoinette, Queen of France (d. 1793)
1865 – Warren G. Harding, 29th President of the United States (d. 1923)
1938 – Pat Buchanan, American journalist and politician
1966 – David Schwimmer, American actor
1974 – Nelly, American rapper

I was surprised to see that there was a UFO incident in Levelland. I hadn't heard anything about it. I should probably ask my brother. He's one of those who believe in alien abductions. I'll have to do some further investigating.

Phillies? More like Feel-Me's

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I don't see what the big deal is. I kind of understand why prostitution is illegal in most cases. There's a dimension of violence associated with prostitution and the workers are often just working to feed a drug habit. Its a shady cycle of pain and deprivation (that said I'm still in favor of legaliziing it).

But in this case I don't see the victim. Some woman gets to live her dream and see her beloved Phillies play in the biggest showcase in sports and some dude gets to do the hanky panky with a decent looking woman. It's a win win. There's no crack, no pimp, no ho slapping. It's just about baseball and sweet lovemaking. It's as American as apple pie. Did I move to Russia? What is going on here?

Oh Snap!

The punk out occurs at the 1:00 mark.

Clarissa Explains It All just got owned in this one. Despite the fact that Jimmy Kimmell definitely won this verbal spat I think I have to take up for Sabrina the Teenage Witch here. Yeah, she's a had been. But its 'Dancing With the Stars.' Everyone on the show is a has been or a never was. Plus, Jimmy Kimmell is about the 7th most popular talk show host. He hasn't been that relevant since he and Carrolla were drinking beer with midgets.

SA's Dark Knight - Gino-No-Bat

Bat makes Ginobili a Web hit
By Jeff McDonald - Express-News

By now, the video has flown around the world, which is more than can be said of one of its stars. The bat that Spurs guard Manu Ginobili swatted from midair during Saturday's game at the AT&T Center won't be flying very far anytime soon.

The supposed snuff film, however, lives on.

Yahoo.com's NBA blog had the video up within minutes. Web surfers from Buenos Aires to Beijing have downloaded the clip on YouTube. Ginobili's random act of pest control was the talk of the national highlight shows.

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“When you can't dunk anymore, you've got to find some way to make it to the news,” Ginobili said.

In a bizarre turn of events, Ginobili — one of the NBA's top trick-shot artists — has re-emerged as an Internet sensation, not for his basketball chops, but for his extermination skills.

Ginobili, of course, didn't go all Chuck Norris on the rogue bat because he thought it would make good film at 11. He just wanted to play basketball.

The Halloween night game against Sacramento had already been bat-delayed once in the first quarter. When the animal swooped in again, nearly recording a block of Kings guard Kevin Martin, Ginobili figured something had to be done.

Using his left hand as a tennis racket, Ginobili batted the bat from its flight pattern, then picked up the wounded animal and handed it to an arena worker for disposal.

Perhaps bracing for the inevitable PETA protest, Ginobili swears he didn't mean to kill the bat, and doesn't think he did. He said afterward the bat was still moving when he scooped it up.

Despite the fact that I hate the San Antonio Spurs more than dislexics hate the daily jumble, I have to give it up to Ginobli here. His style of play could best be described as fearless (or wreckless) and now he's throwing down Jack Dempsey style with bats. And this happened on Halloween. What a creepy coincidence. Unless Dracula is a Lakers fan. I can only hope.

P.S. - Wouldn't it be at least mildly funny if Ginobli got rabies and had to miss a week after getting his shots? It'd be even better if he foamed at the mouth and bit Greg Popovich before they got him treated.

Just the Tip (Notre Dame Edition)

Ex-Notre Dame worker to repay much of $29,000 tip
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

SOUTH BEND, Ind. - A woman mistakenly tipped $29,000 by the University of Notre Dame in her catering paycheck will return more than half of the money in $50 monthly payments over the next 28 years.

Notre Dame sued Sara Gaspar of Granger, Ind. to return the money because she should have been paid only $29.87 but a clerical error resulted in a check for $29,387 in April.

Under a settlement filed in St. Joseph Circuit Court, Gaspar agrees to pay back nearly $17,000 in the monthly increments. She put up as collateral a 2002 Volkswagen Jetta she bought with the money. Gaspar also agreed to pay Notre Dame’s attorney fees.

Gaspar has said she tried three times to tell Notre Dame about the overpayment but university staffers didn’t return her calls.

What's the rule about number of times you have to call until you have to keep the money? Is it three times? If not, it should be. How about we cut this poor woman a break? She's the best damn caterer in the Western Indiana region. She got a well deserved tip. She tried to inquire about it and got no response so she bought a Wolkswagon Jetta. No big deal. In actuality with only $50 payments per month she probably still got the better of this.

P.S. - I really only posted this story so I could rant more about the drunk Notre Dame fans at the Alamodome. One guy (in a Notre Dame hardhat) in the Club Lounge stole some old woman's scarf, wrapped it around his head and then accousted her husband (who was wearing a UT shirt) when he took the scarf back. This drunken Irish baffoon kept asserting that South Texas was "trashy." That's a hard pill to swallow coming from a guy drinking a Budwesier in a hard hat. You stay classy Notre Dame.

Seriously, every guy at this game reminded me of the "Wanna Fight About It" Guy from Family Guy.